This one is from the White House, in the form of a Christmas video starring the First Dog, Barney. It also stars the other White House lap animals, Miss Beazley (Not “Ms.”, thank you) a cat named Kitty, and Tony Snow.
(Or take a look here if you can’t watch the video from this page.)
OK. And you thought the Iraq conflict was mirth-free and agonizingly slow. A few other thoughts:
- We see the President acting for the camera, the first time since the shoot for his “National Guard Proof-of-Service” glossies. And, with a straight face, he chides Barney for not giving enough “thought to the plot.” Hopefully, the dog can call on some of Bush’s dad’s friends to form an advisory panel.
- Barney, while thinking over said “plot,” retreats to the White House library and discovers a book on “Choreography.” No doubt a dusty tome left over from the Buchanan administration.
- Barney meets with OMB Director Rob Portman and Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson, who tells Barney, “We’re out of money.” That’s the first time any member of the Bush administration has ever said those words.
- During the audition sequence, we are introduced to the magnetism of Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings, whose complete inability to perform suggests some rather future brutal cuts to “arts” in our schools.
- Fortunately, Karl Rove comes by to liven up the scene, putting viewers in the unfortunate position of having to say, “You know, Karl Rove’s pretty good.” By the way, during the end credits, Karl Rove is one of the few people not identified by his title. He is just “Karl Rove.” I understand that the actor Topol, when asked to list his profession on any written material/applications, etc., usually just writes, “Topol.” I guess what I’m trying to say is…Karl Rove is OUR Topol.
- Emmitt Smith makes a cameo. Since I am not a sports fan or a Dancing with the Stars fan (a niche demo am I), I thought for a second that the Bush Administration suddenly had a new black dude. Although Smith’s brief words of advice were probably taken more seriously than any offered by Colin Powell.
- Note that Tony Snow offers up a most “continental” HAPPY Christmas. No doubt a leftover from all those years sending off cards to Mr. Murdoch.
- Who the hell are Gary Walters and Dale Haney? Mr. Haney’s cry of “Unbelievable” really rings true.
- Those Marines, playing music for a dog, are the five luckiest Marines on the face of the Earth right now.
- What has Dolly Parton done to herself?
- After all this struggle, what does Barney finally produce? “The Nutcracker!” Seriously, “fresh ideas” seems to be an “interspecies” challenge for this family.
[NOTE: The Daily Show offers a very funny “interior monologue” for Barney:
And here’s an alternate link for the video.]





55 comments
Harold
December 20, 2006 at 9:08 am
1Wow, Rove’s a dick even in Barney’s video.
Best line (so far): “Say, what’s the plot about? I can see by the look on your face that you haven’t even thought about the plot.”
Harold
December 20, 2006 at 9:47 am
2In the Bush White House alphabetical order, “A” apparently comes after “B”.
Why did Dolly Parton have a golf ball implanted into her chin?
Mary(from CA)
December 20, 2006 at 9:58 am
3This just hit me - Did the Bushs choose to acquire pets that are black for a reason or was it chance?
Are they included in the White House demographics?
Bob
December 20, 2006 at 10:27 am
4What disturbed me about the video (or at least the bits I saw in the great Daily Show coverage of it) is that my cat is apparently a closet Bush supporter. I’m watching the video, aghast, when suddenly Laura Bush appears holding MY CAT! He’s been cheating on us, flying off to DC, and appearing in the White House holiday video. Oh, the shame. On the other hand, it does explain why he hates my wife so much, as she’s had the cat for 14 years and he’s had plenty of time to learn how liberal she is.
Bob
piglet
December 20, 2006 at 11:56 am
5Wow. It doesn’t even feel good any more to find another thing that the White House sucks at.
nato
December 20, 2006 at 12:53 pm
6Yet another fun Barney-Cam with voiceover. And in this one, he’s (kind of) Scottish.
Dale
December 20, 2006 at 4:04 pm
7I bet Colin Powell watched the video and thought fondly of when he was the only black male coerced by the White House into putting on a lame farce performance and then treated like a dog.
David
December 20, 2006 at 4:10 pm
8Dolly is just compulsively, genuinely nice, and her heart is even bigger than her hooters. Emmitt I have no explanation for.
