Striking Developments

Ah yes, Adam. I had to contact my credit card company today to straighten out a transaction. Fortunately, I got to speak with the only two nice, competent people employed by Wachovia. I’d better not mention their names, since they would immediately get fired, pummeled, and thrown out into the street with all their bank accounts frozen. So anyway, they told me how to fix my problem and now - no problem. I think.

Tee-Hee! Gillian!
Over on Second Life I went into the Repugnican Primary head quarters and voted for Alan Keyes. Just doin my patriotic duty.

Hey, now, Seattle T., don’t be dissin’ our favorite faux-Illinoisan. I wonder if Alan Keyes can get me some Rose Bowl Tickets?

“That’s right, we’re doing an end-run around the studios and Those Who Would Grift Us”

Does it involve re-grifting for the holiday season?

Oh, good! You’re here. Listen, could ya like, lower me ta da ground an’ untie me. Dat Pope guy sure plays rough, I tell ya. I only took a dozen minor works of art f’om da catacombs. I figure he’ll never miss dem - I mean, he’s got t’ousands of paintings dat Pope Pius XII hid for the Nazis. Den all dose Nazis immediately disappeared (strange, right? Yeah. Dat’s what I t’ought, too), so what are dey gonna do wit’ all dese paintings? De’re just piled up to da ceiling in all dose rooms under da Vatican. I figure I could get dem paintin’s back inta circulation so dey could be appreciated an’ admired again by da swells of Western civilization. If I make a little money doing dat - well, hey! I got expenses.

Dey came fo’ me in da middle of de night; six of dem Swiss Guards, plus some American Cardinal. He had a letter he said was f’om da Pope an’ had da Pope’s wax seal on da letter an’ everything. Dis Cardinal broke da seal and read da letter aloud. It said I was ta be captured an’ locked inta one of dos underground chambers beneat’ da Holy See. As soon as dey locked me in, I immediately started pickin’ da lock. Dey heard me and came back an’ tied me up an’ den hoisted me up inta da air about 4 feet off da ground an’ left me hangin’. Dat was 30 hours ago an’, I gotta tell you, dis is definitely a stress position. So cut me down, will ya? I gotta take a wicked whiz. Hey! Wait! Where ya’ goin’? Come back here, pisan!!!

Gee, Adam, that whole credit card deal sounds more like everyday, run-of-the-mill “theft” to me. Anyway, I’m glad you found a way to profitably keep yourself busy. I look forward to seeing the results once they’re up. Honk!

Guido! Buddy!! I’ve been wondering where you’ve been hanging out these days. Heh! Heh!

You are soooooo lucky that I’ve just been awarded the Western Hemisphere’s exclusive distributorship of the New! Improved!! “Loose The Noose” spray lubricant, tattoo remover and drain cleaner! Just what you need in your current situation. The introductory low, low price is only 295 hundred dollars for 64 oz. can. That’s your price cause you’re such a great guy and a Michigan native. Don’t tell anyone else the price, Bubbie - they’ll all be screaming for the same deal!!!. So give me a call right away and don’t give me that “I’m all tied up and can’t get to the phone” excuse! Oh, wait….you are. Heh! Heh! Okay this time I’ll come to you, but you’ll have to cover all customs duties, bribes and smuggler’s fees. This product ain’t allowed available in all countries, so you’ll have to cough up a few extra “Ben Franklins” to get it over the Euro border, if you know what I mean. Heh! Heh! Ciao!

Hey, Dale, could we come too?

Yeah, Dale, I’ll bring the dip.

You are the dip, Herbie.