From The Financial Times:
Yet when asked to account for the entry “Valerie Flame” in her notebook, which she had drawn a square around, Ms Miller said she thought it had come from another source, whom she could not recall.
This discrepancy, and the possibility of another source, is all the more remarkable given the agreement that Ms Miller’s lawyer, Robert Bennett, struck with investigators before her testimony. One of the crucial points was that Ms Miller would be permitted to limit her testimony only to discussions with Mr Libby, and to shield other sources. That now seems like a bad deal for the prosecutors…
Confused? I can explain.
See, someone told Judy that Valerie (you know, Joe’s Valerie?) worked for the CIA. At first everyone was all, like, it’s gotta be Scooter who said it, or maybe Karl or even Dick, but Judy wasn’t telling and she got in like really big trouble for that, you know? Pat got REALLY angry about it and sent Judy away.
So then Judy was all like, “Okay, I’ll tell you exactly what Scooter said,” and Pat was all like, “Okay, then you can come back and tell me.” And Judy was like, “Fine, I will!” And Pat was like, “Good!”
But THEN things got like totally weird. First, Scooter said he’d already told Judy she could tell Pat about what he said about Val. Or didn’t say. Whatever. So why was Judy all like “Nuh-uh!” at first? So then we find out that what Judy heard about Val might not even have been totally from Scooter!
Okay, so that really sucks for Pat, because Judy only said she’d say what Scooter said! So now Pat’s like completely P.O.’d because nobody knows for sure who told Bob and Judy and Matt about Valerie, even though everybody knows that whoever it was totally did it to get back at Joe for what he said about George and Dick.
What makes this even weirder is that it was Bob who told everybody about what Scooter (or whoever!) said about Valerie! But Bob is all like, “I dunno,” and Pat is spending all his time trying to get Judy to tell him who told her what we all know someone told Bob because Bob was the one who totally blabbed about Valerie when Joe said what he said about George and Dick and Condi and Karl and the other George!
That’s really all that happened, you know? But everyone’s trying to make it all, like, so complicated.





24 comments
Bob
October 17, 2005 at 5:16 pm
1Valerie Flame? Oh, great, now they’ve outed two CIA agents.
CmdrSue
October 17, 2005 at 6:24 pm
2The synchronistically amusing part is that when I clicked over to this post my MediaPlayer started playing “Valley Girl” by Frank Zappa. No lie. Totally.
Regarding Valerie girl, I am so sure, it’s like, gross me out! You know? Whatever!
AbnerCadaver
October 17, 2005 at 8:31 pm
3Adam, you do that so well it’s frightening. I ride the train home with high school girls and I can tell you that’s spot on.
Pete IVDL
October 17, 2005 at 8:36 pm
4The wierd thing is that Adam’s explanation is actually clearer than anything else I’ve read about this bullshit.
Look, we all know it was Karl who gave it to Judith, who said she got it from Scooter. (Darn, now I’m trying to rhyme with “Scooter”. Tooter? Hooter? Neuter? Shooter? Fluter?)
I’ve gotten so confused that I’m just waiting for the tail to be finally pinned on the donkey. ‘Course, that doesn’t help Valerie or Yellowcake Bob… But then, they’re just the tradesmen. You know, invisible people, like tradesmen. Or stenographers.
Murray
October 17, 2005 at 8:47 pm
5The truly depressing thing is that I understand this easily. (Teach me to be a substitute teacher in the off season).
So Judy spends months in after class detention because her boyfriend Robby Bennet got his wires crossed when Skippy’s,,uh no, Scooter’s friend Joe Tate’s inclass note was miss read, and Judy thought that Scooter’s note said “Keep your fat mouth shut” when it really said “OK, go rat on me, see if I care.”
And so she goes to Principal Fitzgerald and asked if she could just go home and he goes, “Come into my office, little girl”, and she’s so sick of not getting to play “Grand Theft, San Andreas” that she just tells everything as best as she can remember. (She may have gotten a Pulitzer scholarship but everyone knows she had some one else take the test for her). Like, I mean, she was so 15 minutes ago when she did her History paper on Weapons of Mass Destruction, Puleeasse! Her teacher Ms Abrams must be really easy to fool after that stinker.
So now the whole class is waiting to find out what Principal Fitzgerald is going to do.
tess
October 17, 2005 at 10:32 pm
6I know college students far worse than what Adam’s got up. Adam, learn from the biology majors in San Luis Obispo. You need more “likes” and “ums” and “what-evahs.”
dee
October 17, 2005 at 11:02 pm
7Obviously the kids are already drinking heavily in junior high.
Mary
October 18, 2005 at 9:51 am
8So why isn’t Bob getting detention for his bad behavior? He’s the one who printed the stuff. And don’t give me that ‘public’s right to know’ argument. Right to know what? Who a CIA agent is? We didn’t “need” to know that, especially considering how the info put her and others in danger.
Ok, I’m off my soapbox. Now would someone please slap Judy for me?
David
October 18, 2005 at 10:15 am
9The following is from the end of a Reuters article:
In an interview yesterday, Wilson said that once the criminal questions are settled, he and his wife may file a civil lawsuit against Bush, Cheney and others seeking damages for the alleged harm done to Plame’s career.
If they do so, the current state of the law makes it likely that the suit will be allowed to proceed - and Bush and Cheney will face questioning under oath - while they are in office. The reason for that is a unanimous 1997 U.S. Supreme Court decision ruling that Paula Jones’ sexual harassment suit against then-President Bill Clinton could go forward immediately, a decision that was hailed by conservatives at the time.
http://www.truthout.org/docs_2005/101705A.shtml (This is the link for the article)
Susie
October 18, 2005 at 11:34 am
10Funnnnnny!
