I was doing a little reading about Presidential inaugurations, and at one time they really kicked ass. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there were more than a few kicks to be had at GW’s last “Spurs and Saddles Blackhat Gala,” especially when those kids of his got near the working oil rig spurting champagne and caviar, but it was nothing compared to one of Andrew Jackson’s kickass fetes.
Like our current President, Jackson was a “populist” (he appealed to people who did not know what “populist” meant) and on March 4th, 1829, Jackson held an open house at the Executive Mansion to celebrate his inauguration. (One imagines if there was any sort of velvet rope policy in place, it only applied to those wearing “last season’s” Native American headdresses.)
Over 20,000 people showed up, and proceeded to trash the White House. Furniture and dishes were destroyed, food was ground into the carpets and Jackson wound up having to leave the party through a window. (The same window Presidents Clinton, Harding, and Kennedy would later slip through when they needed to attend their own late-night “parties with the faithful.”)
Eventually, things got so bad that servants tried to get people to leave the building by placing tubs of wine and whiskey out on the front lawn, which, oddly enough, is the same method George W. Bush uses when he wants to lure his daughters to come in to the White House.
These “open houses” actually continued up until killjoy Grover Cleveland, who insisted on a parade instead, based on the old fallacy that “everybody loves a parade,” especially one smack dab in the middle of winter. (Although to be fair, Cleveland was from Buffalo, so winter in Washington D.C. probably seemed like “shirtsleeve” weather to him.)
I don’t know, I think if there was still a huge, public blowout like this at The White House to celebrate inaugurations, Madison Avenue would soon get involved, there would be sponsorship up the wazoo, Ryan Seacrest would offer “color,” and soon there would be calls to shorten the terms of Presidents to maybe two years, and then maybe one.
That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it?
Fanny Roborat
41 comments
Dale
March 3, 2007 at 9:32 am
1If presidential terms were only two years long, politicians would constantly be running for office, the public would constantly be subjected to inane campaign rhetoric and…oh wait, never mind.
Maximum Bob
March 3, 2007 at 9:55 am
2If we want presidential inaugurations that are truly American, why always hold them in Washington? Every four years, put inauguration rights up for bid, and let American cities fight over the honor.
For added fun, make the bidding end before the election, so we can enjoy the spectacle of Provo, Utah hosting the inauguration of, say, Hilary Clinton. That ought to be good for a few laughs.
It's Pat!
March 3, 2007 at 10:43 am
3Maximum Bob, you are onto something. How about having corporations bid for naming rights? “Halliburton Presents the 2008 Inauguration Felberpalooza Extravaganza, brought to you by Exxon and the Chinese National Security Council, with special assistance by Toyota, General Motors Division”. I’m sure there are other variants that might work better…
Sharon
March 3, 2007 at 12:00 pm
4“..if there was still a huge, public blowout like this at The White House to celebrate inaugurations..”
I think that’s what we have now, except without the public naming rights, and there was nary a peep from the deciders (that’s us, the taxpayers-citizens-voters) nor from the so-called liberal media after the last two extravaganzas.
hedera
March 3, 2007 at 12:10 pm
5I like putting it out for bid to other cities. Washington, D.C., after all, thinks it owns this celebration now. Let’s let other cities have a crack at it. I’m sure the Washington, D.C. police chief would agree. How about the next inauguration in San Francisco??
Adam Felber
March 3, 2007 at 12:33 pm
6Like our current President, Jackson was a “populist” (he appealed to people who did not know what “populist” meant)
This may be my favorite joke of the year.
siobhan
March 3, 2007 at 1:38 pm
7Max Bob, that’s a brilliant plan, and Hedera, I’m with you for having the next one in SF.
another Yllama
March 3, 2007 at 2:27 pm
8I vote for Minot, North Dakota. Really. January is not so bad, if you can just get away from the
fudarn wind.David in Florida
March 3, 2007 at 3:03 pm
9Seminole Indians were a particular target of Ole Andy’s genocidal inclinations, so in that spirit I will work mightily to put together a coalition of the wistful for a Green Swamp Gala Presidential Inaugural, centered on the Seminole theme, with battle re-enactments, and all manner of “whooping it up.” Sammy Seminole will, of course, figure prominently, as will Albert the Alligator. All party favors will be made in China and come to us courtesy of WalMart. However, we will stay at home for the primary beverage, out of respect for Andy the Man, and feature Tennessee sour mash. They don’t distill knock-off Jack Black in Shanghai, do they?
