If you read the Comments to my last entry, one thing that’s becoming pretty clear is that if a unified website is but a distant dream, a unified Democratic party is… well, good luck with that.
I don’t mean “unified” as in “We all believe the same thing and we all dress the same and when the 500 of us go to a restaurant any one of us could order for everybody.” We’ll never have that kind of unity. That is, at least not until Congress passes my Mandatory Multiple Cloning Initiative. I see a day when every Standardized American Town (SAT) contains 10 people and a population of 10,000, and on any given Sunday I can field a football team coached, staffed, and played by me. But we digress.
No, when I say “unity” in this case, I mean being united enough to stop pummeling each other long enough to pummel someone else. Because this kind of pummeling is doing nothing but cheering up the Republicans. How do I know? Subtle hints like this:
Republicans glory in extended Democratic battle
CINCINNATI (Reuters) - As the race for the Democratic nomination for U.S. president wears on, Republican Jack Schmidt is thinking the same thing many conservatives are — this is good for Republicans.
“They are beating themselves up to McCain’s advantage,” said Schmidt, 79, a retired broker, referring to presumptive Republican nominee, Sen. John McCain. “He’s got some baggage too, but no one is paying attention to that.”
…”The longer they drag it out, the better for our candidate. The longer they beat each other up the less they’re beating up our candidate. It’s totally to our advantage and it’s great,” said Chelsea Chapman, an oil and gas accountant and the president of the Houston young Republicans.
See? The brokers and the oil and gas company folks agree: This is a good spring for a party that by any estimation should be enjoying the kind of spring the Knicks had.
I’m not pointing fingers. Apparently, that’s what the Comments are for. But, okay, I’ll point one finger - the Mighty Finger of Math. The Hillary Math Challenge! Take it! Here’s how it works:
We all know that if Obama wins the nomination, it’ll be because, well, he won it. Fine. Okay, now here’s the real challenge. Given the vote and delegate tallies right now, if you can spin a scenario - just one scenario - where Hillary Clinton wins the nomination in such a way that it doesn’t seem like bald-faced cheating to at least half the Democrats in this country… please do so below. Show your work.
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Dave von Ebers
May 13, 2008 at 12:22 pm
1Adam, is this one of them “Puzzler” things them Car Talk fellers do? I’m suspicious of all that fancy book learnin’.
(That, by the way, was “Rude Ass” Dave, just checking in.)
It's Pat!
May 13, 2008 at 1:53 pm
2I believe I saw (and posted here) a few weeks ago that HRC would have to win all of the remaining primaries by over 60%. Which she has not done. So this thing was over then. I don’t think she’s a sore loser - she’s just up against someone who (like her hubby) has got that thang that makes people vote. So enough about her.
I’m not worried (alot) either about who the nominee is or who is going to win in November. It’s gonna be BHO.
I am concerned about what measures are going to be needed to get this country back on track. People in general are doing what is needed - car pooling, biking, etc. for themselves personally. I guess $4 per gallon is the threshold that causes behavioral change. But what’s it going to take to get some unity on a national scale to stop a war? Fix health care? Etc. Charisma alone won’t do ‘er. What will the tipping point be for those issues?
Pierre de Fermat
May 13, 2008 at 2:10 pm
3If we employ a unique solution to my Last Theorem, an idea of associating to any solution (a,b,c) of my equation a completely different mathematical object: an elliptic curve.[3] The curve consists of all points in the plane whose coordinates (x,y) satisfy the relation
y2 = x(x − ap)(x + bp).
Such an elliptic curve would enjoy very special properties, which are due to the appearance of high powers of integers in its equation and the fact that ap + bp = cp is a pth power as well. Gerhard Frey had an insight that such a curve would be so special that it would contradict a certain conjecture about elliptic curves which is now called the Taniyama–Shimura conjecture. This conjecture says that each elliptic curve with rational coefficients can be constructed in an entirely different way, not by giving its equation but by using modular functions to parametrize coordinates x and y of the points on it. Thus, according to the conjecture, any elliptic curve over Q would have to be a modular elliptic curve, yet if a solution to my equation with non-zero a, b, c and p greater than 2 existed, the corresponding curve would not be modular, resulting in a contradiction.
