Twas the Night Before the War On Christmas

There is a certain beauty and symmetry to the universe, just as I always felt. Santa, indeed, uses wormholes? Billions and billions of them? It does make perfect sense when you think about it.

You know, I’ve been dead ten years now; it seems like only yesterday. But then, time travel does mess with one’s circadian rhythm. Oh well, time to jump back through the wormhole. If you see her, give Annie a great big kiss for me.

Breaking news! A fisherman from the Chucunague area of Panama arrived in the city of Yaviza, with word of a plane crash several months ago, 30 miles east of his village. The report came to him over a crackling, static-filled shortwave radio, but he thought they’d said that, although there had been numerous injuries, everyone survived - a total of 15 in all, including the pilot. If it’s our group, that would be the correct number! Now I can tell Rocio about it. She’ll say that it’s a Christmas Miracle, but she’s always be cute and superstitious in that way. She’ll want to go there, to be sure, so I’ll be incommunicado for a while. Make notes for me on our friend, Mr. DeLay, while I’m gone. He, and one of my associates, will be taking a meeting when I get back.

When ideologically arming yourself for the War, consider the Christo-fascist musings of the United Church of God:

http://www.gnmagazine.org/booklets/HH/

When arguing the observance with your friends and family members, declare “Because God wills it, you pagan freak!”

“Do You Hear What I Hear? No.”

Time to Get Your War On Christmas…

How about “The Twelve Pays of Christmas” (on the 25th of each month, every month, for the next year. Hopefully that will be long enough to clear the debt in time for next year’s orgy. Hopefully.)

They took it down for a couple of years, but I’m happy to say that the Lighted Banana Tree is back - yes, down the road a house has a banana tree in the yard, and at Christmas they string orange lights on the trunk and green lights outlining the leaves, so it actually looks like a banana tree, all lit up. Much classier than if they tried to do the usual mixed colored lights.

And as my husband said, there go all our hopes of keeping up with the neighbors, who have put up a lighted inflatable Santa Claus jack-in-the-box on the roof of their porch. A silent lighted inflatable Santa Claus jack-in-the-box, I’m happy to say, who slides more or less straight up and then staggers rather unevenly back down into his lighted inflated chimney until only his glove and the tip of his hat show. You can just see his hat from our second-floor bathroom window, at the top of his arc.

For you east coaster weather snobs, we had an overcast and muggy Christmas Day with a honking big storm to follow tomorrow. Rain - what did you think I meant? SeattleDan and SeattleTammy already have it, from what the satellite pic shows. And you’re right, Tammy - it’s as fragile as it can be. We’re just oblivious.

No War on Christmas would be complete without the carols of P. D. Q. Bach. I sang in a chorus for a while that did “Good King Kong Walked Out”, “Oh, Little Town of Hackensack”, and “Throw the Yule Log On Uncle John”. You really must listen to those songs for a complete War on Christmas experience.

For you east coaster weather snobs…? You don’t think she’s talking about lil’ ol’ me, do you? Does this help, hedera - raining, 46F?

cooper - yuck. Awful weather. No, I’m obviously not talking about you - you’re too far south.

I’ve just finished Christmas dinner, accompanied by a bottle of 1994 Cuvaison cabernet sauvignon (maybe just a little older than we should have let it sit), and I’m feeling very mellow. I’d like to say to all the clan of Felbernauts, that I’m glad to know all of you, and I regret not having made it to Felberpalooza to meet some of you. Coming here and reading your comments lights up my life, and reassures me that there are rational people out there, no matter what the newspaper says. Merry Christmas and a Happy and prosperous New Year to all of you!

SeattleDan, bon Appetit, bro. And don’t forget to kiss the cook (and wash the dishes).

David, I thought you lived further south in Fla. We’re so glad no havoc, no matter how close, hurt you and yours. Good Kant quote.

coop, I’ve been doing dishes all day. I’d let Tammy tell you so, but she’s bushed from cooking. More dishes tomorrow, I’m afraid. Good night here, listening to music, eating and good converation. Like siobhan, I thank you all for all the good times , the good reading, the good companionship both Tammy and I get here. It’s a big blessing for us.

O.K., Let’s try this again:

mythstory

Congratulations, Sharon, and welcome to the crazy world of libraries.

I refuse to comment on the flat-panel TV, but the Hallmark Star Trek ornaments sound way cool, surprising only because they are Hallmark. I guess Hallmark has made it to the sixties…

hedera (#14)

I’m probably dating myself here but Walt Kelly and Pogo had some wonderful alternative Christmas carol lyrics. The only two that I can remember off the top of my head are “Deck Us All With Boston Charlie” and “Good King Saurkraut looked out on his feets uneven.”

