[My apologies. Cold medicine is responsible for this. Either that or I’m turning into Mark Russell, in which case you can set this one to “You’re a Grand Old Flag” or something and sing it while you shoot me. Please.]
Hillary beats Romney
Obama beats McCain
Romney, though, keeps Huckabee
From fucking up our game.
With Hillary, McCain’s ahead
Until the first debate
But bust a bimbo in Bill’s bed -
And Romney’s looking great.
Taking stock, if Barack’s a lock
Then we need McCain
But Mitt can’t quit or Huckabee
Down South will rise again.
To summarize, two of these guys
Make a nice safe loser-rama
But if Huckabee has luck we’re fucked
And it’s time to vote Obama.
———
[UPDATE: No, there will be no new “State of the Union Drinking Game” this year. Last year’s, the “Lame Duck Edition” is almost completely up-to-date. How sad, when you think of it. But then, you shouldn’t be thinking of it: You should be drinking.]
Fanny Roborat
36 comments
siobhan
January 28, 2008 at 2:10 pm
1No SOTU drinking game?
becca (and brian)
January 28, 2008 at 2:16 pm
2Siobhan!
We’ve missed you. Everything okay out your way?
becca
Bruce
January 28, 2008 at 2:52 pm
3Dr. Seuss does political commentary? (This would also explain the swearing)
Anonymous Mother of All Felbers
January 28, 2008 at 2:54 pm
4Love it, love it.
ginny
January 28, 2008 at 3:35 pm
5I’m still drinking anyway.
“Al Qaeda” 1 drink
“9/11″ 1 drink
“Saddam Hussein” 1 drink and 1 cigarette
“War on Terror/Terrra” 1 drink
“Eye-rock” 1 drink - over-fill glass so that it surges over the brim
Any three of the above in one paragraph: 4 drinks, get on your knees, and look for WMDs under the credenza, while muttering “Nope, not under here…”
“The Democrat Party” 2 bi-partisan drinks, then drunk-dial the local “Republic Party” HQ to ask if they have any party hats left.
“Hard work.” 2 drinks, and heartfelt appreciation that this will be the last SOTU hangover of this Administration.
piglet
January 28, 2008 at 3:35 pm
6Does that come in diagram form? Or maybe interpretive dance?
sharon
January 28, 2008 at 3:56 pm
7“tax cuts,” 1 drink
any use of Spanish, 1 drink and a jalapeno
sharon
January 28, 2008 at 4:21 pm
8Pretty heady endorsements from the Kennedy clan today. The Republican candidates pale by comparison. (Pun intended.) Independents and independent-minded Republicans are going to look at the lineup of one tired old angry white man against the energetic, enthusiastic, eloquent embodiment of the best of America, and it’ll all be over but the shoutin’. Maybe he really is the Second Coming of Robert Kennedy. I’m sure we can get him to understand that any universal health care plan has to include mandatory participation.
sharon
January 28, 2008 at 4:26 pm
9And I heard that the 18-to-30-year-olds are coming out to vote in droves!
cooper
January 28, 2008 at 6:35 pm
10Adam, Landis, hedera, siobhan (Hey, stranger!) - all you folks along the California coast - how about you quit bogarting all the rain water coming into the United States, for christsake? Be a pal, save some for the parched and ever browning Southeast, what do you say? Geez.
Dale
January 28, 2008 at 7:04 pm
11Ouch Sharon, it just hit me that by November my voting will no longer be considered exciting or remarkable. Tuesday, my last vote in the “youth” demographic. (Thank God the Nielsens still care about me for another 5 years).
siobhan
January 28, 2008 at 7:32 pm
12Hi, all.
I’m in the final throes of The Neverending Project. But when it’s done, in a few more weeks, I’ll be able to come out and play again - yea!! And soon after that, I’ll be published (as an illustrator, not an author, but still…) - yea!! But my book won’t be quite as much fun as Adam’s. (Unless, like me, you are really, truly, deeply, obsessively into plumage and molt patterns in non-passerine north american birds.)
I didn’t need a drinking game to raise a toast - it only took this thought: I will never never ever have to hear that moron tell me that the state of our union is strong ever again. If that’s not worth a glass of your best pinot, nothing is.
