In case you let your subscription to “Sadly Lingering Fame Monthly” lapse, you might have missed the fact that former phenom, budding rockmunculus Axl Rose bit a security guard on the leg in Sweden this week, got arrested, and was subsequently released after paying a fine plus damages (he got off easy - Norway’s Bite Tax is actually much higher).

Sweet Coot of Mine
[Axl in Sweden: “I wanna watch you
bleed… from the ankle!”]

For those of you who missed the Cold War, in some ways, back in the late 80’s Axl Rose and Guns n’ Roses were America. They were loud and brash and drug-addicted and badly behaved, but somehow you loved ‘em. For all their crassness and debauchery, they did their Thing unbelievably well. Maybe even then our fangy friend Axl was a bit of an idiot, but he was backed up by some of the tightest, most talented hobos to ever call themselves a band, and their album “Appetite for Destruction” was an unquestionable masterpiece for the earbleed set.

They were gigantic, obnoxious, and bombastic. But somehow they made the world a better place. The world loved them. They were America.

Today, though, it’s a different story. The years haven’t been kind. Axl kind of lost his mind, and he has long since fired the entire old band and he regularly attacks them in the press. His new crew were chosen for their loyalty, and there’s nobody with enough sense or status to tell Axl he’s becoming a frightening parody of himself. The bombast is there, sure, but he looks old and slow and brutish and whenever he goes abroad he compounds his image problem with unthinking and brutal episodes like this one, which he “solves” by trying to buy his way out rather than apologizing or explaining, and any goodwill that he’d built up has long since been erased by his erratic behavior, unthinking hubris, and questionable skills. Yes, Guns n Roses used to be America, but now they’re…

… oh. Never mind.