First off, “Czar Ridiculous” is a play off “Czar Nicholas.” I’m not happy with it, but it’s not the worst pun I came up with. The other was “Czar? Czar? Stinks!” I won’t even bother to explain that.
So the Bushes have yet to find any takers for the “War Czar” spot. The Washington Post defined the position of the “War Czar” as someone who would “oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. [He] would be empowered to cut through the bureaucracy and talk directly with Army Gen. David H. Petraeus, the top U.S. military commander in Iraq, and other key figures to figure out what is needed to make progress on the ground.”
Wow. A guy who would oversee the wars who has the power to summon generals for sit-downs? What’s the word for that? Oh yeah, a “President.” Hopefully, we will find a taker for the job of “President Czar” to oversee the Presidency, if Vice President Cheney or Karl Rove ever resign from that spot.
If anything, the Bush White House needs some sort of “Office Manager Czar,” now that “millions” of e-mails have gone missing. MILLIONS! And those are just the missing ones. How much are these people e-mailing all day long? How many “blonde” jokes is Department of Energy Secretary Samuel W. Bodman forwarding around?
Finally, after being involved with every kind of scandal on earth short of a Ponzi Scheme, a member of the Bush circle is finally braving the waters of the “Tawdry Sex scandal.”
Who?
Paul Wolfowitz.
I’m no matinee idol, but he’s the last guy I ever thought would have a naughty mistress story. What’s his “chat” with a lady like?
“I’ll lasso the moon for you, baby. Just first let me spend a few minutes spitting on my ‘old man comb.’”
Fanny Roborat
34 comments
Clive
April 19, 2007 at 8:53 am
1I caught a look at your Wolfowitz chap on the telly last night and I would say that a naughty mistress is probably the best he could manage.
Boomer
April 19, 2007 at 9:04 am
2Here’s an interesting site with videos from returning veterans and families of servicemen in Iraq. If you have a few minutes, have a look.
http://pol.moveon.org/videovets/
Ann
April 19, 2007 at 9:36 am
3What’s the relationship between the War Czar and the Secy. of Defense? Will we soon have so many wars going on that we need someone focusing just on Iraq and Afghanistan?
Jason Goodman
April 19, 2007 at 10:20 am
4“Czar Ridiculous”? “Czar Czar Binks”? You should have gone for “Czar Search”. Or “A Czar Is Born”.
Jason Goodman
April 19, 2007 at 10:22 am
5Damn. I just checked, and looks like the Daily Show boys beat me to “Czar Search”.
GW
April 19, 2007 at 11:44 am
6Czars gotta be a better way to do this war thingie. Heh heh.
hedera
April 19, 2007 at 1:20 pm
7Wait a minute. Oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? Isn’t that what the Sec. of Defense is supposed to do?? Didn’t he just hire a new Sec. of Defense? I guess Sec. Gates isn’t doing such a good job…
I also find it odd that he wants to create another bureaucrat “to cut through the bureaucracy”…
GW
April 19, 2007 at 1:23 pm
8Secretary Gates is doing a heck of a job!
siobhan
April 19, 2007 at 3:44 pm
9The WWDTM daily quiz is a bit surreal today.
The question:
Scientists examining proteins in dinosaur bones discovered a close connection to what modern-day animal?
The answers:
- Rolling in the mud
- Shouting in the library
- Eating in the nude
- Dancing in the streets/text
The hint:
No wonder they taste so familiar.
The correct answer:
Rolling in the mud.
How big a budget item is Maker’s Mark for the show, anyway?
piglet
April 19, 2007 at 5:22 pm
10George must be reading another one of those “books.” I believe the last one was some Camus that he missed in high school. Needs to delegate.
piglet
April 19, 2007 at 5:33 pm
11Speaking of Czar Ridiculous, when I was a kid I loved the comic strip “Tumbleweeds,” about an old cowhand in Grimy Gulch (I’m getting to the point), somewhere in the Old West, and populated by some extremely politically incorrect Native Americans, and a cluster of wackily inept cavalry goons, whose home was named Fort Ridiculous, which cracked me up.
I guess you had to be there.
another Matt
April 19, 2007 at 7:23 pm
12Well, at least we know why the wars are going badly. There just wasn’t anyone in charge. All those people in our government, and we don’t have anyone to take responsibility for Iraq and Afganistan.
This could be a good summer job for some kid on break from college . . .
SeattleDan
April 19, 2007 at 7:33 pm
13Well, aM, I’d have my 18 year old apply, but he’s planning on spending some time in Japan this summer, so he won’t be available. (Adam, he’ll have his cell phone with him if you need any Video game advice).