So there you have it - No way in Hell Hillary wins. And now……..back to the crypt.
Lord Kelvin
May 13, 2008 at 2:50 pm
4She has absolute zero chance.
hedera
May 13, 2008 at 4:01 pm
5“l’arnin’”, Dave, “l’arnin’” …
Jim (OJNTNJ)
May 13, 2008 at 4:33 pm
6Pierre, you forgot to carry the ∏.
Hillary may carry Hell, but it’s more likely that an airplane may spontaneously be generated through super-string theory than for her to win the nomination (mathematically at any rate).
Dude, I know you’ve been dead for awhile, but learn some quantum mechanics.
Pierre de Fermat
May 13, 2008 at 5:17 pm
7Oui , Seigneur Kelvin , véritable drôle.
Jim (OJNTNJ), quantum mechanics is for pussies! (Excuse my French.)
Boomer
May 13, 2008 at 6:00 pm
8It’s Pat!, congratulations on your daughter’s graduation from college. You must be thrilled. (Equally important - you may have already noticed a sizable bump in your disposable income.)
YLlama
May 13, 2008 at 6:33 pm
9Given the structure of the Democratic Party nominating process, I’m not sure there’s any scenario in which any candidate wins, ever, which seems like bald-faced cheating. Can’t we just stop paying lip service and rename the party already?
Dirk's Diary
May 13, 2008 at 6:39 pm
105-13-08
Dear Diary,
This was the worst day since I arrived in DC, which is saying a lot. Mildred resigned, hopped on her Harley and rode off into the sunset. She looked ten years younger as she strapped on her helmet, cranked that snarling soft tail on the first kick and dropped it into 1st gear. I think it was the firearms in the National Parks proposal that finally put her over the edge. I miss her already. Damn!!
Dirk
sharon
May 13, 2008 at 6:46 pm
11I think there will still be plenty of time, and plenty of material, to attack John Sidney McCain III with after BHO wins the nomination. By the way, if you’re looking for a good patriotic way to spend your “stimulus” check (doesn’t that just give you the shivers? It does me), you might consider sending part of it to the candidate or PAC of your choice. It would be fitting, don’t you think?
Dale
May 13, 2008 at 7:05 pm
12Sharon–another idea would be to send the $ to Sichuan province, or, if you can think of any way to actually get it to the people who need it and not the dictatorship coffers, to Myanmar/Burma. I feel like it´s a bit unfair to be sniping about a soap opera when this week has seen such real tragedy.
Dale
May 13, 2008 at 9:23 pm
13Oh, and based on the photos I´ve seen—I don´t see a real big future for that all-Adam football team. Although I bet they would get torn limb from limb with a great deal of ironic bonhomie.
Tom
May 14, 2008 at 1:06 am
14http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d0a842c3d2
Dave von Ebers
May 14, 2008 at 6:35 am
15Hedera, I stand corrected.
Well, I’m sitting actually, but corrected nonetheless.
ceolaf
May 14, 2008 at 10:13 am
16Why would any Republican say that the extended Democratic race helps them? They are already so deep in a hole that there’s absolutely no need to lower expectations. And the rank and file are looking for whatever shred of hope they can find to hold on to.
So, they say that the extended race helps them. The media always loves the old story, in this case that the Democrats are a circular firing squad. So, it both the right and media happily portray the extended race as bad for Dems.
I am not saying that that makes it good for Dems. I just don’t know. I don’t know if we’re better off hammering McCain now and on through the election or if some of the charges will look like old news if we don’t wait. I don’t know if we start full bore now that he’d have time to re-strategize and come back, or if it would all just add up over the months to a crushing defeat.
However, I DO know that Obama is better off trying to figure out how to appeal to white working class voters in the primary — when independents and potential cross-over voters are paying less attention — than in the context of a general election campaign. His campaign will make mistakes, and they will be magnified even more by the media once the primaries are actually over.
