I’m dropping out, too. Dropping out of Fanatical Apathy. I know it’s not such a surprise. I guess I haven’t been the best blogger in the world. Coming and going willy-nilly.
You’ve been good to me and, believe it or not, I’ve appreciated all your comments. None of my non-cyber friends listened to me after my Barbra Streisand concert trauma last fall.
But something has changed. Namely, AOL came to me and offered to pay for me to “vlog” for them. (Ick, the very word sounds so slutty.) I’m tired of slinglin’ hash to put my kids through school, drifting from flophouse to flophouse and worse. So I said yes.
Anyway I know you probably never want to hear from me again. But one day you’ll understand. For those willing to take a look at my new … vlog, here’s the address:
http://newsbloggers.aol.com
Click on me to see my pieces. (I haven’t met the other bloggers on the page. I think they smell funny but maybe we’ll become friends.) Leave a comment on my Best Actress Oscar video or the fake Coke ad.
Adam, I want to thank you for your friendship and for giving me a home when I couldn’t afford a blog, no less a vlog. Chris, thanks for the laughs. Sienna, I always hated your pseudonym but I loved your posts.
Wish me luck!
Fanny Roborat
51 comments
dee
February 24, 2007 at 1:45 pm
1Mo’s leaving. Adam has another gig that will require his attention. Chris checked in with a very funny post, after being AWOL far too long. I think Sienna ran off with the pool boy.
Well, fine then. We’ll just talk amongst ourselves, which is what we do anyway, come to think of it.
hedera
February 24, 2007 at 2:05 pm
2Now all we need is for members of the posting community to be able to originate blog posts here, and we’ll be an independent and self-sustaining community. Cooper, how about one of your excellent extracts from books we’d all like to finish?
Sharon
February 24, 2007 at 2:39 pm
3So they made you an offer you couldn’t refuse, is that it? Well, best of luck, Mo! You’ll still be doing WWDTM, I hope?
Totally off topic, Abu-Dhabi, holder of more than 90% of the oil reserves of the UAE (as far as we know), is investing $350M (a paltry sum compared to their annual net, I’m sure) in a solar power plant.
Is it possible that they know something we don’t “know” (as in “choose to not acknowledge”) about the future of world oil production?
http://tinyurl.com/yuqsf4
gin
February 24, 2007 at 4:04 pm
4Hey, Mo’s off to crash the server!
(all us former AOL users know how to do that: just stop feeding the hamsters)
SeattleTammy
February 24, 2007 at 5:06 pm
5Hey Mo, I went and checked out your new digs. The only thing I noticed that smelled funny was Dinesh Dsouza
Don’t stand so close to him- he’s got cooties!
cooper
February 24, 2007 at 6:20 pm
6Here’s a neat tidbit of trivia, Tammy - Dinesh D’souza and Ann Coulter used to
date
each other, suck face and generally steam up the windows from the back seat of Dinesh’s car. So to be strictly accurate, Dinesh actually has double the cooties you think he might have. Not really surprising when you think of it. What I find shocking is that Bill Maher used to date her. I thought he was only attracted to slutty, bleach-blonde, trailer trash. Oh…yeah…
It's Pat!
February 24, 2007 at 6:39 pm
7Ick! Cooper, why did you make me go look at Ann C? At least I then went to Mo’s new site, and read the very nice responses to Dinesh’s rant.
However, reading wacko rightie rants is not what I intended to do today. It is an excellent day to read a book here in Minne-snow-blow-ta, and that’s what I’m going to go do right now. Stay warm friends!
David
February 24, 2007 at 7:30 pm
8I haven’t checked out the vlog as yet. First I gotta put on my Dinesh deflector. But how can anybody not wish you well on your new que$t. ‘Course there is the snotty standby, “Got along without you before we met you…” But you were kind enough to tell us you’re leaving, rather than just slinking off like we didn’t matter. Oops, gotta go, two tomcats are mixing it up outside.
So, cooper, you gonna jump in there and pick up some of the slack? Huh, huh?
