Well, there’s this:
TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad freed 15 British sailors and marines on Wednesday, offering Britain a “gift” in a surprise announcement that ended a 13-day crisis which rattled world financial markets.
And this:
At last week’s Arab League summit in Riyadh, King Abdullah sought and gained the renewed support of Arab leaders for an initiative he first proposed in 2002 to end the conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. The core of the proposal is full recognition of Israel by the Arabs in exchange for Israel’s return of Palestinian lands seized in the 1967 war.
Settlement of the Israeli-Palestinian problem would do much to create an environment for stability in the Arab world. Many believe it would also greatly diminish the reason for Arab extremists to continue their campaign of hatred and terror against the United States, which is seen as Israel’s champion.
And this:
DAMASCUS, Syria (AP) — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi held talks with Syria’s president Wednesday despite White House objections, saying she pressed Bashar al-Assad over Syrian support for militant groups and passed him a peace message from Israel’s prime minister… Al-Assad gave assurances that “he’s ready to engage in negotiations for peace with Israel,” Pelosi said.
The meeting was an attempt to push the Bush administration to open a direct dialogue with Syria, a step that the White House has rejected…. On Tuesday, President Bush denounced Pelosi’s visit to Syria, saying it sends mixed signals to al-Assad’s government. “Sending delegations doesn’t work. It’s simply been counterproductive,” Bush said.
What’s all this!? It brings up a couple of important questions:
Can the entire planet do an end-run around the Bush administration and Al Qaeda and figure out a way to repair the world? And if we can, how will the Bush administration take credit for it?
And do they deserve credit for it?
Anyone who’s ever had a completely incompetent high school teacher or a totally boneheaded and lazy coach for their sports team understands this - eventually, you and your friends realized that in the end you’d be judged by an objective standard - the other team, the standardized test…
… and the Shelbyville Ocelots weren’t going to care if your coach was a total fuck-up, were they? They weren’t going to take it easy on you. And the Admissions office at Stateburgh Tech wasn’t going to say, “Well, Mr. Turnbull is a bonehead who spent the entire year uselessly trying to score with that French teacher down the hall… so let’s give this kid a break,” were they?
Nope. Eventually the more talented kids, or at least the more perceptive ones, had to step up and figure out ways to get it done without Coach Hanzenpants. So in some ways, you gotta give the boob credit for motivating you…
And that’s what we have to try to do now. We’ve looked at Coach Bush’s chalkboard and noticed that his two-minute offense has our entire team being swept up and shielded by a giant X labeled “Jesus” right as the buzzer sounds. And before halftime he walked across the field and formally “double-dog dared” Coach Bin Laden to blow up the field and everyone on it. Which explains the chalkboard but doesn’t make us any more comfortable…
It’s not necessarily going to work, naturally. Ahmadinejad is still as crazy as a broccoli sundae, and I seem to remember hearing something about a Mideast “peace process” once or twice in the past. But it’s got more of a shot than the current Invade Or Ignore method of conflict resolution. And if things manage to get worked out to some degree, in an odd kind of way, Coach Bush will be responsible. The same way that the credit for some of those newly-renovated New Orleans hotels belongs to a brilliant urban planner named Katrina.





42 comments
Ann
April 4, 2007 at 12:06 pm
1Reagan gets credit for ending the Cold War, I don’t know why Bush can’t get credit for Mideast Peace! I’d be happy if he’d just manage to stay out of the way.
Phillip
April 4, 2007 at 12:17 pm
2Looking at our esteemed president in this light, I can’t help but think of him as a modern-world version of Bloody Stupid Johnson.
becca (and brian)
April 4, 2007 at 1:40 pm
3Phillip-
Does that mean I can push Rove into the hoho?
:-)
Becca (and Brian)
dee
April 4, 2007 at 2:13 pm
4Could be someone finally translated “lame duck” into Arabic.
cooper
April 4, 2007 at 4:01 pm
5I really miss Yasser Arafat standing in front of the TV cameras and bemoaning how Israel, once again, has bolloxed up the “Piss” Process.
gillian
April 4, 2007 at 6:12 pm
6Well, since I seem to be the comics maven around here … enjoy
SeattleDan
April 4, 2007 at 9:01 pm
7Thanks gillian, and damn them for politicizing the political process!
