So… I’m sick on Monday, hit you with some Funny on Tuesday, and on Wednesday I discover….
… that I’m due in Chicago on Thursday.
In fairness, I should’ve known this. I have, after all, been scheduled for “Wait Wait” tomorrow for over a month. Still, I “found out” just a few hours ago, when I got an email describing this week’s “Listener Bluff Game.”
And of course the LAST thing that I want to do is compound and reveal my idiocy by reporting it here, on my website, which I know for a fact is read by my pals over at “Wait Wait.”
*sigh* Have a great Thursday, everybody.
Fanny Roborat
63 comments
Pete IVDL
March 2, 2006 at 3:37 am
1Now, don’t forget, hair net (check), underarm deodorant (check), bottled humour (check), latest newspapers (check), cheque/check for Peter to ensure “hard” questions (check), kiss wife (yours, not mine) (check)… You’re done! Go get ‘em, Tige! Rahrrr.
cooper
March 2, 2006 at 8:14 am
2As Peter would say, “the violins you hear in the background…” This is why you make the HUGE bucks as a NPR on-air poisonality. Adam, you’re young, suck it up - you can sleep next week. Us crusty old geezers will fake it through another week at work and live for the weekend, when once again our pal (& his pals) and humor mentor, young as he is and burning the candle at both ends, will delight us anew. You did kiss your lovely wife good-bye, right?
tim
March 2, 2006 at 8:18 am
3Oh, just make up an “Elihu Root in a small town in Wisconsin” story. Works for Charlie.
Andrew
March 2, 2006 at 8:26 am
4One problem with “Wait, Wait”… when I’m working weekends, I get to listen, which is great, but I have to go the whole time without coffee, which isn’t. I’ve discovered — the hard way — that listening to you guys with a mouthful of coffee is hard on keyboards.
Couldja maybe squeeze in a 5-minute “non-hysterical break” every once in a while?
Julia
March 2, 2006 at 8:43 am
5Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could tape the shows the same way I watch them - over the web, at my own convenience?
I’d wish you luck but can’t rememeber a show you didn’t win. Meantime, thanks for deciding we don’t need a sitter. We’ll be good, and if we can’t be good, we’ll get ice cream.
Go. Fight. Win. Or whatever.
Julia
Sh3bwah
March 2, 2006 at 8:44 am
6Hey! man
thank you
dee
March 2, 2006 at 10:13 am
7Oh sure…Chicago, Salt Lake City, Baghdad, LA…you just keep flitting around in those germ-infested airplanes and screw up your biorhythms traversing the time zones and see where it gets you. You need to take better care of yourself mister. Don’t make me come out there!
(Momma — he doesn’t listen too well, does he?)
Mary
March 2, 2006 at 11:07 am
8There’s a son that does????????
I will take this as an admission that you don’t have the true story. Too bad I already won Karl’s voice or I would make use of this “insider” information
Old Mother Felber
March 2, 2006 at 12:01 pm
9Hey - he didn’t even tell me where he was going this weekend. Not that he would, of course. I’m only his mother.
I mean, he has all the time in the world for going out with his friends but when it comes to telling his mother, it’s only when he doesn’t feel good, and then ….
Oh.
Wrong dialogue, wrong decade.
Have a good flight, Adam, and remember to bring your earmuffins. It’s snowing here in the East, and it’s coming from the north and that’s where Chicago is, isn’t it?
luv,
sadly out of the loop Mama
Peter
March 2, 2006 at 12:35 pm
10We so DO NOT read this blog! It’s totally untrue!
See you Thursday,
Peter
Tom in Santa Clara
March 2, 2006 at 1:35 pm
11Enjoy Chicago Adam….its not California but what is?
From one who appeared on WWDTM and didn’t win!
ice weasel
March 2, 2006 at 1:46 pm
12Hey Adam, at least you remembered on Wednesday. It could have been much more humiliating, right?
Have a safe flight and I’m looking forward another great WWDT.