David
February 24, 2007 at 8:04 pm
9Oh, hell, as long as dee has opened the floodgates…
The Myth of Muslim Terrorism:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/0223/p09s01-coop.html
cooper
February 24, 2007 at 8:43 pm
10Sorry, It’s Pat. I was high on life at the moment I linked to that site and didn’t realize what I was doing. Forgive me, please. And, BTW, thanks for the kind and thoughtful wishes, but I have been staying warm today, outside in a t-shirt only, sunny and mid-sixties. Oh, sorry… I guess you really hate me now, huh?
Mo, I’m happy for your new vlogging opportunity, but we’ll miss you. I guess you signed a contract and can’t be blogging anywhere else. It’s understandable, but it’s also a shame. We hardly had a chance to know you. But there is still WWDTM and now, newsbloggers, so you’re not leaving the planet or anything. Drop by and visit us again sometime, why don’t you?
hedera
February 24, 2007 at 10:15 pm
11But don’t wait too long - as we heard today on WWDTM courtesy of Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, in 2029 an asteroid will make a close pass by the earth (closer than our communications satellites - I find that especially unsettling), at which time we’ll be able to tell if it will come back by 7 years later and blow the whole place to smithereens.
cooper
February 25, 2007 at 6:25 am
12hedera, Astronomy magazine had an article about that asteroid event several months ago. I’m sure this news will further energize the subset of apocholyptic numbskulls running our country now and also (somewhat ironically) the Islamic extremists that Bush is so determined to wipe off the face of the earth. Nothing gets their juices flowing like a good cataclysmic punishment - one that you can somehow tie to the Holy book, to wretched sinners, and to the wicked ways of the infidels.
Jon88
February 25, 2007 at 6:32 am
13“Fake Coke ad”? You mean the one that says “Sorry this video is no longer available”? Harrumph.
David
February 25, 2007 at 7:13 am
14Our Cheney/Bush presidency is quite cataclysmic enough for me, thank you very much.
cooper
February 25, 2007 at 9:52 am
15Scooter Libby raised the garage door, hopped into his high-toned yellow runabout and fired it up. It felt great to be behind the wheel of this magnificent automobile again. The two of them had an undeniable bond; this man, this machine. He slowly caressed the leather steering wheel cover and thought of the adventures they had shared, the late night liquor runs to Arlington, the money drops to shady Iraqi political henchmen, the high speed police chases along the Potomac in which he always managed to motor away from the cops, perhaps because of his skillful driving, perhaps because the White House operatives warned the cops to back off and let him go. Those were heady days. Scooter revved the engine, slipped the silky smooth shifter into reverse and backed down the driveway. At the end of the driveway, he stopped, sighed, reluctantly shifted into first gear and drove back into the garage, shutting off the engine, lowering the garage door and hanging the keys on the hook by the doorway. He trudged into the kitchen, turned right and descended the stairs into the darkened basement below, closing the door behind him. There Scooter would spend the next 23-1/2 hours alone on a cot in the far corner with a boombox, somewhere out of reach, blaring a jarring cacophonous mixture of soul, rap, hiphop and country western music with the faint sounds of a buzzing tattoo needle off in the distance. Six hours from now he would quickly strip, take a rushed 30 second shower and dress again with the speed and skill of a summoned fireman. He would try to ignore the now recorded, but soon to be real, voices from three cells down crying “Nancy, come here. I want you! I need you! You complete me!” Scooter was in training for his next calling, time in the Big House, paying for his sins, and those of others, no doubt. How had his promising future gone so horribly wrong? - a rhetorical exercise he would have plenty of time to contemplate.
It's Pat!
February 25, 2007 at 12:25 pm
16Nice one cooper.
gillian
February 25, 2007 at 4:38 pm
17Sometimes a hug is NOT what’s needed.
David
February 25, 2007 at 5:54 pm
18What a triumverate of a group hug, gillian. Seems to me like sufficient critical mass for them to burst into flames, or at least give off some noxious smoke.
