This site is changing.
Change is inevitable and natural, unless you believe in an Intelligent Designer (and one look at the way the site works should put that idea to rest). So, failing an intervention by the all-loving Lobster, I may need some help.
As I’ve mentioned a few times, I will soon begin work on a snazzy new television program which will premiere in the fall. If you remember last autumn, things got a little sparse around here as yrs trly worked his way through weeks of 10-14 hour days. It’s almost as if steady employment has a negative effect on blogging, which is something you’d ought to keep in mind whenever you consider taking a blogger’s opinion seriously.
But this time I’m prepared, and I have some ideas for keeping the faith with you, dear readers, even as I do my part to destroy America through televised comedy. It involves a few changes - a ‘reimagining’ if you will - of the very composition of Fanatical Apathy.
I won’t say much more about it now, except that it will involve a few beloved Friends of FA, and that you will love it…
…and I need some help. WordPress pages don’t design and implement themselves, you know. I promise you that this is true, as I have tried opening a template and waiting for magic to happen several times to very little effect. Shouting at it doesn’t appear to work either.
So, if you have the time and the inclination to help me transform the site once again, why, that would be swell. Super swell. Please let me know in the Comments below, or send me and email [adameft (at) earthlink (dot) net]. For the rest of you, sit tight. It’s going to be amazing.
[Confidential to those of you who’ve helped me in the past: I’m not shunning your assistance. Not at all, in fact. I just wanted to give you a comfortable way out rather than assuming you wanted to re-up for the new regime. In other words, I proudly refuse to institute a stop-loss program.]
Fanny Roborat
39 comments
Murray
May 22, 2006 at 3:56 pm
1I assume that the help you need relies on hypertext knowledge and not the crushing grip of reason as expressed in biting satire.
(I guess either way I wouldn’t be of much help).
Chuggo
May 22, 2006 at 5:50 pm
2I can bring some pop and chips. Other than that, I could help shout (or sing - that would be fun) at the whatchamacallit.
Other than that….I will be sitting tightly.
dee
May 22, 2006 at 6:26 pm
3If it involves crocheting, count me in. I’d even front post double for you!
cooper
May 22, 2006 at 6:48 pm
4Adam, buddy, pal, funny guy! I truly would love to roll up the sleeves in the finest Bush fashion and drive a nail or two into the new website, but I’m very strictly old school and really don’t know from Shinola about cyberwebbery. Sorry pal. I can bring you a beer, maybe - Pabst okay?
SeattleDan
May 22, 2006 at 7:07 pm
5My expertise lies elsewhere,too,but you do have my most full-hearted and warm support.We look forward to the new and improved site.
Linkmeister
May 22, 2006 at 8:37 pm
6Dear
GodLobster, what is it with the changes? First it’s The News Hour changing its graphics and its theme song, now Felber?Make it STOP!
(Phew!)
Allison in Santa Cruz
May 22, 2006 at 9:14 pm
7As long as we get to keep the comfy couches in the Lurkers’ Lounge, I’m all up for change. I’d offer my help, but strongly doubt that anything I know would be of any help at all. However, if you need a marine invertebrate keyed out, I’m your woman!
Dale
May 22, 2006 at 11:05 pm
8This always happens to me! Just when I find something I like, they discontinue it. First Prune Whip yogurt, now this!
Landis
May 22, 2006 at 11:56 pm
9Need any maps or panoramas? I used to do web stuff, but then I blinked and I haven’t a clue how to do all this advanced stuff dynamicy stuff. But I can still make maps. How do we get to Murray’s place anyway?
lurker dave
May 23, 2006 at 3:18 am
10Allison in Santa Cruz,
Not only do we get to keep the couches in the Lurkers’ Lounge we’re adding on!
Just past the grand foyer on the left we will begin construction of the new library. Our ability to secretly skim money from Adam’s paypal donations has left us with a surprising surplus of funds… So we’re picking up a sizeable collection from Cody’s books Telegraph Ave store. They are closing so we were able to buy it at a fantastic discount.
I want to make sure RRRyan gets a copy of “My Pet Goat” and “1984″. Does anyone have his mailing address?
Don’t forget lurkers, this Saturday is “Tiki Night” at the Lounge! We’ll have a island cuisine and any drink with rum and a little umbrella is only a buck. I expect a packed house, so arrive early.
Oh and one note for WaterFowler. The general membership of LL,LLC (Lurkers’ Lounge, Limited Liability Corporation) in a secret ballot has once again voted down your idea for “Clothing Optional Lecture Series”.
Pig, "Pearls before Swine"
May 23, 2006 at 7:08 am
11Allison in Santa Cruz,
I’m so glad you came out of the shadows for a moment. There are these two rogue sea anemones that keep trying to blow me up! Help me! They won’t stop trying to kill me! What can I do?
http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/archive/pearls-20060510.html
Mary
May 23, 2006 at 9:28 am
12I can do HTML and such but will only have a phone modem after 6/30. If someone wishes to head up the project but needs extra entry assistance, I’ll be glad to help.
nato
May 23, 2006 at 12:37 pm
13I can help with content. As long as you don’t mind me using this as a space to post my to-do list for the summer, that is. My wife’s already got enough items to fill three or so pages, and that’s just for the garden . . .
