“Tonight marks the beginning of a comeback — a comeback for America,” the former Massachusetts governor said.
Is there anyone better at saying absolutely nothing while looking Damned Handsome than Mitt Romney? Anyone who can smilingly hide the frosty vacuum of his innards while making his cultish fringe faith “mainstream” with more pizazz?
But just like with the above Tom Cruise masterpiece (please, click the link if you haven’t seen it. That video is being relentlessly harvested and destroyed by armies of Scientologist PR folks who don’t think you are quite ready for the level of Ultimate Truth that Tom is laying down…), Romney’s 9 point victory in the state that his Dad’s a legend in doesn’t raise its intended message. No, to Republicans, it says three things:
- Good lord, McCain really is that dull, isn’t he?
- We’re doomed, aren’t we?
- God, please give us Hillary, and make sure you send her husband a big, trashy redhead before November…
Whether or not the Republican assumption that Hillary would be the easiest to beat is true… is not for me say. “Easiest” might be a relative term when you’re deciding between several impossibilities. Because with Guiliani accidentally stepping into direct sunlight and melting, Mike Huckabee terrifying his own party with the prospect of an actual evangelical in power as opposed to in pocket, and America showing no interest in the Fred Thompson brand of fine plastic lawn furniture… you have to look at the muddled news out of Michigan and think that maybe that result marks the beginning of a comeback - a comeback for America.
Oh. Well put, then.
Fanny Roborat
26 comments
piglet
January 16, 2008 at 3:56 pm
1Thanks for that link!
At the very end there (if you make it that far), after all the scary cackling, evidencing the toll that Saving the World With My Mind has apparently taken, it seems that Tom Cruise threatens us with either becoming one of them or being vaporized by his eye-lasers.
Have the republicans looked into eye-lasers?
tim
January 16, 2008 at 4:40 pm
2“When you drive past an accident…you know you’re the only one who can really help.” Does that mean Tom’s joining the Republican race?
Boomer
January 16, 2008 at 4:45 pm
3I know what drugs I ate in my youth (well I think I know. In those days, you basically had to trust your dealer.) and I’m glad they seem to be different from Tom’s pharmacopeia.
itzue
January 16, 2008 at 5:50 pm
4“When you drive past an accident…you know you’re the only one who can really help.” What!?! Granted, I know very little about scientology, but WTF??
Did anyone see the Huckabee take on the constitution? http://rawstory.com/news/2007/Huckabee_Amend_Constitution_to_meet_Gods _0115.html
If it weren’t on tape I wouldn’t believe it myself.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
January 16, 2008 at 5:51 pm
5What the heck was that ephemeral vapory yellow stuff that kept flowing across the bottom of the screen, body thetans? Or was Tom just extra gassy that day?
BTW: Reverend Huck is scaring a lot of people these days. It turns out that when he said he wanted to amend the Constitution to line up with God’s laws, it was only in reference to abortion and gay marriage. He doesn’t really want to set up a whole hog evangelistic theocracy…..yet.
Let’s hope Tom and Huck don’t ever get together on the issue of religion. Then it would be eye-lasers from here to the second coming.
(Thanks Piglet)
just plain Jack
January 16, 2008 at 6:32 pm
6OK, someone tell me how this is possible - the wives of Rudy and Mitt, dutifully standing three paces behind them on the stage, smile their total agreement with every word their husband utters. On behalf of every long time married man reading this blog, I got to ask - “How believable is that, really???” Yeah…I didn’t think so either.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
January 16, 2008 at 6:46 pm
7Jack,
Given the three pace rule, I don’t know how all of those wives can fit on the same stage.:-)
S. Clemens
January 16, 2008 at 7:18 pm
8This is NOT how I wanted Tom and Huck to grow up.
David
January 16, 2008 at 8:11 pm
9You did your best, Sam. That’s all anyone can ask. I mean two of the most interesting characters in American literature, and the great American novel, to boot. How could you know Tom and Huck would come to this, especially since Tom never showed any signs that he would take anything, let alone something way more bizarre even than the tales of Joseph Smith, seriously. And Huck adopting the mindset of the comic subset of the Arkansans? Don’t blame yourself.
Fran
January 16, 2008 at 8:23 pm
10I watched the whole video. My mind may be melting even now, but I have to ask, if Tom’s insisting we all get in the game or, as spectators, we have to leave the “stadium”, exactly what does he mean? If we don’t do what his mind-meld says we should, we’re toast? I believe in the eye-lasers!
