From: Senator John McCain
To: Campaign staff
Re: Staffing changes
Hey all you McCainiacs!
As I’m sure you’ve heard, there have been a few more shake-ups in the staff. The press wants to call these “defections,” but as I’m sure you’re aware, the truth is that campaigns are long, and people often have to reprioritize. Russ Schriefer and Stuart Stevens say they needed to spend some more time with their families, and that makes sense to me. Russ says that he’ll be going on a long trip with his family, but he can be reached at his new email address: russ@rudy08.org. Have a great trip, Russ!
Okay, so ignore the media sandstorm and buckle down. We’re still the light saber-wielding Rebel Alliance! Remember that one? The only difference is that the Empire, this time… are… a bunch of other candidates… who are not supporting the current… regime. Yes. That’s… how it works. That ragtag group of candidates who are defying the administration are the Empire, and we, who are standing by the guy who WAS the “Empire” back in 2000, before he became President… well, we’re the Rebels. Because…. yeah.
Moving on.
So here’s our new staff list. It’s a work in progress, and we’ll be filling in jobs and shuffling things around on a daily basis. That’s how things work. So don’t be alarmed by any of this if it looks like we’re asking too much - help is on the way. Here’s the lineup for today, July 26, 15 months before Victory!
—-
McCain ‘08 Staff
Campaign manager - John S. McCain
National political director - Senator McCain
Campaign CEO - John McCain
Chief strategist - me
Communications director - Senator John S. McCain
Senior strategist - McCain
Policy director - TBA
Senior advisor - John S. McCain III
Deputy campaign manager - Captain John McCain, US Navy (ret.)
Chief researcher - yours truly
Vice chairman, Iowa campaign - John Sidney McCain
Vice chairman, New Hampshire campaign - ibid
Ad team director - “Fast Johnny” M.
e-campaign strategist - J.S. McCain
Grassroots chairman - TBD
Fundraising director - Senator John Sidney McCain III (R., AZ)
Okay, that’s it for now. So… let’s get out there and take back the White House! See you on the trail.
-John
PS: There will be a full staff meeting today at 3:00 sharp. It will be held in my car, along the I40 somewhere near Flagstaff. Refreshments will be served (but go easy on the jerky, Johnny!).
Fanny Roborat
43 comments
Murray
July 26, 2007 at 12:29 pm
1I understand that there is also a new bus driver for the “Straight Talk Express”.
Murray
July 26, 2007 at 12:37 pm
2Say Adam, I saw Bill Mahr’s HBO special last Sat. Did you have any input into that?
Sharon
July 26, 2007 at 4:31 pm
3How the mighty have fallen. And yet there’s still so much further to go.
Ann
July 26, 2007 at 5:21 pm
4The use of “III” after your name is very very wrong, unless you’re royalty, of course. So I wouldn’t trust the senior advisor or the fundraising director.
Harold
July 26, 2007 at 6:11 pm
5So then the Straight Talk Express could theoretically be a Vespa? Actually, if it were just McCain on a Harley, he would regain some of the cred he’s lost since he decided to toady up to every “conservative” group he once took on.
David
July 26, 2007 at 6:53 pm
6The Express went straight…over a cliff. Reports are sketchy regarding survivors. McCain is being punished by a very angry god for refusing to join with John Kerry and convincingly ending the Bush/Cheney reign of terror in Iraq. I did not realize at that time just how geopolitically misguided Johnny Boy is, or how enthusiastically he supports said reign of terror. The wreck couldn’t happen to a more deserving senior politician, especially since he should actually know better.
Boomer
July 26, 2007 at 7:01 pm
7John McCain’s first wife, Carol, is rumored to have been quite the looker. While John was imprisoned, she was seriously injured in an automobile accident. The moment before the accident she was a gorgeous and vital young women. 1.5 seconds later, she had broken the windshield with her face, was arcing through the air towards impact with the ground, and her modeling days were sadly over. After McCain returned from the war, with both suffering wounds unhealed, and John in an affair with a brewery heiress, the stress in their marriage was just too much. They divorced in 1980.
Dale
July 26, 2007 at 7:30 pm
8This just in: ibid is leaving to spend more time with his family.
It's Pat!
July 26, 2007 at 7:38 pm
9OT: Alberto should remain AG for as long as absolutely possible, so that he can continue to drag ‘em down.
Sharon
July 26, 2007 at 8:42 pm
10I was just watching the latest videos of Fredo in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee. What a performance. Why does he even bother to show up?
jeanne Simpson
July 26, 2007 at 11:04 pm
11This is one of my favorite posts-perfect parody- hilarious. May favorite detail is the jerky. Hee-hee. I used to admire that man, and now I look forward to watching the McCain Campaign -party of one-evaporate.
Zee Man
July 27, 2007 at 3:16 am
12Boomer, did you also know that John McCain was the 1964 “Twister Champion” at the Naval Academy? Graduating 894th out of 899 in his class, I guess we know how he spent his collegiate years, though I must say that those hard earned skills seems to be failing him now as he navigates the “I’m More Conservative Than You Are” minefield.
dee
July 27, 2007 at 2:51 pm
13“Good morning. McCain, McCain and McCain”
“I’d like to speak with Mr. McCain.”
