Today is the actual date which saw the Father of our Country debut as the Baby of our Country. It was not this past Monday, when many of you were wrapping up your long ski weekends in honor of both George Washington and Abe Lincoln. (Abe Lincoln loved long weekends–he was able to take time off from all that Civil War business on his desk every morning, and focus instead on his looney wife and on his own debilitating melancholia.)

Either way, let us celebrate the 1732 birth of George Washington with some George Washington “Fun Facts!”

  • The senate proposed that he be addressed as “His Highness the President of the United States of America and the Protector of Their Liberties,” yet Washington insisted on “Mr. President.” (Although at his urging, the Senate did title his perennially cranky Vice President John Adams with the rather royal “Lady Penelope Bitchenmoan.”)
  • Washington was the only president to ever be elected unanimously, once the write-ins for General Dick Hertz (from the Florida Territories) were thrown out.
  • Washington had to borrow money to attend his inauguration in New York City. And like most people who visit New York from out of town, he kept all that money either in his front pocket, or in a conspicuous money belt.
  • His wife, Martha, brought two children to the marriage, who refused to call him anything but The Stepfather of Our Country.
  • His presidential salary was 25 thousand dollars, which he refused, much to the chagrin of the people who lent him money to get to his inaugural, who never saw it again.
  • Never lived in Washington DC, which meant he was our only president whose claims of not being a Beltway Insider were true.
  • Did not wear a powdered wig, but would powder his red hair. This earned him a NOT NORMAL in the first-ever edition of Ye Olde Star Magazine.
  • Washington was one of two presidents who signed the Constitution. The other was perennial presidential “tagger” Millard Fillmore, who signed it in the 1850s.
  • His face was scarred from smallpox, he had no teeth, and had giant size 13 feet. His looks were so unappealing that most people who watched his televised presidential debate thought he had lost, but those who had heard it on the radio thought he had won. [NOTE: Washington actually never engaged in a Presidential debate. Also, all the TV and radio stations in the 1700s mostly just aired Britcoms.]
  • Had not one but two ice cream freezers at his Mount Vernon estate, probably to cope with the body issues listed above.