A huge and happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
Here at Felbers West, we’re keeping a close eye on the action at Felbers East. Once we get the statistics on how much they’ve managed to eat and drink over there, we’ll know exactly what we have to shoot for in order to win this this year’s “Glutty.”
Both households have been nominated, having done exceptionally well in the preliminaries all season long (gigantic dinners, bold and innovative Late Lunches, the occasional gustatorially athletic brunch, and etc.). But only one can take home the trophy. Only one side can eat its way to victory. And isn’t that the true meaning of Thanksgiving anyway?
Fanny Roborat
52 comments
Murray
November 22, 2007 at 2:14 pm
1Well that and serious shopping the next day.
I hear that the average person consumes 5000 calories on the big meal. Those wimps. Go for it Adam.
Gary
November 22, 2007 at 4:33 pm
2What??? No war on Thanksgiving?
Ah, to hell with my diet plans… happy holidays all!
Increase Mather
November 22, 2007 at 4:48 pm
3…And the Lord said “Fie upon thine gluttony, you shameless dogs of iniquity. Eat not the pumpkin cheese cake and the homemade apple pie. Binge thee not upon the fruits and vegetables of the Earth nor the meat of the cloven animal, for God in heaven sayeth SHAME!!! SHAME!!! you foul creatures of this orb!!….
Cotton Mather
November 22, 2007 at 4:50 pm
4(Pops really needs to taketh a breath, so the congregation can taketh a leak. Ye-ow!!!)
Boomer
November 22, 2007 at 5:04 pm
5Hey Adam, maybe this will turn out to be something else to be thankful for.
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/news/e3 i587be3b0ca270435d7cea2d4a7b006e3
Jason
November 22, 2007 at 5:21 pm
6Soon-to-be belated Thanksgiving greetings to one and all
It's Pat!
November 22, 2007 at 8:59 pm
7this is one of those wonderful combo-words that I love = thanks giving - and I wish all of of you the very best of both. May you be with those you are close, that is your family, and so are we. I tip my wine glass in your general direction. Nebraska and Minnesota is joining together this Thursday to wish and pray for peace, understanding of our need to be good stewards, and victory over Colorado in football and Creighton in basketball.
Other than that, let’s just let loose and party.
You are all on my mind…..
David
November 22, 2007 at 10:14 pm
8Everybody, please remember to offer up your preferred sacrifice for my Lions as they face the possibility of providing repast for some group called the Purple Raiders (still trying to figure that one out). You should take a look at the scores in their games this season if you want to know from gluttony.
5000 calories? Jeebus, it would take a lumberjack two days to burn 5000 calories. So how much wood does a Felberchuck chuck, if a Felberchuck does chuck wood?
Cotton Mather
November 23, 2007 at 4:19 am
9Pops doth yammer still and noticed not the big bathroom breakout at the 15th hour. I thinketh that it wouldst have been much more dramatic, but, lo, the people couldst not run and preserve their arid state in so doing. Normal decorum wast abandoned as the mob descended upon the woods, with men beside women and women beside men emptying their bladders with no sign of shame, only sighs of relief. None didst return to the service, but useth the woods for cover and proceedeth straightaway to their own homes, giving thanks that they liveth not in Increase Mather’s house and wouldst not be flogged and pilloried for leaving before the final prayer. Wouldst that I should be so lucky. Mayhaps, next year before the service, I shall riggeth up a diaper…
Rev. Billy
November 23, 2007 at 4:40 am
10Words to live by, Brother Cotton. And here’s a few more, from the Church of Stop Shopping: Stop Shopping, dammit! Save the planet from the bane of gluttonous consumption! Rein it in today, Brothers and Sisters. Think of the many vile carbon atoms, longing to be freed from their rightful hydrogen bonds by the western world’s wanton purchasing power! Repent before it’s too late! Amen and amen and amen!
dee
November 23, 2007 at 5:25 am
11Unless, of course, it’s books your buying and your buying them from an independent bookseller.
Dale
November 23, 2007 at 5:42 am
12Did you perhaps mean an independent bookseller?
dee
November 23, 2007 at 6:16 am
13Yes. Thank you.
SeattleDan
November 23, 2007 at 12:17 pm
14Thanks, kids. You’re too good to me.
Rev. Billy
November 23, 2007 at 4:29 pm
15Happy Buy Nothing Day, America!! BTW, I have a movie coming out, tomorrow at a matter of fact. Here’s a trailer for my movie “What Would Jesus Buy?”. This was shot on a good hair day, praise the Lord!