And, apparently, after listening to the AG today in his testimony, no one’s in charge of the Justice Dept. either. At least to hear him tell it. Maybe Gonzalez is the one forwarding all the blonde jokes.
Dale
April 19, 2007 at 9:10 pm
14Is anyone else concerned that the search for a War Czar (War Czar Wars has been done, no?) implies that we are planning to start another one?
Murray
April 20, 2007 at 8:05 am
15What’s the difference between stupidity and genius? Genius has its limits. I believe that the same can be said about the competence of this administration. AG made it clear that he has no business whatsoever being the head of the Justice Dept.
But you know, given the administration’s definition of responsibility, (full responsibility = no responsibility at all) any one could be the war czar (head of FEMA, Attorney General, Secretary of Defense, etc) and it wouldn’t matter. Might as well put in college interns (as long as they know the right answer to the abortion question.)
tim
April 20, 2007 at 12:05 pm
16The trouble with a War Czar, aside from the idea being preposterous on its face, is that whatever the Czar comes up with would still have to go through the Bush/Cheney/Rove Conservative-Base-o-FOX-News-o-Limbaugh-o-tronic machine like everything else they do. If it doesn’t boil down to some pithy phrase like “Troop Surge” or “Slow Bleed” or “Death Tax”, (or “War Czar”, now that I think of it) that they all can repeat on every news show up to and including “Access Hollywood”, it won’t become a policy. Not that any policy they could think of for Iraq would be welcome, but still.
How about “Czar-baby”? Maybe not.
spotteddog
April 20, 2007 at 4:39 pm
17Tim - you may have hit on something. I think Czar-baby may be what they have in mind, in other words, someone to take the blame as they begin to close up shop and ride off into the sunset…
Dirk's Diary
April 20, 2007 at 5:07 pm
184-20-07
Dear Diary,
Well, I definitely packed wrong for this Yellowknife trip. I’m amazed at how warm it is up here. If I told W and Cheney about this, they’d never believe me. They might even put me on heavy medication and stuff me into one of Cheney’s bunkers for the duration. Maybe this will just stay my little secret.
The river’s melted (earliest on record) and the black flies are indeed evil sons of bitches and merciless to boot. Five minutes outdoors and I look like a measles victim. Ti’ak, my guide, was laughing his ass off watching me swat at those buggers and then he took pity on the “White Eyes” told me how to roll in the mud to keep the flies at bay. Then he laughed his ass off again when I got up from the mud. Apparently this is the local pass time & Ti’ak got points with his drinking buddies for pulling that old chestnut on a college educated government official. I thought the natives were supposed to be stoic and taciturn, not a bunch of frigging comedians. Well, at least the flies quit biting.
More later,
Dirk
cooper
April 20, 2007 at 5:53 pm
19Hey, sportsfans. The Comic Curmudgeon’s April 20th post has a picture of our own Harold, participating in a “Self-Clubbing Tyler Lookalike Contest!” I guess you had to be there…
siobhan
April 20, 2007 at 9:17 pm
20Linkee?
cooper
April 21, 2007 at 3:25 am
21My! My! Ain’t that just like a typical modern American? Okay, even though you could look it up in The Google, here’s your link.
http://joshreads.com/
My. My. These left coasters really are laid back and mellow. Is that happening to you, Adam, or do your frequent trips to Chicago help to keep you centered?
siobhan
April 21, 2007 at 4:10 am
22Dude, I have just spent the last hour checking solar intensity forecasts for the weekend so I can plan my tanning sessions. I don’t have time to look it up myself.
cooper
April 21, 2007 at 4:57 am
23For sure - you’re right - that’s more important. Sorry. Don’t forget to turn every 30 minutes. Kiss, kiss.
Maximum Bob
April 21, 2007 at 2:34 pm
24How about appointing someone to find the hole into which President Bush poured all the money that was supposed to rebuild Iraq? We could call him (or her) the Czar Chasm.
David
April 21, 2007 at 3:31 pm
25Outsource the job to Blackwater, aka War Czars R Us, and have the War Czar answer directly to the Council of the Learned Elders of Global Fossil Fuel Interests.
Hell, privatize the presidency as well.
Even Angrier David
April 21, 2007 at 3:33 pm
26Outsource the job to Blackwater, aka War Czars R Us, and have the War Czar answer directly to the Council of the Learned Elders of Global Fossil Fuel Interests.
