My oh my, Berkeley was a good time. Those of you who heard this week’s show have literally heard the half of it, as the evergreen show from Friday night won’t air for a couple of months, probably (and even then, you can be sure that Paula and me messing with the on-stage sign language translators by compelling them to repeatedly interpret variants of Ronald Reagan’s complaint that he felt like he’d metaphorically “crapped a pineapple”… well, you can be sure that that particular exchange will never grace the airwaves…).
And it was great meeting our FA friends Landis and Hedera. And being in the same room with Siobhan was also a treat, even if she couldn’t stick around. [No, no, I know she has a great excuse.]
—–
But I came back to say that I learned something last week, traveling all over this great nation of ours, all the way from the shores of California to the… beaches… of more-northern… er… California. Anyway, I learned something. The American people are strong. The American people are smart. Probably smarter and stronger than other people who are not American. And that is because we are a nation made up of people from all over the world, from those very nations which are not quite as strong and as smart but somehow when combined into America make the whole mass, the “people,” stronger and smarter than their component parts in a very real way. What I’m saying is that the people of America are a great people, greater than other people in many ways. With all due respect to other people, though, who are always welcome to bring their by-definition less-great peoplehood here to make us… greater. I don’t know how that works, come to think of it. It’s one of those glorious mysteries.
But what I’m trying to say is this: The great, strong, smart American people are crying out for a new brand of leadership. Not that they’re weak, or crybabies. No, what they’re doing is asking, then, asking for a new kind of leadership with new ideas and new approaches that will help America become the great nation that it already is.
Obviously, the old ideas and old ways of being the greatest, smartest, strongest nation on earth aren’t working, even though we are unquestionably the greatest, strongest, and smartest on earth. That’s why we need new ideas and new approaches to help us realize the dream of being an even BETTER nation than we already are.
Let me tell you a little story - true story - from my travels last week. After a performance in Berkeley, I met a young man. Or woman. His or her name and appearance isn’t something I remember, but on his/her shining face I saw all the promise and hope of this great nation of ours. And he/she came to me, this bright-eyed youngster, who couldn’t have been more than 25 years old or less than 8 or so. And this sad, wise, noble 8-25 year-old told told me his/her story of woe and pain, about her suffering mother or his inability to find work or maybe there was something about a sick kid or a lost dog or something equally heart-wrenching and clearly the fault of the flawed policies of the past few years.
And I tell you, friends, I looked down and/or up into those larger-than-you’d-think eyes, and I was overcome with sympathy. “What can I do for you, little/young boy/girl/man/woman? How can I help?”
And as God is my witness, he/she straightened his/her back and said, proudly. “Oh, nothing for me. I’m gonna make it. But there are people in my exact position who have it worse than me, Adam, and I wish you could help them by taking control of this country and putting it on the right track.”
“But what can I do?” I asked. “I’m only one man. And I’m not President.”
“No, that’s what I’m saying,” the lad/lass countered. “I’m suggesting that you in fact run for President and heal our nation.”
“But how?” I pressed, though I knew that this innocent wouldn’t have anything concrete to offer - just raw, honest feelings. “Only the President can fix the very real problems that you and others like you have been suffering from!”
“No, you’re not listening,” he/she pleaded. “I’ll say it very slowly. I am suggesting that you run for President of the United States.”
And my friends, I left that show that night with the impression that that bright, strong, unbowed, noble young man and/or woman was trying to tell me something that night, even if he she didn’t know exactly what she or he was trying to say. It’s an idea, vague and shapeless at first, but growing each day since the 4-6 days since I had that very real encounter with that person. And now it has solidified into a thought. A simple, humble thought.
And that is why, friends, that today, the 14th Day of February, 2007, Valentine’s Day, I am formally announcing that I have begun to think about the possibility of asking some people about the logistics of figuring out how to set up a task force to look into laying the groundwork for setting up an Exploratory Committee to determine the feasibility of me running for the Presidency of the United States of America.
It’s a big step, I know. And something that goes far beyond what that brave young boy/girl on that blustery and/or calm evening last week ever dreamed of, but there it is. America has the best of everything, and it deserves better. And I think that I might be the person to think about helping you go and git it! Who’s with me!?
Thank you, and God bless America.