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/11/23/happy-buy-nothing-day/
Dave von Ebers
November 23, 2007 at 6:24 pm
16Hey, David … I noticed that that LSU lost today … meaning Ohio State could move up in the ranks … If they make it to No. 2, who do you suppose’d go to th’ Rose Bowl in their stead, hmmmm?
Hey, a man can dream, can’t he?
Oh, and Go Lions!!
David
November 24, 2007 at 5:06 am
17Yeah, it was Geaux down, Tigers. That does bump my Gators down one notch in the bowl pecking order (’course we gotta beat FSU today). And Florida-Illinois in the Citrus Bowl was a projection. But Illinois in the Rose Bowl…who’d ‘a thunk. When was the last time?
Meanwhile, my Lions v. the Purple Panty Raiders in Alliance, Ohio at high noon. Don’t even want to know what the line is. Go, Jersey Lions, the Pride of Ewing Township.
Lions women’s field hockey NJAC champs, and women’s soccer made it to semi-finals of DIII national championship games before losing to Messiah College - Christians feasting on Lions - arrggghhhh.
Rev. Billy, I remember seeing you on Democracy Now, n’est pas? I bought a package of padlocks and some food yesterday, but that’s it. Am I still redeemed?
itzue
November 24, 2007 at 6:25 am
18total subject hijacking here… ok guys. winter has finally come to north carolina and i am a brand new homeowner. well, new to me. the house itself is almost 60. i apparently forgot to listen to all my dad’s advice on how to winterize a house. i know you are supposed to cover the windows, but from there i don’t know what else i need to do. being a real grown-up is harder than i thought. anyone know other things i should do? my teeth are chattering.
cooper
November 24, 2007 at 7:33 am
19Be sure to pay your electric and/or gas utility bills on time. That’s a biggie!
What I normally do is to close the vents to the crawl space under the house. These are 12″ x 16″ approx. rectangular holes near the ground on the outside of the house. Depending on the construction of your house, you may or may not have them, but most do. Close them in the autumn to keep animals and cold air out - think frozen pipes here - and open them in the spring to dry out the crawl space and to help protect against termites. You can open and close them from the outside of the house.
Do sign on with a reputable pest control company (ask your neighbors, friends, or BBB) for yearly inspections. Termites and powder post beetles make for a bad home owning experience.
Have a heating company inspect and service your furnace. They’ll get it running more efficiently and check for cracks in the heat exchanger that can let carbon monoxide into the living area.
Protect the outside faucets with an insulating cover - available at Home Depot or Lowes, about $3.00 each - to kept them from freezing.
Call your electrical utility (CP&L?) for a free energy audit. They can check your insulation and look for drafts letting cold air into the house in the heating season (and cool air out during the summer, an equally vexing problem). You may have to get in line for this one; it’s a popular program.
If there are rooms you’re not going to be using in the winter, you may want to shut those doors and close the heating vent in those rooms. There are pluses and minuses to closing these off, but in our climate, it’s probably a plus.
There are other considerations, the rest of you home owners can chime in. Covering the windows with plastic or storm windows and installing storm doors really helps. If your home has a sliding patio door, that’s another big opportunity for heat loss. We have one and we had an insulating drape made to cover the door area about 6″ - 9″ above the door opening and down to the floor. Not cheap, but it does a good job.
Good luck, itzue. Owning a home is a big step in the right direction.
your pal, cooper
sharon
November 24, 2007 at 2:45 pm
20I dunno. After 22 years I’ve come to the opposite conclusion…home ownership isn’t quite all that it’s cracked up to be.
I’m in CT, and not familiar with construction in NC. In Texas we didn’t have central heat, and my aunt and uncle still don’t. They have some small gas heaters, with hook ups in the bathroom and the living room, and they use electric space heaters elsewhere. My best recommendation, assuming you do have central heat, is to keep the thermostat as low as you possibly can…65 if you can, and certainly no higher than 68. Turn it down to 55 at night and huddle under a nice fluffy comforter. Cover the windows at night to keep out drafts. Thermal curtains are good, but almost anything is better than nothing.
And go read this poem.
sharon
November 24, 2007 at 3:18 pm
21Oh, and if you don’t have someone to keep your feet warm at night, those bedwarmers filled with rice that you pop into the microwave for 3 minutes are great! They keep your feet warm just long enough for you to get to sleep.
Dale
November 24, 2007 at 5:24 pm
22A Newfoundland or pet bear is also useful.
Vinnie
November 24, 2007 at 6:13 pm
23How ’bout a virile Detroit Tiger?
dee
November 24, 2007 at 6:51 pm
24Geez cooper — that’s quite a checklist.