Scuttlebutt I’m picking up from friends at a minimum security federal facility (one that still has the tennis courts) is that they’re expecting someone who’s referred to only as the Vespa Virgin. Don’t know if it’s I. Lewis or not. Wonder if Dirk knows anything. Sounds like our man is preparing himself for harder time. Obstruction might mean a medium security fci, in which case amorous advances will be de rigeur.
siobhan
February 25, 2007 at 8:01 pm
19He gets the Oscar - now I just want to give him my vote! Run, Al - RUN!
Dale
February 25, 2007 at 8:44 pm
20Tom Vilsack won an Oscar?
Harold
February 26, 2007 at 2:58 am
21Mo, best wishes and good luck. And as a current AOL user and a former AOL employee (a victim of the AOL “Joe Millionaire” purchase of Time-Warner, which resulted in a company called AOL Time Warner, which later became Time Warner once it became clear that the “AOL” part of the deal wasn’t worth crap, but too late, too late, the damage was done, and Time Warner had to sell off a lot of valuable assets, including my company), I look forward to the day you return to Fanatical Apathy, mentally and physically scarred but wiser for the experience.
Vinnie
February 26, 2007 at 4:45 am
22Jesus H. Christ, Ann, I don’t know ’bout dis “Dale” person; sounds like smart aleck ta me. Ya’ll get tire of dis bum soon enough, dat’s for sure. Ya seem like a good kid; ya deserve bedder.
(How’s dat, Harold? Good, huh? Yeah, I t’ought so, too. Now all I gotta to do is saw Dale’s lance halfway t’rough before da big joustin’ match at Grouseland and ya pay me a cup’la of dem William McKinley’s f’om dat big stack a dead presiden’s dat da IRS don’t know about.)
David
February 26, 2007 at 6:16 am
23Wish I could bring myself to watch Fuxup in the Morning, or whatever they call that non-reality show with that gaggle of pious helium heads on that misinformation/disinformation news channel whose producers apparently channel Hermann da Man for inspiration.
Vinnie, hands off. This Joust of the Century will be honorably executed. I don’t want to have to contact my friends in Ybor City who run a school for neophyte deep sea divers, if you receive my meaning. Their motto is “Come slumber with the sponges and leave your worldly cares behind.”
Harold
February 26, 2007 at 7:39 am
24Vinnie, t’anks but no t’anks. I do my own thumb-breaking and tendon-nicking.
By the way, how are you doing since you got hit in the head wit’ a shovel? I hear dat jerk is trying to bribe some dame wit’ yer watch.
piglet
February 26, 2007 at 9:41 am
25Godspeed, Mo.
Vinnie
February 26, 2007 at 9:50 am
26Oh, a cheapskate, huh? OK, Ann, ya’r too good fa dis bum, too. Ya’r on ya’r own now.
Ann
February 26, 2007 at 12:29 pm
27I just hope we can all still be friends.
Ibid
February 26, 2007 at 2:35 pm
28For AOL? They’re still in business. All AOL addresses go straight to my spam folder since I don’t actually know anyone with an AOL account.
I’m sure Mo will be back when he realizes he’s being paid in free hours CDs.
tess
February 26, 2007 at 3:55 pm
29Mo, Mo, Mo, do NOT leave us for AOL or else we’d hear nothing but prison stories about how Dinesh D’souza got you arrested for being brown-ish and sent off the Gitmo.
But if you ever need back up from a knife-wielding, depressed, unemployed commentor who’d very much like to hack off a body part or two from the more “emphatic” commentors and “visitors,” let me know. I do a decent impression of Hannibal Lecter, AND I’ve been teaching myself how to butcher my own meat!
Harold
February 26, 2007 at 6:47 pm
30Ann, you may have some competition…
David
February 26, 2007 at 8:28 pm
31Ann, I’m not sure you get the point of the Joust of the Century, although at least one of your suitors presumably will. This is at Grouseland, not an Amish farm. I think the second paragraph of tess’s comment captures the spirit of FA spectators. There will be winners and losers, and Vinnie will be one of the losers if he attempts to in any way interfere with the just outcome of this righteous confrontation between two noble knights-errant. It has already been established that these two consider yours a hand to die for, although I have the impression that only one has met you.
