You might have heard that Tom Delay’s been indicted. You might have heard that a living giant squid was finally found and photographed. Here’s what you need to know about both stories:
The quarry was elusive, never quite getting caught despite an incredible ramp-up in scrutiny and press over the past few years. Part of the reason was the deep, murky waters it coils through and its slippery, elusive nature.
It took a lot of patience for this to finally happen, in fact, experts wondered whether it would ever happen. The subject had slipped away into the depths countless times, yet evidence of its doings were everywhere.
Even without the recently obtained proof, the creature was known to be an imposing, predatory beast whose powerful, grasping tentacles extended virtually everywhere. What made this discovery so difficult, however, was the subject’s tendency to operate so far from the light.
But not anymore - the creature has been at least partially revealed in all his slime-covered yet oddly majestic glory, allowing us to learn much more about the mysteries of his existence. It’s an exciting day in the annals of science. And politics.





51 comments
Scooby
September 28, 2005 at 9:20 pm
1I was starting to lose hope that the squid would be caught and starting to think those folks at dailydelay.blogspot.com were wasting their time.
Let’s hope they can keep this squid in the light.
dee
September 28, 2005 at 9:31 pm
2Big difference — I don’t want to see the giant squid in captivity.
Oh -and the squid is cuddlier.
Matt
September 28, 2005 at 10:10 pm
3Two cold0-blooded suckers.
cooper
September 28, 2005 at 10:44 pm
4You know I’ve just realized, I’ve never seen a picture of Tom Delay in a striped shirt or striped pants. He should look okay in that attire - but hopefully not too good, if you know what I mean.
Also, I wonder if W’s changed Tom’s nickname from “Bug Boy” to “Nancy” yet.
cooper
September 28, 2005 at 10:56 pm
5I think we ought to come up with a fitting headline for tomorrow’s indictment story in the New York Post. Okay, I’ll start it off. How about -
“The Hammer gets hammered by the Million Pound Shit-Hammer!!!” (apologies to the estate of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson)
Okay, liberals, now’s the time! Take your best shot…
Bob
September 28, 2005 at 11:03 pm
6Any more comparisons like this one and you’ll be hearing from the squid’s attorney.
nigel
September 29, 2005 at 1:16 am
7Meanwhile, Tom Delay lashed out at the giant squid, calling it “pale, bottom dwelling, and slimy”. He admitted that it might be the product of “intelligent design” but DDT would still probably work on the SOB.
nigel
September 29, 2005 at 1:22 am
8P.S. I would accuse Adam of plagiarism because I wrote a well-received essay in the 9th grade comparing James Watt to an earthworm. Except that comparing right-wing wackos to slimy voracious invertebrates is pretty natural. Well, the invertebrates are natural. Not so sure about the troglodytes. Takes a lot of Sunday school on sunny mornings and liberal application of the paddle to create something like that.
tess
September 29, 2005 at 1:26 am
9Aww, I don’t like the comparisons between our favorite voracious invert with that pasty, bottom-dwelling political bottom feeder. The squid is infinitely more intelligent, even if it does live in the ocean depths.
Besides, what else goes so well deep fried with a light marinara or peanut dipping sauce?
nigel
September 29, 2005 at 1:27 am
10P.P.S.
Delay seems to have overlooked the fact that the indictment issued from a grand jury of his peers. We do live in a democracy after all, and one that is according to the right-wingers far too coddling of criminals, celebrity and otherwise. However there are some EXCELLENT lawyers in Hollywood that the Hammer might consider employing. Even Newt Gingritch, that notorious centrist, has overcome petty legal challenges to his authority.
nigel
September 29, 2005 at 1:32 am
11Hey, I LIKE Delay (and Calamari!). Absolute power corrupts absolutely, unless you’re basically incompetent, in which you shoot yourself in the foot long before that. Thank the Lobster.
nigel
September 29, 2005 at 1:35 am
12P.P.P.S I read the news pieces on the squid and the slug with equal zeal, but never did I make the beautiful metaphorical connection between the two. Nice one, Adam. Although I feel sorry for the squid. Now Zapata is going to be long-lining for them.
nigel
September 29, 2005 at 1:41 am
13It’s only a matter of time before Delay or his ilk get a shady DA to hit the Democratic DA for conspiring to conspire against a Good Ally of our Beloved and Respected Great Leader.
