The word is that Wednesday will begin with undead columnist Robert Novak revealing that Karl Rove was a source in the outing of Valerie Plame. That sound you don’t hear right now is that of jaws failing to drop all across America. That overpowering aroma that you smell? That’s a tiny quantity of air being released from the overheated six year-old sweat sock that is the Bush administration.

Count Novakula
[Novak in 1951, toward the end of the
short-lived “one-man barbershop quartet” craze.]

Novak said in a statement, “I have cooperated in the investigation while trying to protect journalistic privileges under the First Amendment and shield sources who have not revealed themselves.” How exactly did Novak protect journalistic privileges and shield sources while Judith Miller was doing a few months in the pen for the same alleged reasons? We may not know the answer to that for quite some time, though I’m reasonably sure that we can rule out “charisma.” It might be that the opportunity to send Judy Miller to prison was simply too much for any judge to pass up. That’s understandable. Or maybe everyone just figured that living inside Bob Novak’s body was punishment enough. Honesly, I don’t know. Novak’s column assures everyone that no secret pleas or shady back-room deals were made, which means that it’s a pretty safe bet that some sort of secret pleas or shady back-room deals were made.

But is this the beginning of an epic battle between hoary political lifers? Will we finally get to see a no-holds-barred slugfest between Darth Rove and Count Novakula? Will this column blow the smoky doors off Club Conservative’s 19th Hole?

By the time you read this, we’ll probably know the answer. But my guess is, “Of course not.” The real point here is that this story isn’t exploding. It isn’t even leaking. It’s oozing. In every sense of the word. It would’ve meant something in 2004, before the election, when Novak was first not cutting any deals. It might have meant something then, which is why it’s news now.

The thing to watch is that these revelations are coming slowly. Distance is key. By the time this thing winds up, the Novaks of the world will be able to revert to the same play that got used in the wake of the Ken Starr atrocities or the 2000 election:

“It’s OVER. You gonna dig up something that may or may not have happened years ago? You liberals cling to those old complaints because you have no ideas.” That’s how it works; the Complaints Department for getting knocked down the hill is a 20 minute walk uphill. And they only take complaints that are less than 15 minutes old.

And it is over. At this point, most people reading about this case are wondering, “Who’s Valerie Plame? And who cares if she’s gay?” For those of you who are pondering that very question, let me refresh your memory. You know that war that we’re fighting solely because the people of Iraq yearned for freedom? That war? Well, Valerie Plame had nothing to do with that, although her husband was somehow critical of something that wasn’t even a reason for the war in the first place. So somebody leaked, or confirmed the leak of a job that this Valerie didn’t even really have so it wasn’t actually a leak which there’d have been no reason for in the first place because there was no other reason for the war that Valerie’s husband didn’t contradict at no time.

Got it? Now get out there and find some new ideas.