Longtime Friend-of-FanAp Katie Wise, aka “Wisemommy” has a new project. Some might call it crazy, some might call it… well, no, “crazy” about does it.
But in dark times like these, when we all struggle to find hope in an uncertain world, sometimes there comes a cause, a human effort, that can inspire a generation and captivate a nation.
And then there are the times when someone tries to incubate chicken eggs in her cleavage.
And sometimes those are the same things. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Boobbator 2009, The Great Hatching Experiment.
Fanny Roborat
51 comments
Jake
March 11, 2009 at 7:21 am
1OK. That’s crazy.
Katie aka Wisemommy
March 11, 2009 at 7:31 am
2Adam -
I wish I’d consulted with you on a name before I’d started! Booby Hatch is soooooooooooooooooo perfect!
Katie
(who really is carrying around 8 eggs in her bra and cleavage.)
gregory
March 11, 2009 at 7:50 am
3In a side note, I was wondering, Adam, if you make your headlines first and then write the story or the other way around?
Dale
March 11, 2009 at 9:02 am
4Joining a fine tradition of incubators.
David
March 11, 2009 at 4:15 pm
5Offbeat, yeah - crazy, no. And you’re correct, Dale - a fine tradition it is indeed.
Mickey
March 11, 2009 at 6:41 pm
6I’m very pleased with the ornamental iron bars I had installed on the basement windows earlier in the week. They match seamlessly into the architecture of our house. You hardly even notice them. I suppose when Sophia finally does, I’ll stress the improved security from break-ins rather than the real purpose of the bars - to keep those little buggers from my new daycare business in place. Sometimes during the day, I find I really need to get away from the noise and the smell, so I go upstairs for frequent smoking breaks and lock the door to the basement behind me. With the bars in place, I can rest easy knowing these wild Indians will stay on the reservation while I’m upstairs sneaking a beer and recovering from the rigors of this new enterprise.
I’ve decided to start with three 5 year olds and see how it goes. Sophia leaves early and comes home late and so far I haven’t found the perfect moment to mentioned this new venture to her.
These kids are pretty amazing, when you think about it. Since the moms have been reading non-stop to these children since conception, they all seem to have a natural affinity for math and science and actually read better than the average 4th grader. I’ve been playing “War Games” on the DVD for them so they’ll be in the right frame of mind for the computer tutorials I lead after the morning nap. The boy, Malcolm, keeps wanting to take the back cover off of the CPU, I guess so he can figure out how these things work. The girls, Trixie and Blanche, get totally absorbed in the software end of things.
Their first assignment was quite the success, I must say, and I know now that they are catching on to the basics of computer science. I showed them how to use the internet to jam the first responder cell phone service. They really did a great job. I know because I locked them in the basement and drove around the neighborhood, checking the signal strength. Those little creeps actually flatlined the service within a five mile radius of our house.
Tomorrow we’ll start off with hacking into the railroad crossing gate controls and the emergency power backup for the local hospital. I don’t know why American kids get such a bad rap these days. I think I can train these urchins to do just about anything!
SallyMutant
March 11, 2009 at 7:40 pm
7Dale–Squeeeeeee! C.O. and the Cats ‘n’ Rack category!
Wisemommy–Crazy? Don’t listen to ‘em. Doing Octo-Poulterer is a zillion time less diminished responsibility than doing Octo-Mom.
Vinnie
March 12, 2009 at 6:36 pm
8Yo, don’t tell Doc nuttin’ about dis.
I flew back ta da Vatican on Tuesday. I wanted ta ask da Pope if I could have da Tamil slave boy food tester and take him wit’ me back ta America. I couldn’t talk ta da Pope because Archbishop Anselmo had him in da Papal Dunce Corner writin’ letters ta da Cat’olic Fait’ful all ovuh da world apologizin’ ta dem fuh liftin’ da excommunication order on da four Holocaust denyin’ bishops. I guess da Pope will be clearin’ all his statements f’om now on wit’ his handlers.