Except we still live in a democracy, at least the last time I checked…
Pete IVDL
September 29, 2005 at 5:45 am
14Aha! Adam’s right - has anyone ever seen a photo of DeLay and a whale together? I thought not.
Cooper - what about using song lyrics? “DeLay Down, DeLay Down, DeLay’s Goin’ Down!”
Can’t wait to see the reverse Polish top-spin W’s little buddies are going to have to put on this. Or the dreaded “I have one hundred percent confidence in Mr DeLay” hatchet-in-the-back comment to the press. Heh heh heh.
Mary Kay
September 29, 2005 at 5:54 am
15Hmmmm….Delay indictment. Delay indictment. Delay indictment. If you say it really fast, it ends up coming out Delightment.
Susie
September 29, 2005 at 12:37 pm
16VOTE GIANT SQUID in 2008!
(sorry, that might be the Theraflu talkin’)
Melina
September 29, 2005 at 1:20 pm
17Don’t blame me, I voted for Architeuthis!
Mary
September 29, 2005 at 1:40 pm
18I prefer calamari marinated and politicians deep fried ;-D
Mr_Blog
September 29, 2005 at 2:34 pm
19Calimari can only be eaten with that Greek garlic paste that I can’t recall the name of- skarilodina? Skriadolini? Anyway, garlic repels vampires. So the whole calimari-style DeLay motif is non-operative. Now, chicken-fried DeLay, butterfly-balloted and drenched in pork gravy–there’s an idea.
KingJess
September 29, 2005 at 2:46 pm
20Here’s a side dish!
cl
September 29, 2005 at 3:06 pm
21Anybody know if we can get this hook over to Texas? DeLay still has all his appendages!
Julie
September 29, 2005 at 3:53 pm
22So brilliant! Thank you.
Auros
September 29, 2005 at 4:17 pm
23Another difference: One of them operates solely on base instinct, lashing out predatorily at everything that crosses its path, in an effort to keep up with the drive of its insatiable appetites; the other is just a cephalopod.
There’s lots of documentation on the high level of intelligence of octopi and squids — their ability to use tools, learn from each other, etc. They’re the chimps of the sea.
madbard
September 29, 2005 at 6:10 pm
24[spit take] oh thanks a lot, auros. now i need to wipe the coca cola from my monitor.
Pete IVDL
September 29, 2005 at 6:57 pm
25Madbard (and other Drinkers At The Keyboard) - mate, reverse-snorting liquids seems to be a serious occupational hazard of this blog (although from memory, Dr Peppers has been the nasal ejecta of choice in the past). Perhaps a splash protector for your screen and keyboard?
Pete IVDL
September 29, 2005 at 7:01 pm
26OT : Adam/The Amazing Jennifer, is there any way to set up the search facility to scan comments as well? Perhaps as an option? I couldn’t remember if it was dee or tess who most often snorted over their keyboards (sorry gals, I’m a bloke, and therefore genetically incapable of remembering personal details), but the search facility seems to “only” sort through the original posts… not that I’m saying that’s not a good thing, you understand…
Murray
September 29, 2005 at 9:15 pm
27Pete,
It was Katie.
Murray
September 29, 2005 at 9:27 pm
28Delay, Frist, Abramoff, others. If the gutless Democrats can’t beat them at the polls, maybe we can just get rid of those SOB’s through convictions.
tess
September 30, 2005 at 2:15 am
29Convictions, hell, I’m willing to settle for a well-placed hand grenade. Only this time, someone do it right, okay?
Mary
September 30, 2005 at 10:35 am
30That’s what we get for relying on foreign work- a live president who didn’t even know he was a target. Who’d a thunk it would be a Bush that would make Reagan look, well, almost competent?
Allison in Santa Cruz
September 30, 2005 at 5:28 pm
31Excellent piece, Adam. I can’t help feeling smug that good old Architeuthis comes off looking so much better in this comparison.
For those of you who are anticipating humongous servings of calamari, don’t hold your breath. Or maybe you should, because the giant squids use ammonia in their tissues to control buoyancy. Every Architeuthis that has washed up dead has not only reeked like a giant dead sea creature, but with the additional powerful aroma of ammonia. And from what I’ve heard, the ammonia doesn’t leach out if you soak the calamari first.
Humboldt squids, on the other hand, don’t use ammonia for buoyancy control and are reported to be quite tasty.
