BAGHDAD (Reuters) - The main Sunni Arab political bloc quit the Iraqi cabinet on Wednesday, plunging the government into crisis on a day when suicide bombers killed more than 70 people with massive strikes in the capital.

…White House spokesman Tony Snow said after the call:

“The president emphasized that the Iraqi people and the American people need to see action, not just words … on the political front,” Snow told reporters in Washington.

Dear Iraq,

These things are never easy, but… but this whole relationship isn’t working out.

I mean, what is WRONG with you people? What is so hard about setting up your region’s first-ever modern democracy involving three distinct ethno-religious groups in the midst of a military occupation and a civil war? This isn’t rocket science, Iraqis! We know this because we’ve already blown up your country because of its rocket science, and this ain’t it.

Actually, it turned out you didn’t have rocket science. My point remains: This is easier than that.

Or, it should be. Sounds like it would be. We here in America set up our Democracy after we were done winning our war, and we had basically one ethnic group (unless you count those Johnstons from Providence. There was something a little off about that family…). And no foreigners were fighting their ongoing war on terror in the middle of our biggest cities. So… it’s a little different, granted. But if you founding fathers don’t get off your asses and start founding PRONTO, there are going to be consequences. Consequences and repercussions!

Let me spell it out for you all, Sunnites and Shinnis and Kurtis alike: We are fixin’ to blame you for this. It’s in all of our best interests over here.

Bush and his gang know that unless there’s a miracle, you guys aren’t going to get your shit together in the foreseeable future. So then the Republicans have to decide - do we stay forever as a lasting beacon of our party’s incompetence, or do we cut and run while claiming victory over “al Qaeda,” and pretend that anything else is your fault?

Does “Mission Accomplished” ring a bell?

For the Democrats, blaming you is an even easier choice - rather than seem like anti-war wussies, this crop of Democrats can choose to say, “Love the war or hate it, our boys did a great job and we gave those guys a country. Now it’s up to them to run it.” And once again, you either start churning out al Jeffersons and bin Adamses stat or you’ve got only yourselves to blame. Or at least we’ve got only yourselves to blame. Which is just as important.

I would continue with an analysis of what you should be doing, but like the rest of my country, I’m losing interest. I don’t know what I’ll be discussing at dinner tonight, but I’ll tell you right now that Lindsay Lohan’s got way better odds than you do. I mean, no offense, but you are several drunken rampages, a few crappy movies and one Brazilian wax job less interesting than Lohan. And who’s fault is that?

Don’t answer that, please. I know how that whining of yours goes: “Difficult situation.” “Constant violence.” “Ethnic strife.” “You and the terrorists keep blowing stuff up.” “What in Allah’s name is a Brazilian wax?” Yeah yeah yeah. We’ve heard it. Now step up and produce a “Bad News Bears”-type third act miracle or we’re done, get it? We’re done.

Okay, I’m gonna go see what else is on.

Love,

America