Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki:
“We believe that the time has arrived to take things calmly and find peace. The U.S. reasoning that they can have nuclear weapons and others can’t have nuclear energy is not valid.”
Oh come on! That’s so completely unfair I don’t know where to start. Let me explain a little something about nuclear policy to the so-called “Foreign Minister.”
First of all, only certain “others” can’t have nuclear energy. And it’s not just nations we don’t lik-
Okay, it’s nations we don’t like, pretty much. But they can have nuclear energy, really, but not unsupervised-like. Because they might actually secretly want weapons. And the reason we can have nuclear weapons is… just… well, look at history. We’d never use our nu-
Well, after we initially used our nukes, and saw the devastation they’d wrought, we vowed to never use ‘em ag-
Well, we vowed to never use them again unless we had to. And we haven‘t had to. But we can’t let other countries have ‘em because many of these regimes are not democracies and non-democracies have demonstrated that if they had nu-
Well, with the exception of the old Soviet Union and China and Pakistan and - okay, so none of them have ever actually used their nukes, true, true, and we have, yes, we’ve been over that, but the fact that they haven’t used ‘em is because we’ve been here to not use our nukes right back at ‘em. But just having nuclear weapons doesn’t protect a countr-
Okay, fine, so maybe we would never actually invade a country who possessed nuclear weaponry, but trying to join the nuclear club now, at this late date would bring serious reprecuss-
So yes, maybe Pakistan hasn’t exactly suffered serious consequences since going nuclear in 1998. They might be more of a… um… key ally in the war on terror and stuff. But… but…
The point…um, then… is that the Iranian Foreign Minister’s statements are… totally… poop. From… a poopyhead. There. I hate to lay such large and difficult-to-understand geopolitical concepts on you, but you all forced my hand. The poopyhead is trying to get nukes, and this will not stand.
Fanny Roborat
8 comments
David
March 1, 2007 at 4:50 pm
1Oh, Lord, I’m first, unless someone else posts while I’m keystroking. There you go again, Adam, bringing reality into your commentary. Of course only the people we deem worthy should have nukes, unless they have nukes whether we thought they should or not, in which case the deeming can change, as in the case of Pakistan, and now North Korea, even if Pakistan was the Home Depot of nuclear weapons proliferation. Fortunately no one in the Middle East actually has nuclear weapons, so if we can stop Iran, the Middle East will continue to be nuke free, and likely a model for world peace.
I gather we’ve chosen to pacify Baghdad with 105 mm howitzers. Is this an economy move intended to stanch the hemorrhaging of the federal budget into the Great War to Save the World from Terrorism at Its Epicenter, or just proof that we think war should return to pre-nuke days?
Mieke
March 1, 2007 at 5:34 pm
2Adam, brilliant. No poopyheads with nukes! Especially no poopyheads that we want to invade! No poopyheads that we want to invade with nukes! That’s catchy…
What really disturbs me is how Iran has had a nuclear energy program for at least 30 years with the U.S.’s blessing and even help. In fact, my father, a nuclear physicist, got the blessing and U.S. government clearance to send them some lasers for their nuclear energy program in the 70’s. There have been no problems and no threats from Iran until this regime decided they needed to immediately halt this very very imminently dangerous emerging (30 year old) nuclear program.
But as Jon Stewart pointed out yesterday, this administration isn’t even going to pretend to acknowledge their constant contradictions (The UK pulling troops out means the war is practically won! The US must send additional troops to win! Iran’s government is personally responsible for the actions of any terrorists that hail from there! Abu Ghraib was the actions of a few! We can’t blame Saudi Arabia for some terrorist nuts that happened to overwhelmingly come from there!)
Hanna
March 1, 2007 at 6:29 pm
3Pretty much think the poopyheads not being allowed to handle nuclear technology barrier has already been crossed.
We have met the poopyheads and they is us.
Love,
Hanna
Ann
March 1, 2007 at 6:31 pm
4Ahh, the spirit of Pogo is alive and well.
K. Trout
March 1, 2007 at 7:26 pm
5This discussion reminds me of a story I wrote a while back called The Money Tree. The money tree had twenty-dollar bills for leaves. Its flowers were government bonds. Its fruit was diamonds. It attracted human beings who killed each other around the roots and made very good fertilizer. So it goes. Now if we just substitute nuclear weapons for the money tree…
David
March 2, 2007 at 6:33 am
6The Poopyhead-in-Chief continues to wow the American people with his geopolitical genius and deft handling of Iraq and the GWOT:
http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/03/01/new-bush-iraq-poll-numbe rs/
George
March 9, 2007 at 3:15 pm
7I totally understand that more than a few people do not trust America with nukes, but if put side by side the middle east I can’t see how a correlation is created. I cannot see America nuking a foreign country. However I can see some extremist group being allowed to “steal” said technology and use it against America or for that matter some other closer country. The Middle East is in a current upheaval now, granted quite a bit due to America’s involvement, but can you honestly tell yourself that at this point we could apologies step back and just hope that these countries only use nuclear technology for peaceful means? Did I totally miss the point?
-g
David
March 10, 2007 at 11:11 am
8George,
We already have, Bush is pushing for a new generation of nukes, we have “tactical” nukes, we have no qualms about dusting battlefields with vaporized uranium, and we want military dominance in space.
The only thing that works re nukes is MAD, because no one else who has them has any intention of using them, especially since India and Pakistan finally realized they can’t nuke each other except in a mutual suicide pact. Ditto Israel and Iran, although Israeli reactionaries don’t quite seem to get it.
The unsecured nuclear material from the former Soviet Union, which we refused to facilitate the securing of, even though Nunn-Lugar pointed in the right direction, is the actual major threat regarding the use by anybody besides us of nuclear devices, especially terrorists with dirty bombs, which would come in in cargo ships, which we refuse to screen effectively because it would disrupt the just-on-time delivery of the goods Americans consume with much greater vigor than drugs or junk food.