His Eminence Archbishop Bernard Law t’ought id be uh good time ta sneak up behind me and blow his new brass whistle inta my ear. Lucky fuh him I wuz jet lagged an’ I missed him wit’ my first swing. I told him ’bout what I wanted ta do an’ he said dat wood probly be OK. Da Pope decided ta quit using da boy fuh food testin’ anyways. Archbishop Bernie said I wood have ta pay him $5000.00 so he could get a fake passport fuh da boy. I t’ought dat was pretty steep fuh dat sorta thing an’ I told His Eminence so. He said not ta worry. If he had any money left ovuh, he give it to da Widows and Orphans Fund probly. I can usually nose out your common everyday grifter or pickpocket an’ I was gettin’ dat smell comin’ f’om Bernie. I said I’d give him $25.00 fuh da passport an’ he told me “OK. Dat will work.” I got on da phone an’ got two tickets ta Kennedy International fuh tomorrow afternoon.
J. Cramer
March 13, 2009 at 9:19 am
9I was sucker punched and rabbit punched. Jon held me in the clinches, twisted my tittie, and bit my ear, too. You wanna see? Look at this - there’s going to be a scar, I just know it. And where was the freaking ref? Huh?? Huh?!!!!!
http://crooksandliars.com/john-amato/jon-stewart-creams-jim-cramer-dai ly-sho
J. Cramer
March 13, 2009 at 1:16 pm
10And then…………. and then…..he kicked me in the balls.
Vinnie
March 13, 2009 at 3:29 pm
11I personally didn’t think much of da fake passport dat Bernie whipped up for da Pope’s slave boy, but we went right through security at Heat’row Airport an’ onto da plane wit’out no trouble. Turns out, da boy’s name is Ajinh Jamal, which don’t come off my tongue too easy, so I gave him an American name - A.J.
Dis boy is just full o’ surprises. He had a rough childhood in Sri Lanka. His dad fought fuh da Tamil Tigers an’ didn’t come back. His mama went lookin’ fuh da dad an’ she didn’t come back needuh. He was raised by his uncle, who wuzn’t da best of role models. Anyways, to make a long story short, he grew up in awful conditions, even worst dan me in Detroit, wit’out enough ta eat an’ being worked hard all day, ever’ day, in a phosphate mine until da day of da Christmas tidal wave. Den life really got hard. After 6 weeks alone in da jungle, he wandered, nearly dead, into uh refugee camp run by some nuns. An’ den life really got hard.
Da nuns wuz f’om some convent dat worshiped discipline only slightly less dan dey did da Lord, an’ he soon longed fuh da carefree days wit’ his drunk, gamblin’, heroin addicked, heroin smugglin’, gun runnin’ uncle. He rebelled against da hard rules ov da nuns an’ soon they couldn’t take no more ov him, so dey sold him to da Vatican.
Da priests dere gave him a good education, I guess, ’cause he can speak four languages an’ lucky fuh me, one ov dem is English. An’ one ov dem is Spanish, too, which should make Doc happy. Da captain of da airplane said to get ready fuh landin’, so I’ll tell you da rest of it latuh.
Chadwyke
March 13, 2009 at 5:24 pm
12Saturday is March 14 - you know, 3.14. Happy Pi Day, everyone!!
madbard
March 13, 2009 at 6:41 pm
13what, no love for e?
Chadwyke
March 14, 2009 at 7:03 am
14Not much, madbard. Those who are regulars here know that I’m more of a log base 10 kinda guy.
It's Pat!
March 14, 2009 at 3:36 pm
15It’s also six months for my grandbaby today. Has fat rolls on his forearms!
Dale
March 14, 2009 at 4:21 pm
16Vinnie–JFK or LaGuardia? Also, can he recommend a good Tamil immersion course?
dee
March 14, 2009 at 4:46 pm
17Has fat rolls on his forearms!
Me too! Maybe we’re related.
D. Quayle
March 15, 2009 at 1:15 pm
18“Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.” - in case you were wondering.
Vinnie
March 15, 2009 at 2:06 pm
19When we wuz goin’ t’rough security, I showed A.J.’s passport to da TSA guy wit’ my thumb ovuh most ov da information and gave him a look dat said “Don’t mess wit’ me!” He didn’t. We got our bags and caught a cab to Manhattan.