And don’t worry Adam, it will be nothing but sweetness and ice cream talk while you’re gone.
No, really.
cooper
March 2, 2006 at 2:30 pm
13Ms. Layton (I refused to think of you as Old Mother Felber), you obviously live too far north. A little over halfway down the coast, we’re in the 70’s and thinking *Spring*!
But, of course, August sucks…
gmwnkcmo
March 2, 2006 at 2:40 pm
14i dont know if this helps or not,
Adam, but I have to tell you my dream panel at WWDTM would be Paula, Charlie and you, Roy Blount, Jr as the alternate.
So, suck it up, do the show, and know there are people out here that will be listening.
Every week.
gmw
Chuggo
March 2, 2006 at 2:41 pm
15I for one am too busy to read this blog. I’m still working on Cooper’s #6 from a couple days ago (the atheism thingie). So far, it’s me 3, God 0. However, it’s still early in the first quarter, and I have to punt.
I do have a special play worked up, that I think I will use in the second half. I am going to fake belief in Intelligent Design, and when God heads right, I will bust loose left with Evolution. I should have clear sailing right through an elementary school.
Chuggo
March 2, 2006 at 2:49 pm
16oops, sorry. My mistake. It was Murray’s #6. God just tried a run up the middle (something is going on in India), and I stuffed it (Chuck Hagel is my linebacker). No gain.
cooper
March 2, 2006 at 7:00 pm
17Ice, all that artistic talent and a journalist, too? Nice coup getting Ottmar Liebert to enter your Prius blogosphere like that. Keep surprising us like that, buddy. Good job.
Since some may not have heard of your guest, I’m reminded of a line from the Kevin Costner film, “The Postman”, a highly underrated story, IMHO, about life in America after a catastrophic nuclear war. Kevin’s character meets up with one of a few scattered settlements of survivors, of which Tom Petty is one. Kevin seems to recognize him and asks Tom if he should know him and Tom’s response is “I used to be medium famous” but doesn’t introduce himself and never says anything else about it. Classy and ironic way to handle that, I always thought. Plus a bit of an inside joke, since some of the felbernauts and much of the general public may not know who Tom Petty is anyway, though if they saw him, he may look a bit familiar. But I babble too much at times…
Siobhan
March 2, 2006 at 7:59 pm
18Cooper, you babble just the right amount. A regular brook, you are.
Zhoen
March 2, 2006 at 8:14 pm
19“…the LAST thing that I want to do is compound and reveal my idiocy by reporting it here… ”
And yet….
Chuggo
March 2, 2006 at 10:49 pm
20I know who Tom Petty is. He drives race cars.
Atheism vs. God update:
Score is now me 10, God 7. I went to an Ash Wednesday service after not thinking about it (7 points for me), and He ran the kickoff back all the way (6 points, plus I got the cross mark on my forehead for the PAT).
He’s wearing me down. I may switch to something easier, like Blame America for Everything.
cooper
March 3, 2006 at 12:10 am
21Chuggo, darn close. Another cross mark on your forehead for the effort. Speaking of which (racing), I had an interesting thing happen today. I pulled into a loading dock at a business; there was a tow truck backed up to the dock. The driver was nowhere to be seen, but there was a person in the passenger seat. I looked closer. It was a life-size cutout of Dale Earnhardt, in street clothes, sunglasses, and that devilish smile he always had on his face when he would “Fram-Hell out of you” to get by at Martinsville. It nearly stopped my heart. Damn, I miss him.
historyenne
March 3, 2006 at 12:52 am
22I always liked Adam, Charlie and Sue, but Adam, Charlie and Mo, I think, would be the ideal panel.
SeattleDan
March 3, 2006 at 1:24 am
23SeattleTammy is a big Tom Petty fan. We didn’t realize he drove race cars,too. I got kudo Christmas points one year for getting her a 5 CD collection of TP and the Heartbreakers.