Yes, Hillary needs to acknowledge privately and to herself that there is no longer an argument for her to win the nomination. Yes, she needs to focus her attention of McCain and bringing white working class/middle class voters to the Obama camp. But despite what Obama partisans keep claiming, she is not tearing him down or making crap up. She is not responsible for his weaknesses, media portrayals of him or how the right paints him.
dee
May 14, 2008 at 10:32 am
17Good points, ceolaf.
I don’t buy the “extended races hurts Democrats” line. I know Obama’s nomination is a given — this extra time gives people who weren’t supporting him time to get used to the idea. And I wish I could remember who the woman was on XM POTUS this morning talking about whether Hillary supporters would vote for McCain in November. She said (and I paraphrase) “When you give people a choice between an apple and an orange, they may decide they want the orange. But if you give them a choice between an apple and spinach, they’re going to go for the apple every time.”
No offense to the spinachophiles in the audience.
Popeye
May 14, 2008 at 11:40 am
18I yam what I yam. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
jerry-the-conserva-troll
May 14, 2008 at 12:08 pm
19As long as the Dems have superdelegates (every vote counts but some votes count more than others), y’all are setting yourselves up for this kind of thing.
You also have very few, if any, winner-take-all primaries so the “drawing-out-the-process” potential is increased.
If that weren’t enough, y’all do things like the Democratic Party of Texas mandated and have both a caucus and a primary. The whole thing was a mess. I consider myself a guy of at least above average intelligence and happen to have better than average knowledge of Texas election law (I serve as an alternate election judge here in Dallas) and I was confused as hell when I read the DPT’s instructions on how to run the caucus portion.
It’s your monster. We’re all just enjoying the show.
David
May 14, 2008 at 4:09 pm
20jerry,
Glad you’re enjoying the show. Hope you are also enjoying the results of the four special elections, two of them in our beloved Southland featuring attempts by the Republicans to defeat the Democrat by linking him to Obama. Also hope any Islamophobes out there (I’m not trying to tar you with that brush, jerry - I don’t see you as one of those knee-jerk anti-Islamists) are enjoying the fact that a Muslim won a seat in Indiana. I am, because it suggests to me that maybe Americans are just a bit broader minded and maybe possessed of a bit more intellectual depth than Karl Rove gives them credit for, at least when they are paying attention.
Dirk's Diary
May 14, 2008 at 4:44 pm
215-14-08
Dear Diary,
I gave a press briefing today that made it onto NPR and most of the networks about adding the polar bear to the list of threatened animals. The announcement came one day before a court ordered deadline. I thought my voice conveyed complete mastery of the subject, as well as a virile and confident personality.
“While the legal standards under the Endangered Species Act compel me to list the polar bear as threatened, I want to make clear that this listing will not stop global climate change or prevent any sea ice from melting. Any real solution requires action by all major economies for it to be effective.” I also noted that I was taking administrative and regulatory action to ensure this decision was not “abused to make global warming policies. The proper forum for combating climate change is among the world’s major economies.”
That last part was inserted into the speech by Dick Cheney. He promised to take his boot heel off of Mildred’s throat and holster his gun, once I said that part. He said that she’s still being held in one of the undisclosed locations and, if I ever want to see her alive again, I’ll have to continue to tow the company line until the end of the term in January. Apparently a number of Cheney’s double secret service agents forced her off the road yesterday on her way home, threw the Harley and her into the back of a windowless van, and drove to a Pennsylvania farmhouse, where his newest bunker was finished just last week.
For some reason, I’m reminded here of “The Ransom of Red Chief”. Good thing the agents have government sponsored health insurance. They’ll be crying “Uncle” and seeking relief soon enough, I’m sure.
Dirk
Adam Felber
May 14, 2008 at 11:02 pm
22Jerry - Great to have you back. I have to confess that if the situation were reversed, I’d be enjoying the show as well.
Though, given the way the Republican party is managed, I know that this is pretty darn unlikely.
…until, of course, the great religious/neocon schism, which I’m currently slating for 2010.
Boomer
May 15, 2008 at 3:43 am
232010? No, Adam, why wait? Get on with it.
