Oprah who? America’s book readers - and that doesn’t include the people who crowd Barnes and Nobles for cat calendars or books by Rachael Ray - have been bowled over by the Southern Hemisphere’s newest and brainiest Papi Chulo.

Equal parts Fidel Castro and Don Francisco, this Diablo doesn’t need to wear Prada. (Actually his suit looked more like Today’s Hombre.) He’s captivated America’s left, literati, and late-night comedians, sending linguist Noam Chomsky’s “Hegemony or Survival: America’s Quest for Global Dominance,” to numero uno on Amazon.

(I thought I was so smart when I slipped Ahmadinejad’s people my book on Presidential Pets. Wrong again.)

Some of Chavez’s routine was lost in translation. The “sick man” shout-out was a little over the top. The John Wayne zinger came off as almost complimentary. (If he wanted to belittle, should have tagged the president as Alan Ladd.) And that whole sulfur riff confused me. Was this about Bush being trigger-happy or gassy? Or was it some triple entendre - Bush shooting out his ass? Either way it was a little too “joke on joke.”

These are just quibbles. Chavez’ influence is undeniable. Three people who must be steaming:

1. Oprah - obviously.

2. Laura Bush - Unless she books Chomsky for her next “Celebration of Reading,” no one’s gonna give a crap. Not even Roll Call will cover it, even if she has Amiri Baraka show up.

3. Jim “I’m a Gay American” McGreevey - The former governor must be beside himself. He’s been breathlessly promoting his hot tell-all all week. Alas he’s stuck at #7. Maybe because he comes off a little wooden - and not just when he talks about rest-stop sex. Part of the problem: His continued declaration of “I’m a Gay American” sounds clunky. (As opposed to “I’m a Gay Canadian”?) Granted, “I’m a Gay New Jerseyite” might make a lot of people go ‘Ewww’.