From CNN:
WASHINGTON (CNN) — President Bush will call for the deployment of “less than 10,000″ National Guard troops to the U.S.-Mexico border to serve a “supportive role” in the mission to keep people from entering the United States illegally, a senior administration official said Monday.
From the Times (via IHT):
So far, seven states have amendments against gay marriage on the ballot this November - South Dakota, Idaho, South Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, Wisconsin and Colorado - according to the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group, compared with 11 states in 2004. And there is now talk in some states, including Ohio, of a measure that would bar adoption by same-sex couples.
————–
From: Karl of Rove, Despoiler of the Liberalites, Savior of the True Path
To: All Who Would Follow to Glory
Re: Faith is Rewarded, Doubt is Punished
(1)Behold! For though lo these many months have you toiled in bitter despair, and knew not thy way, and feared thy Fall in the fall - behold! - for I have given thee hope.
(2)Lo! For long it hath been said that the people would not come out for the Voting, and yet they will come, for I have given them Fear, and they know not where to turn.
(3)For it was said in the days of the Doubting that there was no hope, but did I not Dispel that?
(4)It was said that the people of Ohio could not vote ‘gainst the marriage of gays again, and yet - behold! - for I have given them Gay Adoption.
(5)It was said that those of the Right had felt we had lost our way, and may not Come Out, but - behold! - for I have given them Mexicanaanites, and the Force to fight them. [Or nay, not to fight them, but to stand on the border, too few - alas! too few - to stem the terrifying tide!]
(6)Thine doubts did not become thee, but I have forgiven thee, and do make this new Covenant: Obeyest me in every way, and I will give thee both Houses again.
(7)For the people have feared before, and they shall fear again. Do they not tremble before the Gayites? Do they not quiver before the multitudinous Mexicanaanites? Do they not quake before the Terrorites?
(8)Nay, all this they have done, and all this they shall Fear again, and in that fear they shall assemble at the Time of the Voting.
(9)And Behold! For I will give thee still more as the Time approaches, and the peoples’ hearts will be sore afraid too of Attacks, and the Flu of Birds, and the Madness of Cows, and the Aborting of Babies, and the Coming of the Taxman, and the Rebirth of the Welfare Mom, and the Burning of Flags, and the Singing of Spanish Anthems, and the Expulsion of God Himself, and the many and mighty threats from all those and all that who are Foreign and Different and Alien and Unfamiliar and therefore bent upon the Peoples’ destruction. And they SHALL vote, and there shall be the Thundering of the Elephant upon the land once more.
(10)And though thou hast doubted my Power and my Vision, behold! For I have not forsaken thee, and ask only for thy Love and Obedience in these dark times. For the Rove is forgiving, and the Rove lovest thee, and the Rove shall show thee the way, and thou may knowest the Rove by the Fear that he soweth and, in sowing, redeems thy hopes. Look thou not towards Policy. Look thou not towards Ideas. Look thou towards the Rove, and thou shalt Prosper. Look thou away, and Terrible shall be My wrath.
Love,
Karl





34 comments
The Most High and Very Reverend Rod Flash
May 15, 2006 at 5:11 pm
1We have everything to fear, including fear itself. Hunt not with the imbiber and, verily, eat not pretzels with the fool. Ignore all indictments fomented by malcontent and deceptive Papist prosecutors and directed at our friends and brothers, perhaps as early as tomorrow. Do not use contributions from faithful followers of the Word for the sole use of your diamond mine operations in Africa, unless your have a particularly well connected Congressman in your back pocket. Speak not, unless spoken to. Chew each mouthful 32 times before swallowing and urinate not into an opposing wind. Finally, I think we should all just count noses and blow noses and just keep quiet. Be afraid, be very afraid, and fear the wrathfully jealous God Almighty Himself!
Chuggo
May 15, 2006 at 6:10 pm
2Lo! A reference to the mighty Firesign!
May its benificience shine upon those who abide in it.
-=e=-
May 15, 2006 at 6:19 pm
3HAW! HAW! Dude, you’re brilliant!
dee
May 15, 2006 at 6:52 pm
4Yeah — I bet the boys in Cellblock D are gonna be real impressed the first time you start with the “Terrible shall be my wrath” stuff, Karl.
Maximum Bob
May 15, 2006 at 8:17 pm
5I heard on the radio this morning that the Senate has a full week scheduled to debate an anti-flag-burning amendment, presumably because they’ve solved everything else.
I think we need a term of art for pointless issues that are raised for the sole purpose of getting the base to the polls on election day. I call them Moron Magnets.