I think the site selection should be awarded well before anyone has any idea who will win.
Hot Tub Tommy
March 3, 2007 at 3:19 pm
10I’d have to suggest Sugarland, TX myself. Of course, the wind can be a bitch down here in January, too. By the way, don’t discount the possibility - I could wind up being POTUS. I’ve not been convicted of a felony crime (yet), and until or unless I am, all options are on the table, as our Connecticut Cowboy-in-Chief likes to say. (What an asshole.) I’ve still got skids of dollars shrink wrapped and salted away in the Caymans. Lemuel (May the good Lord, Jesus Christ himself, cut his balls off and kick his ass from here to next Sunday.) barely skimmed the surface of what was there. Yes sir, quite a war chest. And to be honest, I’m bored. Yes sir, time cures all ills. Time will tell. 2012 - not that far away. The meter is running. Sands through the hourglass, bringing me closer to my rightful place in history. Oh, and since this blog is where all the good authors come to whore their books… That suit, by the way, is a $25,000 Georgio Armani original, for those of you who are not acqauinted with the good life and the tie is worth more than you make in a month. Bwu-ha-ha-ha-!
Hot Tub Tommy
March 3, 2007 at 3:26 pm
11I’d have to suggest Sugarland, TX myself. Of course, the wind can be a bitch down here in January, too. By the way, don’t discount the possibility - I could wind up being POTUS. I’ve not been convicted of a felony crime (yet), and until or unless I am, all options are on the table, as our Connecticut Cowboy-in-Chief likes to say. (What an asshole.) I’ve still got skids of dollars shrink wrapped and salted away in the Caymans. Lemuel (May the good Lord, Jesus Christ himself, cut his balls off and kick his ass from here to next Sunday.) barely skimmed the surface of what was there. Yes sir, quite a war chest. And to be honest, I’m bored. Yes sir, time cures all ills. Time will tell. 2012 - not that far away. The meter is running. Sands through the hourglass, bringing me closer to my rightful place in history. Oh, and since this blog is where all the good authors come to whore their books… That suit, by the way, is a $25,000 *Georgio*Armani* original, for those of you who are not acqauinted with the good life, the tie is worth more than you make in a month, and I’ve got a whole closet full of them. Bwu-ha-ha-ha-!
Hot Tub Tommy
March 3, 2007 at 3:51 pm
12I’d have to suggest Sugarland, TX myself. Of course, the wind can be a bitch down here in January, too. By the way, don’t discount the possibility - I could wind up being POTUS. I’ve not been convicted of a felony crime (yet), and until or unless I am, all options are on the table, as our Connecticut Cowboy-in-Chief likes to say. (What an asshole.) I’ve still got skids of dollars shrink wrapped and salted away in the Caymans. Lemuel (May the good Lord, Jesus Christ himself, bite his balls off and kick his ass from here to next Sunday.) barely skimmed the surface of what was there. Yes sir, quite a war chest. And to be honest, I’m bored. Yes sir, time cures all ills. Time will tell. 2012 - not that far away. The meter is running. Sands through the hourglass, bringing me closer to my rightful place in history. Oh, and since this blog is where all the good authors come to whore their books… That suit, by the way, is a $25,000 *Georgio*Armani* original, for those of you who are not acquainted with the good life, the tie is worth more than you make in a month, and I’ve got a whole closet full of them. Yes sir - definitely presidential timber. Bwu-ha-ha-ha-!
cooper
March 3, 2007 at 4:37 pm
13For those of you on the East Coast, there is a lunar eclipse about halfway through now at 7:38PM. Get up from your computer and go have a look. Our good friends on the left coast will be missing out on this one.
SeattleDan
March 3, 2007 at 4:40 pm
14Some coasts have all the luck.
hedera
March 3, 2007 at 5:12 pm
15David in Florida, they distill knock-off everything in Shanghai…
Chris Regan
March 3, 2007 at 5:45 pm
16My wife and I hopped in the car to see it at 5:45. Unfortunately, the sun hadn’t gone down and the moon hadn’t risen. Noticed at around 8PM. Pretty impressive.
piglet
March 3, 2007 at 6:41 pm
17I got a fleeting glimpse of the sun here in the Great Pacific North We
st today. That was enough of a thrill for me.dee
March 3, 2007 at 7:01 pm
18Well I saw it. And got pictures, which are up on the blog.