Digressing even further, we saw Nick Lowe here a couple of years ago here in Seattle. He did a wonderful version of his “What’s So Funny About Peace,Love and Understanding”. Indeed.
Break a leg, Adam. We’re pulling for you. And we hope you took some Airborne before you left.If not, take some before you leave Chicago.
siobhan
March 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
24My 3.5 seconds of fame come from Tom Petty’s Fillmore shows (HBO? and DVD). I’m coiling cable at the start of Breakdown. Hubby recorded the shows and I helped put stuff away in return for a few nights worth of tickets.
Mary
March 3, 2006 at 10:33 am
25Of course we know who Tom Petty is. He does translations for the (Bob) Dylan impaired. ;-D
siobhan
March 3, 2006 at 10:43 am
26I thought that was Bob Weir’s job.
cooper
March 3, 2006 at 11:06 am
27Siobhan, let’s review, photographer, artist, Irish, Bay Area based and grip temp for Tom Petty. Life is sweet, yes?
Mary
March 3, 2006 at 12:38 pm
28That was part of a Saturday Night Live skit- during the Dennis Miller years.
Siobhan
March 3, 2006 at 1:29 pm
29Cooper, I wouldn’t have guessed it would be this fun back when I was 20.
Hot Tub Tommy
March 3, 2006 at 1:47 pm
30Okay, some jackass asshole asswipe sent me 43 cents, in honor of our president, I guess. It costs me $34.19 to fill out, mail and archive my records for each campaign contribution, as required by a law I had nothing to do with, believe me. Now cut the shit! I know it’s someone here in this blog.
I’ve had to catch a red-eye from DC to do 3 fund raisers today, to cover the ad, and then jump on another red-eye to get back to DC for a speech that no one but the cameraman for C-SPAN will ever see, but I’ve got to promote of the image of a can-doer. And let me tell you what I can do, Pete IVDL, cooper, ice weasel, waterfowler, murray. I can kick your ass, six ways from Saturday, if I find out it was you with the 43 cents. Fucking comedians!
Pony up, meatheads. Don’t forget the Campbell show-down at the Bootylicious Bovine Corral, 9:00 Sunday Night on Fox. Not to be missed! By the way, we’re still short of cash. Send it now, to be able to make a difference in America’s future, and mine.
Representative Thomas Delay, (R,TX)
Sugar Land, TX
Maximum Bob
March 3, 2006 at 4:36 pm
31I’m a big fan of your posts, Tommy, and I’d send you some money if I could, but I’m saving up to have the cat’s claws trimmed. It’s the thought that counts, no?
Fact of the matter is, life’s better after prison. Ask Martha Stewart! You’ll probably be up to your keester in termite removal contracts, so there’s that to look forward to.
Julia
March 3, 2006 at 5:50 pm
32At any rate, Tommy, you’ll probably be up to your keester in…something…
julia
Chuggo
March 3, 2006 at 7:06 pm
33I know who Tom Delay is. Dick Cheney’s sock puppet.
whoops, that wasn’t even funny, was it.
Subject change: is Al Franken a no no subject in this blog? I am reading his book “Truth (with jokes)”. I know, I’m behing the curve on some things, but I get my books at the library cause I’m cheap. Anyway, I like the book, and wondered if anyone wanted to react, even if it is a re-hash of all the things our Dearest Leader has done since taking office.
Chuggo
March 3, 2006 at 7:07 pm
34Oh great. I just admitted I checked out a book by a known subversive from the library. I’ll probably end up sharing the same cell with Sock Puppet.
Murray
March 3, 2006 at 8:13 pm
35Hot Tub Tommy,
You can be sure that I didn’t send you the 43 cents. That’s 40 cents more than I would have sent to make you spend the $34.19. When you get the next 200 donations of $.03 each, you’ll know who to thank. (BTW, Fowler is on your side, AND he’s from Texas!)