A.J. is a guy I just can’t figure out. He’s very smart, knows lotsa t’ings, an’ talks bettuh dan me, if ya can believe dat. Wit’ his tough upbringin’, you’da thought wooda made him physically broken. But I gotta say, he’s got a head full of straight black hair, perfect teeth, an’ a bronze skin tone I can only hope ta get f’om da beach. He is a little short - 5′ 2″, but in addition to all da education he got in da Vatican, he also musta worked out in da gym dere, too. Big muscles and quick, confident moves. Of course, Bernie said somet’ing about he’s bein’ 9 years old, I t’ink, so he’s got time ta grow taller, if Doc will only let him have a bit o’ meat from time ta time.
Anyways, da whole idea was ta surprise Dale wit’ her very own boy. I guess she wanted a infant, but on short notice, dis is da best I cood do. We found her apartment, I sorta straightened his clothes up from da flight and we walked up to her door. Wow, I just noticed, dis is some sorta fancy apartment buildin’! I put A.J.’s bags beside him and looked him straight in da eye and told him to do ever’thing she asked him ta do and do it wit’ ent’usiasm. “Dis is a great opportunity for ya an’ all ya got ta do is make da Doctor very, very happy.”
I turned around an’ walked ta da stairway an’ down ’bout ha’f a landin’, so I could see her an’ she coodn’t see me. I motioned ta A.J. ta ring da door bell and when she opened da door, she looked mighty surprised and pleased. She grabbed him by his shirt collar, gave him a great big kiss on da lips, pulled him in ta da apartment an’ slammed an’ locked da door.
Well, it looked like dey was gonna hit it off just fine. So I turned an’ started walkin’ back ta da street. I reached inta my pocket an’ realized dat I still had A.J.’s passport. I brought it out ta give it anudder look ovuh. His Eminence certainly did a fine job fa only 25 bucks. Hey, waita minute! Dis passport says A.J. is 29 years old! Wotta I just do???!!!!
hedera
March 15, 2009 at 3:10 pm
20Well, I occasionally wondered what WiseMommy was up to, and I guess now I know. Best of luck, Katie, but have you really thought through all the implications of imprinting? At some time soon you will (with luck) have 8 baby chicks who all think you are Mommy. (Or is that only ducks? I bet chickens imprint too.) Have you considered the implications for your social life when 8 affectionate chickens follow you everywhere? Still, it can’t get any funnier than the army sergeant - what a great image that is!
Mickey
March 15, 2009 at 4:58 pm
21Well, I ran them all around the technological block a few times and hands down, the winner is Trixie. They all had their pluses and if my Volvo ever needs a new cylinder head gasket, I got Malcolm’s cell phone number. Of course, Malcolm’s and Blanche’s moms were a little steamed to hear I closed down the day care on such short notice, but they can sue me, if they want. They may. They are both lawyers.
Trixie’s mom is none the wiser and keeps bringing her darling little prodigy every morning at 7:30. I asked Gidget to drop out of high school and come take over the day to day instruction. I guess Gidget was bored, because she jumped at the opportunity. Needless to say, I was relieved to have Gidget take over the operation, because to be honest, kids get on my nerves after a very short period of time.
Gidget and Trixie bonded like sisters and Gidget started off immediately downloading her vast knowledge of computer science to the little tyke. My job now is to get out of their way and that’s one skill I excel in.
I think I’ll go walk the halls of Congress and see what’s happening these days under the new administration.
Chadwyke
March 15, 2009 at 6:27 pm
22Sorry, guys. I can’t help it. I love the smell of Ammonium Perchlorate in the evening.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/29711028#29711028
hedera
March 15, 2009 at 7:56 pm
23OK, Chadwyke, that’s cool. Thanks for the link.
