BLAIR: Hello?
BUSH: Tone-man! Tony award! Tony Toni Toné!
BLAIR: Good morning, George.
BUSH: “Mornin’?” What th- Oh, yeah. It’s like 10 AM over there.
BLAIR: 3:15, actually.
BUSH: Wow, well you’re up early.
BLAIR: …
BUSH: Anyway, just callin’ to say that I heard the news about your resindignation, and I want you to know how sorry I am.
BLAIR: Why thank you, George.
BUSH: And even though I accept it, I would never have fired you. Never.
BLAIR: What?
BUSH: Said the same to Rummy, I’ll say it to you. I appreciate the gesture, but I wouldn’t've -
BLAIR: George, the President of the United States can’t fire England’s Prime Minister!
BUSH: …
BLAIR: ….
BUSH: You sure about th-
BLAIR: Yes!
BUSH: Oh. Then why are you steppin’ down?
BLAIR: Well… really? In confidence?
BUSH: Shoot.
BLAIR: Well, it’s become like a bad relationship. Have you ever been in one of those? You give and give and give, and it’s all taken for granted. You give yourself completely over to it, you make risky, dangerous choices just to keep things going, because you think it’s expected… but ultimately, even though you’re not doing it for yourself, you’re the one who shoulders all the blame and responsibility. Soon, it stops being about what you think is right; it becomes about pleasing someone else, not letting them down, keeping the relationship going at all costs, even at the price of your own self-respect, and health, and future. So this time I had to cry “hold, enough.” I’m not going to do this anymore - I’ve lost my self, and I need it back. I need it back.
BUSH: …
BLAIR: …
BUSH: Wow.
BLAIR: Well, there it is.
BUSH: I’m sorry.
BLAIR: Thank you.
BUSH: I mean, I never knew it was so bad over there, Tone. But if England’s treatin’ you that way, of course you have to break it off.
BLAIR: “England?”
BUSH: Britain. “The Uck.” Whatever.
BLAIR: George, I was talking about you. You and me.
[pause]
BUSH: Oh. Wow. Kinda awkward.
BLAIR: Well, that’s how it is.
BUSH: I’m real sorry.
BLAIR: It’s okay, it’s my fault. I just need to move on.
BUSH: Well, I understand.
BLAIR: Thank you.
BUSH: But before you go -
BLAIR: I don’t want to hear this.
BUSH: Just wanted to ask you…
BLAIR: George, please…
BUSH: No, no, nothing big. I’m just saying… Got a little trouble over in Iran. Possible nucular terror goin’. on. Could use a little help. But, hey, I understand that you need to make a clean break. Do it myself. Defend freedoms…
[pause.]
[pause.]
BLAIR: *sigh* How many troops would you need?
BUSH: Atta boy!
Fanny Roborat
18 comments
Landis
May 14, 2007 at 1:14 pm
1I love it! Thanks so much for these transcripts Adam. They’re really hard for me to find. I’ve tried Google and everything. You must have some kinda connection, eh?
Murray
May 14, 2007 at 1:54 pm
2Tony, I promise I’ll never hit you again, never! But sometimes you make me so mad. If you didn’t always waffle I wouldn’t have to strike you. It’s a good thing you have me. Who else could love someone like you?
Rebecca
May 14, 2007 at 2:29 pm
3The video for Electric Six’s “Gay Bar” comes to mind. (YouTube it.)
Ann
May 14, 2007 at 3:20 pm
4Why is it always easier to break up with a nice guy than with a lying, abusive, manipulator?
Or am I the only one who thinks that?
piglet
May 14, 2007 at 5:49 pm
5Now I’m going to have to wait for a chance to use “The Uck” in conversation.
YLlama
May 14, 2007 at 6:09 pm
6So Georgie’s iPod playlist contains “It Never Rains (In Southern California)” and an assortment of Frankie Valli hits?
becca (and brian)
May 15, 2007 at 10:00 am
7Sitting here in a waiting room watching headline news covering Tommy Thompson’s backpeddling on his comments during the last republican debate when he said he thought employers should be able to fire workers for being gay. Now he’s saying he didn’t mean to say that, that he has a bad hearing aid, and he thought he was responding to a question about whether there were enough laws protecting workers from discrimination. Never mind the weakness of that explanation, I just love blaming it on the bad hearing aid. Let’s say that’s true. So we’re supposed to feel comfortable with the idea of him in the White House having similar mis-understandings/mis-hearings?? It’s almost a sitcom in the making. I would pay good money to read some of Adam’s transcripts of the hilarity that could ensue from that situation except it would just be too easy.