HTT, I’ve enjoyed your rants for as long as you have been darkening our screens. It seems likely that you will have plenty of time on your hands come Labor Day, and you will want to enjoy your freedom as much as possible before your trial so I hope that you will make it to the Mountains of Pennsylvania to enjoy Felberpalooza.
(If not you, hopefully your alter ego, and that of Mo Moscowitz, and a couple of others.)
ice weasel
March 3, 2006 at 8:51 pm
36HTT,
No, the forty-three cents did come from me. I was the guy who sent you four thousand Western-Union MoneyGrams® for .01 each. Of course, it will cost about $4.75 each to redeem them, add to that your accounting expenses and you’ll see what you get for trolling in here for cash.
Face it, the only people who might send you money in here obviously canot afford it or they would be hanging out with the other criminals…errr…republicans.
And hey, enjoy your trial. If that doesn’t work out the way you’re hoping, remember what the good book says, “There’s no such thing as too much lubricant.”
Ann
March 3, 2006 at 8:57 pm
37Chuggo,
If Al is a forbidden subject, I wasn’t informed. I love his books, but he certainly does have a mean streak!
I’m also re-reading a classic from the ’80s–The Clothes Have No Emperor.
David
March 4, 2006 at 1:03 am
38Al’s not mean. He just doesn’t suffer shitheads lightly.
I’m assuming that nothing except pounding the living scheiss out of a bloatedly kaput Pferd is verboten.
Hot Tub Tommy,
Hot Tube Teddy is cocked, primed, and engorged with anticipation.
Siobhan
March 4, 2006 at 1:20 am
39Hot Tubby - I’ve long wished that 43 would show some sense, but I also wish he’d do it without further delay. Guess that rules me out.
cooper
March 4, 2006 at 10:28 am
40Rep. Delay, I must say the 43 cents doesn’t really sound like something the Yankee half of my heritage would do, ice’s confession not withstanding. It sounds more like a southern contrivance to me. Probably best to let it go. Though I doubt it was him either, sounds like David is on alert and unapproachable. And as we both know, rural southerners tend to take on the keener characteristics of their prey. Lots of gators and cottonmouths in the Green Swamp.
Note to David, I’ve named a few cars, but you name your shotguns?
waterfowler
March 4, 2006 at 1:39 pm
41Tommy, name the place. I can be in Sugar Land in 2 hrs. (if my helicopter is fueled). Anyway, I’m one of your biggest supporters from East Tree Stump. I sent you $34.19 as soon as I heard you were golfing in Scotland. BTW, how’s Jack?
David, I’m not sure why, but I’m actually a little suprised that you give credibility to Alf.
Coop, My Rem. 870 is named “Drop”…
Hanna
March 4, 2006 at 2:02 pm
42Peggy Noonan?!?!
Ew.
I think this might be the first Wait Wait I might have to skip. :/
Love,
Hanna
cooper
March 4, 2006 at 2:08 pm
43fouler, as in “…Dead”? gotcha. Actually, probably comes as no surprise, but I’m partial to Mr. Franken’s brand of humor. And though he’s our shining light of correct and proper thinking, I hope he never runs for office. He should remain untainted and above the fray, much like Karl Rove, uh,no, like Scooter Lib…um, David Safavian … hmmm, Robert Novak…jeez, James Dobson, Pat Robinson … oops, Jack Abramoff. Well, hell maybe he should run for office.
SophistiCATe
March 4, 2006 at 2:39 pm
44Haw, Peggy Noonan as Anna Nicole Smith! Get the podcast, Hanna.
Jerry
March 4, 2006 at 4:00 pm
45“earmuffins”! That is soooo cute. You musta been such a cute li’l’ puddin’ punim!
But seriously…”Deteriorata” has been moved up one notch on my “Regular blogs” bookmarks. Now it’s right above “FA.” Sorry…but she doesn’t have all those silly stories that are so obviously made up just to embarrass our mentally-impaired, pretzel-chockin’, President, sadly born 150 years too late to have run on the Know-Nothing ticket.
