From CNN:

WASHINGTON (AP) — The postelection debate over Iraq is intensifying as members of Congress from both parties pose remedies and the Bush administration hunts for answers…

And a Pentagon review of Iraq has come up with three options — injecting more troops into Iraq, shrinking the force but staying longer or pulling out, The Washington Post reported Monday.

The newspaper quoted senior defense officials as dubbing the three alternatives “Go big, go long and go home.”

I hate to contradict the Pentagon. Then again, they’ve bungled more wars than I have in the past decade, at least if you don’t count my July, 2000 “Siege of Montreal.” And I want point out that although I wasn’t greeted as a liberator, per se, the conflict did end amicably and I eventually paid the check. With tip.

Now that I’ve laid out my credentials, I’m here to tell you that our choices in Iraq are not limited to “Go big, go long, or go home.” We’ve got options.

Go Bad - We order our troops not to bathe anymore. Ever. Within a week, there’s a heavy stench emanating from them. By month’s end, the air above the Green Zone is literally green. Then we refuse to leave until the factions patch up their differences. It should take about two months, I’d guess. Three, tops.

Go Back - It’s been suggested by many a fundit, but what if we DO allow Saddam Hussein to escape and regain power? There’s little doubt that he and his army will be very, very weak at first. Which gives us time to organize an international coalition, with lots of allies, deep pockets, and unquestionably noble goals… and invade again. This time, we could even come up with some ideas about what to do in case there’s an insurgency, a new concept that the boys down in the Felber think tank are calling “planning ahead.”

Go Broke - This is probably going to happen anyway. We’d might as well make it look like a strategy.

Go Bananas - We still haven’t managed to screw things up SO royally that the Iraqis have no other choice but to band together to evict us. The advantage of this strategy is that we’re halfway there.

Go Bears! - We redirect all our energy into establishing a baseball league in Iraq, transforming our military into coaches, umpires, and groundskeepers. Eventually, the whole country will fall in love with a little underfunded team of Kurdish misfits from just north of Kirkuk, managed by an irascible but ultimately lovable old sergeant. Arms will be laid down as everyone cheers the plucky youngsters on as they prepare for the big game…

I admit that the above options aren’t foolproof, and there are still some details to be worked out, but they could be worse.

It already is.