Zee Man
May 15, 2008 at 6:19 am
24Jerry, this phenom is not new. Will Rogers told us long ago that he does not belong to an organized political party - he’s a Democrat. And yet we survive and are actually flourishing these days. Go figure.
jerry-the-conserva-troll
May 15, 2008 at 6:36 am
25Adam,
I never really went away. I just don’t comment as often. It’s more of a stick-and-move kind of strategy.
I’ve been a little busy. We’re currently trying to implement phase II of Operation Straight Jacket but those dang Ron Paul supporters are faster than they look, and then when you catch ‘em they tend to squirm as you do the buckles.
David, yep we got internal issues. It will be a very interesting fall.
just plain Jack
May 15, 2008 at 11:39 am
26I just heard on the radio that the Supreme Court of California overturned the ban on same sex marriages and I’ve got to say that it’s about time!! I mean, why shouldn’t gays suffer like the rest of us. (drum roll; rim shot!!)
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, you’re much too kind. No, No. Please folks, sit down. What a great crowd!
(Okay, it’s an old joke, but it’s a good one.)
gillian
May 15, 2008 at 4:38 pm
27This one is fun - unless you’re about to lose your house.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/cartoonsandvideos/toles_ main.html?name=Toles&date=05112008&type=c
David
May 15, 2008 at 5:36 pm
28Painfully funny, gillian, but the best political cartoons always are.
jerry, glad you took my comment at face value. I started worrying it might seem like Hillary’s comment, when I meant it the way I wrote it, except I should have said Muslim, not Islamist. A very good friend of mine, a colleague from teaching days who taught American history, poli sci, and philosophy (it was a small community college - we all had to cover lots of bases) is watching this one unfold with great interest. I’ve got to admit I was stunned by the Dem victories in MS and LA, as apparently was John McCain, who is rapidly “adjusting” his position on the issues. No one can tell me voters don’t hold the ultimate power in America. They just don’t seem to realize it most of the time, especially since so few vote. But nothing, not even a megacorporation, has the power voters hold, if they will use that power consistently, relentlessly, and without being manipulated by the brokers, and with the assistance of an actual fourth estate like the one the founders thought they were writing into the Bill of Rights.
cooper
May 15, 2008 at 6:40 pm
29If you enjoy, like I know I do, seeing George W. Bush being tortuously ripped a new one, you’ll want to watch last night’s Special Commentary from Keith Olbermann.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aNv3cwBJf0
cooper
May 15, 2008 at 6:51 pm
30One more thing and I’m off to bed.
With apologies to Dave von Ebers:
For the rest of the story, see Chris Regan’s blog Mass Historia.
SallyMutant
May 16, 2008 at 12:27 am
31Ceolaf– …how to appeal to white working class voters in the primary — when independents and potential cross-over voters are paying less attention…
Don’t you think the Edwards endorsement footage is just the ticket?
As in Obama-Edwards ticket. If you look at the coverage of the presentation of the Edwards endorsement with the mute on, there are photo grab opps that look like a Prez/VP convention photo hug. I’ll bet it’s no mere endorsement.
SallyMutant
May 16, 2008 at 12:32 am
32And, always on topic until he’s 18 or 21; more Baz (and mom and dad) pix, please. Hate to nag but it’s been awhile.
Jon
May 16, 2008 at 9:57 am
33Jack, ALL marriages are same-sex marriages.
(not mine–wish it were)
Dave von Ebers
May 16, 2008 at 1:26 pm
34You know, the day after the California Supreme Court announced a landmark decision striking down the state’s ban on same-sex marriages, I’d think people who actually care about stuff would lay off the lawyer jokes.
See you around, folks. I’m outa here.
David
May 16, 2008 at 2:13 pm
35I was once in the mistaken crosshairs of an FBI investigation simply because of who I was related to. A schoolmate from high school days, a damned good lawyer: 1) was not amused by a potential miscarriage of justice; and 2) stopped them in their tracks as a favor to a fellow Winter Park Wildcat. This guy is one of the premier lawyers in Central Florida, and I am not afloat in money. He knew that, and he was not going to see a classmate get screwed for absolutely no good reason. He wasn’t even going to allow them to put me through any grief. All I had to do was refer them to him, and I never heard from them again. Lawyers do a hell of a lot more good than they are ever given credit for. And they are the real “thin blue line” when push comes to shove. Good policepersons are the physical wall between us and people who would do us harm. Lawyers are the wall between us and government agencies/opportunistic bastards who would do us harm.