Pete IVDL
March 4, 2006 at 4:35 pm
46Coop, if you didn’t read David Brin’s original book “The Postman”, you’re missing out on a MUCH funnier, darker, sadder, better story. I liked the film, but only ’cause it was reasonably good entertainment, not because it bore any resemblance to the book. I know, I know… But as an on-screen adaptation of the original story, it gets a Lead Emmy; as a Kevin Costner vehicle, it gets an Iron Emmy; as entertainment, I give it a Mercury Emmy (much harder to display, you see).
Pete IVDL
March 4, 2006 at 4:42 pm
47Hey, all you winners of Karl’s voice, what happens if you have an electronic (message-bank type) recorded message system? Do they send you a sound file (like [shudder] an MP3)? Or do they send you a tape? Or what?
I’m thinking of competing (just for the Heck™ of it), but if I win, I don’t want to get into a long discussion of what sort of answering machine I have… ‘Course, since I convert tapes and other recordings, it’s no problem at all, but I was just wondering what happens when a hip, cool, or trendy listener wins. (Not me, no way, I’m so unhip my pants fall down, but others here are way cool).
hedera
March 4, 2006 at 4:45 pm
48Actually, Hanna, I thought Peggy Noonan came across as intelligent, funny, and reasonable, much more than the people she worked for. The advice she proposed for Dubya at Peter’s prompting was sound, except they’ll never let him do it. The advice she proposed to the Democratic leadership was no more than the rest of the party has been saying for the last 5 years.
The only reason I’m still registered as a Democrat is that, in California, registered Independents are essentially disenfranchised in the primaries because they can’t vote the party tickets. We had an initiative a few years ago to return to the open primary, where everybody can vote for all the candidates, and it passed, but the major parties killed it in court because they were afraid we’d end up electing Peter Camejo (Green) as governor.
cooper
March 4, 2006 at 5:31 pm
49Pete, David Brin’s book, huh? Okay, I’ll give it a google. Actually, I wasn’t aware of the book, so thanks.
BTW, worrying about Karl’s voice machine format is a bit like, as we say here “putting the cart before the horse” or “counting your chickens before they hatch” or as you might say “noshing your Lamingtons before the vegemite”. First you gotta win, bubba. Talking it over with the others would be an excellent start, though. Good luck, pal.
cooper
March 4, 2006 at 6:01 pm
50fouler, so anyway, this Texan goes up to Maine for vacation one summer and he absolutely falls in love with the state. Everywhere he looks is a green wonderland with gently rolling hills, unnumbered waterfalls, cool breezes and breath-taking cliffs that drop to the pristine ocean below. He decides he wants to buy a farm so he can come up every summer when it’s stinking hot in the Lone Star State. As he’s driving along a country road, he crests a hill and there it is - the perfect farm! As luck would have it, the farmer is out by the road, fixing a fence, so the Texan stops the car beside him and says “How much you want for your farm?”
The farmer thinks for a minute, looks the Texan over, scratches his chin and says “Oh, I don’t know. What do you think it’s worth? It’s twenty five acres cleared, with a 3 acre pond and 10 acre wood lot.”
The Texan knows not to jump right in with an amount, so he thinks he’ll try to impress the farmer with how big a ranch he already owns, so he says “Back home in Texas, I’ve got quite a ranch. Yes sir, I can get in my truck at 7:00 in the morning and still not be at the border of my property by nightfall!”
The farmer says “Ayuh. I know what you mean. I used to have a car just like that.”
linda
March 4, 2006 at 6:48 pm
51Regarding all things Petty - there are four generations of race car drivers (Lee, Richard, Kyle and Adam), but the Tom Petty you mention is a famous musician.
Steve
March 4, 2006 at 9:09 pm
52Peggy Noonan was better than I expected. I found it interesting that her advice to the Dems, which was actually pretty good (in essence, “stand for something”) was met with complete silence (assuming that there wasn’t a big edit there).
