From E&P:
White House Demands Apology for ‘Mobile Labs’ Scoop
NEW YORK - The White House on Wednesday hit back at The Washington Post for its front-page story this morning which suggested President Bush in 2003 cited the discovery of mobile biological weapons labs in Iraq as “weapons of mass destruction” while knowing it was not true.
Press Secretary Scott McClellan called the account “reckless reporting” and asked media outlets who carried it to apologize…
On May 29, 2003, Bush said, “We have found the weapons of mass destruction,” after the finding of the mobile labs. However, the Post today said a Pentagon-sponsored fact-finding mission had already concluded and submitted a report finding that the trailers had nothing to do with biological weapons.
McClellan said the Post story was “nothing more than rehashing an old issue that was resolved long ago. ” He singled out ABC for featuring report. “This is reckless reporting and for you all to go on the air this morning and make such a charge is irresponsible, and I hope that ABC would apologize for it and make a correction on the air,” he said…
“You know, I saw some reporting talking about how this latest revelation — which is not something that is new; this is all old information that’s being rehashed — was an embarrassment for the White House. No, it’s an embarrassment for the media that is out there reporting this.”
That’s a huge embarrassment, and I seriously doubt that either The Washington Post or ABC News or any other complicit media outlet is going to get over this one any time soon. It was reckless and irresponsible, just as Scott McClellan said, and now those reporters and news services are going to have to take responsibility for what they’ve done.
I know apologies are awkward and hard to write, and it’s always been that way. Remember Napoleon’s apology to his generals for overextending them? [”Sacre bleu, that Russia thing was a mess. Mon mal, mes amis, mon mal.”] Or Nero’s apology to Rome? [”It was clearly an inappropriate time for a concert. I see that now…”] Or the mea culpa of Thog, Last King of the Neanderthals? [”Me seriously underestimate those Cro-Magnons. Me sorry. Me very sorry.”]
Yes, apologies are hard. So I thought I’d help out my friends at the Post and ABC. Here’s what you guys can say to make it up to the administration and America. Feel free to cut n’ paste.
———————
Dear America,
Wow, we suck.
We regret any harm we might have caused with our irresponsible, misleading, and reckless reports concerning the Bush administration’s claims of finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in May of 2003.
While it is true that those trailers found in Iraq were not mobile biological weapons laboratories, and that nobody who actually examined said trailers ever thought that they were mobile biological weapons laboratories, and that the Administration made repeated claims that the mobile biological weapons laboratories had been found… while all that is true, there were significant problems with our reporting, which we would like to apologize for, including:
- We omitted any mention of the fact that when the President said “We have found the weapons of mass destruction,” he likely thought that this was true. Though we have absolutely no information about any intelligence reports ever confirming that those trailers were bioweapons labs, we didn’t allow for the possibility that such a report exists somewhere and that the President saw it. Oops. That’s shitty reporting right there. Sorry.
- Anyway, just because nobody ever confirmed that those were weapons laboratories doesn’t mean that the President doesn’t have a right to say it. Of course he has the right to say it. As did the Press Secretary. And the Secretary of State. And the Deputy Secretary of Defense. There is nothing irresponsible about all of them saying that biological weapons had been found, and it was irresponsible of us to imply that there is. So… sorry.
- We failed to mention that because this report is an investigation into an event that happened three years ago, it is old news and a mere rehashing of things everybody already knew. We apologize for wasting everybody’s time.
In short, we couldn’t be more sorry about this. There is nothing worse than being reckless and irresponsible with the public trust. Nothing worse than rushing ahead with news that affects every American without proper confirmation and thought. For this, we are deeply, deeply ashamed.
Yours in contrition,
[Your Media Organization’s Name Here]
Fanny Roborat
58 comments
cooper
April 12, 2006 at 5:09 pm
1“There is nothing worse than being reckless and irresponsible with the public trust. Nothing worse than rushing ahead with news that affects every American without proper confirmation and thought.”
Oh, I don’t know - maybe rushing ahead with war… would be worse. I’m not entirely sure about that, so I guess I should ask Mr. McClellan. He would know and give me the unvarnished truth, don’t you think?
