JP2 must be spinning in his grave. The former pontiff never would have mucked things up like Benedict has.

At first I was kind of impressed by the German Pope’s comments, especially his denunciation of jihad as holy war. Too many people are too afraid of Islamism and reflexively cry, “Islam is a beautiful religion!” whenever the precepts of Islam are questioned. This may be true but it doesn’t really move the conversation forward.

But once Herr Holiness decided to apologize, he really needed to apologize. This is what he came up with: “I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address which were considered offensive.”

In other words, “I’m sorry you barbarians are too stupid to understand what I was trying to say. I’m really sorry.”

A lot of people are asking how this whole thing started. Wasn’t the speech vetted? My guess is that the Pope read the speech to his Cardinals-in-waiting, maybe during one of his Pope robe fittings. But since the Pope is German, they’re all terrified of him.

“So? What does everyone think of my speech?” he asked.

There was a really uncomfortable pause.

“It’s really … scholarly,” said the Swiss Cardinal-in-waiting with a couple of pins in his mouth. “Are these the shoes you’re going to wear with this robe?”

“Don’t change the subject,” snapped the Pope. “Do you like the speech?”

“It’s a … long speech … with lots of good parts,” said the Brazilian Cardinal-in-waiting. “So let’s talk about Easter. You’re going with the purple vestments, yes?”

“I don’t want to talk about Easter. I want to talk about my speech. What do you think about the jihad passage?”

“Gonna get your ass handed to you,” mumbled the Nigerian Cardinal-in-waiting.

“What?!”

“I said, ‘That miter looks mighty fine. I’ve gotta hand it to you!”

Of course I’m sure there were some cardinals that were thrilled to watch him screw up.

“Your speech is awesome,” said the French cardinal. “You should totally lead off with the whole ‘evil and inhuman’ part. It’s really strong. No one will even remember John Paul after you finish speaking.”