Dale
April 4, 2007 at 9:30 pm
8¨Could be someone finally translated “lame duck” into Arabic.¨
البطة العرجاء صاحب منصب, الرئيس الذي لم يتم إنتاخبه للمرة الثانية
NSA HQ
April 5, 2007 at 3:17 am
9(Zeke: Hey, Sarge, look at this - an American fluent in Arabic! We could sure use her here at the Agency.)
(Sarge: Yeh, I know, I checked her out; she’s planning on marrying another woman. That’s a deal breaker. *@!#*, almost had a star recruit.)
(Zeke: Hey, Sarge, *@!#* looks kind of like Arabic…)
dee
April 5, 2007 at 4:41 am
10I just had to plug that into a translator and got:
The crippled duck appointed friend, President who does not be complete for bitter second.
Rather Khayyamesque, no?
And now I’m on 27 NSA watch lists just for visiting that website.
Scooby
April 5, 2007 at 8:48 am
11(lurking in from the shadows…)
Has the administration denied “Operation Bite”?
There is now news that an international hacker group are coordinating an attack tomorrow on the Iranian computer infrastructure… perhaps in support of a US operation?
Makes me nervous….
(…lurks back into the shadows)
Ann
April 5, 2007 at 10:23 am
12Hey, Dale–the wedding’s back on if it keeps you out of the service!
Dale
April 5, 2007 at 2:21 pm
13Ann, you can´t play with Harold´s heart like that! I think I´m safe from the service–it being a volunteer military and all (as opposed to what seemed to be an obligatory annihilation by Harold´s rapier, or rapier wit, if I enlisted in Operation Marry Ann).
Ann
April 5, 2007 at 3:37 pm
14Actually, Dale, I think Harold dumped me. Looks like he was only interested in the competitive aspects of courtship. So if they reinstitute the draft, just let me know!
hedera
April 5, 2007 at 3:47 pm
15Iran has a computer infrastructure?? I thought they weren’t interested in anything that wasn’t described in the Quran.
The Best Person
April 5, 2007 at 6:07 pm
16The wedding’s back on? Soembody needs to tell me these things. There are plans to attend to, arrangements to be made, fantods to be experienced as things go awry.
David
April 5, 2007 at 6:21 pm
17I love Pelosi. The woman is for real. And my Democrats with backbones and a clearheaded understanding of gobal realities and dangers are a thing to behold, whereas a party who will go unnamed has proven he is a thing to behead, figuratively speaking, or at least to relieve of his hangy downs.
Adam, why did you have to link Iranian President Aminefieldofdysfunction with broccoli, dammit? Otherwise, a most excellent post.
waterfowler
April 5, 2007 at 8:52 pm
18Ann, didn’t Carter win a Nobel Peace Prize for “Middle East Peace”?
Congrat’s on your ‘Gators David. However, “global realities” are that Pelosi was a pawn for the people that are doing everything they can to kill our soldiers in Iraq and would love nothing more than to one day CUT YOUR HEAD OFF.
I want my global warming back. The lows are going to be in the 30’s this weekend.
Adam, please explain carbon offsets to me. It’s just too much for an ignorant redneck to absorb. W/ all of the travelling you do, your footprint must be approaching that of Al/Chickens.
Siobhan, garage barely open @ night, open as much as possible @ day. I think there are two, they grow fast.
SeattleDan
April 5, 2007 at 9:09 pm
19WF, buddy, do all you guys keep saying CUT YOUR HEAD OFF, because you have it saved on a F key? I see it all the time from wingnut bloggers ( wingnut being a shortcut for rightwing memo-reading, Karl Rove, dittohead, guys). If Syria has anything in common with Iran, it’s a hatred of US policy. Otherwise, one country is nearly completely Sunni and the other is Sh’ia. But as long as our foreign policy drives them together… because no one in our administration can pick up on the nuances.