50 comments
Ann
February 14, 2007 at 2:06 pm
1Brilliant! You have my vote. And I’m sure you have the 8- to 25-year-old hermaphrodite vote, too.
Now what can I do to help your campaign?
SeattleDan
February 14, 2007 at 2:23 pm
2SeattleTammy and I are with you, Adam.
Run, Adam, Run.
Something like that. Ann, we have to come up with a way to get Washington State to go…uh, what color are we going with? Blue, Red and Green are taken.
Four votes (I’m counting SeattleTony here) in Seattle is a good start.
Rebecca
February 14, 2007 at 3:04 pm
3Make that five votes. And I think Adam should go with orange. No reason, it’s just not taken.
Allison
February 14, 2007 at 3:10 pm
4Count me as your sixth vote, Adam. And since I look horrible in orange, I suggest the color purple.
Caroll
February 14, 2007 at 3:14 pm
5I read somewhere that orange is very popular right now. It is the “in” color. You might get votes based just on that.
I guess I’d better get my citizenship papers filed real quick so that I can vote for you. No one else was looking very inspirational at this point, but for you, I may take the plunge after 20 years of procrastinating.
Pastor Bobby Ray Roberts
February 14, 2007 at 3:22 pm
6If the voice you are listening to is not a booming, disembodied and melodious bass voice from somewhere up above, then you’re following a false prophet and are, therefore, damned to an everlasting Hell. I am personally penciled in for 45 minutes with Jesus everyday at 3:30 PM & he has warned me on numerous occasions to not be swayed by the siren song of 8 - 25 year old bisexuals. They will lead you on to do foolish and degrading acts. They will introduce you to dwarfs and tattoed sailors and women of ill-repute, who will ply you with false drugs and fulfillment of countless deviant sexual desires and then pleasure you further with marital aids of larger than life proportions. You will become a slave to their disgusting carnal demands; you will lose your dignity and all common sense and become the germ of inspiration for all of your subsequent sermons. These evil fornicators will hire accomplices who will hide in the dark, take photos of you in compromising positions and then threaten you with posting them on the internet, unless you bring forth offerings of untold wealth.
Ahem… not that I personally have ever
been a victim of shameless blackmailknown this to happen, but I can see where it might. Theoretically speaking, of course. So beware of false prophets is what I’m trying to say to you, Brother.It's Pat!
February 14, 2007 at 3:22 pm
7That book’s already been written Allison. (-:
Adam, here’s my suggestion: you need friends. Good friends, important friends, not these blog-lurking, obscure-book reading, LL Bean-wearing, candle-lighting, Maker’s Mark-drinking types. You need someone who can think about connections with these good friends. And then think about what those connections can do for you. And I’m just the person to do that thinking for you. And from that there would come a delightful river of gold and honey, which would configure all your vague and shapeless thoughts into a body of values that would catapult you to a position of undreamed heights.
Er, or I would, but I’m frozen on my bucket on Lake Mazaska and I can’t move. Sorry.
Tom in Santa Clara
February 14, 2007 at 3:27 pm
8Go get em Adam…..I seem to remember this happening in the run up to the last election….you’ve got my vote!
By the way, the last WWDTMs you’ve been on have been great…I still have the Pacific Grove show on CD and now on iPod too, and the podcasts of them are a really nice feature.
Handing you some Maker’s Mark…cheers and place tell the Lovely Jeanne Happy Valentines Day!
Mojo
February 14, 2007 at 3:27 pm
9what color are we going with?
The Rainbow Coalition already took all the colors of the visual spectrum and, at least theoretically, infrared and ultraviolet as well. I say we focus on turing that electoral map octarine.
piglet
February 14, 2007 at 3:45 pm
10I heard John McCain hired up all the swiftboat geniuses from the Bushy campaign.
Hey, if I threaten you with some incriminating Spike Fereston video that I got off of YouTube, would you hire me to be your evil genius?
I’m pretty evil.
becca (and brian)
February 14, 2007 at 7:36 pm
11Mojo-
Does that mean he could pick up Vetinari as a campaign strategist?
Back to lurking.
B (&B)
SeattleDan
February 14, 2007 at 8:13 pm
12B and B, are you still in the midwest, or back in the great Northwest?
Maximum Bob
February 14, 2007 at 8:18 pm
13You’re overthinking this thing, Adam. Look, it’s simple: as Churchill said, Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing, after considering every alternative. So all you have to do is convince people that you’re the last person in the country they should vote for, and you’re in. Believe me, it’s worked before.
