Madam Nancy

If I had ever seen the “Kill Bill” movies, I would say it involved a yellow track suit and a ninja sword. But I haven’t, so I can’t.

Yay! Return of Borg Condi! It’s been so long since Pets; I’ve missed her.

If we want to stick with the Kathleen Turner image:

Nancy to Dubya: You aren’t too smart. I like that in a man.

I hope none of this happens. Now that Don Rumsfelt is gone, I need Mr. Cheney more than ever. Come on, Barney, let’s go for a run!

Are we including bad fantasies? If so, I have this horrible image stamped on my brain where Nancy Pelosi is, for some reason, playing the role of the egg-laying Jewess from Borat. Only instead of the egg containing a “Jew chick” that the Kazakh children are encouraged to smash, it contains the “viable Democratic Presidential contender” (as yet unidentified) that the House Republicans are encouraged to smash.

Apologies. My nightmares have definitely gotten more surreal and paranoid over the past few years.

Gee, mine involves her saying to Dubya, “Here’s the deal. I don’t go after you for war crimes or impeachment. In return, you KEEP Cheney as your VP instead of replacing him next year with a viable Republican presidential candidate. Got it? You replace him, you go to jail. That’s the only deal you get.”

Ah, such dreams I have…

Lets stick with the Italian themes. She sitting in a silk suit and Bush is all “Here’s how’s its gonna be” with her. She waits a moment and says, “You can have my answer right now, Mr. President. Here’s my offer: Nothing. Not even the fee for the gaming license, which I would appreciate if you will pay out of your own pocket.”

Awe, all my fantasies involve Bush suggesting a good Republican “interior decorator” and Pelosi, smiling sweetly, saying, “Sorry, I’m not into Karthleen Harris-style of white trash.”

Oh sure, I throw the Burns and Allen thing up last night on the Election Day Semi-Open Thread and nobody notices (comment #118, including the obligatory “Say Goodnight, Gracie!”), but Siobhan mentions it today and she gets a Holy Cow! from Mo Rocca. Now I feel old and neglected. Where’s my Holy Cow, Mo?

Holy Cow!!! Nato’s right. He was first to mention it. But Siobhan and I came by the connection independently and honestly. Those of us possessing advanced cultural knowledge of TV shows of the 1950’s and 60’s really should stick together, don’t you think? I guess Mo likes to be a divider and not a uniter. Even though you get favorable treatment from the current cultural icons, Siobhan, we won’t hold it against you. (Nato, I bet growing up she was the teacher’s pet, you think?)

Really off topic - Bill Maher, talking about the hypocracy of Republican gays who gay-bash, outed Ken Mehlman on The Larry King Show.
http://movies.crooksandliars.com/LKing-BillMaher-MehlmanGay.mov

Madam Speaker Nancy Pelosi and President Boy George Bush are standing beside each other behind a wide podium. They are leaning toward each other, President Boy George Bush whispering something in Madam Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s ear.

A parabolic snooper antenna picks up President Boy George’s strained voice as he mutters, “Madam Speaker, would you let go of my balls?”

Madam Speaker continues to smile coolly as she turns her attention back to the audience.

Siobhan, I saw an Osprey w/ a fish in it’s talons this morning. Do they always point them staight ahead for aero-dynamics?
David, check out Terry Bowden’s bracket if only the NCAA had a playoff system.
Mo, thanks for the nightmares.

Fowler,

He must have Florida v. Texas. That would be a good ‘un. Since my masters is from the College of New Jersey (formerly Trenton State), I had to root for Rutgers.

Just for the record, I’ve been thinking of Burns and Allen for the last couple of days as well, but I kept thinking that I must be hearing incorrectly. Surely any radio announcer worth his or her salt would have pointed it out by now.

Here in the 5th District of Connecticut it’s a balmy 51 degrees F, expected to reach 58. I know it doesn’t sound warm by Charlotte standards, but it is warm for here for this time of year. Last winter was relatively mild as well.

I wanted to add something to this fantasy list, but it doesn’t qualify on two counts: first, it doesn’t involve Nancy Pelosi and, second, it appears that prosecuting Rumsfeld and others for war crimes isn’t a technically a fantasy anymore. That’s what he gets for that “old Europe” comment…

nato, my what a lovely day it’s been. You mentioned it was 33F, but remember, it’s a dry cold. Where are you in Idaho - Cours de Laine? I guess you’re on the wrong side of the Rockies for Chinook winds to help out any. Bummer. When I lived in Great Falls and the Chinooks came in the winter, it would go from 0 to 30F in about an hour - I remember thinking it felt like spring had arrived.

