Fresh Paper

Hmm. A blank piece of paper. Perfect. Now if only I had some thoughts… “Karl! Karl! Come here. I need your help.”

. . . as opposed to “primitive”, of course. Too bad commentors don’t have a four hour rule.

Boy oh boy I hope nobody wakes me up from this dream…

Huh? Baseball season isn’t over yet?

Slo-Mo Humanimal Races! Adam, you make one badass panda! I believe there are some folks from the Furry community who would like to host Felberpalooza II.

From the Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/sports

And speaking of Fresh Paper

SeattleTammy and I have just returned from the Fall book trade show in Portland, Oregon, where we had a fine and productive times. We gave into temptation on a couple of nights and graciously accepted drinks from colleagues and friends. So now we recover and return to the awesome duty of protecting truth and purveying beauty on a daily basis.

Hey, sports fans. ‘Bout them Tigers? Sorry, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been drinking from a fire hose, as they say, taking in massive amounts of info, storing the bulk of it for later on, when I can sift through it in a more profitable fashion. I did want to get this out on the net, since it has certain international overtones and maybe this can help nip a budding war in the … well, bud.

I’ll have to bring some history to the fore so it will all make sense. Before I “dropped out of college”, I did a co-op intern semester with Morton Thiokol. You may remember them from the Columbia shuttle disaster, with the failing o-rings that leaked flames as the solid booster rockets came up to pressure. I was rather unceremoniously released from my position in the purchasing department because of a perfectly explainable anomaly that they insisted on referring to as “acquisitions incompatible with general corporate standards”. I see it more as skating to the edge, not falling in, but getting your feet just a little wet. You say potato and Dan Quayle spells potatoe. A mere shading of the details, according to my lights. Anyway, after I left the company, I was able to purchase on the internet a series of photos showing the son of a first tier executive at Morton Thiokol engaged in extra marital aerobic activities with an unnamed congressman from the Sunshine State. (God, don’t you love Google!) I have been able to parlay this advantage into a so far unending supply of ammonium perchlorate rocket propellent. I sold it to a business associate in a former Soviet Bloc country; the Thiokol exec cooks the books to make it look like he’s selling more product and gets a huge raise and a promotion to Vice President of Sales. Everybody wins.

Well, I fear that the propellent may have been sidelined as it went through the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. In addition to my business associate explaining he’s not going to pay me, he also mentioned in passing that a friend of his, identified only as “Duke”, recently deceased, scored a coup of sorts by cornering the third world market of secondhand analog radium dial wrist watches, reclaimed the radioactive element from thousands of these watches (pity the poor Uzbeck that took care of that for him) and sold it to the North Koreans last week for five times the market value. I guess you see where this is going. After their “nucular test”, Japan and the US spent the first two days, flying C 130’s packed with electronics used to sample the air blowing out of North Korea for traces of radioactivity. At first the sampling came back nada. Then, later than it should have taken with the prevailing weather system & completely unexplainable from a scientific viewpoint, the instruments began to peg into the red, finding huge amounts of wind blown radioactivity. My sources tell me the Koreans launched a low and slow rocket, “under the radar” and untrackable by satellite, with a secret payload of nearly pure radium which “exploded” at 10,000 feet, releasing the radium upstream of the sampling aircraft.

Some people say the Korean explosion was uncharacteristically low power for a first time nuclear test. Some are suggesting that the explosion was not nuclear at all; that it was a ruse by the Commies using TNT and serreptitously releasing a radioactive plume to fool the Western scientists. I think I’ll stay out of this one, but you may feel a patriotic duty to inform the authorities. Go with whatever conscience you may have. It’s your country.

Say “Hi” to Mr. DeLay, should he pop up on your blog. Tell him I seem to have found those Cayman Island bank account codes. Tell him to go to the rock in Arlington - he knows the one - and to speak slowly and distinctly into the rock, losing that fucked up Texas twang of his, and make me an offer.

Lemuel, she thinks it helps her hair.

OK, finding humor in panda-related tragedy is just wrong. Thank Lobster I was stoned at the time.

Adam also has many lucrative appearances to look forward to in full panda makeup.

How ironic and prescient that the Yankee-fan Panda was defeated in the Slo-Mo Humanimal Race by a Tiger. (Oh, I am sure there are those that will claim that the Tiger did not have a clean win, but that’s just sour grapes.) If the Detroit Tigers were all beautiful women wearing little more than body paint, I might actually watch baseball.