David
March 16, 2009 at 6:02 am
24cooper and all you other good folk,
The launch was every bit as beautiful as the folks doing the post-launch press conference on the NASA channel said it was. We watched it from the edge of the Green Swamp this time, about 50 miles from KSC, looking across a small lake. Glass smooth water, with the beauty of the launch reflecting up at us. Every launch is different. The last one, the night launch, was stunning for the brilliance of the initial burst of light, and beautiful as it arced across the sky with the moon as backdrop. This launch Maxfield Parrish would have wanted to paint.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
March 16, 2009 at 6:20 am
25“I love the smell of Ammonium Perchlorate in the evening.”
Thank you so much Chadwyke; I clicked on your link to find out what ammonium perchlorate was and got those animated, yet cuddly bears that hawk the toilet paper.
Don’t we have enough potty humor these days? Yes, thank you indeed, Chadwyke.:-P
Chadwyke
March 16, 2009 at 7:12 am
26Jim, I wasn’t aware that those scamps at MSNBC have started slipping a commercial before the launch video. Currently the commercial is for a well known cold remedy. Never enough potty jokes though, dude.
Chadwyke
March 16, 2009 at 7:15 am
27David, Maxfield Parrish did some elegant and imaginative paintings. He’s one of my favorites, too.
Concetta
March 16, 2009 at 6:09 pm
28You know, we haven’t seen a picture of Baz in like forever. I wonder if he’s through with braces now and have gotten his driver’s license. It’s so hard keep up with folks these days. Photos really would help. (Hint)
Jerry, The King of Comedy!!!
March 16, 2009 at 6:55 pm
29“Gosh Darn it to Heck!”? I haven’t heard that phrase since Vacation Bible School….
http://www.salon.com/comics/tomo/2009/03/17/tomo/index.html
hedera
March 16, 2009 at 8:56 pm
30About the potty humor (yeah, I saw it too - I thought it was cute when he wriggled his little rear) - that’s how Hulu does it. That’s a Hulu link. And that’s where all the commercials went, that you Tivo past when you replay the shows on your TV set - they’re on the Internet, supporting Hulu.com!
Roger
March 17, 2009 at 2:43 am
31Hulu? Who knew?
Murray
March 17, 2009 at 9:14 am
32Katie, how does this effect your music? Doesn’t the rest of the band notice?
Say any of you gamers familiar with Half life and Escape from City 17.
A couple of guys from Toronto for $500 put together a 5 minute film based on the game. I guess it got some big award on You Tube and millions of hits and now they are looking to film a chase scene at the Pike 2 Bike. Should be fun.
Still waiting for The Road to come out. It was supposed to be last fall and now they are talking about spring. Hope it comes out soon.
cooper
March 17, 2009 at 3:59 pm
33Murray, when The Road finally comes to a Cineplex near us all, let us know which scenes are from your neck of the woods. Another book that I enjoyed by Cormac McCarthy is “Suttree”, set in 1951 Knoxville, TN. The visual images that his writing evokes are 3-D, without needing those crappy red and blue tinted glasses. I hope you’re doing well. Thanks again for being such a great host at Felberpalooza. Ever since that weekend, Yuengling Lager has been the house beverage. That, plus BJ’s Warehouse sells it by the case at an incredibly cheap price.
Wisemommy
March 19, 2009 at 10:14 am
34Murray -
No on has noticed unless I tell them, and even then I generally have to pull an egg out for them to believe it. Amazingly enough, no one has yet tried to cop a feel in the interest of scientific discovery. Sigh.
Kjell Mikkelsen
March 19, 2009 at 3:17 pm
35Wisemommy, Wot means this “cop a feel”? Is it equal than “feel a cop”? I be considering det police will arrest du for det, ja sure! I don’t need no trouble with police, takk.
It's Pat!
March 20, 2009 at 8:33 am
36Kjell, I’m going “up North” next weekend for more fishing before the ice goes out. Just crappie feelers, not cops, you betcha.
Zeke
March 20, 2009 at 10:38 am
37Happy Equinox everybody! Good luck with the fishing, Pat. No ice down here several hundred miles to your south - as least none I’d want to stand on and fish through.
Jake
March 20, 2009 at 5:38 pm
38Hey, Adam. How about getting Keith Olbermann’s autograph tonight when he visits Real Time. Thanks, buddy. I knew I could count on you. Aw heck, get Bill’s while your at it, too.