Louis S. B. Leakey
April 12, 2006 at 5:22 pm
2Thog was a bit of a moron, a reprobate, and the proper final King of the Neanderthals, but now his mate, Thong - WoooHoo!!! Talk about Homo Erectus!
Julia
April 12, 2006 at 5:31 pm
3Just got out of a meeting and did a triple-take; I read the ‘real’ quote as satire and didn’t realize my error till the font changed…it’s getting so much harder to tell which is which.
Mr. Leakey - Tell me, how do you manage to type in Roy Blount Jr.’s voice?
Adam Felber
April 12, 2006 at 5:39 pm
4Julia -
I couldn’t agree more. When I read this story over coffee I wasn’t sure that any further satire was even possible.
[maybe it wasn’t…]
Maximum Bob
April 12, 2006 at 5:46 pm
5Thog may have been the last King of the Neanderthals, but recent headlines suggest that he was not the last Neanderthal King. More’s the pity.
It’s tough to respect a president when every instinct urges you to hand him a banana.
siobhan
April 12, 2006 at 5:57 pm
6Bob, if you hand him a banana, he’ll think you’re rewarding him for a job well done. We certainly don’t want to reinforce his behavior.
Louis S. B. Leakey
April 12, 2006 at 5:59 pm
7Julia, once you’re dead, you find all these amazing talents that you had all the while, but never used. You should hear me do Elvis! “We’re caught in a trap; we can’t get out. Because I love ya too much, Baby!” “Than’ya, Than’ya ver’much!”
Well, time to be dead again.
David
April 12, 2006 at 6:01 pm
8Respecting this president or his robotic press secretary are not options in the reality-based world.
Scottie Mac’s call for an apology places him firmly in the absurdist tradition. Where are the heirs to those wonderful French playwrights when we are so awash in material? At least you are carrying their spirits forward on Fanatical Apathy, Adam.
Mark
April 12, 2006 at 7:06 pm
9Hi,
Day after day in a never-ending stream - this is almost reaching the level of a phenomenon.
It reminds me (a little) of the day I took my high school seniors to a real, live DNA research lab and they new *nothing* - the guy must have thought he was talking to mutes. I was embarrassed! Those are my students! Well, we are now immersed in a unit on the wonders of genetics - but…
But no seems to be embarrassed about our behavior and content knowledge as a country. There are people watching - people!
We need to hire a babe to go seduce the boss in his office - that’ll get some changes made!
mark
vlnvla
April 12, 2006 at 7:37 pm
10FELBER FOR PRESIDENT
SeattleDan
April 12, 2006 at 9:02 pm
11What could be scarier than a reckless press?
How about a reckless Presidency?
Jay
April 12, 2006 at 9:08 pm
12Seattle Dan,
Is it just me, or is the U.S. rhetoric regarding Iran starting to sound uncomfortably like the rhetoric regarding Iraq we were hearing in 2002?
Jay
Jim
April 12, 2006 at 9:09 pm
13I loved this bit of the question from the interview in Poland that Adam linked to:
“German press called us American trojan donkey in Europe — not even a horse, American trojan donkey. How do you perceive these opinions from American perspective?”
So the questions is, if you’re not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth, from what part of the gift “donkey” should we avert our eyes?
Jackasses, the gift that keeps on propagating.
Jim
April 12, 2006 at 9:11 pm
14Invoking the five hour rule: question. singular. dammit
ajc
April 12, 2006 at 9:20 pm
15Jay, you should have heard a “Wait, Wait” quip a few weeks ago - to paraphrase, Sagal said this new conflict with Iran was great b/c they could just rerun all their shows from 2003.
The absurdists are alive and well - it’s just that these days they write foreign policy, not plays.
SeattleDan
April 12, 2006 at 10:41 pm
16Jay,Marx once wrote when history repeats itself,the first time it plays as tragedy,the second as farce.
waterfowler
April 13, 2006 at 1:00 am
17Mark, I’d be as embarrassed as “no” if I were a teacher and couldn’t spell “knew”.