Dale
February 14, 2007 at 9:16 pm
14In many polls, “none of the above” wins over any specific candidate. So clearly the American public is ready to vote for somebody they don’t know from Adam.
Voila!
Murray
February 15, 2007 at 6:30 am
15Well, you already have your concession speech ready, so why not? If you didn’t keep a copy, I’ve got numerous revised copies in my email archives.
When you stump in PA we can stick you on the podium with Tony Barr, who is also running in ‘08. (We’ll get you together this time).
Thinking of going with Peter again? Or have you decided that he lead to your near miss and want some new blood, like Paula or Roxanne, (maybe Sue if we can do something about her citizenship). Perhaps you could widen your search to Coop, who is very good at channeling numerous important people. Or Dee with her stinging wit. Or Ann and her mysterious tattoo. Harold has gravitas. David is angry enough. So many to choose from.
You could kick off your campaign at Grouseland’s summer party.
David
February 15, 2007 at 7:44 am
16Murray, my hero is the rodent novelist in PEARLS BEFORE SWINE. I second your nomination of Ann and her mysterious tattoo. On the other hand, waterfowler would make this a really intriguing ticket.
tim
February 15, 2007 at 8:26 am
17Can I be the first blogger you fire/ask to resign for making anti-Catholic remarks? I’m only happy to make anti-Catholic remarks for pretty much any reason, and I’ll do anything to up my page views.
Ann
February 15, 2007 at 10:53 am
18Thanks for the mention, Murray and David, but Pat has already categorized us as not good enough for Adam’s campaign. Kind of a relief, actually.
It's Pat!
February 15, 2007 at 11:33 am
19Ann, it’s not that this group is not good enough, just not the right type. I’m not the right type either. Can you imagine what lurks in Karl Rove’s brain? EEEWWW! I assume it’s mostly Dick Cheney, but ugh, I bet there are other things in there too ghastly to make a movie about.
OhioBrian
February 15, 2007 at 11:52 am
20Does that mean he could pick up Vetinari as a campaign strategist?
Vetinari would be the defining political genius of the 21st century — but he would be a Republican. Happily, he would probably be a return to Teddy Roosevelt-style pragmatism. But that still would not make him appropriate for the Felber campaign.
Adam, I think you should stick with Peter, but you might consider Roy.
And please don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t wait to see you top 2004’s barn-burner of a concession speech. I wonder if this next one will be attributed to the actual losing party too . . .
margaret
February 15, 2007 at 2:19 pm
21Don’t you need someone on the ground in New Hampshire?
~~~waving~~~
Not literally on the ground, mind you. For one thing, you can’t see it under all the snow we got in the Valentine’s Blizzard. And for another, the ground is very cold and hard at this time of year.
All of your competition are hanging out here. Hillary came last weekend. She’s coming back next weekend.
I realise a candidate with your credentials isn’t as desperate as she is. I just wanted you to be aware that I’m willing to do what I can to further your cause….
cooper
February 15, 2007 at 2:37 pm
22Adam, I’d latch on to margaret. She’s a willing participant, resides at Ground Zero (saves a lot of moola in travel and lodging expenses) and is an experienced politico, having won a stirring come-from-behind victory in her first attempt at political office - no mean task, being a free-thinker in the Land o’ Granite.
margaret
February 15, 2007 at 2:41 pm
23I forgot to mention that his loving mother would be disappointed in me if I didn’t offer to help!
That said, the offer is sincere.
Cooper, thanks for the rah-rah. Just one correction, it was my second attempt. But as you say, a stirring victory.
(Where’s that swizzle stick?)
cooper
February 15, 2007 at 2:48 pm
24Whoa. Whoa! Whoa!! Whoa!!! Wait a minute!! Back up here!!! …Ann and her mysterious tattoo? Like Ann is not exotic and intriguing enough already?…
Ann
February 15, 2007 at 4:05 pm
25If we’d all gone down to the swimmin’ hole at Grouseland, Cooper, you would’ve seen the tattoo. I never said it was mysterious!
But let’s not allow these tawdry details to derail Adam’s campaign this soon in the season. That would send the wrong message.