You could always do what I do, which is basically nothing. I turn off the outside water and that’s about it. I’ve been in this house for 22 years and so far, so good.
gregory
November 24, 2007 at 6:53 pm
25I forget. Did we go to Iraq, sacrificing so many of our young soldiers, so that this sort of stupidity could continue to happen? If you still doubt the power of religion - any religion - to trump all reason and to drive a stake even into family ties, along with many other offenses against humanity, read on.
sharon
November 24, 2007 at 7:03 pm
26I have a small cat, but so far I’ve not been able to train her to lay across my feet. She needs to be within arm’s reach, so that I can rub her tummy.
cooper
November 24, 2007 at 7:33 pm
27dee, I used to take a similar Zen approach to winterizing but then came the winter of 1984-1985, the temperature dropped to -5 F and all of my pipes froze - for about a week. You live, you learn.
dee
November 25, 2007 at 5:56 am
28Ah, cooper — I remember the winter of 84-85. I was renting an apartment in an old house at the time and came back from Christmas up north to find that indeed the pipes had frozen. But this may be the indicator of global warming, since it hasn’t gotten that cold for that long since.
And sharon, every cat I’ve ever shared a bed with has been convinced that the area between my butt and my shoulders (as I lie on my side) is the perfect place to sleep.
itzue
November 25, 2007 at 6:21 am
29wow guys, thanks for your help. i have quite a to do list (you rock cooper). i don’t think a pet bear is on the agenda, but the rice thingy sounds good. thanks for the poem link sharon, i love anything with a dervish reference. it is one of my favorite words.
cooper, in your experience, do i have to go into the icky crawl space to close the vents? i didn’t even know crawl spaces existed before moving to north carolina (dee, i’m 3 blocks from the where your crash davis quote was filmed). i grew up in iowa, where basements are the norm.
cooper
November 25, 2007 at 7:44 am
30itzue, no need to venture into that black hole. You can do this from the outside. In the center of the vent grate, there should be a “t” shaped piece of metal. Pull it straight out to close the vent and then lift the “T” up and against the grate. The “T” should now stay in position and keep the vent closed. If not, use a thin piece of wire to hold the “T” to the grate. Bingo. Now do it to the other 8 to 43 vents you will have, depending on the size of your house.
dee, I have to agree that the winter of 1984-1985 was an aberration and probably never to be repeated again. Global warming may indeed spare us of that in the future. I err on the side of caution, I guess. My mom was from New England, so I heard all the winter horror stories growing up. BTW, Charlotte opened its new light rail train line yesterday. The first ride was free. My family and I went down there to ride it. When we got to the end of the track (it goes from City center to Pineville), the line to get back on was horrifically long, so we caught the bus back to our car. It was obviously the place to be yesterday. The newspaper said over 60,000 people rode it that first day. All the train cars were jammed packed, so we had to stand. You must hold onto the grab bar to stay upright, because it accelerates very fast and the brakes are quite impressive as well. If you come down to Charlotte, give it a try. The uptown end has a number of interesting museums in easy walking distance and at the Pineville end there is a massive shopping center, Carolina Mall.
The AnnFan Club
November 25, 2007 at 9:26 am
31Wait a minute! itzue, you’re from Iowa? Do you know Ann, by chance?
Don’t be such a moron, Bernie. Iowa’s not that small.
Well, Winthrop, Ann is from Des Moines. Des Moines can’t be all that big.
Yes, what with all those tornados roaring through town, that’s got to cull out some of the people, making it easier to know everyone by first name.
Spike, why do they let you out like this, if they don’t make sure that you take your meds first thing every morning?
itzue, she has red hair, looks like Susan Saradon and if you were ever in a room with her, you’d know it. Right, guys?
Right on, Zeke!
Hell yeah!
Without a doubt, ol’ bean!
Nigel! When did you get out of the slammer? Hey, guys - Nigel’s back in town! Beer and weed’s on me, sport!
What does Jimmy see in Nigel? He’s such a dweeb!
Yeah, I don’t know why we let him into the club anyway. He’s a Brit, for God’s sake! Red blooded American girls would never give him a second look.
Maybe we let him in for that very reason, plus he pays his dues on time, Mr. Rockefeller.
Derrick, look, I’m not Nelson Rockefeller. He’s dead, okay?
Yeah and good thing he didn’t take Megan Marshak with him. That guy weighed a ton!
They must have been using a bunch of hot oil, which allowed her to slide out from under him.
Nah. I heard she could bench press 375 pounds and she threw him off of her like so much kielbasa.