Going to be a balmy 70 tomorrow here in Seattle. How’d we get to be so lucky?
Seth
April 5, 2007 at 10:01 pm
20“Can the entire planet do an end-run around the Bush administration and Al Qaeda and figure out a way to repair the world?”
Yes, that was a good line. Thanks Adam. It reminds me that the movie “Idiocracy” wouldn’t have been half as funny if it were not coming true in the very DNA of our beloved coach Bush. Maybe we should stop watering the crops with oil.
waterfowler
April 6, 2007 at 11:20 am
21Maybe just one, I’m not sure, and I don’t want to disturb.
SeattleDan, I’ll admit to being a Rove fan, just because he pisses y’all off. I am also a dittohead to some extent. But, I don’t get the memos. Just for the record, “wingnut” is something I’m proud of, but I don’t think it applies to W. or Rove or any other repug y’all want to get rid of. They’re practically lefties. Side note: Isn’t “y’all” much more efficient than “all you guys”? Try it. Just don’t add Hillary’s southern drawl to it.
Harold
April 6, 2007 at 1:11 pm
22Ann - NOOOOO! It’s still on!
Dale - when I read Adam’s site while listening to All Things Considered, my language processing software gets mixed up. I read “rapier” in the phrase “rapier wit” as the comparative of “rapy” - rapy, rapier, rapiest.
Waterfowler - Osama bin Laden also pisses us-all off. Does that mean you’re a fan of him, too? And, yes, “y’all” is a much more efficient term than “youse”.
SeattleDan
April 6, 2007 at 3:00 pm
23I’m partial to y’all, too, but it sounds affected from a guy from the North.
Ann
April 6, 2007 at 4:01 pm
24That just leads to “all y’all” and “soma y’all.” It’s a slippery slope, and at the bottom are people who want to CUT YOUR HEAD OFF.
dee
April 6, 2007 at 4:07 pm
25Or the plural, “CUT Y’ALLSES HEADS OFF”
George
April 6, 2007 at 8:36 pm
26dee -
Google “Khayyamesque”
Murray
April 7, 2007 at 12:39 pm
27Yup it’s frustrating to excel (or just get by) in spite of someone, and then have that person take the credit. Sort of like having a drunkard father who comes to your graduation to soak up all your gratitude. (No personal experience here, I’m more of a slackard despite having an excellent father)
cooper
April 7, 2007 at 4:07 pm
28Close, dee. It’s “CUT Y’ALLS HEADS OFF” - but not bad for a Yankee.
siobhan
April 7, 2007 at 7:03 pm
29Fowler… In an insane world, there are still wrens.
David
April 8, 2007 at 2:42 pm
30And sandhill cranes, the most gloriously noisy and sometimes goofy birds imaginable. But I still have to go with hummingbirds as the most delightful.
David
April 8, 2007 at 2:47 pm
31And thanks, waterfowler. Still looking forward to a Gators-’Horns gridiron showdown for all the marbles. Those are mascots. I mean what’s a Buckeye besides a tree?
Murray
April 8, 2007 at 3:22 pm
32WF,
You know the science that you don’t believe in? It also created the computer and internet that I know that you use. You can either believe in science or not. You can’t pick or choose, science doesn’t work that way.
Sure, at one time science thought that the earth was the center of the universe (so did the church long after science proved that it wasn’t). Yes science thought that bacteria arose spontaneously from the combination of dirt and water. It even thought that Thalidomide was a good thing to give to pregnant women to relieve stress.
That’s the thing about science, it’s provisional. It says “This is what we know so far, if we get other information we will revise what we think.
So 30 years ago some scientists thought that we were going into a cooling cycle; evidence has proven that wrong, and consequentially, science has changed what it thinks. If you think that negates what the vast majority of what scientist think now, well, feel free to join the anti-science New Earthers who think that God created the earth 6006 years ago and that the light from the Andromeda’s Galaxy which is 2 million light years away was created sooner than some plants currently alive, just to fool us.
Come on man, live your convictions. Science is bullshit, or give away your computer.
