From the BBC:

Bush ‘no good at singing Spanish’

The White House has rebutted claims President Bush sang the US national anthem in Spanish in 2000, insisting that his Spanish is not good enough.

Mr Bush has spoken out against the recent release of a Spanish language recording of the Star-Spangled Banner.

“He couldn’t possibly sing the national anthem in Spanish. He’s not that good,” said spokesman Scott McClellan.

The president regularly drops Spanish into his speeches, but has urged immigrants to learn English.

“The president can speak Spanish, but not all that well,” said Mr McClellan, describing the singing suggestion as “absurd”.

There are larger issues here: Immigration, honesty, xenophobia, and America itself.

I’m going to ignore those. Not interested.

No, I’m going to focus on an aspect of the issue that doesn’t really matter but that I actually have something to say about [a great rhetorical tactic known as “pulling a hannity”].

Whether or not our President sang the anthem in Spanish, the above explanation is complete and utter bullshit. Not because I’m accusing the President of being secretly fluent in Spanish, when by all reports he speaks “a little.” [Though apparently he does speak a bit…] That’s not the thing. The Thing here is that the “he’s not that good at Spanish” defense wouldn’t make sense for anybody.

I could sing the anthem in Spanish. And I don’t speak Spanish. What I would need is someone to teach me the anthem in Spanish. Or hand me a lyric sheet. And the thing here, to keep in mind, closely, is that there is no other way to sing the anthem in Spanish.

There is a word for someone who is so amazingly multilingual that they can translate a song in real-time and sing it as they go. Wait, no, I lie - there is no word for that. Because there is no such person. And the person who can translate a song in real-time and sing it along with a large group of people is even more nonexistent (if there can be degrees of nonexistence, which there can’t, because degrees of nonexistence are, in fact, nonexistent).

Translating a song is even tougher than translating a sentence. You have to take a lot of license, because it has to work with the meter of the song. And the melody. And the rhyme scheme. There are creative decisions to be made. Nobody, not even a UN translator, not even the Mozart of song translation, can just stand up and sing a song they know in another language. And even if there were such a savant on the planet, he or she wouldn’t be able to intuit the translation that everyone else in the room already knows…

So it comes down to learning the anthem in Spanish, which any suitably motivated person could do in a matter of about 15 minutes, whether they speak Spanish or not. It’s just four sentences, after all.

I’m beating this into the ground, I know. Si. But with reason. And my reason is this: The White House could’ve just said “the President never sang the anthem in Spanish.” [And then, presumably, held their breath as they prayed that no videotape would ever surface.] Or they could have said, quite plausibly, “The President simply doesn’t KNOW the Spanish version of national anthem.” Or they could have said, “Anthem? Why, of course I’ll answer that ques- hey, look! Iran’s making nukes!”

But no. They chose a theatrical, courtroom-style logical defense.

MCCLELLAN: Now then, Mr. Bush, are you comfortable?

BUSH: Yes, thank you.

MCCLELLAN: ¿usted tienen gusto de una bebida del agua?

BUSH: I’m sorry, what?

MCCLELLAN: Aha! You see, ladies and gentlemen of the jury? The President doesn’t really speak Spanish!

[The jury gasps.]

BUSH: That was Spanish?

MCCLELLAN: Yes! I asked if you wanted some water.

BUSH: Oh, well, I -

MCCLELLAN: And therefore, ladies and gentlemen, if the President doesn’t speak Spanish well enough to understand the offer of a simple glass of water, I submit that there is no possible way that the President could have sung the national anthem in Spanish.

[The jury applauds, cheers, throws confetti at McClellan. A thousand red, white and blue balloons are released, and outside the courthouse we hear the cheering and screaming of the throngs of Americans who’ve been watching on closed-circuit TV. A marching band begins playing the national anthem, presumably in English. The judge bangs his gavel hopelessly, calling for order. ]

BUSH: I actually would like some water… if you were serious about that…

Why did they do it that way? I don’t know. I suspect that lying has become such a reflex in Washington that nobody thinks twice about just… making shit up. And of course the larger point is that the President most certainly attended all those events at which the anthem was sung in Spanish, and by all reports never had a problem with it….

But I intend to stand firm in my commitment not to talk about the larger points.

If there’s a lesson here for the White House, it’s this: When dodging a tough or embarrassing question, change the subject. Or vehemently stick to your talking points. Or question the questioner’s patriotism. Or invade somebody.

Just don’t appeal to reason. It’s a little late to start experimenting with that.