Ten days ago my sister cogently pointed out that I, Adam, am an idiot.
I have proved her point by waiting that extra ten days. But today I’m going to try to prove that being an idiot doesn’t make me a moron. I understand that having a well-traveled blog is an opportunity of sorts, and that if one has… say… a book to sell, well then, mentioning it when its name comes up in the media, particularly the highly-respected major outlets, is… potentially useful from a sales standpoint. I get this. I do.
And so I’ll tell you that three weeks ago, no - three embarrassingly-long, idiot-defining weeks ago - my novel, Schrodinger’s Ball, received a pretty pleasing and well-placed review in the “New York Times Book Review.” The review is here. This is, as Susie pointed out, pretty great news. Especially combined with all the other reviews, some of which I’ve actually mentioned here.
So… sorry about the whole “being an idiot thing,” folks. And if you haven’t bought the novel yet, why… you should, and you should do it by clicking this link. It really is worth your time, and you buying the novel will make it more likely that Random House will want me to write another. And then everybody wins.*
Well, there you have it. An idiot confesses, whilst hopefully avoiding moronhood. It’s a proud day.
———–
*I realize that when I say “everybody wins,” it’s really me who is doing the bulk of the “winning” in question here. Though in some ways, I guess, you who buy the book can be said to be the “winner” here as well, because you will gain an enriching and entertaining book plus whatever social status (really or perceived) that comes from having such a book visible in your hand and/or permanent collection plus the now-increased possibility that future novels by Adam Felber are published and find their way into your life, thus recapitulating all the above-mentioned benefits.** All of which - I hope - comes out to be of equal or greater value than the price of the book itself (plus shipping and handling and/or transportation).
**Assuming, of course, that the quality of the new novel is of a similar to or greater than that of the first, which is by no means assured.*** Still, I will make every attempt to write such a novel.
***And with the understanding, naturally, that any new novel will once again be paid for by you, the reader, so that in some very real ways your enjoyment of it is not completely “paid for” as it were by your purchase of “Schrodinger’s Ball.” Therefore, please understand that it is only the (still hypothetical) second novel’s existence that the original purchase helps bring about, plus any additional satisfaction and/or status that you might attain for having a first-edition of the original novel which would now presumably be enhanced by the the (hypothetical) enjoyment and good reviews of the second (postulated) novel (i.e., you had the prescience and good taste to be in on the “ground floor,” etc…), all of which which are still however not-inconsequential benefits and are therefore included as part of the above “winning.”
****I understand that this, fourth footnote doesn’t have an actual referent in the above text. My apologies.





36 comments
YLlama
October 20, 2006 at 10:42 am
1Adam, I suspect you’d end up writing the second novel, regardless of how well the first does. It is the fourth, fifth, and sixth novels that we’re in part paying for (rather than, say, getting Schrodinger’s Ball from the library).
dee
October 20, 2006 at 12:23 pm
2If you would only read your comments once in a while, you would see that SeattleTammy broke this news in Comment #33
Jim (OJNTNJ)
October 20, 2006 at 12:46 pm
3Exactly Dee. And why should Adam take (hypothetically) valuable time away from writing his (hypothetical) second novel to *whore* his first novel, when he has all of us Fanatical Apathists (and, in my case, Serial Typo-ist) to do it for him?
Jim (OJNTNJ)
October 20, 2006 at 12:49 pm
4Good news…Fanny ignores posts that she usually eats if you surround the offending word/term with asterixes (sp? - see above post).
Harold
October 20, 2006 at 1:17 pm
5Jim (OJNTNJ), have you found the trick that renders Fanny *impotent*?
Harold
October 20, 2006 at 1:19 pm
6Jim (OJNTNJ), that doesn’t work for words like (shrimp-shr)+(pot-p)+(sent-s).
Harold
October 20, 2006 at 1:23 pm
7Adam, you have an excuse. You got shot while dressed as a panda after appearing half-naked on national TV with advertising on your back fat. You’ve been through a lot.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
October 20, 2006 at 2:39 pm
8So Harold, who were you trying to send the shrimp-pot to?
Edith, Mother of all Felbers
October 20, 2006 at 2:40 pm
9tsk tsk tsk, Jim. (OJNTNJ)
It is the absolute destiny, obligation and geis (not geese) of an author to tout his/her novel. This is not the same as whoring. Whoring is selling oneself or another’s personal person for the use of another person.
Touting is grabbing aholt of a shirtsleeve and whispering: bet on this!
Adam is grabbing aholt of whatever he can reach to tell you that his book is being lauded!
Whoring only comes if you hit the remainder shelf. Which he has not!
Jim (OJNTNJ)
October 20, 2006 at 3:15 pm
10My apologies Ms. Mother of All Felbers who-should-know-because-she-herself-is-one-heckuva-writer (wskbshioh)(can ya tell I read Adam’s book?). No disrespect intended. Just my home grown eastern Oregon version of plain speak.
