From The Washington Post:

…The alleged extraterrestrial sighting, described by the French government as “one of the most astonishing observed in France,” is among 1,600 UFO case files spanning the last half-century that the country’s space agency opened to the public for the first time Thursday.

The voluntary decision by France’s National Center for Space Studies to dump more than 100,000 pages of witness testimony, photographs, film footage and audiotapes from its secret UFO archives onto its Internet site, http://www.cnes.fr, for worldwide viewing is an unprecedented move among Western countries. Most of them, the United States included, consider such records classified matters of national security.

To: Supreme Commisioner Graalnok and the Blurburthian Command Committee
Subject: Executive summary of Ongoing Study of Inhabitants of BW-1415-s, Region 45
Date: 23 Graaiblik, 328475902

Fearsome Commissioner, and Respected Committee members;

Enclosed you will find our report on the ongoing investigations into the culture, potential, and relevance of the inhabitants of BW-1415-s. This particular report concerns our ongoing efforts in region 45, also known as “France.” Here is a summary of our findings:

  1. The inhabitants are reasonably certain that they live in “the greatest nation” on their world. This they have in common with the inhabitants of Regions 3, 6, 7,11, 16, 24, 33, 35, 47, 48, 49, 51, 74, and 82. It should be noted, however, that they don’t think their nation is really very great at all - they are just not very impressed with anyone else, either.
  2. Technologically and culturally, Region 54 is in the top tier. Operative Frunglig reports being unable to understand “their arty little movies.” Frunglig also reports that their television “features a lot more skin than you get anywhere else without paying through the driblop.” [Recommendation to reassign Operative Frunglig is pending.]
  3. Abducted subjects seem much more amenable to standard and intensive probing than those of other Regions. More than once our researchers were surprised by their subjects’ detailed and specific instructions as to how they believed the probes ought to be conducted.
  4. Some of the more strident abductees were sent for Protocol 14 testing. Those subjects proved to have “a tough, leathery consistency with smoky overtones and a spicy/fruity aftertaste.” Culinarian Kreblar reports that he still prefers the fattier, more abundant, marbleized cuts obtained from Region 7 (”United States”).
  5. In post-abduction interviews (obviously not performed on Protocol 14 subjects!), subjects consistently expressed that they were neither surprised by our presence nor impressed by our appearance or technologies. Redacter Korbnaar grew increasingly frustrated by this, and exposed subjects to increasingly dazzlingly displays of our on-board capabilities, including the Parnaathian Portable Black Hole, the Grundak 24003 Sensory Enhancing Mindworm, the Holographic Galactic Array on Deck 16, and the Trubnanian Mojito served at McTullzaark’s on Fridays. None of the above were met with anything more than a shrug and a weary exhalation of smoke. [Redacter Korbnaar has requested reassignment.]

The Commissioner should be aware that the governing forces of Region 45 have recently made materials concerning OUR mission public to all their citizens. Our analysis is that this will not change their behavior when they encounter us. Testing indicates that their first reaction to any unfamiliar life-form is to snap their fingers at it impatiently and order a drink. Operatives have been advised to provide drinks but, as stipulated by Directive 239, not to accept gratuities (which, according to Redactor Korbnaar, “probably won’t be a problem anyway”).