“Sorry, he’s not in.”
“Can I speak with Mr. McCain then?”
“Sorry, he’s not in either.”
“Then let me speak with Mr. McCain.”
“Speaking!”
(Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal)
cooper
July 27, 2007 at 3:04 pm
14dee, I just saw that routine on TV recently, only it wasn’t McCain. I can’t remember the details (that shouldn’t be a surprise)- is it from a movie? Anyway, it’s good fun and certainly works well with this post. Thanks, but no veal for me; I’m more of a pasta with marinara and house salad kind of guy these days.
Jack Back...
July 27, 2007 at 3:16 pm
15Hey did you guys see this in the Philadelphia Inquirer today?
When history looks back at the disgrace of the Bush presidency, the one celebrated quote that will help capture much of what went wrong will be John DiIulio’s. It was DiIulio, the first director of the president’s White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, who told Ron Suskind, “What you’ve got is everything — and I mean everything — being run by the political arm. It’s the reign of the Mayberry Machiavellis.”
I like that.
Maximum Bob
July 27, 2007 at 7:40 pm
16The most important staff change occurred a few years ago, when Heroic-Man-of-Principle McCain was replaced in the middle of the night by Bizarro-Suck-Up-To-The-President-And-Various-Crackpot- Religious-Leaders McCain. The stationery change alone cost millions.
pop
July 27, 2007 at 10:28 pm
17Yes, Bob, that was a rather curious and abrupt careen to the right, for sure, but a few years ago McCain had money to burn for new letterheads and such. Now…?
gillian
July 28, 2007 at 5:09 am
18Look, I don’t mind doing all the comedic heavy lifting around here, but could you at least rinse off your dishes and put them into the dishwasher? Jeez!
Boomer
July 28, 2007 at 8:35 am
19Well, it looks like Dick Cheney is currently under sedation and under the knife, having his pacemaker replaced today. For a few fateful hours, George Walker Bush assumes the presidency - may God have mercy on our souls.
lady_le
July 28, 2007 at 1:29 pm
20This headline made me smirk: “Cheney’s heart device is updated”. Here’s hoping for kinder and gentler.
Zee Man
July 28, 2007 at 3:50 pm
21I am probably behind the curve here, but I saw a great bumper sticker today - “01-20-2009, the end of an error.” Indeed.
Clive
July 28, 2007 at 7:44 pm
22I ‘ear your bloke Bush is ‘avin’ a burl at being his nibs today, right? Crikey, I ‘ope some sport ‘ides the “nukular” briefcase.
Jack Back...
July 29, 2007 at 5:30 am
23Bill Maher really kept us ex-pats going while living in the land of the sand. And Adam, you’re working for this guy? Terrif!
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/07/28/open-thread-545/
Oh, and Clive, I speak 5 languages fluently and 3 more enough to get by… So, what the fuck are you talking about here? Is this what George Bernard Shaw meant when he said that “England and America are two countries divided by a common language”. He should have tossed in the frigging Aussies and the Kiwi’s as well, don’t you think?
Jack Back...
July 29, 2007 at 5:40 am
24The Irish and Scots, too. And don’t get me started about the Indies and Paki’s.
cooper
July 29, 2007 at 6:56 am
25It may not be such a bad idea for Sen. Specter to pack a parachute, as well as his bags, when flying on Air Force One in the future.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/27/washington/27specter.html?_r=3&adxnn l=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1185578022-BBVRVl7ri9fanujGGXZX8Q&oref=slogin
David
July 29, 2007 at 8:23 am
26Time for Specter to shift to independent and start caucusing with the Democrats (and in the process take away Lieberman’s ability to blackmail the Democrats on foreign policy and the Patriot Act). And perhaps it is possible for a Pennsylvania senator to take a rational view of the Palestinian/Israeli nightmare, perhaps along the lines of recent comments by Jimmy Carter, Israel and Palestine’s best true friend among high profile Americans. Sane, reasoned, fair minded engagement would be nice before both Israel and Palestine, and by extension the Middle East in general, pay an even more horrible price for the madness of the past half-century. I guess Israeli hardliners assume they can eventually do to the Palestinians what we did to the Native Americans “savages.”
Dirk's Diary
July 29, 2007 at 9:18 am
277-29-07
Dear Diary,
The difference between DC and Cour d’alene in summertime is breathtaking. The fire fighters out here seem to be holding their own, so Jeff and I sneaked away a few days and rafted down the Snake River. It was great fun, but the water level being so low had us portaging around several of the big rapids. Kind of a drag. (Hee! hee!)
We came up on some fishermen that had been battling a sturgeon for almost 5 hours. That fish was a little over half as long as our raft (which made it 8 feet+ long). After all the pictures were taken, the raft guide talked the fishermen into allowing him to let it go. OK, we’re still in the raft, the sturgeon is still in the water, the guide gets a hold of the fish’s pectoral fins, they release the fish and we immediately started hauling ass across the river. Amazing, and this is after a 5 hour battle! The sturgeon soon took a dive for the deep, so the guide let go. My! Not your usual fish story and true! I swear to Hell.