Murray
May 23, 2006 at 12:38 pm
14Landis.
I’m easy to get to. Find south central PA on a map. Check out where the PA Turnpike hits I-70, take 70 south to Exit 163 follow the signs for 7 miles.
I’ll keep the light on.
David
May 23, 2006 at 2:19 pm
15OK, the first sentence frightened me. But I’m ok now. The palpitations are abating, the blood pressure dropping, the dizziness clearing. Since you have delivered on every other promise, I am now looking forward to what magic Team Felber is about to will have wrought (screw the sensibilities of Strunk & White - and I don’t want to delete “is about to”).
Maximum Bob
May 23, 2006 at 2:36 pm
16I’m not up on newfangled stuff like cascading style sheets, but if you ever want to give your site a genuine retro look–say, 1995–then I’m your guy.
Of course, people will have to send in their comments on postcards.
waterfowler
May 23, 2006 at 3:03 pm
17“Change is inevitable and natural”…what an intelligent design.
Coop, @ least make it a Shiner Bock, a good Texas brew, or maybe a Negra Modelo, a good Mexican dark.
Tara from Santa Cruz (temporarily in München)
May 23, 2006 at 4:11 pm
18I’d be glad to help with webby stuff (I currently do that modern stuff for a living which is why I don’t have a blog). I should warn you that I can’t crochet for beans, nor do I know jack about Word Press. I’m currently in the land of sehr gut bier, but I’m not inclined to share.
Allison (lurking in Santa Cruz)
May 23, 2006 at 5:46 pm
19Pig,
Just stomp on ‘em. You have more feet than they do. Or, you could sit down with them and talk things over, try to figure out why they want to blow you up.
But stomping on ‘em would be much more effective.
Not that I’d ever advocate stomping on my beloved anemones in real life. They’re way too cool, and the Holy Lobster would never forgive me or let me teach about invertebrates ever again.
Julia
May 23, 2006 at 5:51 pm
20You know, Adam, we are all quite devoted readers, and many of us lift a glass in your honor whenever we can.
However, there appear to be a large group of devoted readers who are essentially Useless Bastards.
You will find us at the far end of the bar, in the Lurker’s Lounge (assuming they let us in.)
Allison (lurking in Santa Cruz)
May 23, 2006 at 5:52 pm
21Lurker Dave,
Sweet news about add-ons to the Lounge! I’m all for a new reading room; will we have a fireplace and nice lamps? And radios so we can listen to WWDTM every week? Oh, that’s right, we have those in the Grand Foyer. I forgot.
Count me in for Tiki night! We’re coming up to the end of the quarter and I’ll have exams to deal with over the weekend, so a party is in order. Trust me, the students will never know!
siobhan
May 23, 2006 at 6:02 pm
22Allison - can you key out Lobster?
cooper
May 23, 2006 at 6:54 pm
23Yo, fowler, I don’t have access to Shiner’s Bock (I remember that is your brand) or Negra Modelo, so here’s the deal. I send you a case of Pabst (or it’s gourmet equivalent - Bearwhiz Beer), you send Adam one six pack each of the good stuff. Fair enough? Let me know…
your pal, cooper
cooper
May 23, 2006 at 7:04 pm
24siobhan, someone (an automotive Luddite, I guess) keyed my daughter’s car (actually, mine!!!) yesterday. That’s probably not what you’re talking about, though. I keep telling her not to be hanging out at the pool hall, but does she listen to her Ol’ Dad? No…
Jay
May 23, 2006 at 8:55 pm
25Landis…
What kind of maps? I write software for mapmakers, and am always interested in how people use spatial information. I’m the kind of person who goes to New Zealand and brings back Aukland harbor charts as a souvenir.
Jay
lurker dave
May 23, 2006 at 10:17 pm
26Julia,
The only criteria for membership in LL,LLC is a passing knowledge of FelberTrivia. For example: What was the name of Adam’s entry into the Ansari X Prize competition?
And while some of us truly might be Useless Bastards when it comes to that new fangled web-flim-flammery, there is always a need for people to sit on bar stools in the Lounge just in case gravity fails. Think about it… it could happen. We wouldn’t want errant bar stools floating about causing damage would we? I thought not. So we (the Useless Bastards) do have a use, and truly it’s for the greater good.
Salud!
Murray
May 23, 2006 at 11:04 pm
27Jay, funny that you should mention that. My father-in-lay has a coffee table made of copper with an Indonesian harbor etched into it,-backwards. He was a cartographer with the defense dept. back when it was done in analog.
Jay
May 23, 2006 at 11:12 pm
28Lurker Dave,
Do Useless Bastards drink Arrogant Bastard Ale? It’s a real brew, made by the Rogue Brewery in Newport OR just down the road from me.