Hot Tub Tommy
March 3, 2007 at 7:36 pm
19I’d have to suggest Sugarland, TX myself. Of course, the wind can be a bitch down here in January, too. By the way, don’t discount the possibility - I could wind up being POTUS. I’ve not been convicted of a felony crime, and until or unless I am, all options are on the table, as our Connecticut Cowboy-in-Chief likes to say. (What an asshole.) I’ve still got skids of dollars shrink wrapped and salted away in the Caymans. Lemuel (May the good Lord, Jesus Christ himself, bite his balls off and kick his ass from here to next Sunday.) barely skimmed the surface of what was there. Yes sir, quite a war chest. And to be honest, I’m bored. Yes sir, time cures all ills. Time will tell. 2012 - not that far away. The meter is running. Sands through the hourglass, bringing me closer to my rightful place in history. Oh, and since this blog is where all the good authors come to whore their books… That suit, by the way, is a $25,000 *Georgio*Armani* original, for those of you who are not acquainted with the good life, the tie is worth more than you make in a month, and I’ve got a whole closet full of them. Yes sir - definitely presidential timber. Bwu-ha-ha-ha-!
Fran
March 3, 2007 at 8:09 pm
20Great shots, Dee! Thank you!
And hey, I like the idea of a roving Inaugural celebration! I think you’re on to something there!
Dale
March 3, 2007 at 8:12 pm
21Eek, the words Rove(ing) and inauguration together make me nervous.
Awesome shots, Dee–I refer, of course, to the ¨American League Champion Detroit Tigers¨ marquis. Although the moon-sun was cool too.
SeattleDan
March 3, 2007 at 9:22 pm
22We know Adam is thinking of running once again. If he wins, what can we expect for a Felberpalozza kind of party? I think we could be up for that. As long as it’s over by 11:00 pm. It’d probably be a school night.
tess
March 4, 2007 at 2:58 am
23If you look up “Sam & Max” and telltalegames.com, there’s a game called “Abe Lincoln Must Die” where you can run for office against a giant animatronic Lincoln statue, secret missle defence programs, and a press conference where you can screw around with the cue cards to make candidates say stupid things.
I just like video games.
uncle chet
March 4, 2007 at 6:10 am
24tess, aren’t you supposed to be working on a thesis? {Return to lurking.}
Hot Tub Tommy
March 4, 2007 at 6:24 am
25I’d have to suggest Sugarland, TX myself. Of course, the wind can be a bitch down here in January, too. By the way, don’t discount the possibility - I could wind up being POTUS. I’ve not been convicted of a felony crime, and until or unless I am, all options are on the table, as our Connecticut Cowboy-in-Chief likes to say. I’ve still got skids of dollars, shrink wrapped and salted away in the Caymans. Lemuel (May the good Lord, Jesus Christ himself, bite his balls off and kick his ass from here to next Sunday.) barely skimmed the surface of what was there. Yes sir, quite a war chest. And to be honest, I’m bored. Yes sir, time cures all ills. Time will tell. 2012 - not that far away. The meter is running. Sands through the hourglass, bringing me closer to my rightful place in history. Oh, and since this blog is where all the good authors come to whore their books… That suit, by the way, is a $25,000 *Georgio*Armani* original, for those of you who are not acquainted with the good life, the tie is worth more than you make in a month, and I’ve got a whole closet full of them. Yes sir - definitely presidential timber. Bwu-ha-ha-ha-!
Hot Tub Tommy
March 4, 2007 at 8:01 am
26I’ve been trying to get a post to clear this blog’s vast left-wing conspiracy filter for the last day or so, but obviously Adam has it tweaked to Red-Level-Alert status. Anyway, since this blog is where all the good authors come to whore their books check this one out. The suit I’m wearing on the cover, by the way, is a $23,000 *Armani* original (for those of you who are not acquainted with the good life) and the tie is worth more than you make in a month(I’ve got a whole closet full of them). Bwu-ha-ha-ha-!
Z. Loudermilch
March 4, 2007 at 8:35 am
27As family lore goes, an acquaintance of one of my ancesters was at that inauguration party for Andrew Jackson and, in addition to a swell set of brass candle holders that he swiped from the White House, claimed to have reached through a crowd of leering men flocking around Martin Van Buren’s wife, Hannah, and pinched her on the ass. John Calhoun received the blame and the slap from Mrs. Van Buren and it almost wrecked his political career. Those guys really knew how to party.
David
March 4, 2007 at 11:59 am
28dee, what blog?
Ignorant in Florida
Also, we had heavy cloud cover, so getting to view your pics would be really, really nice…
dee
March 4, 2007 at 12:09 pm
29David, if you click on my name it will direct you.