So a major thank you to the Dave von Ebers of the world, and the lawyers as politicians, like LeRoy Collins, Bob Graham, Buddy MacKay, Lawton Chiles, William Jefferson Clinton when he was president, Barack Hussein Obama, and Hillary Rodham Clinton in her normal political life, excluding getting suckered on Iraq, running an embarrassing post-Super Tuesday campaign, and blathering about wiping Iran off the map (which is not what I’m a Dinner Jacket threatened to do to Israel - at least not according to the translations of his remarks that I find credible - he’s crazy, but not that crazy).
Obama-Edwards is appealing, Sally Mutant, although I want him as attorney general. I think someone suggested Obama-Webb, which is also pretty appealing. But ultimately I lean toward Obama-Richardson. And I can still see where Obama-Clinton might be the smartest ticket.
Did I mention that in addition to be a geopolitical idiot, John McCain might well be the most disengenuous person ever to peddle himself as some kind of straight-talking maverick Republican? He is a duplicitous neocon akin in his campaign strategy to a stealth fundamentalist running for school board. At some point Jon Stewart has to realize that a John McCain presidency would not be ok for the country.
Harold
May 16, 2008 at 2:38 pm
36Here’s some more fun with math. The first four figures are from the Edison/Mitofky poll of Pennsylvania Democratic voters, as reported in the Wilkes-Barre Citizens’ Voice on April 24, 2008.
Percentage of white Pennsylvanian voters who voted for Clinton: 63%
Percentage of black Pennsylvanian voters who voted for Obama: 90%
Percentage of white voters who said they would vote for Obama over McCain: 69%
Percentage of black voters who said they would vote for Clinton over McCain: 73%
Likelihood that Clinton would win in November without the help of Obama’s supporters: 0%
Likelihood that Obama would win in November without the help of Clinton’s supporters: 0%
We’re not gonna get anywhere if we carry on the way we are.
Still, I wish every Primary were like this, where every vote actually counts for something. That’s why Michigan and Florida moved up their primaries: the powers-that-be were sick of slouching in the irrelevant pack late in the season, along with states like Pennsylvania and North Carolina. And they screwed themselves and the voters in their states for their troubles, since with the way things have played out, their votes would have been extremely significant. It felt nice to have Pennsylvania be relevant, and not merely a rubber stamp for the candidate selected by the states that voted before us.
The competitiveness of this race has raised interest to nearly the level of interest Americans usually reserve for American Idol voting. It has also served as the greatest voter registration drive imaginable.
And it’s helped to flush out and lay bare the absolute scumbaggedness of that cretin Limbaugh and his cohorts in “Operation Chaos.” I know several Republicans who have become completely disgusted with his efforts to manipulate and undermine the democratic process in a wasy that was once reserved for smoke-filled back rooms and the gilded offices of generalisimos in banana republics. Maybe a few of these repulsed Republicans will be moved to turn away from the darkness and into the light.
cooper
May 16, 2008 at 5:24 pm
37Okay, Mr.von Ebers, I hope there are no hurt feelings or ill will. In honor of the California Supreme Court’s ruling this week, I’ll lay off the lawyer jokes (for a while).
The thing that worries me about McCain’s age - is his age. I am thoroughly convinced that Reagan was trending towards Alzheimer’s while he was in office, long before anyone would fessed up about his health. The way he forgot stuff all the time, including all the Contra shenanigans that he couldn’t remember. His handlers did a great job covering up his condition. I’m thinking if McCain has the same problem or some other health problem, we’ll be back in the current situation, where the president is just the front man and other people, behind the scenes, are actually running the country. Like we’ve got now, for instance.
Houston Euler
May 16, 2008 at 10:13 pm
38Here’s my guess: the Clinton camp convinces the Democratic Convention rules committee to multiply Obama’s delegate count by the square root of -1 and, presto, all of Barak’s votes are imaginary.
