
The creator of Charlie’s Angels, Fantasy Island, and Tori Spelling was 83. Upon entering heaven, he demanded that all the angels get “more jiggle” and quickly divided them into “blonde ones,” “smart ones” and “other ones.”

The creator of Charlie’s Angels, Fantasy Island, and Tori Spelling was 83. Upon entering heaven, he demanded that all the angels get “more jiggle” and quickly divided them into “blonde ones,” “smart ones” and “other ones.”
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21 comments
Adam Felber
June 24, 2006 at 3:41 pm
1He has finally moved up to the most exclusive zip code of them all.
cooper
June 24, 2006 at 3:55 pm
2So, I take it from the title of this post we should rip into Aaron Spelling. It hardly seems fair since he died today, but it’s a slow weekend, so okay.
Mr. Spelling, your TV programs, each one of them, shrank the brains of the every red-blooded American that sat slack-jawed in front of your pathetic pap, wasting time that could have been used reading a book, participating in a team sport, learning a foreign language or playing a musical instrument. But we are talking about Americans, so they wouldn’t have been doing any of those activities anyway, but rather devoting this time to digging through the pantry and refrigerator looking for cheese doodles, pork rinds, Moon Pies, Slim Jims and RC Colas. And since we are talking about Americans after all, multi-tasking is the order of the day, so in addition to stuffing the pie hole, we would IM-ing our friends, yakking on the cell (too loudly, again), voting for American Idol and channel surfing to our comfort food for the brain - Fantasy Island and Charlie’s Angels. This culture is doomed!
Oh, and your daughter, Tori, couldn’t carry a tune in a 50 foot semi.
cooper
June 24, 2006 at 3:57 pm
3Adam, the seventh level of Hell is exclusive?
vachon
June 24, 2006 at 4:16 pm
4Here’s what I want to know: how did he get all the right parts to jiggle and everything else to stay in place? I mean, I’m all for scotch-tape and stuff but there had to be more to it than that.
dee
June 24, 2006 at 6:18 pm
5Alas, he’ll never get to meet God. Just hear his voice over a speakerphone.
LarryB
June 24, 2006 at 6:42 pm
6Oh, come on now. Every time three moderately attractive women stride into a room together, I expect them to stop and do the Charlies Angels pose. And that’s a good thing.
TV is mindless fluff, and Mr. Spelling’s mindless fluff was above average. For mindless fluff, that is.
Ann
June 24, 2006 at 7:36 pm
7Great Lobster, Cooper, have you never seen what’s on offer on European television? Give us Americans a break—we’re certainly not the only yahoos in the world.
cooper
June 24, 2006 at 7:53 pm
8Ann, Euro TV? Nein! But I have seen Canadian and yes, they do seem to be walking in lock step 10 years behind American “sophistication”. What ever happened to “be the best that you can be”? The television experience is a sad waste of possiblilities and excited electrons. (BTW, what are they so excited about, it’s only TV?)
Hideo Gumper, Jr.
June 24, 2006 at 8:39 pm
9What is missing in American television is snappy repartee by fresh faces and young, dynamic, hilarious, and slightly balding Jewish writers. Where is the next generation of Yukmeisters - the Henny Youngmans, the Peter Bergmans, the Curly Howards; a new cadre of comedians writing blogs of political satire, ironic and imaginative novels, and nightly honing their skills doing improv in smoky and dangerous dives; hoping that one day, when America really needs them, they’ll be ready for battle and equal to the task. One day soon America will be trailing by 3, with the bases loaded, the bottom of the ninth and some unknown schmoe just up from the grapefruit league strolls up, bat jauntily twitching on his (or her) shoulder and says with a unmistakenly confident look in his (or her) eye “put me in, Coach, I’ll moider da ball” and he (or she) does and saves the day! Where are these guys (or gals) now?! We need you for the new Fall Season! Where will we find someone like this in television’s greatest hour of need?! Oh where did you go, Joe (or Jo) DiMaggio?
Doc Nagel
June 25, 2006 at 12:58 am
10There’ll never be another Spelling. For who could fill the gap left by his parting? Who could fulfill his mission? I mean, who?
Really. Who?
He did things, with people, to make stuff, that people watched, because they liked to watch stuff.
Who else had the courage to show us what America really meant, and how much those true Americans really suffered, while we watched, watching, and watching, were watched, while we watched, because, really, in the end, it’s all about who is watching who is watching. I think.
Aaron Spelling was America, at least, he was his America, which included all those things, with people. And things.
(In tribute to Spelling’s greatness: how many of us, with older sisters hopelessly addicted to Love Boat, exiled on lonesome winter Saturday nights to the old blank-and-white, have become lifelong NHL fans? And did His Spellingness ever take credit? Never.)
Casey
June 25, 2006 at 5:42 am
11Here’s what I want to know: how did he get all the right parts to jiggle and everything else to stay in place? I mean, I’m all for scotch-tape and stuff but there had to be more to it than that.
Nope. Pretty much tape will do it for ya. I recommend clear packing tape. Duct tape hurts like hell.
cooper
June 25, 2006 at 6:01 am
12Ahh yes, Casey, but as we found out on WWDTM this week, duct tape does cure warts.
http://www.aafp.org/afp/20030201/tips/8.html
norbizness
June 25, 2006 at 8:19 am
13The love affair between Screech and that nerdlingette played by Tori was truly one for the ages.
Maximum Bob
June 25, 2006 at 8:49 am
14The TV execs who do real damage are not those who produce crap, but those who produce crap that isn’t quite bad enough to make you change the channel. By this standard, Spelling was blameless.
previously pre
June 25, 2006 at 10:25 am
15and “other ones.”
Those ones being the males of the species?
cooper
June 25, 2006 at 3:35 pm
16I always thought Tori was really in her element when she was shilling for Dogswell dog food. The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?
Dale
June 25, 2006 at 6:43 pm
17What’s the difference between a Tori and a Tory?
The former is a miss spelling….
tim
June 26, 2006 at 12:33 pm
18The heaven thing is a tad optimistic. I don’t think he’ll ever be forgiven for T.J. Hooker.
cooper
June 27, 2006 at 4:01 am
19tim, I like your blog. Ex-pat Canadian, heh? Legal, one hopes.
tim
June 27, 2006 at 4:29 am
20cooper,
No, I’m all-American. It was my granny who was an ex-pat Newfie. My mom lived there from ages 4 to 14. It would take a whole lot of scrunchions (I’m still not sure what they are) to get me to live on the Rock, but it was nice to visit.
cooper
June 27, 2006 at 8:10 pm
21tim, whew, good. If you haven’t yet read “The Shipping News”, that’s a great book about that part of the world and the people who inhabit it.