Dale
February 26, 2007 at 9:04 pm
32For the record, while I have committed myself to this whole lance-snapping, appendage-losing ritual should it be necessary, I would also be totally open to the “we can all still be friends” route too.
cooper
February 27, 2007 at 2:30 am
33Harold, I sense a bit of waffling on Dale’s part. A little bit of trash talk should make him/her double-up like a sleeve. Have at it, Tiger!
Harold
February 27, 2007 at 4:39 am
34There is an interesting distinction between “trash” and “garbage” that is not generally observed in everyday discussions of refuse. “Trash” refers primarily to dry, broken objects: toys, furniture, paper, etc. while “garbage” specifically refers to food waste. Americans generally do not make this distinction, which may explain the failure of a U.K. firm that attempted to export its home-based incineration program to the U.S. only to discover that the moisture content of American refuse was much higher than the moisture content of refuse in the U.K., presumably from the inclusion of garbage along with trash.
The ultimate fate of most refuse generated in the U.S. lies in a sanitary landfill, a lined, topped storage facility where waste is buried. Sealed off from light, air, and precipitation, refuse in a landfill often persists in a state of preservation such that discarded telephone books can still be read decades after they have been buried…
Wait, is that the sort of trash talk you meant?
Boomer
February 27, 2007 at 6:43 am
35Nice report, Harold. You may take your seat now. Okay … ahem … um … anyone else single out there?
Murray
February 27, 2007 at 8:30 am
36Good luck Mo.
May you be the last AOL employee standing. (My brother-in-law is always in fear that the next wave of layoffs will include him.)
Hopefully your contract allows you to join with us hoi polloi in the comment (peanut) gallery. Your contributions were always enjoyed.
My vote is to add Coop or Dee, or perhaps we could all take turns on the “Main Post”.
Grouseland looks forward to sorting out the love lives of fellow Felbernauts. (July 7 weekend).
David
February 27, 2007 at 9:37 am
37Felbernauts in the stands at Grouseland are hereby on notice to distinguish between throwing trash, which can be deadly if it includes large, sharp glass shards, and garbage, which often just stinks, although it can also include pathogens and would thereby mitigate against licking the contestants, and certainly against any nuptial bliss before an antiseptic cleansing of the winner.
Besides, only the highest levels of fan conduct are in order at this noblest of love-driven confrontations. Are you listening, cooper?
Ann
February 27, 2007 at 11:21 am
38What with Tess’s sudden violent turn and the recent reference to my hand as a separate object, I believe I’ll slowly withdraw from the pool of available females. Besides, Harold’s trash talk has already won my heart. Which, I hasten to add, is not available as a separate item.
Dale, yes, let’s leave it as “friends.” I’ll return the ring as soon as it arrives. There’s no reason the joust can’t continue, of course, but I’ll be cowering in an undisclosed location.
Dale
February 27, 2007 at 6:58 pm
39It’s okay, Ann. As embarrassing as it is to be dumped on a national blog–America’s favorite blog, no less–I have to admit I am kind of relieved. You see, as hard as I have been trying these past few months–hanging out with contagious gay people, reading subversive “My Two Mommies” books, making donations to the New Life Church–I have not been able to overcome my terrible, shameful straightness. So Harold, enjoy. And if things don’t work out, I’ll be right here. I already admire your taste in women.
(PS - You didn’t get the ring? How many Anns can there be in Seattle?)
Dale
February 27, 2007 at 7:01 pm
40One more thing–if it does work out between you guys, can my dog be the ringbearer? I went to a wedding once where they did that and really it’s my only reason for wanting to get married.