There’s precedent: a similar technique is used to balance the federal budget during Republican administrations.
SallyMutant
May 17, 2008 at 1:07 am
39All Jessica Mitford fans know that Unity was the Nazi Hitler girlfriend Mitford sister. (Non-Fans—Jessica set the standard for snarky lefty writing in the early 60’s and continued until her [American Way of] death.)
cooper
May 17, 2008 at 6:52 am
40Thinking on Bush’s line this week about the unnamed senator who had wished he could have spoken with Hitler about putting off the Fuhrer’s plans for war, I thought maybe W was speaking of his grandfather, Prescott Bush. After all, the elder Bush was making shiploads of money (the rumored source of the family wealth) by acting as a fixer for the American companies of the Third Reich’s industrial and military expansion up to and after America’s entry into the war. So much involved, that the Federal government had to seize the assets of a number of Bush’s companies under the Trading with the Enemy Act. Prescott would have been the perfect go between with Hitler (he knew a sweet teet when he had one in his teeth), but alas, I found out that it wasn’t him. Prescott Bush did not become a senator until 1952. It would have made a great story though, don’t you think?
Harold
May 17, 2008 at 9:31 am
41Hmmm. My comment got eaten. AHA: I had two links in it.
The unnamed senator was Idaho Republican Willam E. Borah. My last comment included links to his official biography at the Congressional website and his biography on the always-unreliable Wikipedia. I guess you’ll have to look them up for yourselves!
Pope Benny 16
May 17, 2008 at 1:00 pm
42Cardinal Anselmo came down to my cell today, to speak with me about a thorny theological conundrum. He wanted my opinion about a situation he had to make a ruling on, concerning another alleged appearance of the Blessed Mother Mary.
This new sighting came from America (naturally). A young man was riding his motorcycle without his leathers (whatever those might be) and laid his bike down on the asphalt (again, these inscrutable American fads! I was fearful to ask what that might mean.) As a result, he suffered a road rash. In appearance it is said to resemble The Blessed Virgin. The man is sure that Mary saved his life.
“Should the Holy See recognize this as a miracle?” Before I gave my answer, I was promised by Anselmo an hour daily out in the exercise yard with Franco Zeperelli and a more Teutonic punch to my meals. I told him - “No. We have too many miracles to keep track of as it is. Besides in a week, the injury will probably look more like Georgy Jessel.” I asked the Cardinal to supply Franco with a deck of cards for our visits together.
David
May 17, 2008 at 2:51 pm
43Well said, Harold, and good points, cooper. Meanwhile, fuck the Republicans. They are about to get their asses handed to them in November (nearly 8 years late, but I’m still gonna celebrate like there was no tomorrow, especially since if we don’t stop destroying ecosystem earth, there might not be).
Did you see, cooper, that the Democrat is moving ahead of Liddy Dole? Since I have a little place in Hendersonville, and am working toward spending much more time in NC, I will also celebrate the end of Liddy’s Dole-ful, empty suit, rubber stamp tenure in the Senate by getting commode-hugging drunk. I remember the days of some great senators from North Carolina. I mean they weren’t all Helmsian shitheads or Dole non-entities.
David
May 17, 2008 at 4:41 pm
44Speaking of What kind of tomorrow? I just discovered a nascent website that I think might prove about as important as anything out there: http://www.350.org/4/
We lose this one, and everything else becomes a moot point.
siobhan
May 18, 2008 at 7:48 am
45The thing that worries me about McCain’s age is his vice president. I know many people way older than McCain who still have all their marbles, but simple actuarial tables tables work against him (yes, I know his mom is 92) work against him. I’m afraid the R’s will nominate a truly frightening veep and hype the geographical balance to get people to ignore the VP’s ideology.
cooper
May 19, 2008 at 9:14 am
46Well, siobhan, fear mongering does seem to be their schtick!
How’s the bird book coming, BTW?
cooper
May 19, 2008 at 9:16 am
47Hey, I’ve just noticed that Mo Rocca is out and Susie Felber is in. Okay, may the fun begin!