For those who missed it on TV, here’s Adam as an ill-fated panda from YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gooAU461tr4

And here’s the giant iguana as the Mexican Space Lizard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce3GBza0Srk

Thanks, Harold. The Youtube clip is awesome. I also liked the final shot of the show (not included in the clip) of Dead Adam/Panda, strapped to the hood of the hunters’ car.

Something I never thought I would see. Or ever wondered whether I would see…

Dude, I laughed so hard I almost choked on my bamboo bong…

The clip brings back memories. My first theater role (in my previous life, I had a semi-acting career) was as a space panda in David Mamet’s much under-appreciated classic “Revenge of the Space Pandas.” On days when there was a matinee and an evening show it was too much trouble to remove and redo all the panda make-up, so we would go out to eat in street clothes but full panda paint–along with totally normally adorned friends and crew members–to the alarm/amusement of many restaurant employees (especially at Denny’s, they didn’t know whether to serve us as white people or make us wait as black people…).

A personal best here - 29 hours in the moderation queue. Can anyone beat that?

Dale,

You played a panda in ROTSP? Way cool. Mamet rules.

Lemuel, try reposting your comment one sentence at a time.

That’s how I found out that wing-

shoes are on the “verboten” list.

SeattleTammy,

I’ve tried to compose a response to your “stuff” observation at least three times, and words just fail me. I’m shocked that you could turn a cuddly panda into a sex object.

Or maybe I misinterpreted your comment entirely? There must be a reason they have such trouble reproducing…

BTW. Lemuel, it was worth waiting for.

Ann- I can objectify anything. for example, this was the lovely view from our Portland hotel room. They call them the Twin Towers.

http://www.quikbook.com/pics/2022_1583_conventioncenter.jpg

I call them the Twin Phalluses.

but mebbe it’s just me.

Girls! GIRLS!!

franny, you’re such a prude!!

My comment is being moderated because of “pe-”

As the noted Danish polymath Piet Hein observed:

DREAM INTERPRETATION
Simplified.

Everything’s either
concave or -vex,
so whatever you dream
will be something with sex.

I’m sure this applies to architecture, too. Piet Hein also invented the Soma cube “during a lecture on quantum mechanics by Werner Heisenberg.” Somehow this all relates to Schrödinger, no?

Umm, Cotton, your dad’s name was Increase. What did you think it referred to?

Wow. My comment had been eaten by Fanny. Must be the reference to Schrodinger.

Some families of Mathers owned orange groves in and around Goldenrod when I was young. One of the Mather girls made all of us want to Increase. ‘Course when you’re like 13…and -vexed.

Oh, if only I had livethed three hundred years later!

Yep, it’s the same. I lived with a Danish family for a summer when I was sixteen, and they gave me a couple of his books in English.

Both. (Just not Decreased Mather–I never iron).

WOOOOOOOOO (as they say) HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

As long as we’re only partying about baseball and not the fact that Nixon is getting elected.

Oh, hell, who am I kidding. I’d take Nixon at this point.

OO-ooo-hh!
Adam next time you have to dress as a Panda wear one of these!

New weapon in battle of the bulge…

SYDNEY, Nov 2 (Reuters Life!) - Size really does count, just ask Australian underwear maker AussieBum which has just launched the “Wonderjock” for men who want to look bigger. Since the launch seven days ago, AussieBum says it has sold 50,000 pairs of “Wonderjock,” mostly on its Web site www.aussiebum.com and a handful of stores around the world.
“The design of the underwear, separates and lifts. The fabric cup protrudes everything out in front instead of down toward the ground,” said “Wonderjock” designer Sean Ashby. “There is no padding, rings or strings,” said Ashby, a co-founder of the Internet-based AussieBum firm.

Ashby said the idea for the “Wonderjock” was the result of online feedback from customers who expressed an interest in looking bigger, just like women using the “Wonderbra.” “When you go to a department store to buy underwear you usually get a grandmother serving, which is not the ideal way to get feedback,” said Ashby. “Our customers give us feedback. We didn’t realize that big is better.”

they didn’t realize? huh?

You heard it from me first!
today,“Day to Day” covered the Wonderjock

Ha!