More fresh paper

How swell! I’ve only snorkeled. You going local, or are you going more tropic? I hear Catalina offers a nice experience with a couple of cool wreck dives, as do the caves of the Channel Islands.

Ah yes, dee - “Sea Hunt” - with Lloyd Bridges, as Mike Nelson, and his weekly underwater duel with death and danger. I see we wasted our youth in a remarkably similar way.

Adam, may I suggest John Pennekamp State Park in the Florida Keys? Back in the late 60’s - and they may still do it - you could pay a very nominal fee and the Rangers would take a group out to the coral reef. For several hours you could snorkel or scuba. It was like swimming in an aquarium full of brightly colored tropical fish. I shall never forget it - well, at least until Alzheimers sets in for good.

Hey, I thought all was made right with the world when we elected President Barack Obama. I got the current RollingStone in the mail today and there is no GYWO cartoon. WTF? Is this why I stood out in the bitterly cold and howling wind on that November morning for 5 hours waiting to vote? For this??????!!!!!!!!!

VATICAN CITY (CNS) — Pope Benedict XVI has lifted the excommunication of four Holocaust denying bishops ordained against papal orders in 1988 by the late French Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre. The move was considered a major concession to the archbishop’s traditionalist followers.

“The Holy Father was motivated in this decision by the hope that complete reconciliation and full communion may be reached as soon as possible,” a Vatican statement said.

Actually what motivated me was the need for a crew of 4 degenerates to give a spit shine to the outside of St. Peter’s Basilica using only a toothbrush. At least this way Archbishop Anselmo can have an eye on these troublemakers and keep their hands busy. You know, the whole idle hands/devil’s workshop scenario. Guido and Vincente will make sure the bishops do an excellent job. Those two boys are such fine Christian soldiers and are a joy and a comfort to have around.

Yo, Guido. My ears is burnin’ fa some reason, ya know?

But if Adam gets the bends (a least non-lethally), think of all the fun we can have reading his “Decompression Chamber Chronicles”?!!?!

Well I saw some pretty fish coming out of a hole this weekend. Crappies! I have to say they look much nicer in a little oil with flour and egg.
-30 out, but nice in warm in our Grumpier Old Men shack. I recommend it to everyone.

This scam is going to be so damned easy, but, of course we are talking about the Federal government here, so…..

Sophia has done a masterful job on all of the paper work for the FDIC applications and Gidget has pulled off the cyber equivalent of walking right past the office assistant, into the Secretary of the Treasury’s office and propping her feet up on his desk.

I’m attempting to have myself declared a bank, with the obvious intention of binging at the TARP trough. But don’t worry, I’ll only steal the tax dollars of conservative Republicans. Trust me.

Oh, yeah?!! Well you’re a Scooter Libby!!!

http://www.salon.com/comics/tomo/2009/01/27/tomo/

Adam, also beware of the giant Pacific clam. Mike Nelson accidentally stepped into a giant clam, weighing over 500 pounds during an adventure from the 1960 season. That sucker slammed shut, tighter than a tick, onto Mike’s leg. He got loose after a 20 minute struggle (which included 2 commercial breaks sponsored by Ovaltine) by using his knife to hack away at the hinge. He freed himself just as he ran out of air. This time Mike opted to rise to the surface faster than his bubbles, and took his lumps later in the decompression chamber. Mike Nelson was a helluva man!

OK, waterfowler, I just self-invited to the fish fry? What kind of beer should I bring? Pearl Pop with the foam on top, as Hoo-stan Wilson used to say?

I have no idea why I put a question mark at the end of the first sentence. But then there are so many things I do for which I have absolutely no explanation.

Jessica Alba, more than a pretty face? Well maybe. Billo The Clown, more than a pinhead? Not so much.

http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/whos-pinhead-bill-oreilly-pwne d-jess

Hey, Adam, I understand there’s some good diving off of Great Lakes Naval Training Training Station in North Chicago, Illinois. Though the water in Lake Michigan is wee bit cold this time of year.

But how sporting is it to SCUBA in the tropics, anyways?

1-30-09

Dear Diary,

My doctor in Boise removed the ace bandages from my wrists today and though writing is still a bit painful, I’m happy to be warm, well rested and out of Washington DC at last! Patricia is still pretty unhappy about being in Idaho, instead of on a cruise ship and lying topless in the sun on the Captain’s tanning deck. She’ll get over all that in several months. Maybe.

As you may have surmised, I attempted an escape out the bathroom window of Cheney’s office building. Once I was hanging by the window sill, I realized it was more like 45 feet to the ground, but at that point I was committed. I saw to my delight that there was a shrubbery directly below, that would soften my landing. That was the good news. The bad news was that the shrubbery was a Burford holly. I guess you can figure out the rest. The plastic surgeon assured me there would be minimal facial scarring.

All considered, it’s good to be home.

Dirk

Admit it. We all rest a little easier these days when we go to the websites of Al Arabiya and Al Jazeera. Not that the wiretaps aren’t still there. They are. It’s just that when Cheney left, all the spook funding dried up. (BTW, don’t check out these sites for the science info - Arabs use to have all kinds of scientific street cred [Al gebra, astronomy, and the invention of “zero”, to name just a few], but these days, Islamic geeks have seriously lost their mojo.)

Yeah, Jim. That or a name for a punk/hardcore band.

2-1-09

Dear Diary,

Some of the disgruntled employees who worked at Interior laid a dime on me to the Washington Post.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/21/AR2009 012103688.html

BTW, it was only 539 slides of me at various National Parks. I thought they would enjoy getting to know me before I left. Ungrateful, closeted political hacks left over from the Clinton Administration! (I thought we blackmailed and framed of all of those schmucks.) If I weren’t still in this wheelchair….

Dirk

This morning, NPR played a montage of President Obama, from 5 news networks, acknowledging his mistake and accepting responsibility.

It reminded me of the virtual reality scene from “Mad About You” where Jamie’s secret fantasy, above reaching into Andre Agassi’s pocket, was for Paul to apologize profusely and repeatedly.

I actually find it very refreshing that Obama is capable of saying, “I screwed up.” I like a man who is aware of reality.

I don’t know about funny but scuba sure is fun. Nothing can prepare you for the unbelievable world of color and wonder that a coral reef can provide. Hundreds of fish of every color with in arms reach, and something new at every sight. Looking face to face with a Morey eel or seeing a black tipped reef shark up close are but a few of the fantastic things to experience underwater. Well worth the money and time to get certified and even worth the money for the equipment.

Enjoy.