I should have known better, being a purveyor of the types of shows where writer’s “tout” themselves (i.e. The Daily Show). I have noticed however that these shows’ hosts are more likely to grab a hold of the guests shirtsleeves than the other way around. Usually while going to commercial.
That said, I’m going to go look up the definition of “aholt” and do my penance by grabbing aholting all over the place.
BTW: Pssssstttt. BUY THE BOOK!! “SHRODINGERS BALL” !!!!IT’S FANTABULOUS!!!
Harold
October 20, 2006 at 5:43 pm
11Jim (OJNTNJ), here is my original, sightly modified comment:
Jim (OJNTNJ), have you found the trick that renders Fanny (wimp-w)+(oat-a)+(frequent-frequ)?
(The answer, apparently, is “not quite”!)
Jim (OJNTNJ)
October 20, 2006 at 6:06 pm
12Harold, Just feed ‘er some salt-peter. Maybe usage of hyphens also work, (let’s see here…hmmm imp-o-tent)
Jim (OJNTNJ)
October 20, 2006 at 6:09 pm
13Yep, Franny apparently doesn’t mind references to Im-ho-tep’s childless predecessor.
Jim (OJNTNJ)
October 20, 2006 at 6:10 pm
14Self Edited: “Fanny” and who knew salt-peter worked on the fairer gender?
Adam Felber
October 20, 2006 at 7:04 pm
15Some notes -
I do try to read all the comments, and I definitely saw Tammy’s #33 a few weeks back. However, I don’t think the comment addresses my sister’s well-taken note. [As plum a placement as Comment #33 is…]
The spam filter stuff is a pain, I know. I’m sorry. I approve comments when I get the chance. Rest assured, though - and at the risk of sounding like the DHS - there are a lot of real spam comments being filtered out.
As for the other thing…. most of us professional writers got our start by offering it for free for a few years. So whoring’s a step up.
Susie
October 20, 2006 at 7:19 pm
16Of course you know I don’t think you’re an idiot.
So far from it. You are way smarter than me and that’s not just your superior SAT scores talkin’.
You are however, a crap promoter of your own (good) stuff.
(If only Pollack or Hodgman would sneeze on you.)
siobhan
October 20, 2006 at 8:23 pm
17Adam, you still haven’t told us when you’ll be back on WWDTM.
don
October 20, 2006 at 8:36 pm
18I actually bought your book, Adam — at my local Borders for my slightly discounted price, so you should get credit for an actual “sale” (whatever that might amount to).
I also read said book … and enjoyed it more than a bit (being one who frequently enjoys reading both fiction and about physics).
I now fully intend to read it once again, so I can begin to assess what value, if any, it might contain. That might take a while, since it may prove to be impossible to simultaneously assess value and appreciate it.)
I will keep you (and everybody else here) posted.
(As i said, it might take me a while.)
OK?
hedera
October 20, 2006 at 8:38 pm
19Well by gum, I was wrong - or, more accurately, Mother Felber was right. She referred to a writer’s geis, a word which I have always thought was spelled geas, as in a supernatural obligation or possibly curse. However, I looked up geas in Wikipedia, and there it is: geis is an accepted variant. I should never have doubted the Mother of All Felbers.
SeattleDan
October 20, 2006 at 9:14 pm
20And there are still signed copies available at my store. I think Murray also has some copies as well. My feeling, here, is that I’m preaching to the choir. But you can click on my name to get the website.
Buy the book, if you haven’t. It’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys. And if it’s not your day in the barrel, you know how much fun that can be!
ice weasel
October 21, 2006 at 4:18 am
21However much I agree with Sister Susie’s assessment of Adam’s self-promotional abilities (or lack thereof) her appraisal of NPR listeners may be, dare I suggest, motivated more by her absence from said medium than coldly critical, objectivity.
Now I have to go treat my scabies (what do you put on that shit anyway?).
Then I have to go crank up my eco-friendly rechargable radio so I can catch WWDT. After, of course, I do that after I drive my Volvo to some fru-fru coffee shop for a double latte something or other (sorry, I don’t drink coffee so I’m utterly ignorant on silly coffee drinks, feel free to place your favorite coffee beverage in the blank above).
Now where did I leave those Birkenstocks?
ice weasel
October 21, 2006 at 4:19 am
22Oh, and Adam, fire your PR person. I’ve not received a single update from them.
Oh. You don’t have a PR person.
Shit.
Sorry.
Have you considered…
David
October 21, 2006 at 5:39 am
23There’d best be a second novel.
Harold
October 21, 2006 at 6:28 am
24Adam, I was just reading about Hemingway doing beer ads. Why don’t you do Maker’s Mark ads? Promote yourself and a tasty beverage at the same time!
