INT. HAMAS HEADQUARTERS, GAZA CITY - THREE WEEKS FROM NOW

[Hamas’ top official in Gaza, MAHMOUD AL-ZAHAR, sits at his desk, surrounded by his newly-minted officials. A secretary enters and deposits stacks of documents into a box marked “IN.”]

ZAHAR: Thank you, Eth-el. Now, my friends, to business. Who wants to start? Ahmed?

AHMED: We have a bit of a crisis developing at the Rafah post office…

ZAHAR: Well, we’ve dealt with this before! Get a few lions of Islam in there to shield the people, and we will fire righteous missiles at the Israeli devils who seek to encroa-

AHMED: -No, it’s not the Israelis.

ZAHAR: No?

AHMED: No, it’s… we need more postmen. Plus, the new stamps have been delayed, and people are angry. Particularly Mrs. Ramla al-Fetayah. She says we promised to release the new-

[ZAHAR pounds the table forcefully.]

ZAHAR: Look, we are the liberators of Palestine! You’ll have to tell this Mrs. Fetacheese -

AHMED: Fetayah.

ZAHAR: Whatever - tell her [Zahar thinks, takes a breath, lets it out with a sigh.] Tell her we’ll approve the new stamps by Thursday. [Zahar takes another moment, breathes…] Okay. Haytham?

HAYTHAM: We need a strategy for the number 17 bus out of Abasan.

[The secretary enters, dumps more documents in the IN box.]

ZAHAR: Thank you, Eth-el. My brother, the strategy remains the same. Find a hero who is willing to martyr himself before Allah, pack his vest with explosives, and -

HAYTHAM: No, Mahmoud, it’s… we need to run a few more buses on that route. Especially at rush hour.

ZAHAR: So, blowing them up…?

HAYTHAM: …would further deepen the crisis. They’re at capacity already. We got an angry letter from Mrs. Naar al-Fetayah, and she points out -

ZAHAR: Wait, this isn’t the same Mrs. Fetayah, is it?

HAYTHAM: My brother, Palestine, like any country, is filled with Mrs. Fetayahs.

ZAHAR: Oy.

AHMED: What?

ZAHAR: Nothing. Look, don’t we have any pressing and dangerous security concerns?

SUMREN: Well, the water treatment facility at -

ZAHAR: No! I mean security. The Israelis? The enemy that we are sworn to destroy and will stop at nothing to destroy us? Yoo-hoo? Anyone remember them?

SUMREN: Actually, they appear to have pulled back to their checkpoints. They’re just watching, really.

AHMED: And snickering a lot.

HAYTHAM: Yeah, why is that?

[Pause]

ZAHAR: Well, what about Fatah? The corrupt, compromising, and overly-secular authority that we deposed through the righteous strength of our words and deeds?

HAYTHAM: Also watching, also snickering.

[Pause. The secretary re-enters, deposits more documents in the IN box, leaves. Zahar is now only partially visible behind the growing stack of papers.]

ZAHAR: Thank you, Eth-el. Okay, let’s keep going. Samer, what glorious and daring tasks do you have for us to perform?

SAMER: We need more public restrooms in the Dayr al Balah shopping district. We received a series of letters and calls from a Mrs. Wasela umm-Fetayah…

[Samer continues. A sound that is not completely unlike a soft sobbing is heard from behind the stack of papers as we FADE OUT…]