David the half century plus Gator (since I was a lad of 9) who will require therapy to overcome the fact that the best running back in Gator gridiron history participated in anything associated with Vacuous George. Emmitt how could ye?
Ann
December 20, 2006 at 4:13 pm
9I thought Mo was in charge of White House pet-related humor! Chris, you’d better watch your back.
Turd Blossom
December 20, 2006 at 5:58 pm
10What I like is that Dubya doesn’t ask “What’s the plot” but instead “What’s the plot about?” Perhaps Barney should answer “The plot?” “That’s what it’s about!”
Mary
December 20, 2006 at 6:22 pm
11This cost the taxpayers how much?????? We was robbed. Red, Sula and I could have done better for far less. It would also have been shorter and had a real plot.
And who in the White House even knew of YouTube??? I’m shocked, shocked I say!!
Boofus McGoofus
December 20, 2006 at 6:39 pm
12Well, after all these years, I’ve finally found something nice to say about President Bush: he has cute pets. 6 years in, that’s the best I can come up with.
Also, I thought the Marine Corps band is the “Commandant’s Own” not the “President’s Own.” Are we feeling a little desperate for attention, Mr. President?
SeattleTammy
December 20, 2006 at 9:03 pm
13We came, we watched, we were entranced by the Joycean interior monologue. Barney is one wise dog. At least in the Daily Show version.
David
December 21, 2006 at 4:24 am
14St. Mary’s,MD 64 - College of N.J. 63, dammit.
cooper,
Glad to see Charlotte-Mecklenberg school district is on the ball with banning that gay penguin book AND TANGO MAKES THREE. Can’t be having children exposed to the idea that same sex nurture parents can occur in nature. Ten years since the last book banning (BE SAFE ABOUT SEX). ‘Bout time the Thought Police rose again. Can’t be having C-M drifting back to the days when, along with Louisville, KY, it set the standard for enlightenment among Southern school districts.
You guys gonna be able to overturn this kooky “traditional values” nonsense?
cooper
December 21, 2006 at 9:31 am
15David, it’s already done. The Superintendent of Schools ordered the ban. He’s new to the job. He now knows that there are procedures to follow and lawyers to check with, before you do something stupid like ban a book. The books are back on the shelf and all is well, except for the Super, who got ripped a new one. BTW, his name is David Gorman and he came to us from Miami via California. Actually, I think he’s going to be a good one, once he gets acclimated.
Hey Mary. Good to have you back. How was school?
Dirk's Diary
December 21, 2006 at 9:50 am
16August 29
Dear Diary,
I’ve been tossing around a few possible titles for my new memoir. How about, “The Adventures of Dirk Kempthorne, Selfless Public Servant, Eighth In Line For The Presidency”? Or “Why Me? Why Anybody? – My Life in the White House by Dirk Kempthorne”? Oh, wait, the “Why me, why anybody?” line is from one of Kurt Vonnegut’s books. You think he’d sue if I used that? Oh well, I’ll just leave it in for now.
Patricia’s been acting pretty queer lately. Wait, strike that. I should say Patricia has been acting rather strangely of late. (I forgot the Vice President nearly has a stroke when he hears that word, plus you have to bend over and let him kick you in the ass 3 times, if he catches you saying it. This crowd of Bush Boys is even more qu**r than I thought.) Anyway, Patricia says some of the girls in her social club have complained about salty “western language” and thinks I should refrain from using certain words. Such as “fuck”, “shit”, “piss” and “sumbitch”. “Damn” – whoops, I forgot, that’s another one. Gosh, those words are everyday parlor talk back home. This is going to be hard. I’m beginning to wonder if this quest of mine is worth it. Of course it is. Forget I said that, diary.Jim (OJNTNJ)
December 21, 2006 at 11:24 am
17Mary (from CA)(Post #3),
Not all of Bush’s pets are black. Tony Snow looks pretty pasty to me. Yep, the Bush White House is a veritable Rainbow Coalition.
Boomer, re html tags: I think you can quote Henry Higgins now: “By jove, I do believe he’s got it!”
Jim (OJNTNJ)
December 21, 2006 at 11:26 am
18Dang it! the word ALL from my prior post was, underlined in the preview
Jim (OJNTNJ)
December 21, 2006 at 11:27 am
19Sigh…The rine in spine stys minely on the pline.