Oh yeah? And I heard you were a dick wad, dick wad!
Alright! That does it!!
Take it outside, meatheads!
So, anyways, itzue, do you know Ann?
Dave von Ebers
November 25, 2007 at 10:54 am
32AnnFanClub … 375 pounds of kielbasa. Mmmm.
Gary Dryfoos
November 25, 2007 at 11:16 am
33Will Luera (wluera[at]comcast[dot]net) is trying to reach you. You can probably guess why.
Tell him I said “Adam thinks you’re kinda cute.”
– G
David
November 25, 2007 at 1:03 pm
34Sharon, the poem is entirely too appropriate.
Pipes freeze, even in Florida, and one frozen pipe can a miserable experience make, not to mention the expense, depending on what pipe. Exposed to outside air, near an uninsulated wall, in the attic - all trouble spots. And like oranges, 2-4 hours at 28 degrees or below… I am more cautious than my friends in North Carolina, feeling more like cooper on this, but if you’ve done nothing, dee, Lobster really loves you.
Meanwhile, those Raiders are more black-and-blue than purple: 59-7 over my Lions. But my Gators put it on the Seminoles. DvE, if the Rose Bowl doesn’t get your Illini, Gators v. Indians is always a good time. Missouri v. WVA in the BCS bowl? The whole paternal family tree is Missouri, so I’m with Sam Clemens on this one.
just plain Jack
November 25, 2007 at 5:26 pm
35Anyone else out there with me on this one?
http://youtube.com/tompetty
Pope Benny 16
November 25, 2007 at 6:51 pm
36“… even to the point of shedding your blood”? I got to get a new speech writer, as soon as that strike ist over in America. (HONK!!) This clown makes me sound like an Islamic zealot. After the ceremony, I told the Cardinals that I vas yust fooling about the blood part. “Spilling blood ist fur the “little people”. This seemed to put them all at ease. Good. Five of the new Cardinals are over 80 und it wouldn’t look good for them to croak out so soon after they were honored.
Father Guido has been gone for several weeks now und I need him back here in the Holy See. I’ll have Cardinal Bernie Law to choke off his stipend und reel him in. Bernie’s particularly good at under the table financial skullduggery. A bit too good, I think sometimes.
Dave von Ebers
November 25, 2007 at 7:09 pm
37Just Plain Jack … Hell, yeah! I love Tom Petty.
“Runnin’ Down a Dream” is on my marathon-running playlist on my iPod, right after “Copperhead Road” and right before “Police on My Back.”
Me and Del was singin’ a little ‘Runaway’ …”
That’s some good shit.
Julia
November 26, 2007 at 9:28 am
38Dave - excellent taste on ‘Copperhead Road’ - I can go a long way on that one, although I’m usually…um…driving.
(returns to lurker lounge)
David
November 26, 2007 at 12:46 pm
39Gainesville done good giving us Tom Petty. There once was a Little Bohemia near the campus (that’s where we hatched our demonstrationista plots against segregation), but I feel confident it has all been gentrified.
Dave von Ebers
November 26, 2007 at 7:00 pm
40David, this is off topic as usual … but I note that the Chicago Tribune has now jumped on the Illini-in-the-Rose-Bowl band wagon (which I’ll take credit for starting, thank you very much). The theory is, of course, that (a) Missouri has to lose to Oklahoma; or (2) West Virginia has to lose to Pittsburgh. I’d say the latter won’t likely happen, but Mizzou could lose to Oklahoma. Then again, the Sooners already beat ‘em once, and it’s awfully difficult to beat a good team twice in one season … but you never know.
Then, too, the Rose Bowl doesn’t have to take Illinois if it chooses not to; and right now, the Illini are ranked 15th in the BCS poll … so, technically they’re not BCS-bowl eligible, ‘cuz, as I understand it, a team has to be ranked in the top 14 to qualify for one of the five BCS bowls. But, in theory Illinois could go up a slot if someone ahead of them loses; or, better still, the BCS could expand BCS-bowl qualifications to include teams outside the top 14, because there can be only two BCS-bowl teams per conference … and right now, the top 14 is (are?) SEC- and Big-12-heavy and (er) Big-10-lean.
Whew! Alls I know is, we could take the friggin’ Trojans! Am I right, Seattle D? Huh? How ’bout a little love for my Illini, what.
David
November 26, 2007 at 8:12 pm
41Much as I want a Gator-Illini matchup, I still gotta pull for you guys going Rose Bowling. What a coup for the Zooker and Company that would be.
