From Reuters:

The vote came a day after Bush vowed to oppose any subpoenas. He offered instead to allow aides to answer questions, but only behind closed doors, not under oath and with no transcript taken of their exchanges.

INT. HOUSE - DAY

Karl Rove sits before the House Judiciary Committee.

REP. CONYERS (D., MI): Thank you for coming today, Mr. Rove.

ROVE: Sure thing. Pleasure to be here.

CONYERS: Okay, let’s get started, then… at what point did y—

ROVE: Okay, okay, you got me! I did it! I orchestrated all of it!

REP. WEXLER (D. FL): You did?

ROVE: Yes! I had the attorneys fired for political reasons. They weren’t playing ball, and they had to go.

REP. SMITH (R. TX): Mr. Rove, this is extraordinary. you know you don’t have to -

ROVE: No, I want to come clean. It’s been tormenting me at night. I fired them. In fact, at first I looked into having them killed, but it turned out to be too expensive.

REP. SANCHEZ (D. CA): Okay, let’s step back for a second -

ROVE: Let me finish, please! I had them fired, and then I went back to orchestrating wiretaps, leaking convert identities, and lining my and my friends’ pockets with public money. And then, Robert… I… I fucked your wife.

REP. WEXLER: What!?

ROVE: Yes, yes, I feel terrible about it. It was at the Heritage Foundation’s annual Zydeco Ball. I’m so sorry, but I fucked her. Twice, actually, and the second time I feel worse about because it was backstage, among the accordion cases, doggy sty-

REP. CONYERS: Okay, that’s going to be quite enough of -

ROVE: No! Did you want me to testify or not!? I have to confess. Also, over the past six years I’ve overseen the smuggling of over 300 tons of crack cocaine and heroin into the US in order to enslave the poor and take what’s left of their money. Plus, I saw to it that every 9th shipment was infected with HIV AIDS, so as to cull the herd.

REP. BERMAN (D., CA): Actually, I always kinda suspected that one…

REP. CONYERS: Shut up, Howard! Mr Ro-

ROVE: Let me finish! I need to tell you about one night, one… terrible night. It was last June. I was working on the firings of more federal attorneys. I was at home. I had just ejaculated all over Mrs. Wexler, and I left her there, tied up, while I took a phone call. It was the High Priest, calling from the Bohemian Grove. He told me that he’d arranged the kidnapping of a seven year-old poverty-stricken African American boy who nobody would miss, and was prepared to ritually sacrifice him on my signal, so as to bestow greater glory on the demon-god Asmodai and hasten the End Times. I gave the go-ahead, so that he could read the boy’s entrails and tell me which attorneys had to be fired first. Then, noticing I was late for a meeting for planning those soon-to-be-announced Muslim-American prison camps, I threw on my clothes and headed out the door, ignoring Mrs. Wexler’s entreaties to get her a glass of water, or “do her one more time - the nasty way,” or at least untie her. I took a taxi and slit the driver’s throat as payment, offering greater glory to my demonic overlords, got out and defecated on a sleeping homeless man, shed my human form, and pulled myself up the side of my 50-story lair by my horned and mucousy tentacles, where, on the roof, my robed minions waited with a chalice of a young virgin’s blood on which I could slake my unholy thirsts.

[pause.]

ROVE: I can’t pretend to be proud of it, but that’s what happened.

[pause.]

ROVE: Thank you for giving me this chance to come clean. I’ll never do it again.

[pause.]

[pause.]

REP. CONYERS: We really should’ve subpoenaed you, right?

ROVE: Hee hee, yeah, you really blew that one. Off the record, of course. Okay, toodles, guys!

[Mr. Rove exits. Pause.]

REP. BERMAN: Hey, you think that stuff about that poor little black kid was tru-?

REP. CONYERS: Oh shut up, Howard.