Personally I had to give up eating cephalopods once I had my first pet octopus, Octavia. She was a marvelous creature. I could feed her with my bare hands and she never bit me.
ice weasel
September 30, 2005 at 5:30 pm
32There is also a similarity between us and the people hunting the squid. Neither group will be happy until its’ quarry is caged for examination and eventual dissection.
Ahhhhh, sweet dissection.
eeerrr…sorry, did I say that last bit out loud?
nigel
September 30, 2005 at 6:41 pm
33Thank you Allison–I was wondering why it took the Japanese so long to hook such a large piece of potential seafood.
However it appears that the limited experiments on the edibility of deep-sea squid, while not at all encouraging, are perhaps not the last word on the subject.
The substance in question is actually a solution of ammonium chloride (+/-pee?), which perhaps might be removed or tempered with proper treatment, al la lutefisk. Perhaps soaking it in milk like the flesh of certain sharks might be effective.
“In several countries sal ammoniac is used to spice up liquorice-type dark candies (Finland’s salmiakki is a popular example), and as a flavoring for vodkas.” –Wikipedia
Also worthy of investigation vis a vis the DeLay metaphor is Architeuthis’ mating habits, which involve a 3-foot long noodly appendage but not in the way one might think.
Also there is the squids’ fearsome if not entirely deserved reputation:
“…Take the notorious Kraken of Norse mythology, a beast so huge and powerful that its thrashings were thought to spawn whirlpools. The word comes from the Norwegian for a tree trunk or stump with the roots attached - an apt description of the giant squid.
..In 1555 the Swedish cleric Olaus Magnus wrote of “monstrous fish” of “horrible forms with huge eyes…One of these Sea-Monsters will drown easily many great ships provided with many strong Marriners.”
http://seawifs.gsfc.nasa.gov/OCEAN_PLANET/HTML/ps_roper.html
cooper
September 30, 2005 at 9:00 pm
34Allison, you fed your pet octopus with your bare hand and it never bit you? Not once? Wish I could say that about my two typically sullen and angst-filled American teenagers - one of which is named Alyson, BTW. I’m sure you’re a real sweetheart, though.
Allison in Santa Cruz
September 30, 2005 at 10:42 pm
35Cooper — Octavia never even tried to bite me. She was very curious and seemed to recognize me: when I approached her tank she’d become active and look interested. I never put my hand in the tank when she was in a defensive posture and always let her decide how the interaction would go. She would crawl over my hand and “play” by squirting water at me, but was never aggressive.
Nigel — I kind of feel sorry for Clyde Roper. Poor guy’s been looking for live Architeuthis for years now, and just got scooped.
Pete IVDL
September 30, 2005 at 11:29 pm
36One of the chaps involved in the story is a specialist at the Victorian Museum of Natural History (that’s Victorian as in where I live, not Victorian as in he wears a starched, high-collared shirt and brown woolen suit). He mentioned his mentor, who, for his PhD, served his board with deep-fried bits of a freshly washed-up Architeuthis from Newfoundland. Apparently, the smell of ammonia in the room was appalling. Yay for the Great Lobster! His ArchieAngels have powers to defeat even the palates of the desperate. Although, I’m sure that in a generation or so, some countries will ‘develop’ a liking…
waterfowler
October 1, 2005 at 6:50 am
37For the record. Maybe yall should know how it works in Travis County. A Dem D.A. goes to a Dem Judge to get a grand jury. The Dem Judge calls 12 of his Dem buddies to sit on the grand jury. This is not exactly a random “jury of peers”. More likely it was 12 lib activists and if this is all they could come up w/, Tom will be back in his leadership post by Jan. But, nice try anyway.
cooper
October 1, 2005 at 12:26 pm
38Yo, Fouler, you’re not seeing the problem as it is. Mr. Delay has lost his title, his power, his corner office, his perks, his electric key to the executive wee-wee room, and any reason for any of the other congressional representatives to fear him. His new office is in the basement next door to freshman Rep. Artemus Phoot, who supplies electricity to Tom’s office courtesy of a 50′ 12 gauge extension cord, hastily purchased from Walmart. Tom Delay is not coming back without a series of unretouched photos of both Roy Bount and Denny Hastert naked in bed with a flock of sheep. (Note to myself - remember to burn that series of photos!) As Sue Ellicott pointed out, his new nickname is “Nailed”. Fouler, admit it, your boy is fitfully fucked and will probably continue to be so in prison, since he’s only 5′7″ and looks good in stripes.
nigel
October 2, 2005 at 12:36 am
39Tom has done a damn impressive job despite those petty Texas campaign finance laws (why the shit shouldn’t Chevron and DuPont be allowed to fully finance my campaign and all my friends’ if I promise to scuttle every possible waterfowl-loving liberal environmental law that comes my way?) But I think he scares the crap out of even his fellow Republicans–the guy’s blacklists make Joseph McCarthy look like a wuss. It must suck if you can’t even talk to a pretty Democratic lobbyist for fear of the Hammer coming down on your political career.