Read it again Coop.
Congrats on the review Adam.
What have y’all done to Frozen Sea Skunk this time?
Siobhan, what’s the latest on the bird flu reaching U.S.?
becca & brian, how’s the journey going?
Ann, my SAT was 1080…
cooper
April 13, 2006 at 7:34 am
18From today’s Washington Post regarding Bush’s claim that the trailers found in Iraq were WMD related - “Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean said in a statement. ‘Was this incompetence, meaning that he did not know something that he clearly should have known, or is this an instance of dishonesty where information was misused or withheld to support a political agenda?”
Begs the question - “Is Bush stupid or is he lying?” - how about both?
David
April 13, 2006 at 9:35 am
19Duplicitous idiocy, W be thy semi-sentient sovereign.
Great quip from Juan Cole regarding Iran’s nuclear threat (article is short and to the point):
Juan Cole | Iran Can Now Make Glowing Mickey Mouse Watches
http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/041206A.shtml
“The ability to slightly enrich uranium is not the same as the ability to build a bomb. For the latter, you need at least 80% enrichment, which in turn would require about 16,000 small centrifuges hooked up to cascade. Iran does not have 16,000 centrifuges. It seems to have 180. Iran is a good ten years away from having a bomb.”
Mary
April 13, 2006 at 9:38 am
20Don’t you just *hate* it when someone points out when you were lying, or being dense, or both? No wonder Scottie was so pissed off.
I think W should defend himself via his 1st amendment right to free, even if inaccurate, speech. If he is going to be a dishonest hypocrite, he might as well go all out.
siobhan
April 13, 2006 at 12:00 pm
21If you were Scottie, wouldn’t you just feel like you need to take a two hour shower every night when you get home?
Fowler, the old world and new world birdies are all mixing it up in the arctic now. If anything’s going to happen, I imagine it will be in the fall. Though, truth told, I don’t think it’s wild birds who are spreading it most; it really sounds like the bigger factor is illegal trade in domestic fowl. Still, I wouldn’t give CPR to a duck if it could be avoided…
Landis
April 13, 2006 at 3:03 pm
22Hell of a tip - I’ll do my best to remember it.
I, too, read the actual news quote as satire. It would actually be quite enjoyable satire if it wasn’t real. Thanks for bringing that gem to our attention and then adding the big dollop of funny to help stave off the bitter taste welling up in the back of the throat.
cooper
April 13, 2006 at 5:13 pm
23siobhan, my 16 year old son should not become a press agent. He already takes three hour showers. I know; I pay for them each month.
Painfully Obvious
April 13, 2006 at 5:44 pm
24I don’t know about you kids, but I’m old enough to remember Watergate quite clearly. The denials and attacks on the press are not just close to similar, they are word for word. This guy will continue to duck and cover until there ain’t no more cover left, all his pals will be in jail, and he’ll be toast.
Starting a war on false pretenses, which I firmly believe has happened, is worse than rigging an election (whoops, Bush did that too!). I guess he has both bases covered.
In spite of all their timidity, the dogs of the press are beginning to smell blood.
siobhan
April 13, 2006 at 6:17 pm
25Cooper, you could reduce that water bill by 1/3 if he became a press agent.
cooper
April 13, 2006 at 6:38 pm
26siobhan, true, but he’d be a press agent.
cooper
April 13, 2006 at 7:11 pm
27The vicious curs that make up the grizzled pack of yapping hounds, nipping at the very heels of the oligarchy, loosed a question in today’s press conference, calculated to bring their quarry to it’s knees - Q “Will the President attend the egg roll on Monday?”
Perhaps the White House still has a ringer in the press corps, lobbing softballs. You think?
cooper
April 13, 2006 at 9:19 pm
28“In the White House briefing Thursday, spokesman Scott McClellan said Rumsfeld has the full support of the president.” http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/04/13/iraq.rumsfeld/index.html
In an ominous turn of events for the Secretary of Defense today, a thought balloon above the President’s head was interpreted to say “Rummy’s doing a heckava job!”.
cooper
April 13, 2006 at 10:14 pm
29Ripped from the headlines… or rather, stolen from Tom Bodett’s blog -
“I’m on my way to Arcata, California for a taping of Wait, Wait - Don’t Tell Me. Adam Felber and Kyrie O’Connor will be the other panelists which really takes the pressure off of me. This one is already lost. Tune in this weekend. With Adam on board it’s bound to be fun.”