David
February 27, 2007 at 8:31 pm
41Ann, the pool consists of only one, for there is only one Fair Lady Ann. But given the possibility of “a knife-wielding, depressed, unemployed commentor” in the stands, and the uncertainties surrounding what “unpleasantness” Vinnie might feel the need to “commission,” not to mention Dale’s loss of knightly nerve, it would seem Grouseland will have to settle for dropping back several more centuries and hosting something more akin to an evening at the castle of that greatest of Geats, Beowulf. Then everyone who doesn’t pass out will have the option of cowering, preferably in an undisclosed (at least to Grendel) corner. What do you think, Murray? Besides, “a Knife-wielding, depressed, unemployed commentor” v. Grendel…
tess
February 28, 2007 at 2:41 am
42Hey, remember, it could be worse: I could be a gun owner. And to be clear, I was never referring to the rest of y’all here, just the potential nutcases out there who’ll probably become very scary very quickly at AOL.
Um, though I will at least list myself as being one of the scary nutjobs right now until I get my thesis done and (hopefully) find employment. Anyone want a electrical engineer with a background in biomedical electronics? Anyone?
Dale
February 28, 2007 at 3:21 am
43Anyone have any ideas for what to do with my I HEART ANN tattoo? I don’t care all that much for Thomas Mann…cannolis are good but not a lifelong obsession…
David
February 28, 2007 at 4:56 am
44Dale, maybe you could work in some kind of coat of arms around/over it, maybe featuring one of those teutonic eagles clutching the heart, and a banner in the eagle’s beak bearing tess’s name. Seems to me like the possibilities might be endless.
Murray
February 28, 2007 at 9:19 am
45Maybe Grouseland’s Summer Party will just have to settle for lots of drinking and having fun.
Harold
February 28, 2007 at 4:04 pm
46Dale, there are many possibilities - I HEART ANNUITIES, I HEART ANNULAR ECLIPSES, I HEART ANNELIDS (a group - class, family, something - of segmented worms that includes leeches.) My favorite possiblity would be the semi-sloppy I HEART ANATOTITANS (the second N would have to become an A and the upright on the T), Anatotitans are duck-billed dinosaurs. The name means “giant duck”!
Rebecca
February 28, 2007 at 6:11 pm
47Mo, the blog’s pretty good. I like the videos, so far. I’ve even commented a few times.
(And speaking of commenting, how on earth did you attract so many commenters that like to use caps lock? I’m just wondering so I can go
hurttell them how to use their computer keyboards properly.)David
February 28, 2007 at 6:18 pm
48Forget all my previous ideas (yeah, like you guys haven’t already). I just (finally) stumbled onto the tribal tournament scene for Isolde’s hand in the ‘06 Tristan and Isolde, a movie I have never seen but must now get and watch. That is what should happen at Grouseland. Nobody dies, but every male on the field of honor pretty much gets the shit kicked out of him. Now if Dale/Tristan were still in this thing and defeated Harold/What’s-His-Face, Ann/Isolde would be given in nuptial bliss to Rudy Giuliani/The King of Cornwall, Rudy being the Mayor Emeritus of New York/King of Some Fantasy in His Own Mind. Dale/Tristan, who Ann/Isolde pushed out to sea when he wanted her to go with him, of course, comes full circle to win Ann/Isolde for Rudy/Cornish King Somebody, only to tell her what she told him, their relationship cannot be, only now, instead of Ann/Ann’s “let’s all be friends,” we have a proper tribal crushing of an affair of two (three in our version) hearts.
Murray
March 1, 2007 at 1:09 pm
49David,
Huh?
I just thought we’d drink ourselves shitfaced.
Harold, glad to see you working it out with Dale. Those are great ideas. I’m kind of partial to the Annelids, nothing wrong with hearting earthworms.
Ann
March 1, 2007 at 1:38 pm
50Sorry, David–that’s what happened with my second husband.
Civilized David
March 1, 2007 at 4:36 pm
51Which part, Ann? Are condolences or O-thank-gods in order?
OK, Murray, I can go with the “Let’s all just get shitfaced.” Harold and Dale both seem like really decent fellows, and Ann has indicated she is not really drawn to ancestral mayhem, so I think “Lets just all be friends” has carried the day.
Being under another tornado watch has apparently ameliorated my mayhem lust.
Sidenote: It is definite that two of my great-great grandfathers fought on opposite sides in the Civil War (Kentucky was, of course, a border state). They could barely stand to be in the same room together after the War of the Northern Aggression/Southern Insurrection.