From http://www.whitehouse.gov/stateoftheunion/2006/index.html:

Breakthroughs on this and other new technologies will help us reach another great goal: to replace more than 75 percent of our oil imports from the Middle East by 2025. (Applause.)

From Newsday:

There’s only one problem: Even Bush’s own advisers admitted yesterday there’s no way to know if his plan would really cut off Middle East imports.

Bush’s chief economic adviser, Allan Hubbard, told reporters that Bush meant only that alternative fuels and hydrogen cars are expected to reduce the equivalent of Middle East oil imports in 2025.

But since private companies buy oil - and not the government - analysts believe the companies would keep buying from the oil-rich Persian Gulf even if they trimmed supplies from there and other places, such as Canada and Mexico, analysts said.

Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman said that Bush’s goal of cutting Middle Eastern oil “was merely meant to give an example” of his plan’s benefits.

Okay, before you longhaired Chardonnay-sipping bean-counters get your red diapers in a bunch over this, let’s get one thing straight: The President “pledged” some things on Tuesday, okay? He “promised” other things, and he “asserted” still more things. And he stands by those things.

But just in case you’re getting set to “hold” the President to these “things,” it’s important that you understand what he was “saying” when he “said” those “things” that were “said” in the “State of the Union,” some of which were “said” without the President’s knowledge.

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As we make progress on the ground, and Iraqi forces increasingly take the lead, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels — but those decisions will be made by our military commanders, not by politicians in Washington, D.C.

What the President meant here is that the military commanders are the ones who are going to make these decsions, so long as those decisions don’t take the form of 1) “We’re fucked! Please send more troops!” or 2) “We’re fucked! Let’s get out of here!”

It’s also important to note that when the President says “military commanders,” he means, primarily, “Commander in Chief of the military.”

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Dictatorships shelter terrorists, and feed resentment and radicalism, and seek weapons of mass destruction. Democracies replace resentment with hope, respect the rights of their citizens and their neighbors, and join the fight against terror.

The President meant that democracies that do not elect terrorists will join the fight against terror. Those other nations are actually “terrocracies,” and shouldn’t be confused with actual “democracies.” This is also true of so-called democracies who elect dictators, which are actually “dictocracies,” or so-called democracies who elect communists (”commocracies”), anti-American governments (”asshocracies”) and circus clowns (”clownocracies”).

What the President really meant here was to point out that the Dow is approaching 11,000 and that the new season of “American Idol” looks to be the best yet.

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At the start of 2006, more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half — in places like Syria and Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran — because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world, require their freedom, as well. (Applause.)

It’s important to understand that while the President did not include China in the count of world population that lived in democracies, China was also not on the above “hit list.” The United States recognizes China’s right to oppress its people, and not just because China is big and scary and a trading partner and not as easily liberated as Zimbabwe. And not because speaking the “truth” about “China” requires “balls.”

No. What the President meant was that if those gay people get married, they’re coming for your children next.

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By passing these reforms, we will save the American taxpayer another $14 billion next year, and stay on track to cut the deficit in half by 2009. (Applause.)

The President is here promising that the President must be held accountable for the gigantic budget deficits if they’re still gigantic in 2009, and that if he, personally, is “the President” in 2009, he’ll take full responsibility.

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Our government has a responsibility to provide health care for the poor and the elderly, and we are meeting that responsibility. (Applause.)

What the President meant here is that it’s time to make your Super Bowl party plans now, and not wait until Sunday morning, and that Laura looks lovelier than ever, doesn’t she?

[Please feel free to offer further clarifications in the Comments below.]