Murray
April 8, 2007 at 3:26 pm
33David,
Buckeye? It’s just some kind of nut.
(That’s a Michigan slogan)
George
April 8, 2007 at 11:04 pm
34Hmm, Science sounds like one of them flip-floppers. Maybe I am better off if I just make up my mind one way and stick with it - no matter what.
waterfowler
April 9, 2007 at 8:56 am
35Murray, you make the point exactly. Just because Al/Chicken says there is “consensus” in the scientific community, doesn’t mean I have to buy into his bullshit. There are many scientists that do not agree w/ his views or those of his consensus. 4% of greenhouse gasses are manmade. 25% of those by US. We could all move into mud huts and quit farting, and we would reduce greenhouse gasses worldwide by 1%. There is more calculus to be done before any of us really know what/why/how global warming may be happening. But if we leave it to you and Al/Chicken, it’s already a given, and the rest of us should just shut up about it and do what you say. Bite Me.
Murray
April 9, 2007 at 9:05 am
36WF
ooooooooh
Murray
April 9, 2007 at 10:35 am
37When the right wing noise machine says that there is no consensus on Global warming, they are just like the Tobacco Institute that said that there was no conclusive proof that smoking caused lung cancer, heart attacks, emphysema, etc.
And you know what? They were right. And so are the Global warming doubters. There is no conclusive proof. The only way we could have that would be to do an experiment with a spare world. The Tobacco Institute was right because we were never able to do randomized tests, subjecting people to smoking, who didn’t smoke in the first place.
All you can do is go to the correlation. When it becomes overwhelming as it did with cigarettes, despite not having conclusive proof, the consensus is that cigarettes cause these diseases. The same is true of Global warming.
The American Heritage Institute with funding from Exxon Mobil has offered $10,000 to any scientist or economist who will write an article refuting global warming. This sure sounds familiar. When moneyed interests, religious, or political dogma try to make science say what they want, it is just not science.
WF, you can call Al Gore any name you want, you can scream that scientists don’t agree, but it doesn’t change the facts that ancient glaciers are reseeding, there is open water at the north Pole and plants and animals are shifting territories, the changes are plain to see.
The Pentagon has said that Global warming poses the greatest potential threat in the future. Are they enviro nut cases also?
waterfowler
April 9, 2007 at 11:03 am
38It’s “receding”. If it were reseeding, we should expect growth soon.
Also, it’s not the warming that is in question, it’s the cause. You are obviously blinded already by your facts or Al/Chickens ass.
Ann
April 9, 2007 at 12:48 pm
39Well if you can’t PROVE that what we’re doing is the cause, then by all means we shouldn’t even consider changing what we’re doing. Because that just encourages the people who want to CUT OUR HEADS OFF!!
Murray
April 9, 2007 at 3:30 pm
40First they say, it’s not warming, then they say, OK it’s warming but it’s not human caused, then they say, OK it human caused but there is nothing we can do about it.
Chaney said about a terrorist attack “If there is a 1% chance of an attack then we should treat it as an absolute certainty” Except Global warming, which if we can’t prove a 100% chance of destroying our way of life, we should treat as absolutely never happening.
Adam Felber
April 11, 2007 at 12:49 pm
41Adam, please explain carbon offsets to me. It’s just too much for an ignorant redneck to absorb. W/ all of the travelling you do, your footprint must be approaching that of Al/Chickens.
I don’t see what this has to do with my post, wf. Which I suppose makes the comment no different than 90% of ‘em around here.
I’m also not quite sure why you think I believe certain things about carbon footprints and ethanol and whatnot. I guess you see that I’m a “liberal,” and you just assume you know what I believe.
I’ve pointed this out to you before, and you’ve never replied. That’s fine. I’ll keep trying.
Does that make you an “ignorant redneck?” I dunno. It’s pretty inconsiderate, though.
Murray
April 12, 2007 at 4:34 pm
42Don’t feel bad Adam, he doesn’t answer my questions either. It’s much easier to toss bombs and run, than discuss issues. (Oh, and facts are easier when you make them up too).