Patricia is looking fantastic! Nothing like a few days away to get the pink back in one’s cheeks. I thought she should at least put up a privacy screen and use a higher SPF sunscreen on her butt so them wouldn’t get so pink, however, she is so relaxed and laughing at my lame jokes again, I’ve wisely buttoned my lip. A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.
The whole family made plans to go to the University athletic field tomorrow afternoon to watch the Fighting Vandals football team running drills and getting into shape for the upcoming season. This is always a thrilling time of the year for Patricia and me, since we’re both alums of that fine institution.
We’re heading back to Boise in the morning, so tonight we’ll lie in the tents and listen to the coyotes howl before nodding off to sleep. Life is sweet!
Dirk
Gregor
July 29, 2007 at 5:16 pm
28Perhaps a few of you will remember Walter Mondale, Jimmy Carter’s VP. He wrote an article in today’s WaPo dissing Dick Cheney. Well, Walt, welcome to the club.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/27/AR2007 072702126.html
SeattleTammy
July 29, 2007 at 7:37 pm
29We want to send a shout-out to our friend, Fran, who last night, tied the knot with her long-term partner, Lillian. The couple had a lovely party and ceremony that touched me deeply. Thanks to the new Washington State domestic policy law, they were able to declare and soleminize their relationship. Of course, that threatens my relationship to SeattleTammy, in ways I’m not clear about yet, not having received the memo. But Tammy and I are sure it does.
Much love to them and many good years ahead. It’s so good to see such a couple be so loving and open. But, of course, that’s my inner Frenchman speaking.
Thanks, again, Fran, for having us there and in such a beautiful setting.
Dale
July 29, 2007 at 8:42 pm
30Congrats! (Dan–Fran gets married to a woman and all of a sudden you´re calling yourself Tammy. And you still say you´re still not clear about the threat?)
SeattleTammy
July 29, 2007 at 8:52 pm
31yes, of course the biggest threat is to who is actually using the Name (required) and the biggest danger is not changing it– cause you can’t tell who is talking. Oh wait you can tell?
Nevar mind.
cooper
July 29, 2007 at 10:41 pm
32Fran and Lillian, best of luck to you two. Are you posting pictures of the happy event?
Jerry Falwell
July 30, 2007 at 6:21 am
33Damn, turning over in my grave is harder than I expected.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
July 30, 2007 at 8:26 am
34Congratulations Fran and Lillian. May your union become the equivalent of SeattleDan and SeattleTammy’s: joined together as one. (that is what you were going for, right SeattleDan?)
Fran
July 30, 2007 at 10:46 am
35Thank you all! We had a lovely time, and yes Cooper, pictures are up on my blog under the photo album entitled, strangely enough, “Our Wedding”. Go figure.
It was grand having everyone there!
J Swaggart
July 30, 2007 at 3:06 pm
36Yes, Jerry, it’s because you were morbidly obese, but don’t worry. The worms will take care of that in short order. You’ll be whirling like a clattering dervish before you know it, ol’ buddy.
Dale
July 31, 2007 at 5:38 am
37Okay, all kidding aside, Fran and Lillian get married and two days later, I accidentally download (and pay for) an entire CD of Lez Zeppelin. Can we at least all agree on an amendment against that?.
Jerry's Worms
July 31, 2007 at 6:03 pm
38Ah, the pinochle tournament is going swimmingly.
Martin Luther
July 31, 2007 at 8:48 pm
39Could we not talk about the Diet of Worms?
SeattleDan
July 31, 2007 at 9:39 pm
40Dale, I think the Constitution does prohibit the downloading of LZ’s albums. Amendment #28.5, passed during the Clinton impeachment proceedings, and, hence, lost to everyone’s memory. Heck, I don’t even remember it. But I’m sure you could successfully sue for remedies. Take it to the Supreme Court! I don’t think Chief Justice Roberts remembers much of anything these days. (You meant Led Z, right?)
And Acronym Jim, yeah, that’s exactly what I was going for. Me and Tammy! Or maybe not. Actually the initial post was something I did at Jesus’ General, where Fran also comments, and I c and p’d it here, because not everyone here reads the General. And we forgot to change SeattleTammy to SeattleDan.
Martin Luther
August 1, 2007 at 3:33 am
41No–my complaint was that in attempting to download a Led Zeppelin album I accidentally bought a Lez Zeppelin album. A couple of chicks doing karaoke to Stairway and the likes.
Dale
August 1, 2007 at 10:06 am
42Wow–I feel better knowing that Martin Luther fell for that one too!
Jerry's Worms
August 1, 2007 at 4:36 pm
43Hey, we make a great protein source. Pity so many people don’t appreciate our culinary value. We certainly appreciate nature’s culinary abundance, particularly divinely obese sustenance. Deal the cards, Wonder Worm.