Jay
lurker dave
May 23, 2006 at 11:30 pm
29Jay,
Considering that Julia only formally named and created the group for those of us that are hypertextually-challenged in this time of need, I don’t feel comfortable setting the group’s official beer.
I will, however, go to BevMo tomorrow and pick up some Stone Arrogant Bastard Beer to try it out.
David
May 24, 2006 at 12:15 am
30There is something inspiring about being a member of Felber Nation’s Essentially Useless Bastards. It rivals being a member of Gator Nation’s Essentially Deranged Bastards.
Bastards is of course understood in these applications to be gender neutral (not gender neutralized, and certainly not with extreme prejudice, however).
cooper
May 24, 2006 at 8:02 am
31Murray, etched mirror image in copper? Sounds like a used printing plate to me.
A proud member of Ben Franklin’s printing fraternity but a rather hang-dog Useless Bastard left in the dust by technology, which relentlessly, but without purpose, is ever-moving forward, like a shark. - cooper
Julia
May 24, 2006 at 10:15 am
32I recently saw some Fat Bastard wine at the grocery store…somehow I resisted the temptation to purchase.
I can’t answer “What was the name of Adam’s entry into the Ansari X Prize competition?” but I’m familiar with threats of Star Wars photos from Susie, and the purple pirate shirt (complete with oh-so-chic floweredy scarf…). I also know that although I’ve thought and thought, I’ve never been able to come up with a message worthy of Carl’s splendid voice, hence I’ve never entered WWDTM.
Although really, you have to wonder about people who don’t understand the basic concept of limericks. Where did they grow up?
So - am I in? am I in?
Julia
Ann
May 24, 2006 at 3:03 pm
33Yes, Julia—I can understand why people sometimes don’t get the limerick right, but I’m flabbergasted when they can’t even get it to RHYME!
Anyway, I’m back from 10 days in Iowa (it’s no “Avignon,” but it’s…well it’s no Avignon)—and I’m ready to plunge into the Felberverse again. I don’t have any Web skills, despite working at the Evil Empire, but I can confidently point out other people’s language errors, for what that’s worth. I suppose that won’t make me very popular in the Lounge. Buy me a drink and I’ll shut up.
David
May 24, 2006 at 4:46 pm
34Damn, does Spike Feresten ever look frighteningly like an earnest brainiac fellow WPHS Class of 60 graduate. Go, Wildcats!
cooper
May 24, 2006 at 6:39 pm
35David, I’m glad see someone commenting on Adam’s show. I was going to say that Spike’s smile reminded me a bit of William F. Buckley, Jr., only the teeth are much whiter, Bill’s teeth being the victim of decades of smoking, coffee or chewing Betel nuts. Something fucked him up and made him veer dangerously to the right. My guess - Betel nut addiction.
I won’t say “Go Wildcats” because I currently have a wildcat in my garage - and she just pumped out 5 more wildcats. The mama cat is completely feral and is full - up to her eyeballs - with piss and vinegar. Oh well, things like this make life interesting. Now if I can just figure out how to catch her and take her to the vet for spaying… Want a really cute kitty?
david
May 25, 2006 at 12:43 am
36I’ve got rather a plethora already, what with some females who exercised squatters’ rights already with kitten before we could have them spayed. All current resident felines are now spayed/neutered, except for one incredibly battle-scarred old tom who has “mellowed” of late, I guess because all the females are spayed. He’s just sort of given up, I think.
Yeah, WFB, Jr. has been chewing on something mind-altering, and not for the good. What effect do betel nuts have, besides staining the hell out of people’s teeth?
hedera
May 26, 2006 at 11:43 pm
37You got me curious, david, so I went and Googled “betel”. I found the following absolutely fascinating article by the poet Stephen Fowler called Betel Nut: An Essay. Mr. Fowler is an aficionado of betel nut himself, and his account of it is not only well worth reading but, from his own account of his research, almost the only one you’ll find from a Westerner. There are the usual entries in Wikipedia and various sources, but this one takes the cake.
David
May 27, 2006 at 11:06 am
38Fascinating read, hedera. Muchas gracias. Ain’t intellectual/cultural curiosity a wonderful thing?
Pete IVDL
May 27, 2006 at 4:59 pm
39How cool is that? I already had that email address. Dude hasn’t changed emails in 5+ years. Some things just stay the same (contented sigh).
Unfortunately, although I has tha skillz, I no has tha time no more. As you’ve probably noticed by now, I only get to catch up every week or so. So does that make me a more useless bastard, or a useless lazy bastard?
Lurker Dave, that was so eerie… (cue Twilight Zone music) I’ve just finished re-re-re-reading George Alec Effinger’s “When Gravity Fails” trilogy. How’s that for pseudo-coincidence?
BTW, I still claim the overstuffed recliner that no-one ever uses in the dark back corner next to the bookcase in the Lurker’s Lounge. (Sorry about the cigarette burns…)