In a couple of days, I’ll be making my predictions for the New Year. But let me draw your attention to something:

In the elections, Republicans will lose both houses of Congress, which Fox News claims is “conclusive evidence that Americans hate America.”

That was from last year’s round of predictions. How do I do it? Predictology is a complicated science these days, no longer the province of crazed one-eyed Gypsy women in sparkly head-scarves and oversized earrings, peering into crystal balls and muttering over tea leaves. No, those wild days of early prediction dynamics have gone the way of the penny farthing, the telegraph, and the neoconservative movement.

Today, in my predictological lab you’ll find me examining the latest, state-of-the-art crystal-temporal spheres, mulling through the finest Darjeeling Biosensitive organic computational assistants (OCAs), and… well, wearing big earrings (but that’s a choice, not a fetishistic superstition).

Also, I use an ultra-secret predictifying engine of such uncanny power that I cannot even speak about on these pages.

Using this device, I’m readying my Predictions for 2007. I’d have ‘em ready by now, but I’ve been busy using this device, which I received for Christmas (as I privately predicted back in March).

As cool as it looks!

But now I’m ready to break out that other technological marvel and get to work on the coming year’s predictifications.

Will this year’s predictions be as startlingly accurate as last year’s? Signs point to yes. Will I once again nail the future to the present’s door? Outlook good. Will the world finally recognize me as the startlingly effective high-tech Nostradamus that I’ve become?

Reply hazy, ask again later.