Pico & Alvarez
March 21, 2009 at 6:16 am
39HQ, this is Broken Wing. We’re at 35 N Latitude, 80 W Longitude. The azaleas at this location have bloomed. Repeat - azalea blossoms have successfully opened. The colors are astounding, sir. Over and out.
Pope Benny 16
March 21, 2009 at 12:56 pm
40Okay, so I messed up in Cameroon and told the faithful to shun the use of condoms in the fight against AIDS. Then I went to Angola and told the faithful to shun the use of witchcraft. That last one must have been too much. The women brought out these yellow swatches of cloth with my likeness printed on them, wrapped them around their waist, positioned so my image covers their butts and when they are seated, they sit on my face. Even I can take a hint.
I need to get a new publicist. Someone who can work in a few clean jokes. Yes, maybe Franco Zefferelli knows a good team of writers. I’m so happy he’s talking to me again. I’ll have to tell the writers - absolutely no gay jokes!
D. Quayle
March 21, 2009 at 4:39 pm
41“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.” (Actually, that’s not the only regret…I never should have married Marilyn. Dammit!)
Vinnie
March 22, 2009 at 7:22 am
42Well it’s been uh week since I dropped A.J. off at Doc’s apartment an’ I ain’t heard nuttin’ from da two ov dem. I guess Doc got distracted somehow and forgot ta plug in her cell phone. Dat’s probly it. A.J. was all excited ta do all da sightseein’ in New Yark - Statue ov Liberty, World Trade Centah an’, fuh some strange reason, take da ferry ride ovuh ta Weehawken, fuh godsake! Well I hope dey foun’ plenty ta do. I’ll keep trying ta call dem.
Dale
March 23, 2009 at 5:03 pm
43AJ and I had a lovely weekend, but I’m afraid we have come to the realization that we are seeking different things in a relationship. He was looking more for someone tall and blond who likes long walks on the beach and romantic candlelight dinners, and I wanted something more along the lines of tiny, chubby, and hairless, enjoys short crawls on a blankie and strained carrots and formula.
becca (and brian)
March 24, 2009 at 8:34 am
44Dale- You can come get your baby fix from us soon (we hope). Though given the mop both Brian and I have, ‘hairless’ might not be too accurate
Wisemommy- You need to post a pic or two over at your site. I’ve always been relatively generously endowed myself and can’t imagine where the eggs would fit or how it wouldn’t be noticeable….
Babywatch ‘09 continues….
Vinnie
March 26, 2009 at 8:29 am
45Yo Doc, sorry ya an’ A.J. didn’ work out. (Whew!) I guess I made uh mistake dere. Look, maybe ya should buy uh cat or sumpin’.
Wisemommy
March 31, 2009 at 7:31 am
461 chick hatched last night!!! 1 is pipped, but exhausted. We’ll see if s/he makes it out of the shell!
Enjoy your cyber-cigars, everyone!
Jake
March 31, 2009 at 8:01 am
47Wisemommy, congratulations! I followed your suggestion and tried smoking a cigar in celebration, but it was not at all enjoyable and now there is this dark spot on an x-ray of my left lung. My lawyer will be calling yours.
So, what are you going to do with all those chickens? Whatever you do, don’t start naming them! That would not be wise, especially if children are in the vicinity and involved.
And it’s still crazy, BTW.
Wisemommy
March 31, 2009 at 9:09 am
48Most of our chickens have names! I haven’t decided on this one yet…. ‘Lefty’ keeps popping to mind!
Wisemommy
March 31, 2009 at 1:35 pm
492nd chick hatched! They are now Lefty (1st hatch) and Righty (2nd hatch) !!!!
Katie - passing out chocolate cigars after settling Jake’s lawsuit.
David
March 31, 2009 at 1:38 pm
50Boob-chick-a, boob-chick-a (or something like that). Anyway, congrats on the new brood.
SallyMutant
April 1, 2009 at 9:10 pm
51As much as I love old jump blues, I must repudiate Louis Jordan. “Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens” NOT, Louis, the whole FanAp is watching and checking for pix. Congrats!