David
May 15, 2006 at 10:23 pm
6Thus spake Turdblossomthrusta. So predictable, so disgusting that these strategies work…and work, and work, and work. At some point one has to conclude that enough voters have shit for brains that Elder Rove will have his way with them for as long as he continues to draw breath.
Moron Magnets - that they are.
siobhan
May 15, 2006 at 11:58 pm
7It looks like Karl is making progress in his gender reassignment, too.
Landis
May 16, 2006 at 1:35 am
8That photo must be a fake: he appears to be leaning to the left.
Fran
May 16, 2006 at 1:53 am
9“Gayites”? Hmmm, I’ve been called many things, but that’s a new one. Ah, but then Dear Karl just has a way with words, doesn’t he?
Since, as was stated in #5, not all the Right have, um, Come Out, there’s not enough fear and respect for us, but once they do, then indeed there will indeed be trembling before the Gayites! Especially if Dear Karl leads the way! In pearls, perhaps?
Matt
May 16, 2006 at 5:02 am
10I like Andrew Sullivan’s essay in last week’s print issue of TIME. The religious right is not “Christian” in much of its outlook. Christ was not, many of us believe, a member of the Republican Party. They are “Christianist” according to Sullivan. In the same way, Muslims follow Islam, but “Islamists are those who want to wield Islam as a political force and conflate state and mosque.”
He concludes: “The word Christian belongs to no political party. It’s time the quiet majority of believers took it back.”
Amen. Alleluia.
Marina loves pictures
May 16, 2006 at 7:53 am
11Interesting list. I guess it will take a long, long while to be able to fallow the recomendations. I suppose no one ever could leave a normal life with such an inhumanly strict list of beliefs.
jrm
May 16, 2006 at 8:57 am
12Behold, the anti-lobster speaks!
So sayith I, Rover the arch-winged puppy.
David
May 16, 2006 at 11:51 am
13My Lobster, he is leaning left. The end is nigh.
He looks like he’s lost weight. Worry can do that to you, if eating isn’t your method of dealing with stress. He doesn’t look well to me.
Rhonda
May 16, 2006 at 12:34 pm
14It’s about time someone saved us from the Gayites and the Mexicanaanites and the Terrorites. Maybe I can come out of my super-straight, super-American, super-patriotic hidey-hole now!
waterfowler
May 16, 2006 at 1:54 pm
15Pretty good, Adam. Now do Algore as “Chicken Little”.
Mary
May 16, 2006 at 2:17 pm
16Has anyone else seen this at truthout.org ? Could we finally be seeing the retribution of the almighty Lobster?
Sharon
May 16, 2006 at 2:44 pm
17Mary, I saw the story on truthout, but there still hasn’t been any confirmation from the MSM.
Kidshaleen
May 16, 2006 at 3:20 pm
18I saw the same article on truthout.org and on KOS it was reported that it was not true. Jason Leopold’s “sources” were made up. I still think Fitz is going after turdblossom, just won’t be as soon as I would like.
ACW
May 16, 2006 at 4:54 pm
19What a hoot! We’ll see if he can work all these miracles from jail.
Obligatory Elizabethan English quibbles:
(6) (a) “Thy doubts”, not “thine”; “thy/thine” is like “a/an”, and you only use the latter before a vowel. (b) “Obey me”, not “obeyest me”; no suffix in the imperative.
(10) (a) “The Rove loveth thee”, not “lovest”; “lovest” only works after “thou”. (b) “and thou mayest know”, not “may knowest”. The ending always goes on the first auxiliary verb, if there is one. (c) “redeemeth thy hopes”, not “redeems”. “-s” versus “-eth” was a free choice in Elizabethan times, but once you start using one it sounds funny to switch in mid-sentence.
Only five errors? That puts you in the top 1% of modern practitioners of faux-Bible-jive.
cooper
May 16, 2006 at 5:32 pm
20ACW, no wonder we’ve ceased to speak “proper” English in this country. Too f-darn many arcane rules!
siobhan
May 16, 2006 at 5:54 pm
21Yes, coop, it’s fortunate that modern English is so straightforward in both spelling and grammar.
cooper
May 16, 2006 at 7:45 pm
22Forsooth, siobhan!
Maximum Bob
May 16, 2006 at 9:42 pm
23“The Rove loveth thee”, not “lovest.”
The Rove doth not lovest us? Damneth.
David
May 16, 2006 at 10:16 pm
24Wasn’t Damneth Shakespeare’s unacknowledged illegitimate third child.