You heard it here first! So now, with 4 posts in a row, I’m going to finish my beer and hit the sack.
siobhan
April 13, 2006 at 11:15 pm
30omigawd, that’s right! The totally awesome sunset that I just watched was probably just watched by Adam only a couple hundred miles north! I feel so … connected.
Hey, Adam, if you read this: make a side trip to Ferndale. Or, if you read this and have serious time on your hands, go to Shelter Cove.
siobhan
April 13, 2006 at 11:38 pm
31More proof that the media has no sense of responsibility: The LA Times reports that flash drives and other computer equipment containing sensitive info are for sale - CHEAP! - in the flea markets of Afghanistan. The equipment is stolen from Bagram airforce base; the information is un-encrypted. Not to worry, it’s just the names of our spy contacts and descriptions of escape routes and low-level stuff like that.
Isn’t that irresponsible!?!? The media, I mean, for reporting this.
hedera
April 13, 2006 at 11:54 pm
32Does anybody else feel totally burned out by all this? I’m losing my sense of humor. We need to impeach both Bush and Cheney; at this point I don’t care if that puts Dennis Hastert in the White House. Write to your congressmen and senators now, and demand impeachment. I have.
David
April 14, 2006 at 12:21 am
33I’m with you, hedera. I’ve been on the impeachment bandwagon for quite a while. I think it would be fun to watch Denny Hastert try to actually figure things out, and then be responsible for his actions. Oh, wait, that is not required of the President of the United States, so he’ll be just fine. At least we’d have one of the Three Stooges instead of our brain damaged, testosterone drenched Alfred E. Neumann and his sidekick, our drunken Darth Vader. Make one of the idiot senators from Oklahoma veep, and the show would be a daily must-see.
dee
April 14, 2006 at 8:47 am
34Yes, Painfully Obvious, I’m hearing the same “non-denial denials” these days, too. And while I take heart remembering that eventually justice was served and the republic survived, I’m more fearful this time because the stakes are higher.
But, as the late William Sloane Cofin said, “Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible.” I have hope. Some of us are celebrating feasts of liberation and renewal this weekend. The dogwoods and azaleas are in bloom. It’s time to cut the grass, wash down the porches and see what perennials survived the winter.
So, while we can’t all be in Arcata…or Napa…or Tiger Leaping Gorge, I’m sure there’s something in your neighborhood that can delight you this weekend, and give you hope.
siobhan
April 14, 2006 at 10:09 am
35Hedera, I second the motion.
Sharon
April 14, 2006 at 10:43 am
36I third it. I had a call from the DNC last week asking for my money, and I ripped into the poor woman. I told her that the Dems would not get my vote or another dime of my money until they find a backbone.
It seems that every day brings new revelations. Could this be another Rove tactic, to so overwhelm us with outrage that we eventually roll over and die or, for you younger folks, light out for the northern territory?
David
April 14, 2006 at 11:06 am
37Or just light up and grin like that Cheshire cat?
I must say that I think Democrats are in second place in the backboneless sweepstakes. First place goes to moderate Republicans, most notably those two women senators from Maine. If they had the backbone of one woman senator from California, we’d be in a very different place. The men with backbones are pretty much all liberals, especially black liberals, the major exception being the white conservative Democrat Jack Murtha. He gave Democrats a stunning opportunity to stand up, to which they responded by running for cover. Most courageous Republican is a white male congressman from North Carolina. What a goddamned strange world is Washington, though not as strange as the world of the fundamentalist mega-churches. If you want a real treat, watch 15 minutes of one of those fundamentalist white mega-church televangelists. Bible literalism produces some really, really strange stuff, especially when coupled with wealth, and helps explain why we have such a strange President.
