All right, everyone, I told you something big was in the works, and, well, here it is!

The Families for Life Eternal and Everlasting wish to pre-congratulate the President for his upcoming veto of the Senate’s stem cell research bill, and to help out, we are pleased to announce that FLEE’s new Foster Womb Program has now been agreed to in principle by more than 11 sister organizations! It took a lot of phone calls, but there you have it!

The problem is simple, and so is the solution! Stem cell research “scientists” have been pointing out that thousands of embryos (or “babies,” to anyone with a heart) at fertility clinics are destroyed every year. So why not experiment on them, the “logic” goes. After all, those embryos will never be implanted, right?

Wrong!

Last year FLEE, along with our partner, Citizens United in New Testament Solidarity, created the National Foster Womb Program (NFWP). And as of this writing, we can boast a membership pool of at least 15,000 able-bodied souls who have agreed (in principle) to “git r’ done.” In case you’ve forgotten how it works, let me remind you: We, the men and women of FLEE and Citizens United in New Testament Solidarity are proud to offer our wombs as the fertile fields in which to grow those defenseless babies until they can fend for themselves (”birth”).

It’s that easy! FLEE and Citizens United in New Testament Solidarity (please pick a new name, ladies. You’re wearing out our typing fingers!) are organizing five more Womb Drives over the next few months, and we’ll gather hundreds of fertile volunteers to “take one for the team.” Remember, potential volunteers, you don’t have to keep the child, but you can if you want! It’s that easy, and no wonder the program is going to be so popular! And won’t that just be sticking the ol’ turkey baster of righteousness up the liberal patoot?

About that, though, and it pains me to say it: As of this writing, after numerous Womb Drives, we have yet to have any volunteers for NFWP. Yes, not a one. You’d think that after after a solid year of everyone agreeing that this is a great idea, that someone in our organization would step up and offer a womb or two, wouldn’t you? We’re talking about 9 months of your time (and face it, only 5 “fat months”) to foster a human life that would otherwise be destroyed. I mean, if not a single one of us steps up to inconvenience ourselves for a few months in order to save a human being’s life, not one of us when there should be thousands if we really believe what we say we believe… well, then I’m a little worried that folks might call us a wee bit hypocritical.

I mean, I myself would do it, except for this darn bum cervix of mine. Any of you who’ve ever been to a party with me have heard me going on and on about my bifurcated and deviated cervix, which made having Bobby, Joe, Francine, and Lulu very difficult and makes playing certain sports (volleyball, shuffleboard) too painful to even consider. If not for that, though, I WOULD be volunteering my womb for the cause. You can bet on it.

So… my cervix aside (and it IS, that’s the problem!), how about it, folks? Please don’t make me ask again. These frozen embryos are HOT - come on down and get one today.

- Marjorie