That also works for Harold, Hedera, piglet, Fran, Becca (and Brian) and SeattleDan/Tammy (which will take you to the Fine Jackson Street Books)
I’m sure there are others I’ve missed…
cooper
March 4, 2007 at 2:00 pm
30Darn, Hot Tub Tommy, maybe you shouldn’t keep hitting the Submit Comment button, thinking that will somehow change the outcome. You know that’s a sign of OCD, right? Anyway, you must have been caught up in the Moderation Queue and didn’t have any way of knowing it. Maybe it wasn’t giving you usual the message or maybe you’re just dumb as a post. Yeah, that’s probably it. Do say “Hi” to Scooter and Bob Ney for me, if you happen to bump into them out on the exercise yard at Club Fed.
Hot Tub Tommy
March 4, 2007 at 2:10 pm
31Put a sock on it, douche bag! I’m taking my meds, so don’t you worry! And I’m not going down, dammit!
By the way, you’re right about me not getting the Moderation Queue message. You’re smarter than you look, asshat. Oh, and I found the receipt for the suit and it was $23,000, not $25,000. It’s hard to keep up with all these luxuries.
Murray
March 4, 2007 at 3:53 pm
32Yeah, I can see the Felber Presidency having it’s inauguration parade and ball at Grouseland. We’d start at the campground, walk down Grouse Run Trail to the pond, perhaps do some ice skating and take Moss Trail up to the shop for some Maker’s Mark and to warm up. Then everyone would head off to the Artemas Town Hall for the inaugural ball. It can be catered by the Road Kill Cafe. Sounds good to me.
Like our current President, Jackson was a “populist” (he appealed to people who did not know what “populist” meant).
That reminds me of an old Mad Magazine definition of Liberal and Conservative.
A liberal is someone who secretly wishes William F Buckley was on his side.
A conservative is someone who agrees with William F Buckley, but has no idea what he is saying.
Click on Murray and you will get to see where our next president will have his inauguration party.
A Little Less Ignorant
March 4, 2007 at 4:05 pm
33Thanks, dee. Magnificent pics.
Also, love the picture of the Yellow Rose and the Nutmeg Anomaly.
David
March 4, 2007 at 4:14 pm
34Hard Tug Tommy, when ya’ goin’ on The Daily Show and/or The Colbert Report with your book, or did I miss it? You and Stephen are buds, no?
tess
March 4, 2007 at 6:06 pm
35uncle chet,
You are assuming that I’m getting off my duff for anything. Besides, who can resist a 6′ talking dog and a 3′ rabbity thing running for office?
Rebecca
March 4, 2007 at 8:42 pm
36Thanks, dee, for the pictures! I found out about the eclipse too late to run outside, and I’m not sure I’d have been able to see it as well as those pictures, due to being in the Central Time Zone and whatnot.
And don’t knock tess about playing video games - any student working on a paper of any length needs an outlet of some kind. Mine usually happened to be watching Coutndown, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (and then the reruns the same night) instead of writing those pesky papers, so to each their own.
hedera
March 4, 2007 at 9:05 pm
37I am missing something. I found a picture of the Yellow Rose, who appears to be kissing some similarly male suited type whom I don’t recognize (this is because I can’t stand to look at any of them). Is that it? Who is the Nutmeg Anomaly and why is he?
David
March 4, 2007 at 9:08 pm
38We just elected a 3′ rabbity thingy attorney general down here in the Sunshine State, one Bill McCollum, who distinguished himself as a member of congress during the impeachment of Bill Clinton by ranting on and on about suborning to perjury and how it tore the very fabric of the presidency asunder to have a man who would lie under oath about a blow job bearing the mantle of POTUS. So don’t vote for the fucking 3′ rabbity thing. It’s deranged, demented, and otherwise delusional. It’s also a silly-assed, pious prick. If the 6′ talking dog is named Buddy, have it tear the 3′ rabbity thing limb from limb. Please.
siobhan
March 4, 2007 at 9:13 pm
39Hedera, that would be the “Party of One” candidate from the Nutmeg State (i.e., Connecticut). Sorry, can’t bring myself to mention him by name…
hedera
March 5, 2007 at 9:10 pm
40Oh, him. Thanks, siobhan. I told you I couldn’t stand to look at any of them. I think what threw me was the color - the Chronicle publishes all photos of politicians in black and white…
markdas
March 7, 2007 at 1:35 am
41He says “him”. There is no doubt. The vowel usage between “him” & “whom” is quite distinct.