Dale
February 15, 2007 at 4:39 pm
26Ann for Veep! I’ve always wanted to be Third Lady!
cooper
February 15, 2007 at 4:43 pm
27Oh yes - the swimming hole. Another of life’s missed opportunities.
Murray
February 15, 2007 at 4:55 pm
28Coop, not necessarily, the pond will be in full swing for Summer Party 97.
cooper
February 15, 2007 at 5:07 pm
29Iowa’s state senate today passed a resolution opposing the troop surge in Iraq. 3 down - 47 to go.
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/02/15/stopping-the-man-in-his-track s/
Murray
February 15, 2007 at 5:08 pm
30Ann, I was the one who said that your tattoo was mysterious.
I believe that I was the only one you showed it to. *sound of heavy breathing*
Scooby
February 15, 2007 at 7:28 pm
31I mean, you got the first mainstream man of Jewish descent who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.
I mean, that’s a storybook, man.
Go for it Adam!
gillian
February 15, 2007 at 7:31 pm
32Adam, if you decide not to run, maybe Tom can pick up the torch.
Scooby
February 15, 2007 at 7:34 pm
33coop,
What are the other 2 states?
I called my state senator and assemblyman (NY) pressing for just a resolution. They personally returned my call and said they would discuss it with their leaders.
It may be time for a followup call…
cooper
February 15, 2007 at 8:14 pm
34Scooby, California (of course), VT (home of my alma mater) and now, Iowa (send a chill up your spine, Ann? BTW, is that the location of the aforementioned tattoo? Inquiring minds long to know.)
Dale
February 15, 2007 at 8:26 pm
35Ann–you have a tattoo in Iowa?
siobhan
February 15, 2007 at 8:40 pm
36I have no tattoos, though I’ve done the designs for other folks’ ink. Long ago I decided that if I ever got a tattoo, it would be a simple one - a star near the base joint of my thumb on my left hand. Dee, you would probably appreciate the significance.
Adam, sorry to have missed the chance to say hello. Maybe you’ll do the show next time I visit my sis in Chicago (we’ve already decided it’s part of the itinerary) and I’ll get my chance then.
Hubby is now home, on the sofa and off the painkillers. Life is good.
Folks, please stay off the damn phone when you’re driving. It’s hard on the pedestrians.
siobhan
February 15, 2007 at 8:43 pm
37Re-reading that, I should clarify - hubby’s painkillers were just for this past week’s surgery. All of the sudden it sounded like he was just back from a rehab program.
SeattleDan
February 15, 2007 at 8:59 pm
381. Don’t drink and dial.
2. Don’t drink and post.
3. No unattended car alarms. The rest of us don’t care.
4. No plasma screens on the dashboard.
5. No back in parking unless there is a medical need.
6. Bass speakers in the trunk are hereby verboten.
7. Can’t see out the backend of my SUV is not an excuse.
8. I didn’t see you is not an excuse.
9. Yellow means stop before you run the Red.
10. Felber/Ann ‘08
siobhan
February 15, 2007 at 9:06 pm
39SD, I nominate you to write the platform for the ticket.
If I can add one more to your list: Learn to merge.
SeattleTammy
February 15, 2007 at 9:14 pm
4012. Yield to the right, and then GO!
The Accident lyrics by JOHN PRINE
It was a 4-way stop dilemma
we all arrived the same time
I yielded to the man to the right of me
he yielded right back to mine
Well the yield went around, and around, and around,
’til Pamela finally tried
just then the man in the light blue sedan
hit Pamela on the passenger side
chorus:
They don’t know how lucky they are,
they could have run into that tree
got struck by a bolt of lightning and raped by a minority
Pamela hit her head on the mirror
Mrs. Walker got a bump on the knee
The man hit himself in the face and said
“Why does this happen to me?”
and the neighbors came out
and they gathered about
and said “Hey! Who hit who anyway?”
and the police arrived at a quarter to five
and pronounced all the victims okay
chorus
but they don’t know how lucky they are…
waterfowler
February 15, 2007 at 9:36 pm
41Adam, aren’t the “old” ideas & ways of doing things really Nancy’s way (socialist/communist). The repugs really haven’t been in charge that long. Also, if some poor soul or hermaphrodite has his or her hopes pinned on who is POTUS., I think we’d all agree that they should take another hit. This IS the greatest country on the planet and we CAN make it better, but not if we try to make it into the former ussr, which is where it seems you lefties want to take us.