See you in a few more weeks.
siobhan
January 28, 2008 at 7:34 pm
13Oh, and cooper - you can have my share of the rain if you’ll take the ants, too.
David
January 28, 2008 at 8:55 pm
14siobhan,
I go back to our chickens molting and the adverse effect on our supply of eggs. I think we had to buy those damned anemic grocery store eggs to see us through the shortage. Thank Lobster for the modern options in the egg coolers at Publix and Whole Foods.
waterfowler and I, and some other FAers [yeah, I know I’m presuming to speak for other people, but what the hell?], are into plumage and open to molt patterns in whichever birds you been lookin’ at. Non-passerine sounds like one of those south of the border mottos I support, so double my level of interest. And like Susan Sarandon, I donated to MADRE. Wonder if I donated enough to get the attention of the gummint.
Boomer
January 29, 2008 at 4:58 am
15Dale, don’t worry sweetie, your vote will become “exciting and remarkable” again in about 25 years or so. Then it will be exciting trying to remember where your polling place is and remarkable that you can drive there without running over the curb and parking on the sidewalk. I know, this all sounds fantastic and improbable, but you’ll see.
BTW, don’t you think that people who are still using the cliche of “thinking outside the box”, almost never do themselves?
dee
January 29, 2008 at 5:03 am
16“Non-passerine”? Wasn’t that the motto for the the Republican side during the Spanish Civil War?
And nice to see you back, siobhan.
Linkmeister
January 29, 2008 at 11:20 am
17I think “non-passerine” is the Latin form of what Gandalf said to the Balrog on the bridge in Moria.
Harold
January 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm
18Hmmm. My comment from earlier isn’t here. Maybe I screwed up posting it. I think this is all I said before:
“The Republican Calculus Shuffle” works to Peter Gabriel’s “Games Without Frontiers.”
It's Pat!
January 29, 2008 at 3:05 pm
19That precipitation is trying to get to the SE US, but us in Minne-so-frickin’-frigid-ta think it’s to be used to make snow ice cream and we keep hogging it. It was 45 degrees yesterday, now it’s -4 with -40 wind chill. That’s just stupid.
So I guess the SOTU address actually did cause Hell to freeze over.
Dale
January 29, 2008 at 3:42 pm
20Okay Cooper, you clearly pronounced something wrong/skipped a step in that rain chant/dance, because you sent all the rain here. And by here I do not mean Brooklyn, New York, I mean IN MY APARTMENT! Given that I only own two pots and I might want pasta for dinner, could you please check the manual and see if you can fix this?
(As far as Republican calculus…yuk. Two things I don´t like.)
David
January 29, 2008 at 5:56 pm
21Let’s see - one to piss in and one to make pasta in. Doesn’t leave any to catch leaks (well, rain leaks) in. I assume the two pans are marked in such a way that you don’t get them mixed up.
Have you considered a battalion of Brooklyn cabbies doing an anti-rain dance - I’m thinking moon the clouds with rhythmic gluteus to the maximus gyrations.
mousegirl
January 29, 2008 at 8:52 pm
22My God, I think I love you!
SeattleDan
January 29, 2008 at 11:02 pm
23No pasaran! Viva Espana! Down with Franco and the Fascists!
Honk, honk.
Siobhan, let us know the details on the book. There is a bookstore, for the time being, in Seattle, that would love to stock it.
Carry on.
Nixter
January 30, 2008 at 7:42 am
24Harold, that’s the first thing that came to my mind as well!
SeattleTammy
January 30, 2008 at 9:17 am
25I can’t believe I’ve beat dee and dale to this!
dee
January 30, 2008 at 10:16 am
26Miss Tammy, I bow to your intertube sklz. I may need to forward that to a few people.
On another note, everybody wish happy birthday to Harold, who makes no secret about turning 40.
Gosh — I remember 40. Vaguely.
sharon
January 30, 2008 at 10:35 am
27Happy [Belated] Birthday, Harold!