Mary
December 21, 2006 at 11:35 am
20[Let’s see if Fanny will let this thru this time.]
Just how much did that little bit of PR fluff cost the tax payers??? Talk about dumb. At least Barney had the decency to look embarrassed by it.
I am impressed that someone in this administration actually knows about YouTube.
K. V. Jr.
December 21, 2006 at 2:20 pm
21Dirk, you’re safe as far as the plagarism charge goes. The correct quote is: “Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything?”.Those Tralfamadorains are “stellar” philosophers, aren’t they? And you have a piss-poor memory. Lay off the juice, Bucko.
Murray
December 21, 2006 at 4:38 pm
22I can see why the president can’t get out a new strategy for Iraq until next year. Too busy doing important things, like taping a new Barney Video.
Hey, maybe if it snows in January, he can put it off until spring. By then God will have made everything better.
another Matt
December 21, 2006 at 4:51 pm
23but the german guard said, after striking the prisoner “Vy you? Vy anybody?” if memory serves.
Murray
December 21, 2006 at 4:54 pm
24My God! I just watched the first couple of minutes of this nonsense, (It takes forever for it to download) and when Barney goes to the library the first book he looks at is The Wizard of Oz.
Wow, the story of a fake who fools the people into believing he is a leader through smoke and mirrors, and is finally revealed in the end.
Even Barney knew that that one was too close to home.
Lemuel
December 21, 2006 at 5:11 pm
25Hey, guys. Did you miss me? What a great time we’ve been having down here in Guatemala. The internet opportunities have been scarce, so let me get you up to speed.
As you may remember, Rocio and I were planning to fly down to Venezuela to conduct a few business deals and enjoy a little R & R. Just before we were to board the plane - we were on the tarmac, walking to the ramp when Rocio got a call on her cell from the relief agency she’s volunteered for in the past. It seems there was a group of nuns, widows and orphans that desperately needed to get to Bolivia and save a group home for lepers from being bulldozed down to make way for the new mansion of a local narco-terrorist. The agency said that these people were right there at the our airport and only had 4 hours in which to get to La Paz, rally the local religious groups into a protest march and, if necessary, lay down in front of the bulldozers to save the home. Me? I said ” Well, that’s too bad. I guess they’re fucked, aren’t they?”, but Rocio would have none of that kind of talk. She can be very persuasive when rights need to be righted. So “Good bye, airplane to Caracas”, “Hello slow cockroach infested freighter to Belize”. I hope they got down there all right. All kinds of things can go wrong in Central America, believe you me.
There is so much I need to catch you up on, but we’re timing out here at the internet cafe and a huge crowd of huge men seem interested in checking their e-mail (sure!) and I’m getting “The Look” from a few of them right now. Oh, and the big news is that Rocio is pregnant! More on that later. Hasta la vista, compadres.
Hot Tub Tommy
December 21, 2006 at 5:47 pm
26Oh, great! Just what we need - another friggin’ Christmas miracle!
SeattleDan
December 21, 2006 at 7:56 pm
27OT, but I just saw Lauren’s comment in the War on Christmas Shopping thread. Yes, I still have some signed (almost wrote singed and that could be accurate, too) copies of Adam’s book. Just click on my website and you can email me at the bookstore. The book comes with free bubble wrap that provides hours of endless entertainment.
cooper
December 21, 2006 at 8:14 pm
28OT, well, lookit here - http://www.newyorkobserver.com/20061225/20061225_Daisy_Carrington_love _bornyesterday.asp
Susie, don’t worry about the C-section scar. Having a baby, in and of itself, pretty much ends one’s bikini days. Cute kid, though, don’t you think?
David
December 21, 2006 at 8:45 pm
29cooper,
Glad to hear the good ship C-M school district has righted itself, so to speak. And thanks for the link to the NYO article on little Hugo.
Such a door prize…
P.W. Fenton
December 22, 2006 at 3:44 pm
30I wonder how many Americans and Iraqis died while while they spent their time on this crap. Isn’t Rove supposed to be gone?