It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. The Democratic Senators are traveling home, raking leaves, eating pie, watching football. Suddenly the phone rings. A deep female voice is on the other hand. “Boys.” she says. “It’s Nancy. Cheney & co. are planning to break into the Smithsonian tonight and replace the Bill of Rights with an altered Homeland Security version. We’ve got 24 hours. Meet me behind the sanitation dock at the National Museum at nineteen hundred. Your country is counting on you, boys.” The Dems jump into action. There’s Barack Obama, the sexy hearthrob. Russ Feingold, the cute little one. And Edward Kennedy, the one with the troubled past.

The citizens of the US never know how close they came. The plot foiled, the tired but proud Senators return to their respective homes, just in time to carve the turkey. As they wave goodbye, an IM comes in on their Blackberries. “Good work, Angels. — Nancy.”

Okay, I just checked Adam’s bio @ Wikipedia and someone has besmerched it. To wit:

Adam Felber is a member of the Cheese Explorer’s Club; traveling the world to find different cheeses and explore them both physically and emotionally. His book, “Frankly My Dear, I Don’t Give Edam: Two Years In The Gobi Desert” won the Very Gouda Book Prize and made the Cheese Retailers’ Society Monthly Newsletter Bestseller List for 87 weeks straight, losing out the number one spot only once to a reprint of Stephen King’s “The Stand.”

This whole ugly incident has stench of 6 month old Limburger with all the mold and vile humors associated with that Godforsaken inferior class of cheese and it has the fingerprints of a malcontent with too much time on his/her time. Of course, I’m assuming it one of you. So you can just sit there and not move a muscle until we learn who among you is the culprit. I’ve got all the time in world. And I’ve got the strap, you little twerps.

I think it was Mr. Mustard in the library with the socket wrench.

Dale, what you doing up so late?

(All right, that’s it! Next time we’re at recess, Chevon’s going down…)

Close, Cooper. I have a small house on the prairie just outside of Post Falls. For the moment, my nearest neighbors to the left and right are half a mile away, but by the end of next year, the field to my right will be the home of a megachurch and the field to my right will most likely be another addition to the closest golf course/subdivision. They sure do love their subdivisions, golf courses and commercialized mega-g/God around here.

Chevon, thanks for posting.

Without any disrespect to our veterans, and I do respect them, I think I’m the first one in with this from today’s WWDTM:

The correct answer on bluff-the-listener was a new product: Season Shot, which is made in various flavors with a biodegradable binder. No more number 4 shot in your teeth at Thanksgiving dinner.

I think this is just the thing for waterfowler, it comes in various flavors. Surely they’ll have one he likes.

Lobsteramighty,

We held on. Florida v. Texas would be an intriguing matchup, Fowler, but at this point the Longhorns would have to be favored. We won ugly, we needed some luck, but it’s college football, and we won. Tuesday by a froghair in the Senate, and now Florida by a froghair. My heart can’t take a whole lot more of this.

She … then uncrosses and recrosses her legs. The angle is perfect. The chamber falls silent. Cheney slumps over.

Your surge protector! Don’t leave home without it!

Adam: please, please tell me that you didn’t have to leave the Felberpalooza early and take a redeye back to Los Angeles just so you could CAVORT THROUGH SOMEBODY’S LAWN SPRINKLERS WHILE WEARING NOTHING BUT YOUR UNDERPANTS!!!!

‘Cause the clothing looked familiar before you removed it, as did the haven’t-shaved-in-two-days whiskers.

TalkShow keeps getting funnier and funnier.

waterfowler, most birds are dumb as a post and will carry the fish sideways. Many of them so dumb they get shot from the sky flying over the seemingly safe expanse of Godforsaken wilderness, often referred to as Texas. Hope that helped - can’t do anything about the asshat part, as you can see.

Harold,

I saw that, too. So that really was what Adam was wearing to Felberpalooza? Maybe it was commentary that Adam needed a shower after catching a red-eye. I know I mention that to my boyfriend whenever he so much as thinks of skipping a shower.