Don’t hold any regrets. You have plenty of time and can achieve anything you set your mind to. As the ancient Greeks used to say, the river of life is always rushing past–don’t wait for it to stop before jumping in. Or something like that.
Ah, to be 40 again! Oh, but that would mean I’d have to relive the Reagan years. Never mind!
Landis
January 30, 2008 at 10:39 am
28I’ve given up on following the elections anymore. I’m constantly being told what to think and I’m tired of that, but I’m too low on time to figure out for myself what to think. Adam’s calculus is as good as any. My guy (or the one I was likely to vote for) dropped out today. This is why I don’t vote absentee anymore - in 2004 I wanted to vote for Carol Moseley-Braun and she dropped out a couple days before the vote here in Cullifornua too. Oh well. I don’t dislike Obama, I just liked Kucinich and Edwards better.
And Cooper - please take it. I’ve started a major flight training program with my first FAA exam in over 10 years being tomorrow and the weather looks to be making it quite a bit more exciting than it should be. Gusts, rain, and low clouds - oh my. Wish me luck.
Murray
January 30, 2008 at 10:49 am
29Landis, your name is a good omen. As they say I’d rather be on the ground wishing I were in the air then in the air wishing I were on the ground. 757? F23? Biplane?
sharon
January 30, 2008 at 10:57 am
30Looks like Edwards is poised to drop out. Bummer! Whaddaya think? Attorney General? Dept. of Health & Human Services? (Is there still such a thing?)
Did I say the Reagan years? I meant the Clinton years, of course. I don’t care to relive them, either.
Landis
January 30, 2008 at 11:00 am
31Yeah - and tomorrow might be one of those days (but they’re few and far between for me). This one is for my Private Multi-engine rating - a 1979 Piper Seminole PA-44-180 (that’s two 180-hp engines, four seats). It’s the equivalent of a Studebaker without the capacity to carry anything. But it will keep on truckin’ and get me started on my new professional piloting career.
Allison in Santa Cruz
January 30, 2008 at 11:30 am
32Dammit! First Kucinich and now Edwards. I’m not too impressed with either of the remaining candidates. And would Edwards want to play second-fiddle on a ticket with either Hillary or Barack?
I feel my vote has become meaningless. Now that my favored candidates are gone the only thing I can do is vote against someone rather than for someone, which always leaves a rather nasty taste in my mouth.
Ann
January 30, 2008 at 11:50 am
33I’m angry and disappointed that Edwards dropped out. I don’t know whether it’s strictly a funding issue, but it certainly seems that the media were so engrossed in the “race/gender” drama that they ignored Edwards and the issues he spoke so eloquently about.
Allison in Santa Cruz
January 30, 2008 at 12:01 pm
34Ann — While I imagine funding had something to do with Edwards’ decision to drop out of the race, he probably felt that his campaign wasn’t gaining any traction. With the mainstream medium and pollsters ignoring him to focus on Clinton’s and Obama’s sandbox pi**ing match, nobody was able to hear the only candidate who was addressing the actual issues at hand.
However, I really thought he had a chance here in California. A lot of my friends are fed up with the Obama/Clinton shenanigans and were going to vote for Edwards.
gillian
January 30, 2008 at 4:10 pm
35First Dodd, then Kucinich, and now Edwards - has anyone else noticed that the further up the food chain you go, the less appetizing the candidates are? I hate to see Edwards drop out of the campaign (he’s a fellow Sandlapper - a native of SC, like me), but on the other hand, he has small children and a wonderful wife with cancer. I’m proud of him for stuffing his ego and doing the right thing by his family. He wasn’t going to win, so he stepped aside. That tells me that he probably would have made a great president.
On the other side of the ledger, I’m thrilled that Rudy got hammered in Florida. That dude seriously creeped me.
David
January 30, 2008 at 6:33 pm
36OK, you bunch of youngsters. Monday was my 66th. I did get to vote for Edwards (voted early), and hated the fact that McCain won on the Republican side in Florida, which I assume will pretty much mean he will be the Republican nominee, and I assume will win the presidency. My reaction to that possibility can be found on the latest thread. Now that I’ve had a minute to think about it, I probably understated my revulsion at the idea of another Republican administration. America does stupid really well.