In case you missed the stirring sight of Old Ted’s righteous indignation on the Senate floor:
That was in the middle of last week - a nearly 75 year-old man stomping around the podium, screaming and huffing and puffing and pleading for any small shred of decency from the “new-look Senate.” But it was worth it, because the Senate stood up and…
…. oh, wait. They didn’t. The minimum wage raise has still not passed. Several more pieces of Important Stuff have to be attached to it first, I suppose. Like:
- The Migratory Bird Flyover Tax Break. For every acre of land you own that may be underneath migratory paths, you get a $2,000 tax credit! The more acres you own, the more credit you get!
- The Tuffle Amendment. Named after an imaginary Senator from the state of Textuckhoma, this amendment advances a tax-free $5 million loan to any energy company subsidiary that can successfully use the word “alternative” in their “mission statement.”
- The Alternative Minimum Wage. Just like the Alternative Minimum Tax, but completely different. If you’re an employer who has trouble meeting the new minimum wage, and you have more than 1000 employees, you may be eligible to pay the AMW to your workers. Current AMW: $4.24/hour.
- The 291,000 Word Amendment. The only stipulation to this amendment is that it be read aloud on the Senate floor before it is voted on. It contains 291,000 words and will take an estimated six months of non-stop reading in session before it can be voted on. At that point, the minimum wage bill can come to the table…
Fanny Roborat
11 comments
Stephen
January 29, 2007 at 7:21 am
1Cool. I have 60 acres that birds fly over all the time. Where do I pick up the check?
Neil Dempsey
January 29, 2007 at 12:48 pm
2Brilliant! Got to take my hat off to Teddy. He hits it when he says that greed is the problem.
piglet
January 29, 2007 at 1:59 pm
3How frustrating.
Why do they get to throw anything under the Christmas Tree in one bill anyway? There oughta be a law.
Dale
January 29, 2007 at 5:08 pm
4If only Congressional salaries were pegged to the minumum wage…
Maximum Bob
January 29, 2007 at 7:35 pm
5Not to worry: I’m sure that all those straight-up-and-down-vote Republicans I’ve been listening to for the last few years will ride to Ted’s rescue.
If I were any more delusional, I’d have to run for office myself.
David
January 30, 2007 at 7:21 am
6A squadron of about 25-30 sandhill cranes flew over our 4 acres a couple of days ago. When you find out, Stephen, let all of us qualifiers know. This is exciting stuff (well, the squadron of very outspoken sandhill cranes, which were noisier than a class of 9th graders on the last day of the school year, sure were).
Man, will the lady who hosted Dick Cheney’s shotgunning of his close friend ever make out. Talk about a rebate check - oh, wait, does she actually pay any taxes?
Murray
January 30, 2007 at 7:35 am
7Perhaps the new minimum wage should be tied to CEO’s salaries. Every percentage increase in the minimum wage should be reflected in an equal raise in CEO pay, with a starting rate of 400X that of the lowest paid employee. Now everyone’s happy.
siobhan
January 30, 2007 at 6:37 pm
8David, the Armstrong ranch lady won’t get squat. The birds have to migrate over, not plummet to the ground (with falls occasionally being broken by elderly lawyers lying prone).
I’m jealous of your sandhill flyover.
Dale
January 30, 2007 at 7:24 pm
9How about the Pigeons Shitting on Your Windowsill Tax Break for us urban constituents?
David
January 30, 2007 at 8:33 pm
10Dale,
A penny a kersplat - hey, it will mount up pretty fast if you’re talking the indomitable Gotham pigeon/dove/feathered rat.
David
January 31, 2007 at 8:37 am
11siobhan, we have a mating pair of sandhills nearby that has already been around for at least two years and raised young. A couple of days I go, I happened to see them from a side road as he was doing this amazingly gangly, awkward, comical mating dance - entirely too reminiscent of my godawfully awkward teen years. Of course I was without a video cam of any kind. I was thinking how neat it would have been for a group of Felbernauts to be there with you as our tour guide.