Painfully Obvious
April 14, 2006 at 11:15 am
38Sharon, I believe these are guys who have been pushing their agenda for 30 years, and they have gone overboard (way way overboard).
Off topic: I also believe the current debate regarding immigration law reform is a scam by both pol. parties to avoid more important issues of war, economy, environment, and health care. They can debate till the cows come home, not make any changes, and the public is over-heated and distracted on an issue that, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t mean as much. Of course, I’m not a person without papers, and I’m sure if I was undocumented, my priorities would be just a little different.
Sharon
April 14, 2006 at 11:25 am
39Oh, please David, do I *have* to?
I grew up listening to those guys, and I think I’ve served my time. Too much Biblical literalism will make the top of your head blow off.
mastmaker
April 14, 2006 at 3:54 pm
40This is not a reckless presidency. They are being very restrained. Here are the other wars that we should have been but aren’t only because we are restrained:
Iran - you know why.(We are almost there, anyhow)
France - They wouldn’t support us in war-on-terror. Remember? Either you are with us, or against us….
Germany - They have not been good to us ever since they united.
Scandinavian countries - Too liberal, too democratic. They allow gays and drugs - heathens!
Mid-east countries - Too undemocratic, too theocratic
India - Too democratic, not theocratic enough. How dare they develop nuclear weapons?
Pakistan - Did you know that Pakistan was ruled by military more often than by democratic leadership? Islamic nuclear weapon is too dangerous
South American countries - too undemocratic, they have subversive illegals stationed here ready to attack at a moment’s notice
Australia - is becoming almost as liberal as scandinavians
Japan - the country that started down the slippery slope of cheap imports
China - the biggest undemocrat of them all, it sealed us in the above mentioned slippery slope.
Taiwan - Our biggest trading partner, China wants us to invade Taiwan
Russia - Too many free-radical nuclear weapons, also too close to the border. Do you know that there was land bridge between alaska and russia only 10,000 years ago?
See, what I mean. If we were not such a peace loving party, we would be waging all these wars. Those propaganda-loving liberal, commie democrats are maligning us to no end.
Marion Morrison
April 14, 2006 at 4:25 pm
41Aw shucks, siobhan. My horse and I have seen thousands of sunsets like that, often by ourselves from on top of a mesa with strings and french horns in the background and the camera slowly zooming out.
siobhan
April 14, 2006 at 7:42 pm
42Marion: with the light slowly wayning in the background?
David
April 14, 2006 at 8:59 pm
43Sharon,
If you haven’t checked out the big dogs lately, you need to get a good stiff drink to see you through about 15 minutes (5 might do it) and see what these people are preaching to millions and millions of followers. It will give you a trench-level view of why America is so effed up, and why our Prez is the #1 effer upper.
Marion Morrison
April 14, 2006 at 9:47 pm
44Aw shucks, Ma’am, I only let my horse call me Marion.
siobhan
April 14, 2006 at 11:14 pm
45Sorry about that. I wouldn’t want to upset a quiet man.
nigel
April 14, 2006 at 11:23 pm
46What do W and Barry Bonds have in common?
Their daddies were good at baseball?
Their surnames both start with B?
They’ve raised deniability to an art form?
Oh, sorry, Barry is a pretty decent guy (and a great ballplayer). I hate to cast aspersions.
Sharon, Russ Feingold has shown plenty of backbone, and a fat lot of good it has done us. We need a majority, any majority, and a small donation to the Democratic Party won’t hurt.
nigel
April 14, 2006 at 11:27 pm
47p.s.
To any GOP sympathizers out there, remember when John McCain was a candidate, and you (collectively) went for the smiling inside trader/lame MLB owner from Texas?
Don’t get fooled again.
cooper
April 14, 2006 at 11:28 pm
48David and any other fans of Oklahoma’s current talent in the Senate may enjoy this article from our pal, Charles P. Pierce.
http://www.prospect.org/web/page.ww?section=root&name=ViewWeb&articleI d=9236
nigel
April 14, 2006 at 11:39 pm
49p.p.s.