Nice linkage to the FT too.
tess
October 18, 2005 at 5:00 pm
11Ooo! Civil suit legislation coming back to bite the conservatives in the ass! This is turning out to be a rather entertaining (albeit morbid) year.
ice weasel
October 19, 2005 at 12:07 am
12“Obviously the kids are already drinking heavily in junior high.”
Who didn’t?
lurker dave
October 19, 2005 at 12:48 am
13Weasel, I didn’t… Couldn’t afford Maker’s Mark. And if you can’t drink the good stuff, why bother?
Thank lobster I’m an adult with a good job, and a BevMo close by. Manhattan anyone?
http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink580.html
(I’m too tired to learn how to do that cool link-thingy you smart people do)
Re-commence lurking (klaxons sound, “Dive! Dive!)
cooper
October 19, 2005 at 7:42 am
14Chapter 3
Lynn’s Lament
Lynn Cheney rolled out of her dream, punched the snooze bar, & dozed off for another nine minutes. Rush’s cheery repartee soon blared again from the radio and grated her nerves even worst than Dick’s persistent morning throat clearing routine. She turned off the radio, lit a cigarette and laid back down. Since her husband’s first heart attack, they had slept in separate bedrooms – Doctor’s orders and fine with her! She claimed to not being able to kick the nicotine habit, but truth be known, she relished the change and even if smoking eventually hastened her demise, the precious nightly hours away from that butt-head were well worth it.
Goddamn, she thought, the things she could have done with her life, if she had only listened to her Ma and not married this pretentious yahoo. Lynn’s basic social strategy was sound; date only cowboys - feed ‘em, fuck ’em and forget ‘em. Simple enough and devilishly fun; but then there was Dick Cheney, the one cowboy in all of Wyoming that wouldn’t get up and ride away. Admittedly, Dick had his charming qualities, his rapacious greed was legendary. In all business disagreements, he was a nut-cutter of the first order, which meant more money in the family coffers, a largess that Lynn doled out with all the charity and altruism of a rabid wolverine. Years of parsimony, had allowed her to squirrel away a rather large fortune into secret bank accounts in the Caymans and Grand Turk Island.
Now, if she could only shed herself of that asshole husband of hers, and the accompanying Secret Service Agents that hounded and stifled her very existence, maybe she would find some happiness in her life before she died. Perhaps her daughter had the right idea; as foul and putrid as these born-again Conservatives found the lesbian lifestyle, Mary certainly seemed content and satisfied (now there’s a concept, after the Dick Decades of “Jack-Rabbit Romance”). Maybe a thirty something French Flight Attendant with small by naturally perky breasts would be the ticket…
To be continued.
al
October 19, 2005 at 10:01 am
15Thanks. I finally understand. And I’m a 40 year old guy.
David
October 19, 2005 at 10:46 am
16Whoa, Cooper,
You’ve taken the comments section to a whole new level. Man, this is like the glory days of the serials in the magazines. Amanda would sell this magazine if she were still around (damn, I miss Tennessee Williams).
Murray
October 19, 2005 at 10:59 am
17Coop,
Damn, your stories are almost as much fun as watching the real jerks squirming and twisting in the wind.
Mary
October 19, 2005 at 11:34 am
18Excellent coop! Wish I had your writing skills. I would love to skewer those Cons ala “Good Night and Good Luck.”
Allison in Santa Cruz
October 19, 2005 at 3:25 pm
19You’re killing me, Cooper! That’s hilarious. I’m looking forward to the next installment. Like, totally.
Monster
October 19, 2005 at 3:45 pm
20Honestly, that’s what they TRIED to do on NPR yesterday. It didn’t work, and I’m guessing that’s because they didn’t get all into it, you know what I mean? Totally.
Leslie
October 19, 2005 at 5:48 pm
21Hey Adam, you’ve got a twofer going here! Your posting is really hilarious, although it took me a paragraph or two to adjust to the style. (Okay, I’m not, like, 20.) And then my friend (who also happens to have been my college English instructor) e-mailed me a heads up about Cooper’s novella. Is this website a bargain and a half or what!
Hot Tub Tommy
October 19, 2005 at 6:03 pm
22Look, I lost the double secret phone number to Lynne’s undisclosed location, but I can suggest a satisfyingly hot firecracker. She’s not French, instead she’s from Lapland (I always liked the name of that country) and not a flight attendant, but a rug demonstrator (not exactly sure what that would be, but I some nice visual images of what that may involve). Blond hair, ice-blue eyes, white teeth, 29 years old, and a terrific tan from living this summer in Port Arthur. Flushed out by Hurricane Rita, she needs a good home with a strictly disciplinarian environment (wink!).
Cooper, if you can get me in touch with Lynn, I’ll call off the goons that are down there now, drawing a bead on your knee caps. It would be most advantagous for Lynn Cheney to be owing me a favor, knowing the rough sailing ahead for me and my co-conspirators … er, friends, that I…um…don’t know - never met, in fact.
Pete IVDL
October 20, 2005 at 4:57 pm
23You da man, Coop! This should be going in the FA Hall Of Fame. Sigh. Wish I could write like that. But, then again, we’ve got you!
Well worth waitin’ for…
Hey Adam, next time you need a guest blogger…
cholo
November 9, 2005 at 1:34 pm
24thanks Tommy…very interesting!!!