Lemuel
December 22, 2006 at 4:15 pm
31I’ve been searching some of the archives just to see what I’ve missed while we’ve been down here in the Republica de Guatemala . I saw a rather distressing post by Mr. DeLay about one of his friends tinkering with the plane Rocio and I had chartered to Caracas, the one we gave up to the nuns, widows, and orphans so they could get down to La Paz in time to save the group home for lepers. The plane developed “engine touble” over the jungle and crashed. I hate to keep secrets from Rocio, but I don’t think she needs to know about this one. The orphans - especially the little crippled girl that reminded Rocio of her best friend in grade school - had such beautiful smiles and hopeful attitudes about their future. The nuns and widows blessed us and prayed for us to have a bountiful life. It looks like Mr. DeLay and I have unfinished business. Rocio and I will be returning the the U.S. shortly after New Years. Sorry about this downer post. Have a good and safe holiday. We’ll be in touch.
Lemuel
hedera
December 22, 2006 at 5:16 pm
32You learn something every day. Since I pretty much can’t stand to watch or listen to Dubya, I knew he had a dog, but didn’t realize he had Scotties! Scotties - they look like dust mops with little feet! (I’ve now offended every Scottie aficionado in the world, but they do.) I thought the dog came off better in the Daily Show segment, but still.
Is there some cosmic significance to the fact that all the White House animals are black??
siobhan
December 22, 2006 at 5:47 pm
33Hedera, someone at Crooks and Liars or Jesus’ General (the two other stops on my daily circuit) commented that all of the White House pets are black - except Tony Snow.
cooper
December 22, 2006 at 6:07 pm
34Tony Blair is black?
gillian
December 22, 2006 at 6:23 pm
35Is this where the I Like Tom Toles Fan Club meets?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/cartoonsandvideos/toles_ main.html?name=Toles&date=12192006
Pope Benny, 16
December 22, 2006 at 6:47 pm
36Oh good! Just in time for the Celebration of the Birth of the Christ Child(TM), a slug fest between Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump. (Rosie does have a good Trump combover impersonation, I must say. Whereas, The Donald is a particularly vicious prick, isn’t he?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzl9ubSyZ7o
May God have mercy on their souls!
David
December 22, 2006 at 8:44 pm
37Let it rip, I say. And thanks, gillian, for the Toles ‘toon. Love Toles, hate the people he skewers.
cooper
December 23, 2006 at 5:06 pm
38The Rolling Stones Yearbook 2006 is out. Here are a few of the headlines:
“Rick Santorum Predicts Such Perversity Will Inevitably Lead to Leopard-on-Hippo Sex”
“Ken Lay: Civil Rights Hero”
“Huge Freaking Hole in the Ozone Layer Gets Even Larger”
To Hugo Chavez - “Hey, Don’t Worry The U.S. Government Sucks At Invading Oil-Rich Countries”
“…And In Other Penis-Pump News”
“Glaciers Retreat - Bush Winning War On Ice”
“Will the Last Tuna to Leave Please Turn Out the Lights”
Being the Headline editor at Rolling Stone would be a sweet job, don’t you think?
cooper
December 23, 2006 at 5:11 pm
39Eat flamin’ death, Fanny! Spammed out again. I guess it was the “P*n*s-Pump” headline this time.
siobhan
December 23, 2006 at 5:36 pm
40After listening to today’s WWDTM, I just have to say it’s worth it to have a certain piece of 70s arena rock rattling around my head just for the laugh it gave me during the show.
(I wonder if Barney would appreciate Roy’s Scottish joke?)
cooper
December 23, 2006 at 5:51 pm
41siobhan, the kilt joke was particularly choice, don’t you think? I was quite surprised that one made it past the censors.
Katie
December 23, 2006 at 8:37 pm
42Suzie -
I understand. 54 hours of induced labor and then an emergency C when they lost a heartbeat. I have a 16″ scar (since they were in a wee bit of a hurry), but a beautiful, wonderful boy that makes up for it.
Cheers!
Katie
p.s. WHEN do we get to see updated pics of the little ankle biter?!
siobhan
December 23, 2006 at 9:21 pm
43cooper -
First, I have to remember to compiment you for #34.
Second, spouse also laughed out loud at said joke. Laughed again when I reminded him that they’ve had since Thursday to decide whether or not to endure the protest letters from Caledonians and Picts, and decided to go for it.