Hope you are all enjoying the seasonal celebration of your choice.

Jay

Yeah, I got my first driver’s license 40 years ago, too. I had one of those special ones, an obscure California law, that allowed large and precocious two year olds to drive.

A 27″ flat panel TV is cool, and it does mean seriousness.

But SeattleTammy gave me the coolest Christmas present. Yes, the official WWDTM coffee mug! Featuring an Adam with a big head of hair! (Not dishwater safe; hand wash only).

40 years ago? So I’m running with a bunch of younsters, am I?

It was a bright sunny day, 50 years ago. Dad had to drive us there, but I passed the written test and got my learner’s permit. Because the seat of our 39 Chevrolet Master Deluxe was rusted stuck in the way back position, I had to look between the top of the steering wheel and the dashboard as I drove home, but I didn’t care. I grew fast, and before long people could tell there was actually someone driving the car. Ain’t never been a better car, and probably won’t never be one. Dad and that 39 Chevy, would that they could have stayed forever young.

Gerry, ask Dad for a ride. You’ll definitely enjoy the company, except Dad will be rooting for the Gators January 8th, 6 days before his 99th birthday.

I’ve only been driving since 1972, but I didn’t learn until after college. I was fortunate enough to grow up and go to school (two different cities) in places that had good to excellent public transportation.

Bob is not a sports fan–that’s one of the things I like about him. But we do both like movies a lot. If I didn’t work at a library with an excellent video collection, I’d have a premium NetFlix account. My new library doesn’t have anywhere near the collection that my current one has, so that may yet come to pass.

I see plenty of people who still haven’t learned how to drive. Unfortunately they’re out on the freeways every day.

Happy Holidays

I heard on the radio today that the forecast for San Jose is for temperatures of 30,000 degrees below 0. My brothers are going to have a problem.

I learned to drive the snow filled streets of Grand Rapids Mi in a ‘61 Olds. If you can wrestle that monster on slick roads you can handle anything. Buzzing around now in my Subaru is just too easy.

I wish for once that the most vocal Christmas Defenders would spend a couple of minutes reading up on the person they are defending. One third of what Jesus said was about helping the poor, and he was petty adamant about his dislike of power and wealth. He also believed in turning the other cheek, and helping your enemy. I think that if O’Reilly saw who Jesus really was and not who he wants him to be, he would be quite taken aback.

Rebecca, behave yourself! You’ll be old like us before you know it. Bru-ha ha ha ha!

Sharon, sounds like you’ve lucked out with that man of yours. No sports? - terrific!

Damn! Gosh darn! …http://www.rawstory.com/news/2006/Novak_Conservatives_may_resign_over _DeLay_1225.html

There’s this great old children’s book called Mrs Coverlet’s Magicians wherein one character, the 6 year old troublemaker, sings such classics as “Good King Wence’s Car Backed Out On the Feet of Stephen,” and “Dig the Holes With Trowels, By Golly,” not with any mischievous intent, but because he doesn’t know the actual words.

Some of us never learn to drive . . . not cars, at least.

It was a big plus for my (then prospective) husband on one of our first dates, when we wondered why the winery we were touring was so empty, and realized it was because the entire staff was in the back watching the Stupid Bowl… A man who doesn’t watch sports obsessively, or at all, is a major catch. Of course, mine goes hiking for a week at a time, but that doesn’t involve the TV. In fact, we haven’t turned the TV on except to watch DVDs and tapes for at least 10 years. I think you might at least wonder what he does plan to watch on that 27 inch flat panel - as long as it’s just DVDs…

historyenne, I adore the troublemaker’s carols. They remind me of the old classic hymn, “Christ the Royal Master Leans Against the Phone”.

Rebecca, the older you get, the more like your parents you will become, but as for the grey hair - there’s always Clairol! “You’re not getting older, you’re just getting blonder,” as one of Charlotte MacLeod’s characters commented.

Hedera beat me to reminding Rebecca that one can be brunette (or blonde, or red for pity’s sake) for as long as one pleases. And my niece knows that part of my annuity will be used to purchase (and apply) Flaming Auburn to my hair when I am no longer able to make my wishes known.

She has my Hair Power of Attorney.

I’m coming VERY late to this party, having just found you through a linky at FDL, but I had to tell you how much I love the Mondegreen “Hark, it’s Harold’s Turn to Sing.” I sort of collect them, and this is a classic. Thanks! (I’d always heard it was “Hark, The Harelipped Angel Sings…”) I’ll be back now that I’ve found you.

For those who went to see Handel’s “Messiah” this season, i hope you enjoyed the arias “The Strumpet Shall Sound”, and “Every Highway Shall be Asphalted” and the bestiality chorus “We All Like Sheep”