David, thanks, but, no thanks. My skeletons would make Harry Reid blush, and probably Nancy, if her face could move.
becca (and brian)
February 15, 2007 at 9:59 pm
42SeattleDan-
Yes, we are once again proud left-coasters, though I am still commuting back most weeks to the Twin Cities to finish up a project. We are working on finding a weekend to go up and play in Seattle. Worst case we’ll be there Memorial Day weekend. Will the store be open then?
OhioBrian-
You’re right that he would probably be a Republican. However the thought of him running circles around Rove and his ilk was too delicious not to contemplate.
Anybody in Portland looking to hire two smart, hard-working FanAppers with good forehands (Ultimate Frisbee)?
B (&B)
Unfortunately we don’t come with mysterious tatoos…
cooper
February 16, 2007 at 4:32 am
43siobhan, a bit of dark humor that may allow you and Bill a moment to smile, especially if Bill’s still a little loopy from the meds. My driver’s ed instructor, either through an inability to pronounce the word correctly (we’ve certainly seen that lately) or because of a sick and twisted personality (ditto), would, when screaming the phrase - “Sweet Jesus, will you watch out for that ‘pedestrian’?!!!!”, use the word “pre-destined” instead. Best wishes to hubby (and to you, the default live-in nurse).
David
February 16, 2007 at 5:42 am
44One can only hope foreordination was also in play.
waterfowler, so long as you are up front immediately about the skeletons, I think you can ride it out, unless the Swiftboaters are working for the other ticket.
Alternatively, following up on gillian’s excellent suggestion, if we can find someone named Bell for the top spot to go with Toles as the #2 guy… Just a thought if Adam and Ann demur.
Murray
February 16, 2007 at 10:09 am
45America IS the greatest county on earth, I just wish it would act like it. Why is it our life expectancy, infant mortality, health care, High School test scores and belief in science rank in there with the developing nations?
I think that as the greatest nation we are growing fat and lazy living off the hard work and investment following the 2nd world war. Hard working countries like India and China will soon enough be eating our lunch.
When we give up education and research so that already wealthy citizens can get even wealthier, we have given up the fight.
Harold
February 16, 2007 at 10:12 am
46Adam, you had me at “My”.
Ah, yes. Ann’s tattoo. I remember it fondly. I think. But somehow that memory is wrapped up with a memory of riding through dark tunnels, and blood and gravel and bird feathers sticking out of my leg. Good times…
Summer Party 97, Murray? Last one into the time machine is a rotten egg!
Waterfowler, now we’re supposed to be Communists? Dammit, I must have missed a meeting! I thought we were still throwing in our lot with the Islamofascists!
Ann
February 16, 2007 at 10:54 am
47My tattoo doesn’t usually have that effect on people, Harold! And I echo your confusion about just which kind of anti-American we’re supposed to be. I didn’t realize that the USSR was particularly liberal. Hmm.
Murray
February 16, 2007 at 11:01 am
48Harold, as the late Mayor Richard J Daily would say when he was quoted mispeaking, “Don’t write what I say, write what I meant to say”.
Summer Party 07.
Turd Blossom
February 16, 2007 at 1:08 pm
49For maximum electability, I think you should change your name to “Bo Feeberman.”
SeattleDan
February 16, 2007 at 9:35 pm
50Becca and B, we’ll be here over Memorial Day Weekend, and would be happy to see you both. Good pizza joint nearby where we can relax.
Don’t know what kind of employment you guys need, but I did get this advert from the regional trade organization…it’s a PT job, but maybe a foot inside the door:
Retail clerk at the Audubon Society of Portland Nature Store. Help support the mission of the Audubon Society by working in the Nature Store. Duties include sales, customer service, ordering and receiving inventory (optics, books, gifts, etc.), answering nature questions from the public. Looking for strong customer service skills, experience with inventory and sales systems, ability to learn diverse skills and detailed information.
Hourly, part-time, non-exempt. 16 hours/weekly, $10/hr., no benefits. Submit Audubon Society of Portland application form (available at www.audubonportland.org), current resume, and cover letter to: Audubon Society of Portland, 5151 NW Cornell Rd., Portland, OR 97229, attn: Barbara Hansel. Position closes February 28.