The creep factor was off the charts there. I think a thank you is in order, but I want to see what my dreams are like tonight before I actually say it.
Here’s a different, somewhat lighter look at the candidates:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/526482501.html
Dale
January 16, 2008 at 8:54 pm
11I don´t watch TV and think life is too short (and my digestive system too weak) to pay attention to the Republican candidates…so I had never actually seen what most of them looked like. But all that changed this week, when I spent hours in various of our nation´s airports, beseiged by the every-5-minute repeating CNN feeds. And all I can say is…Mitt Romney is hot! Forget all those earlier posts about issues! How could a guy that handsome be anything but brilliant, capable, trustworthy, and the future of America?
SeattleDan
January 16, 2008 at 10:03 pm
12Dale, of course Mitt is the most handsome, brilliant, capable, trustworthy and futuristic candidate possible. He’ll tell you so himself. In fact, he’ll tell you anything you want to hear.
Check out the Generals’ tonight. He emails the Swiftboating King himself, and the King has come up with an outstanding poster for Barack.
sharon
January 17, 2008 at 6:27 am
13Thanks, Fran! That was eerily on target.
Ann
January 17, 2008 at 10:07 am
14Dee, I’ve recently been contacted by the Romney campaign regarding the possibility of some “undercover” employment. How ’bout you?
dee
January 17, 2008 at 11:27 am
15Moi? No such luck. Of course, I don’t have your fan base so it’s understandable.
historyenne
January 17, 2008 at 3:06 pm
16Perhaps it’s naive of me to think so, but Scientology seems like too much of a fringe element to get worked up over. I thought the scariest thing about the Tom Cruise video was his utter inability to complete a sentence. Half the time I had no idea what he was talking about, and he didn’t seem to either. I guess when the Scientologists wash a brain, they get it really clean.
It's Pat!
January 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm
17What kind of cover? Quilt, silk, or simple cardigan?
Ann
January 17, 2008 at 4:23 pm
18Doesn’t matter—if the Republicans are looking for a big, trashy redhead to create a scandal with Bill, I don’t think they’ll care about the details!
Huck
January 17, 2008 at 5:32 pm
19So Tom. How can I get the Constitution whitewashed?
Tom
January 17, 2008 at 5:34 pm
20Shucks Huck. It’s easy. Just give that old Congress the laser-eye and speak in incomplete sentences, and they’ll do it for ya.
Pope Benny 16
January 17, 2008 at 6:41 pm
21Okay, I think I vill be sick now. Cardinal Angelo brought a late lunch to my suite this afternoon and joined me for the meal. He really outdid himself this time with a variety of mouth-watering dishes. There was was a tender veal-like entree that for some reason reminded me of the horse meat we had in France a couple of years ago. There was what Cardinal Angelo referred to as “Asian Bison”, a really gamey and chewy chicken like substance, a huge slab of pork, “Baby Bunny Brisket”, chicken cordon bleu, foie gras, flank steaks, rack of lamb and a very spicy Ethiopian goat dish. Ja! I vill be sick now.
David
January 17, 2008 at 6:50 pm
22Good news on the broadcast media front - Dan Rather’s suit to go forward against CBS:
http://www.commondreams.org/archive/2008/01/17/6429/
Any bestial exorcisms on the horizon, Benny?
just plain Jack
January 17, 2008 at 7:05 pm
23In case you missed it on the news, Mitt the Mormon got punked today by an AP reporter at a campaign stop in Columbia, SC. http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/01/17/mitt-romney-in-heated-debate- with-ap-reporter-over-lobbyist-lies/
Zee Man
January 17, 2008 at 7:23 pm
24I hope this works - Keith’s “Worst Persons in the World” tonight was good fun.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/22718637#22718637
hedera
January 19, 2008 at 8:57 pm
25I watched the Cruise video last night. My, he’s crazy as a bedbug, isn’t he? It’s too bad he’s so decorative - it gets him more attention than his actual ideas deserve. A homely man saying those things would just be ignored - or locked up.
Cruisin' Tom
January 19, 2008 at 9:34 pm
26I left my mind in a local landfill,
Where half-eaten fries,
Draw rats and flies,
And filled my head with L. Ron’s swill.