As always, when Charlie Pierce and Adam Felber get together, the chemistry is amazing. I really wish I was in the audience for that show. It must have been a total riot.
ice weasel
March 4, 2006 at 9:37 pm
53Wow, Our Lady of the Dolphins appeared sane and rational? That’s…errrrm - surprising.
Fouler, I hope you have a Wingmaster. Though I’ll probably end up buying an Express 18″ myself (I don’t want to blow the extra money for the Benelli), hunting with an express seems so, plebian.
cooper
March 4, 2006 at 11:46 pm
54Gee, you think Musharraf dyes his hair? Looks awfully dark for someone who has to dodge assassination on a regular basis.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5245736
David
March 5, 2006 at 1:39 am
55Hot Tube Teddy is the alpha inmate at the facility at which Hot Tub Tommy might get to spend some out-of-government-service and into-inmate-service time. My lone shotgun is like the horse in that desert song.
Note to Mr.Dickhead: It never got aimed at other hunters, ever, under any circumstances, in part because I never drank happy beverage before or while hunting, and in part because I’m not quite that much of a dumbfuck.
ice weasel
March 5, 2006 at 4:35 am
56And just for giggles, please go read this brilliant bit…
Just Shoot Me
Oh how I aspire to this greatness.
cooper
March 5, 2006 at 2:27 pm
57ice, good link. Thanks.
Adam, Bikini Vixens of the Amazon? That may be just the ticket to get Bob Edwards to ditch his satelitte radio career, call in all his chits and favors over the years at NPR, get Nina Totenberg tranferred to traffic and he takes over the Supreme Court beat. It could happen. Also, how did you know about the woman who sent in her own obituary to beat a traffic ticket? How do you know this stuff? Good show, BTW, lots o’ laughs.
Sharon
March 5, 2006 at 4:02 pm
58Re David Brin’s The Postman, I’ll second what Pete said. I liked the book very much, and I thought the movie was a lot better than some of the reviewers said, but it did hit a few sour notes. I thought the ending (of the movie) fell pretty flat. But I’d recommend the book, and the author. I loved his novel Earth, in which, in the not-so-distant future, one teevee station shows Star Trek 24/7.
David
March 5, 2006 at 4:07 pm
59Just Shoot Me - don’t know how it could be put any more engagingly insightfully.
And while I’m at it, what fucking difference does it make if Iran builds a nuclear weapon? Starting a war over something so insignificant in the larger scheme of nuclear realities, now that does matter.
Sharon
March 5, 2006 at 4:35 pm
60The Cheney story is priceless. “his five draft deferments during the Vietnam War make him an honorary member of the tribe” HUH? Run that by me again? Which tribe would that be? Not of the 58,000+ who died there. Is that the total we have to reach before we can say that the Great Middle-East Restructing Effort (in CorporateSpeak) has failed?
waterfowler
March 5, 2006 at 7:10 pm
61Ice, I must be a plebe. If you’re quail huntin’ w/ Dick or dove huntin’ w/ anyone, take the Belgium-made Browning Auto-5, I have 2. But, when crawling through the rice fields or river bottoms of East Tree Stump, the Express (matte finish) is the only way to go. It’s cheap, easy to take apart & re-assemble in the field, and you don’t mind the mud and sand and scratches so much.
Julia
March 5, 2006 at 10:06 pm
62If Bob Edwards were back on Morning Edition, maybe I could once again listen without cursing and bashing my fist on the steering wheel.
In completely selfish terms, in the last 10 days I’ve seen, read, or ordered at least 2 documentary films, 3 books, and 2 music CDs specifically because I heard them on his XM show. He probably introduces me to a wider variety of in-depth information than any single other source (I tend to surf, rather than dive, into the web). I would seriously miss that if NPR got him back again…
Julia
ice weasel
March 5, 2006 at 11:35 pm
63Well wf, I was hoping you were at least sporting a Marine Magnum but you made a fine point about the Express and not worrying about what happens to it.