Hell, privatize the presidency as well. Oh, never mind, that’s already been done.
gillian
April 21, 2007 at 4:01 pm
27So true. So true.
M.J. O'Brien
April 22, 2007 at 1:05 pm
28When Marine General John Sheehan turned down the job, he said all that needed to be said (to the Washington Post): “The very fundamental issue is they don’t know where the hell they’re going.”
The czar gig worked out pretty well for Nicholas II, didn’t it?
David
April 22, 2007 at 3:16 pm
29Wow, gillian, Tom Toles nailed this one with unnerving poignancy.
On the issue of where those bastards in the White House are going, hellfire and handbaskets come to mind. Problem, of course, is that they have put America in a handbasket and turned Iraq into hell on earth. Mission accomplished by a bunch of brain dead dreckheads.
Boomer
April 23, 2007 at 3:44 am
30Apparently, if you don’t back the Iraqi war or don’t spend you life with your head up your own Global Warming Denial ass, well, then you’re just not American enough for Mr. Rove.
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/04/22/sheryl-crow-vs-karl-rove-at-t he-white-house-correspondents-dinner/
becca (and brian)
April 23, 2007 at 7:24 am
31Nice. As long as we’re sharing Karl Rove stories: http://thinkprogress.org/2007/04/19/rove-history-iraq/
It was OBL’s idea???????? I guess as a relatively logical, rational thinker I just don’t get how this revisionism-without-a-conscience has worked for the past 6 years. Why/how are they not being called on all the contradictions and lies?? Everytime I try and sit down and think about it like a grown-up my head threatens to explode. (Which is why I try and avoid the grown-up part when possible).
In travel and touring news I think I can safely say that I recommend the I-90 route over the I-94 route for your Minnesota to Oregon driving adventures. Seems like there’s just more to see from the historical (Mt. Rushmore, Battle of Little Bighorn Memorial site etc.) to the tacky (Wall Drug, Corn Palace etc.) and you still get some beautiful Badlands either way.
Actually, I was (unexpectedly) impressed by the Little Bighorn Center for a number of reasons. 1) I thought they have now done a good/better job of not having it be good guys/bad guys on either side, but rather memorializing the soldiers for falling in the line of duty for the country (as controversial as that duty might now be) while also memorializing the fallen members of the 5 Native American nations/tribes fighting there as falling in the defense of their way of life. 2) Unlike so many other battlefields around the world whose landscapes have changed in the intervening years, this area/these hills appear to look about as close as possible to what it looked like then. As you drive the 5 mile length of the battlefield you can really picture the events. 3) Adding to that they have headstones marking (supposedly) where each of the soldiers and warriors fell (don’t know how accurate those placements are, but still…) so as you drive around you actually get a sense for the flow of the different skirmishes and you can actually see where different retreats and last stands occured.
We made a point of visiting many battlefields/concentration camps/memorials/etc on different continents on the grand tour, but I’ve never had the chance to visit any of the American sites. I found it unexpectedly moving and sobering and would recommend it for people trying to get a more visceral feel for US history than you get in your junior year textbooks.
Okay, back to current events…..
B (and B)
Boomer
April 23, 2007 at 3:11 pm
32…“this area/these hills appear to look about as close as possible to what it looked like then”… Except for all those Indians, of course.
I was there
35 years agoa while back, and had pretty much the same feelings about this battlefield that you do, becca.LeRoy Mambeaux
April 25, 2007 at 10:57 am
33Speaking from a “realpolitik” p.o.v, the Bush Administration should probably circle the wagons for A.G. Gonzalez. Can you imagine the White house trying to get a new A.G. through a Democratic-lead confirmation hearing with openly hostile senior Republicans also in opposition? The only candidate the Bush administration could get through would be an independently-minded Republican. The advantage of having an A.G. who is loyal to the executive branch and not the Republican party is that the other questions which have troubled this administration, such as the suspension of habeus corpus, the domestic wire tapping issues, signing statements which bypass laws, ignoring the Geneva conventions, not allowing congressional over-sight. An independently-minded A.G. would probably be sceptical of the executive branches bids for executive authority. A.G. Gonzalez is loyal to the person, not the party and will be willing to accept the slings and arrows of a Democratic congress, a senior Republican minority, a Washington media fearful of the next administration, a growingly dubious American public and history.
Dale
April 25, 2007 at 1:39 pm
34Also President Bush specifically requested that the A.G. have the initials A.G. so he can remember who he is, and that narrows down the pool (presumably Al Gore is out of the question).