Becca (and B)
siobhan
May 15, 2007 at 10:16 am
8I’m waiting for the transcript of Falwell trying to barter his way past the Pearly Gates.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
May 15, 2007 at 10:50 am
9Becca and Brian,
As a hearing aid user, I have to say that there are times when I’ve sparked hilarious and/or frightening results while responding to a mis-heard statement.
The difference is, there is usually a similarity of what one thinks one has heard to what was actually said (i.e. codpiece rather that God’s peace - you had to be there).
Also, most hearing aid users will typically (though not always) ask for clarification if we aren’t sure we’ve heard the other person correctly.
siobhan
May 15, 2007 at 11:01 am
10Well, he also said that he really needed to get to the bathroom and was somewhat distracted. That’s something all of us can relate to, with or without hearing aids.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
May 15, 2007 at 12:34 pm
11Good Lobster Siobhan! Can you imagine the hilarity that would have ensued if Mr. Thompson had simply stated “I can’t answer your question because I didn’t hear it….besides I gotta take a whiz”.
P.S.: Are you the basis for the Siobhan character on Mick LaSalle’s on-line satire, “The Event”?
Lady_le
May 15, 2007 at 1:15 pm
12Jim - that is exactly something I could picture our current president saying.
siobhan
May 15, 2007 at 1:30 pm
13Jim, not to my knowledge. But then, there’s a lot I don’t know.
becca (and brian)
May 15, 2007 at 1:32 pm
14Jim (OJNTNJ)
- My brother-in-law is profoundly hearing impaired and has moved from a hearing aid to a cochlear implant over the years I’ve known him so I have certainly had experiences with the confusion that can come with not quite hearing things correctly. Lord knows, most of us have had those experiences even without the help of hearing aids (a surreal conversation on a first date where I thought the guy told me he was studying to be a ‘mortician’ instead of an ‘optician’ comes to mind).
I certainly didn’t mean to sound like i was making fun of hearing aids or to say that folks with them shouldn’t be in roles like that (i’m sure a good percentage of our congress probably already has them). It was more the context of the quote I was hearing. The way that he was blaming it on that (and the flu and bronchitis and having to go to the bathroom) just struck me as off, especially since his answer doesn’t really seem that different even if the question had been what he says he had thought it was. And it made me wonder whether he would ask for something to be repeated if he didn’t quite hear it in other matters of state.
:-) B (&B)
Jim (OJNTNJ)
May 15, 2007 at 5:05 pm
15Becca and parenthetical Brian:
No offense taken. I just wanted to clarify that hearing impairment doesn’t equate with incapability.
As a side note, I prefer my own term over labels like “disabled,” “challenged,” and “impaired”: inconvenienced. To me, this word best describes my own personal day to day experiences.
That said, I agree that it appears that Mr. Thompson was *conveniently* relying on his own *inconvenience* to justify a remark that he was later called on.
BTW: I hope the cochlear implant works well for your brother in law. I looked into it myself, but I haven’t yet fried out enough of my inner ear cilia to require going that route.
Boomer
May 15, 2007 at 5:37 pm
16siobhan, I’m sure God smited Brother Jerry because he hated queers, unholy brethren, and liberals so much and, finally, just had a belly full of the Reverend.
becca, I, too, would like my President to understand what the hell is going on around him. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait about a year and a half or so before our next chance of that happening.
becca (and brian)
May 15, 2007 at 5:43 pm
17J(OJNTLNJ)
I like “inconvenienced”. Will have to pass that on to the bro-in-law.
The cochlear implant has been amazing. He was 3 when he lost almost all of his hearing (the drugs that saved his life from meningitis fried his ears), so he had already been talking some and hearing so his speech was always really good and he was an excellent lip reader.
He got the implant at 22, so it’s definitely not just for kids. I’ll never forget the day he came over after first getting it hooked up. We were sitting in the living room and his mom started running water in the sink in the (adjacent, but on the other side of a wall) kitchen and he looked up and said “what’s that noise”? We couldn’t believe it. We now can get his attention by calling his name even when he’s looking the other way (w/out having to wave our arms or stomp our feet), we can speak with him on the phone w/out having to use TTM, and he can even hear us in noisy restaurants, etc. by adjusting the filter. It’s truly been life-changing.
I am sensitive to those who want to protect the ASL and deaf culture and realize that this debate is an absolute hornet’s nest of controversy, but for those who are looking to have themselves or their child fully functioning w/ the least amount of hassle in the “hearing world” (and are serverly hearing inconvenienced), I can’t say enough good things about the implant. I’m sure it’s not for everybody, but those for whom it fits the technology has come a long, long, long way from the early days.
Cheers!
David
May 15, 2007 at 6:55 pm
18Regarding our lapdog in London, who will be going to a job with the Carlisle Group when he leaves 10 Downboy Street, change the line in the Pink Floyd song from “Maggie, what have you done?” to “Tony, what have you done?”