Hedera, it could well have been 11:11 and not 11:00. It’s been 12 years, and my memory isn’t always trustworthy on the details. Besides, I don’t think I normally wore a watch back then.

Fowler, I just saw the osprey question. My answer is: I dunno.

The aerodynamics explanation is one I’ve often heard, but I don’t know how much difference it would make at their relatively slow flight speeds. Besides, the fish usually has a gaping mouth as it’s being hauled, which seems to negate the aero-advantage. Maybe it puts the osprey’s talons in the best position to finish off the fish quickly, so that it stops wiggling and is easier to hold onto.

I prepared a study skin of an osprey a few years ago, and they have a pretty cool adaptation for hauling slippery fish - the scales on the bottom of their feet are modified so that instead of being smooth, they’re coarse like really large-grit sandpaper. Awesome birds.

Waterfowler,

I’m happy about the first thumpin’, of course, but sorry about what happened to the ‘Horns. Sounds like it was an ambush - one of those aspects of college football that hurt for the losing team, but also part of what makes college football what it is.

Mojo,

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Don’t kid yourself that South Carolina is a weak team.

BTW, go Wolverines! This Saturday will determine the year.

An interesting bit about osprey and how they carry their fish: Whether they are right clawed or left clawed (i.e., which claw is forward) is a learned behavoir. The young use the same positioning as the parent and they don’t switch hit, as it were. This was told to me by a behavioral ornithologiest colleague so it has high credibility to me. I don’t know if both parents give care to the young and if so what if a young bird has a right clawed father and a left clawed mother….

(I’m trying to create a metaphor for mixed religious or political party parentage but it is too forced)

libby,

From way on up the road, glad to see a 24-year-old posting. And remember, as Satchel Paige said, if you didn’t know how old you was, how old would you be? And from a card I saw - young, old, just words.

Re ospreys: I was on the St. Johns yesterday. Osprey to the right of us, osprey to left…and manatees in Blue Springs.

Murray,

I’m pulling for the Maize and Blue in The Showdown.

Between the playoffs, World Series, election and now the Big Game, my fingernails haven’t stood a chance since early October. They are down to bare nubbins now and you wouldn’t have believed how long and strong they were back in August.

Ah well. Perhaps by Christmas…

Re: Osprey - When I was in Maine a number of years ago, I happened upon a scene where about a dozen people were in a semi-circle on a lake shore. In the middle of the circle and at the edge of the lake was an Osprey with it’s legs and wings caught-up in a wad of fishing line. A game warden was there (looking none too happy) using a ten foot pole with a knife tied to the end of the pole, trying to cut through the line and free the bird, and not wanting to be too close to the bird when it finally was loose. I just had a feeling that the warden had a history involving at least one close encounter with birds of prey. He was being very respectful.

Man, it is raining outside! Not a great night to be an outdoor kitty - the poor darlings.

Having grabbed a Great Horned Owl in a tree and had to climb down using only one hand while holding an animal that can produce 250# of pressure on its needle sharp talons, I can understand the reluctance of the game warden. The trick is to throw a towel around it to hold the wings, talons and beak together while puting the bird in the dark to calm it.

I do this when ever I have to trim Thicket’s beak.

Could we maybe employ some of those strategies directly on “W - The President”? We did at least toss a towel at His Royal Tunnelvisionness last Tuesday.

Oh, god, I swore I’d resist bird talk… but kestrels! I can’t help myself.

Kestrels do utilize thermals for trasportation, but for hunting they often rely on hovering by flapping. They can also make use of a strong updraft (at a seaside cliff, for example) to hang in place without flapping. Kestrels and kites use this hunting style a lot; you will also see it used on by roughlegs, redtails (occasionally) and (rarely) merlins.

Over the years in the Headlands, I’ve had a lot of opportunity to watch kestrels hunt, both flapping and non-flapping. It’s amazing to think about the flight dynamics that are involved with holding a place in the sky, even more amazing to watch it up close.

Kestrels are the best. Kestrels at Big Sur are the best, in the best location. My idea of perfection, Hedera.

(see any condors?)

siobhan,

Never apologize about commenting on birds.

Our resident red tail is as smooth as an owl when flying ‘mongst the live oaks. Cool to watch.

Way cool, siobhan. I do know a certified bird count geek, and I have a sister who is simply a bird geek, but a certified molt geek is a new concept to me. Love it.

Cooper seems like he might actually be at least part hawk.