This is further evidence that W and his cronies are not “Republicans”. Technically, they are “Tories” (pre-revolutionary), who hold to, among other things, a standard for libel entirely at odds with 250 years of proud American tradition and jurisprudence.
The bottom line is, whenever our nation drifts right of the United Kingdom, something is quite likely amiss.
Jose, can you see…
hedera
April 15, 2006 at 12:24 am
50And in case you all wondered how we got here, I had a conversation yesterday that explains a lot, and scared the hell out of me. I’d rented a car for a couple of days, and the nice young lady at the car rental place was about to drive me back to the VW dealer where my own wheels were getting some work done. I’d been listening to NPR on the way there, so to make some casual conversation during a 3 block drive, I said, “I hear another retired general is calling on Rumsfeld to resign.”
She replied, “Who’s Rumsfeld?”
I was so stunned I didn’t even answer her, and we discussed the weather for the next 4 minutes. (In my own defense, I suggested walking the 4 blocks, but they wouldn’t hear of it - it would breach their standard of customer service.)
She’s a nicely dressed, well spoken young African American, with a good job and the good customer service manner; and she doesn’t recognize the name of the Secretary of Defense. Brothers and sisters, we are in trouble.
nigel
April 15, 2006 at 1:42 am
51In the same vein, I remember commenting back in 2000 about the dubious election of one George Bush. To which the young man at the helm of the boat replied quizzically, “I thought presidents could only serve two terms”.
Of course he was a member of a sovereign nation within our own borders, so perhaps can be excused for a somewhat tenuous grasp of American politics, but still it does make one wonder about democracy….
cooper
April 15, 2006 at 8:47 am
52hedera/nigel - indeed.
siobhan
April 15, 2006 at 8:12 pm
53Fowler (and anyone else who’s interested), the NY Times had a story today about how smuggled poultry figures into the spread of bird flu. One thing that they don’t mention in this article that I’ve read elsewhere is that Japan has had no reported cases of bird flu, even though it is on a major flyway. However, there is apparently little or no illegal poultry trade there; some dots to connect…
David
April 16, 2006 at 10:59 am
54Love Charles P.’s profile of these two intellectual giants from Okie Dokie (condolences to those Sooners who did not vote for these two shining lights). Thanks for the link, Cooper.
Col. Larry Wilkerson is doing a superb job of laying out who Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld actually are (Lobster lover C-Span).
Re McCain, Helen Thomas argues rather convincingly that if you want four more years of Bush policies, vote McCain ‘08. Maverick John is to speak at Liberty University, saying that followers of Jerry Falwell [et. al.] belong in the Republican Party. Johnny boy is a maverick like the two senators from Oklahoma are a bipartite brain trust. Remember when he purportedly opposed the influence of the religious wing nuts in the GOP?
Pete IVDL
April 16, 2006 at 6:49 pm
55Hedera, take comfort in the fact that, if the televangelists had mentioned Rummy, the young lady in question would likely have known who he was. I’m just guessing, but I think that says it all (if it were true, of course).
mastmaker
April 17, 2006 at 11:35 am
56I was wondering why Adam ‘moderated out’ my ‘countries to invade’ piece. Then I realized: He must have thought I am leaking a highly sensitive (or insensitive as the case may be) document from the oval office (or is it vowel office? ‘W’ is a vowel, right?).
Not so, Adam. I don’t work for, or in, the oval office. This piece of information is common-place to the GOP insiders but then, how many GOP insiders visit FA?
Murray
April 17, 2006 at 1:23 pm
57Mastmaker
Don’t confuse the automated Hashcash for Adam’s censoring of material. To my knowledge he has never done so.
Hashcash is there to keep spam out. One of the things it looks for is how long you have the page open before posting your comment. If the time period is too long, it eats your comment. All you need to do is refresh the page and repost your comment.
mastmaker
April 17, 2006 at 3:14 pm
58Darnit!
I don’t have another copy of that piece. I will post it again (in response to some other entry - since it is kinda general one) when I am in right mood.