Turnaround

Congrats on eaking out the win on WWDTM this morning. I, of course, consider your knowing who won the national championship game as what put you over the top. I would have liked a bold THE GATORS! But I’ll accept the matter-of-fact Florida (sounded like Jeez, everyone knows the answer to that one).

January 13

Dear Diary,

The beautiful thing about life is that every day is an opportunity to learn something new. The ironies of life usually involves those very things you learn along the way.

I have looked upon Laura Bush as the Rock of Gibraltar, the touchstone of sanity in a family of wasteral air heads. At least from the several social events we’ve attended in tandem, this is the impression one comes away with. Perhaps, relatively speaking (forgive the pun, Diary), this is indeed the case. I’m sure it is. But I noticed a few disturbing personality tics during our meeting yesterday that do not appear on the Official White House Bio of the First Lady.

I showed up five minutes early for the appointment and I was straight away ushered into a conference room, where Laura was the only other person. She insistantly waved me over and nearly ripped the pack of cigarettes from my hand. She prefers Rothman’s Cigarettes, an obscure but favorful brand offered by a Canadian company. Immediately she tore the filter off the first cigarette, jammed the other end into her mouth, lit the thing and breathed in what must have been a Guiness notable lungful of air, the cigarette morphing into a pile of ash as she did it.

I told her of my concern about her husband’s behavior and general state of mind of late. Her response, as she deftly ripped off four filters at a time, was “Shit far, he’s acting queer as a three dollar bill lately, that’s for sure, but really no more than normal. You’ll have to trust me on that - I’ve been with the little shit for over three decades. Dont you worry, I’ve seen him worse - hundreds of times. Now why don’t you shake me up a Martini, Blue Eyes.” She got up, walked over to a Lincoln era side table, lined the rest of the pack up like so many fallen Iraqis, pulled in impressive looking cleaver from the drawer and slammed it a good quarter of an inch into the top, neatly severing the filters from the cigarettes. “Learned that from the Sunni execution videos,” she laughed, as she turned two more Rothman’s to dust before my eyes. “Look, Dirk, I meant a Texas size Martini. Triple it up, boy.” She pulled the knife from the wood, wiped it on her dress, stuck it back into the drawer and pulled out a funnel with a rubber hose attached to the small end. “Hit me, Hunk.” So I poured the contents of the shaker into the funnel, as she put the free end of the hose into her mouth. “There, much better. Don’t sit so far away, farm boy” as she patted the sofa cushion beside her. “Oh, don’t you worry about George; if he gets too nutso, I’ll just give Momma Bush a call and she’ll jerk a knot in his ass right over the phone line. Works every time.” We spent the better part of a half hour finding out about each other’s family, while she made the pile of Rothmans disappear.

I can’t say I was anymore at ease after our meeting, but Laura did give me Barbara Bush 41’s double secret cell phone number, if the president should jam his butt into a waste basket and start rolling around the floor of the Oval Office again.

Well, Diary, time for bed.

Excuse el Inglés. Mr. Lemuel, he call on shortwave radio today. He say everyone OK. He say to tell you everyone OK - no deaths, but jungle hot and stinking like Infierno. ¿Usted entiende? You understand? He, Rocio, and others walk out soon. Over.

Hey man just wanted let u know u rule u my nigga

Turns out the “IT” is banned in the classrooms of Federal Way, which is south of Seattle. The movie inconveniently challenges the scientific mind of one Frosty Hardison, local nitwit. So, who are we to believe? Frosty? or that same day’s business section?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/cartoonsandvideos/toles_ main.html?name=Toles&date=01122007The smoking gun

Okay, I’m defeated. The title of this charming cartoon is “The Smoking Gun”. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/cartoonsandvideos/toles_ main.html?name=Toles&date=01122007

Ann–honeymoon in Dallas? (Wow, never thought I’d say those words before!)

Thanks, Adam, now I’ve got *that* song stuck in my head!
Travel safely - will Mom go with you and give the folks in Big D a twofer?

Oh my goodness, SeattleDan. And to think our youngest is about to enroll in the Federal Way school system! Fortunately, it’s only for one semester, and if necessary, I’ll show it to him at home, WITHOUT some nonsensical pseudo-opposing viewpoint!

Ohhh, but for a brief, shining moment, I can be a pain the Federal Way School Board’s butt. Can you imagine Frosty’s heart failure when a couple of liberal lesbians tell him he’s an idiot?

David, in keeping with the spirit of the occasion, wouldn’t you rather be a bridesmaid? (Either bride).

Ann: here’s the ring: http://cgi.ebay.com/LONE-RANGER-DECODER-RING-LOOK-NO-RESERVE_W0QQitemZ 260074627668QQihZ016QQcategoryZ19252QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewI tem

Now help me pick a gown—or maybe help me and Dale pick gowns. I’m a little fuzzy about that detail, but I’m sure it will become clear at some point.

Fairy Fashion

Girls, girls, girls.

I think you’ll find something for everyone here.

Murray- do you still have that bridesmaid picture? can you find a link at the newspaper? I think they would be the gowns of choice for all the bridesmaids! Everyone will be clamoring to wear it!

Dale that ? at the end should be a /.
But I still can’t see it on the mac.

Okay, I just squandered a fair chunk of time on uglydress.com , between looking at stuff (the cake!) and emailing links to friends. Dale, that just proves the value of the internets.

I hear you’re considering the SMU SexToyParty concession now that the idea of your presidential llibrary at SMU has met with serious resistance, although I don’t think there’s any way you can enforce such a concession. Maybe you could go for an exclusive on SexToyParty vending machines for co-eds who don’t trust PayPal.

And they are the Mustangs, which also brings to mind a particular Ranch, and you are a rancher, after all, so it’s really more than just L’s connection. Time to slap entrepeneurial leather again.

I don’t think y’all are taking this as seriously as you should. A girl only gets married three or four times in her life, you know! OK, five, tops.

Oh, yeah, what is this year’s POTUS SOTU drinking game. Jim Webb, who admitted to wanting to punch W in the mouth, will be giving the Democratic response (a haymaker to the jaw sounds good to me).

Oh, don’t worry honey. Bonnie’s got nothing on you. (I mean, I’m assuming. Do you have a photo I could maybe see before the wedding?)

Ann, ouch!!! Granted her hair is “BIG”, but when I listen to her sing…

BTW, I looked up Bonnie on NNDB (now there’s a place to get lost for hours) and I was pleased to see that she was born within a month of me and just down the highway in Burbank. I’ve always felt a cosmic connection to her. Of course, in my wildest fantasies, it was always more intimate and kinky than just close proximity @ birth.

Hah! Bonnie Raitt and I share the same birthday, though she is a bit older (Thank Lobster).

Bonnie Raitt, Alfre Woodard, my mother and me — November 8 is an auspicious day for strong women.

Count me in the Judy Henske corner - whatta voice that woman has! Guess I’d better mosey over to iTunes and buy some of her stuff for my iPod.

Dale, here’s a picture of Ann, its found on HAROLD’s site.
She’s in the pink, (I’m in the yellow).
http://anothermonkey.blogspot.com/2006_09_01_archive.html

Harold, is that also you jousting? Of all the people in the world to challenge to a duel, I had to pick the fucking Medieval Times guy…
Could we maybe switch to a limbo contest?