Murray
December 24, 2006 at 7:37 am
44I hope that everyone got to celebrate Winter Solstice properly, and that your vision has returned.
A Christmas Story. (This one’s true)
My wife Jane told me that she wanted silver hoops for Christmas, so I went out to my favorite place for fun things and asked if they had silver hoops. They had lots of them but the ones that looked best to me were black.
They adorned a pretty recumbent bike.
This bike had been on close-out with Cannondale for years so I gave them an offer and at 1/4 the list price I took it home.
I had an elaborate scheme worked out for her family Christmas party but last weekend was so nice and she said that her neck and hands wouldn’t allow a ride on the tandem, (Rheumatoid Arthritis), so I brought it out early.
Skipping ahead a week to yesterday, Tony called and wanted to go for a ride on the Pike 2 Bike. He was going to pull his 2 toddlers in the bugger, so Jane and I agreed to join him on our bikes. Tony mentioned that he had gotten my email that relayed how I had gotten the bike for Jane. Tony says “I’m reading the email, Jane wants jewelry, you buy her a bike, and I’m thinking, this could be really dangerous Murray”.
As it turns out, it was a good move. She can ride the bike with out the normal pain in her hands and neck and it’s a great deal of fun. We have already ridden many more miles than we could have done on the tandem.
Happy Holiday’s folks.
dee
December 24, 2006 at 8:41 am
45Murray, you are one lucky man.
Happy Christmas to all. Tonight is the traditional Polish Christmas Eve dinner at my sister’s. And then tomorrow the traditional Christmas morning with two nephews who still believe. What fun.
I hope all of you are celebrating just the way you want — either resting in the bosom of you family or on an island in the sun, away from it all.
God bless us, everyone.
SeattleDan
December 24, 2006 at 10:47 am
46Amen, dee. Merry Christmas to all our fellow Felbernauts!
cooper
December 24, 2006 at 12:28 pm
47dee, Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia!
siobhan, Nollaig shona duit!
and to all the other festive free-thinkers out there - Happy Holidays!
cooper
December 24, 2006 at 1:30 pm
48siobhan, are you feeling these or is this all old hat to you.
cooper
December 24, 2006 at 1:32 pm
49Sorry, about the last comment. My HTML skills are still not up to speed. I was referring to this: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/24/quakes.ap/index.html
David
December 24, 2006 at 7:24 pm
50Seriously festive holiday greetings to FAers everywhere. A yule toast to all y’all good people, or as my students from student teaching days in New Jersey would say, you guys (this I first learned from the girls in one of the classes - my southerness intrigued these children of Bordentown).
siobhan
December 25, 2006 at 7:25 am
51Cooper, I happened to be in the car at the time, so felt nada. I’m not jaded by quakes yet, so the little ones still provide a minor thrill (as well as reminding me that, yes, I do indeed live in the wonderful Bay Area).
As I was typing that, I noticed that we were getting a phenomenal red-sky-at-morning thing, and had to dash out to take a slew of pix.
Dawn over the ocean looked like a sunset this morning.
hedera
December 25, 2006 at 6:22 pm
52Cooper, I felt the last 2 of the shakes - in fact the middle one woke me up. The epicenter is about half a mile from my house (and 9 miles down…) I was out caroling Wednesday night and missed the first one although one of our audiences asked us if we felt it. I’m trying to convince myself that a few small shakes don’t add up to fore-shocks for The Big One. That’s what the USGS boys are all saying.
With cooper, I am astounded that Roy’s Scottish joke got past the censors. Maybe they didn’t get it until the tape was cut.
David
December 25, 2006 at 7:59 pm
53Florida sits on a granite tongue, but it’s like 5,000 feet down, so we have a shock absorber between us and the tremors, and even as global warming inundates us we will apparently remain immune to quakes, so bring your Foldboats and come on down before the Big One reduces what I think is the loveliest city in America to landfill.
Murray
December 28, 2006 at 5:40 am
54About 15 years ago we survived a 2.0 quake in Columbia, MD. The house shivered for a second and Jane yelled from up stairs, “What the Hell are you doing down there?”
David
December 30, 2006 at 6:41 pm
55OK, Murray, what the hell were you doing? Inquiring minds want to know.