Oh, wait…your last foray into advertising (before having ads placed on your back) was kinda humiliating, wasn’t it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBYk-L4v7Ls
dee
October 21, 2006 at 7:26 am
25Oh sweet Jesus on a biscuit! The only saving grace is Adam’s name is misspelled so it won’t show up in a Google search.
But Harold, remind me never to piss you off.
Harold
October 21, 2006 at 7:39 am
26Ah, dee. Does your memory not stretch back a mere two years?
http://fanaticalapathy.com/2004/10/18/where-am-i/
http://www.lifewithskippy.com/
‘Tis but a farce, a jest…acting!!! The “Fellbur” bit was part of the jape.
No, if I wanted to be very cruel, I would have pointed out Adam’s permed mullet in the CMT portions of this clip…which may have been posted by Adam himself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bopGJsZpnLA
Harold
October 21, 2006 at 7:42 am
27OK, reposting piecemeal:
Ah, dee. Does your memory not stretch back a mere two years?
http://fanaticalapathy.com/2004/10/18/where-am-i/
See this also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bopGJsZpnLA
tess
October 21, 2006 at 6:27 pm
28ice –
You hit up your local physician and he/she’ll hook you up with some really incredibly noxious pesticide creams with warnings against applying on pregnant women and small children, that you smear all over your body and wait for the itching to go away.
M. Moskowitz
October 21, 2006 at 6:29 pm
29Listen, Adam, I found this great factory in Sri Lanka last week, when I happened to dive through a ground floor window to escape the firefight that distressingly seems to follow me wherever I go. Anyways, they manufacture these amazing spring loaded surprise snakes that compress absolutely flat (like a sheet of paper) and are only 3″ in diameter. I figure you glue one of these beauties in each of your books, the reader turns the page and bwang! - a cobra right in da’ face. Talk about creating a buzz! I tell you it’ll kill ‘em! - well, only the older geezers already prone to myocardial infarctions. But hey, they’re not your target demographic anyway, so lawsuits would be held to a minimum. Especially when you retain my in-house lawfirm of Vinnie, Guido & Gotti. They personally show up at each litigant’s home and “take their statement”, if ya’ know what I mean…
So I saw the possiblilities and I bought 200,000 snakes on spec. You sell that many books and Random House may actually pay you for your second book, after deducting first for promotional fees and that cedar lined sauna/hot tub with optional aspiring actress modeling the latest in Wild Weasel swimwear.
So… get writing already!!
M. Moskowitz
October 21, 2006 at 6:38 pm
30Oh and listen, I’ve still have 2 dozen semis full of Yeti Spaghetti, so when your book tour takes you into the Pacific Northwest, be a pal and remember to talk up Sasquatch, okay? Mom still needs that operation and she always tells me what a swell guy you are!
David
October 22, 2006 at 8:28 am
31Mosko, Baby,
Sassy’s cuz lives in the Green Swamp. Smallish market, of course, but a couple of cases out of the back of a ‘52 Chevy pickup is a real possibility.
Harold,
Thanks for the links. I’m a bit of a latecomer to this oasis of surreal sanity, so now I’m a bit more Felberized.
Murray
October 22, 2006 at 6:52 pm
32Adam, all you need is for all of your fans to buy as many books as I have to really impress your publisher. (24) (Seattle Dan, I will pay you as soon as I can) (It won’t be long).
Not to put too fine a point on it, but there are actually medical definitions to the terms “moron” “imbecile” and “idiot”
A moron has an IQ of between 50 and 75 (considered the low side of average). This person would be able to function more or less on his/her on his/her own, with a little help for some issues.
An imbecile would have an IQ of between 25 and 50. This person would need help with most every day things and not be able to live on his/her self.
An idiot would have an IQ of 25 or less. This person would need assistance with virtually everything. (Not able to function in society- sort of like W with out Rove).
So you can be a moron and not an idiot, but not an idiot with out being a moron. (Does that make sense?)
BTW When is your Nephew/Niece due? The world awaits the next Felber. This child is sure to receive the Felber talent gene, and we will be the luck recipients in time. (My grandchildren will be big fans).
David
October 23, 2006 at 4:02 am
33Murray,
Everything/nothing makes sense, or something like that.
Harold
October 23, 2006 at 7:55 am
34Jerry Seinfeld appearing on Spike Feresten this week made AOL’s Top 5 TV moments! This may be the big brak for Adam’s show!
Adam, when are YOU gonna be the featured guest on the show, plugging your book?
Becca (and Brian)
October 23, 2006 at 10:08 am
35I don’t know if Murray has anymore autographed books, I may have snagged the last one. Just finished reading it this morning (after starting last night).
i’ll definitely be doing some flogging for him to my friends.
And Brian’s looking forward to reading it next.
Becca
ps…buy t-shirts from murray!
Becca (and Brian)
October 23, 2006 at 10:08 am
36that would be “any SPACE more” in the above post