Dale
May 16, 2006 at 11:50 pm
25What I don’t get is: why, if the fundamentalist evangelist Christianists are all so convinced that in the next life they will be saved and enjoy eternal bliss while the rest of us burn eternally with divinely-imposed incomparable suffering…why can’t they leave us alone here on earth? Their zeal with making us suffer now makes me a little suspicious of their certainty about God’s judicial plans.
In other thoughts–has Rove considered condensing his ideas and sending gay married couples to patrol the border? It oculd use a little sprucing up…
hedera
May 17, 2006 at 12:05 am
26Thank you, ACW! If you’re going to do Elizabethan English (which is what the Bible is), then read some Shakespeare - or for that matter the King James Version - and do it right!
Dale
May 17, 2006 at 12:18 am
27One other Elizabethan English quibble: “gay” means happy.
Stephen
May 17, 2006 at 9:14 am
28Dale-
I think most would say they do it to “protect” themselves and their children. If you don’t want to put in the time educate your children and teach them to stand strong against temptation on their own, it is way easier to just try and make sure they never see anything that might tempt them to do wrong. Hence, the increase of Home School.
Personally, I would rather my children learn to stand strong in their faith regardless of what is going on around them. That way I don’t have to worry if they move out from behind the “Wall of Security.”(tm)
Murray
May 17, 2006 at 10:49 am
29Well, while you guys were debating the finer points of Faux Bible Jive, I spent 10 hours as a polling place Moonie in Altoona yesterday.
PA had its primary and the Gutless Democrats (DG) managed to not field a candidate for US representative against an especially powerful and odious congressman, Bill Shuster. My close friend Tony was so angered that he decided to run a write-in campaign (with 2 weeks to go) to be placed on the ballot in November.
Our job was to inform the voters that in order to stop Shuster they had to write in Tony’s name. I spent the day handing out cards explaining how to do this. (I only approached Democrats who were receptive to ousting Shuster, so I wasn’t as annoying as most of the other poll vultures).
We needed 1000 write-ins.
The official count is not in yet but it appears that Tony is now the Democratic nominee for congress in PA’s 9th district.
A small miracle.
Now we need a large miracle.
For those of you coming to Felberpalooza you will get to meet Tony. For several years he has helped me with tours and anytime I have a large group so he was already scheduled to help with the Labor Day Bash.
For those who wanted this party to have a political aspect to it, this will probably be it.
With in the next several months I will get to be very familiar on a personal level with the Book of Rove. It is guaranteed to be part of the attack machine we are naively heading into.
Lobster help us.
Murray
May 17, 2006 at 10:55 am
30Stephen
It is always better to inoculate than to isolate.
You can either tell your kids why something is bad or you can let another kid tell you child why this same thing is good.
Keeping your kids ignorant is the easiest way to get them into trouble.
cooper
May 17, 2006 at 1:46 pm
31Well, it seems the Brits do have a rather jolly good sense of the absurd after all -
http://www.economist.com/opinion/displaystory.cfm?story_id=6916012
Hard to believe, but Blair’s popularity rating is at 31% - same as W’s. How low can you go?
David
May 17, 2006 at 7:01 pm
32Bush I understand. Blair I’m not sure I’ll ever quite understand. The Economist provided some helpful perspective, but I don’t think they quite grasp just what a debacle without a positive possibility Bush and Blair have made of Iraq, nor do I think they are willing to talk about what actually motivates the Bush administration’s determination to maintain an occupation force and establish a mammoth embassy and about a dozen garrisons in the shambles the coalition has made of Iraq.
As a doctor who is in the upcoming HBO airing of the documentary on the Army trauma center in Baghdad said, it is necessary for him to believe that what is happening there will ultimately leave Iraqis in a better place, because otherwise it is insanity. He’s right on both counts.
cooper
May 17, 2006 at 10:50 pm
33Murray, after hearing about your recent exploits, I went to Shuster’s voting record on Vote Smart and it is abysmal. I then went to my Congressman’s (Robin Hayes) voting record - remarkably similar. I knew he was conservtive and leaned towards favoring business interests, but I was ashamed and astounded by his votes. I will say this for him, whenever I harangue him (often), he does write back. At least the Democrats have come up with an opponent - time will tell on this one. Anyway, best of luck, buddy.
Adam, you certainly attract an odd lot, don’t you now?
David
May 18, 2006 at 2:11 am
34cooper,
Odd lot? Make that a fascinating lot of lively minds (ok, so some of us are a bit odd…).