Rose Bowl USC-Illinois (just so you can savor looking at it, Dave)
SeattleDan
November 26, 2007 at 8:53 pm
42Beat the Trojans!
It’s a little known secret, but the BCS is letting me decide on bowl designations this season. Every year they pick some nit-wit to figure it all out, and, although this season is particularly messy, I am the designated nit-wit. I’m not above bribes. Contact me at iwantmyteaminabowl.blogspot.com
I’ll see what I can do.
Ann
November 27, 2007 at 3:35 pm
43I finally get a fan club and it seems to consist of one person with multiple personality disorder. Great.
Yes, I did grow up in Des Moines–but I didn’t know anyone with a Japanese first name. Itzue is Japanese, ne?
I moved from the land of basements and tornadoes to the land of slab foundations and earthquakes. I don’t need to winterize, and I still have flowers blooming in my garden! Yay!
The AnnFan Club
November 27, 2007 at 6:27 pm
44Yep, Ann. That’s us. An army of one.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Ixnay the ooselay ipslay, erkjay!
You know, I liked Ann a lot better when she wasn’t being so snooty about her flower garden.
Well, at least she’s getting some rain.
Yeah, what’s with this drought anyway. Enough already!
“And God rained upon them a plague of locust, then another plague of frogs and then, a dry summer followed by a dry fall…”
Who is that clown, Arnold?
Ahh, some new guy, Sammy. I guess we’re not vetting them like like we used to.
You know guys, it was nice that we said she looked like Susan Saradon, but we should have added that she looks a lot younger than Susan and probably is much better behaved, too!
Jeez, Irving! Nobody likes a suck up!
I wonder if she has a tattoo?
Shaddapa your face!!
Hey Louie, where we getting all these Italians from? And why do they all seem to have such thick necks and breathe through their mouths?
Shaddapa your face!!!
Okay! Sorry! Just asking…
David
November 27, 2007 at 6:47 pm
45Oh, Ann, there are at least six members of the AnnFan Club. And once you count up the number of personalities residing in the club publicist, it begins to add up to a pretty decent number. And who knows how many more would have emerged had the AnnGames at Grouseland-on-Pike-to-Bike-Trail come to fruition. I’m just mentionin’.
Ann
November 28, 2007 at 4:28 pm
46Younger than Susan, yes. But as pretty? Only in my dreams. And yes, I do have a tattoo.
The AnnFan Club
November 28, 2007 at 7:43 pm
47Did you guys notice how Ann demurred to the reference to her fair beauty? That proves it - she is an unusually nice and well bred lady.
Ziggy, you definitely are one sorry-ass, whooped human being.
Guilty. As charged.
Face it, Brad. We all are sorry-ass whooped human beings. Why the hell do you think we hang around like this night after night, just hoping to gain some new scrap of information for our journals or maybe a choice photo of Ann from the latest Felbernaut meet up.
You’re right, Karl. I could have gotten my Doctorate in Nano Reflexology from Bowdoin by now.
It’s only been eight years since I turned down that football scholarship to Notre Dame so I could keep hanging out here with you guys. Maybe I’ll give them a call - find out if they’re still interested.
Well the Psychology Dept. at Notre Dame would definitely be interested in finding out what the hell is wrong with you, that’s for sure.
Jeff, did you hear that? Ann has a tattoo! Now I’ll have to come up with a way to weasel it out of her, both what and where it is. Oh, boy!!! This is really starting to get exciting!!!
John. No. Stop. Give it up. You’re such a loser.
Murray
November 29, 2007 at 6:13 am
48I think that I’m the only one in the AnnFan Club to have seen the tattoo. (And I’m not talking)
So eat that guys!
The AnnFan Club
November 29, 2007 at 6:54 pm
49Argggh!!!
Argggh!
Argggh!!
Argggh!!!! I guess now we’ll have to volunteer to work on Tony’s campaign from now until the election and maybe, just maybe, Murray will spill the beans about that most holy of tattoos.
BTW, Jimmy. What does Murray want us to be eating anyway? I hope it’s not beans.
Yeah, so do we.
Hey, what’s Tony’s position on tattoos? I got to know where he stands on the really important issues, if I’m going to be out there trekking over the PA tundra, knocking on doors and having huskies and malamutes leaping at my throat (or lower).
Small loss, Milt.
Very, very funny….not!
David
November 29, 2007 at 7:47 pm
50Murray, thou art most cruel.
Murray
November 30, 2007 at 5:18 am
51Tony is cool with tattoos, his wife has one. It’s in a different place than Ann’s
David
November 30, 2007 at 9:44 pm
52You tease, you tease.