One of the benefits of not having to go to an office is being able to watch great television moments – like yesterday’s takedown of Star Jones by Barbara Walters – live in the comfort of my apartment. I was on the phone with Fedex trying to track a lost package and watching ABC at the same time. Just for fun, I told the operator “it’s too bad you’re not watching The View right now.”

She freaked out: “What’s happening? What’s she saying?” I felt like I was updating her on troop movements.

I told her that Walters was standing over Star’s TV corpse, slicing into it, disemboweling what was left of her after all that dieting.

The operator was on Star’s side. Me, too.

By “betraying” The View and disappearing after a quick statement, Star spared us all another epic TV anchor sendoff/slog. The Today Show gave Katie Couric a solid three-hour tribute with more montages than this year’s Oscars. Yesterday two hours went to Good Morning America’s Charlie Gibson – vulnerable Charlie Gibson who opened up about how “lonely” he’s going to feel in the World News Tonight anchor chair.

God help us when Anderson Cooper leaves CNN. The survivors of Katrina will be conscripted into a maudlin mass tribute to their silver-haired savior. Since it’s New Orleans the producer will insist that there be lots of handclapping, a Dixieland jazz band. Oh, lawdy. Harry Connick will have to show up. Mary Landrieu will be there to thank him for dressing her down. They’ll play that clip over and over. Angelina Jolie won’t be able to make it. They’ll reminisce about their experience with war and famine via satellite. She’ll rename one of her kids Anderson. (I have to remember to Tivo this.)

If TV anchors get this much fanfare, everyone else should. If a guy works for Dairy Queen for 15 years, he deserves a daylong tribute. Older customers stopping by to pay homage to his Oreo Cookie Blizzard. Younger ones chirping about his Strawberry Cheesequake ™ Blizzard. Tony Bennett singing about his Mocha Chip with Nescafe ® Blizzard…

Btw in case anyone was wondering Jaleel White did not kill himself. This was confirmed on this morning’s Today. (Poor Urkel. They waited till the 9:00 o’clock hour to announce it.)