By the way, are these Dem D.A.s and Dem Judges in Travis County elected or appointed by Jesus Christ himself, that liberal SOB?
Love thy neighbor, and be sure to use steel shot.
nigel
October 2, 2005 at 12:50 am
40Here’s a great history of the cephalopoda by a contributor to the Puppy-grinding Division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy:
http://brentrasmussen.com/log/node/132
nigel
October 2, 2005 at 12:56 am
41Or actually one of his minions. Anyway, it’s a great read.
nigel
October 2, 2005 at 1:12 am
42Allison–
No doubt you’re familiar with this touching story. Here it is for anyone who doubts that on octopus could be more principled that Tom Delay, if perhaps a little less intelligent and bulgy-eyed:
http://www.anchoragepress.com/archives-2005/coverstoryvol14ed18.shtml
cooper
October 2, 2005 at 10:26 am
43Allison, regarding response # 35, sounds like good advice for living with an octopus, but as you may recall, teenagers are always and ever in a defensive posture.
Pete IVDL
October 2, 2005 at 5:29 pm
44Hmm. So the FEC is a politically biased witch hunting organisation too? Seems like anyone who even thinks about the possibility of allowing the thought (of questioning any Republican about anything) to cross their mind is a political witch hunter. Funny, that. Similar in so many ways to the Nazi party. Or Azerbaijan’s president. Or Burma’s military junta. Or Kim Jong Il. Or anti-Iraq war protesters. Or… wow, I see a pattern emerging here. Maybe I should write a book about it. I think I’ll call it “Smoke And Mirrors”. Oops - I forgot to take my cynicism medication.
Murray
October 2, 2005 at 6:46 pm
45Nigel,
lutefisk, flavored calamari, yummm, now there’s something I’m going to stand in line for.
(Some say, eating sushi is like chewing on your own cheek, or sucking down a bucket full of tentacled slime) - Christine Lavine
Waterfowler, I must have missed hearing your protests when one Republican special prosecutor after another went after Clinton. (And all they come up with was a blow job).
I’ll take bets that the hammer doesn’t come out as well.
hedera
October 2, 2005 at 6:55 pm
46Nigel, I adore the story of the baby octopuses (is that the plural? octopi?) in the Anchorage Sealife Center. I’ve always been fascinated by cephalopods, octopus are so charming. What a wonderful change from all the mess in Washington.
In defense of all those remarks about “Democrats going after” Mr. Delay: Ronnie Earle has been described as “the last Democrat in Texas”. What he really is, is a man who hates abusers of power, regardless of party. In his 27 years in office, he’s gone after 15 elected officials for this, 12 of which were Democrats. Hardly the record of a Republican hunter.
Pete IVDL
October 2, 2005 at 7:29 pm
47Nigel (and Allison), you will now be required to explain to my wife why we must now add an octopus to my list of Most Excellent pets. (The other MEP is a bird-eating spider, but I’m not having much luck convincing Fran that a 7-inch spider would be a fun companion. Considering that I’m normally shitscared of spiders, you’d think this would be a piece of cake. You’d think.)
Allison in Santa Cruz
October 3, 2005 at 12:34 am
48Nigel — As a matter of fact, one of my former students was doing an internship at the Alaska Sea Life Center (I had written her a letter of recommendation) and she kept me informed about the baby octopuses. The whole thing is amazingly cool.
Cooper — I don’t have kids yet, but I’d take my chances with Octavia any day!
Pete — Just tell your wife that any Most Excellent Pet is one that nobody else has. And down in your neck of the woods, you could get one of those nifty blue-ringed octopuses! But I wouldn’t feed one of those by hand.
Hot Tub Tommy
October 3, 2005 at 7:04 pm
49Okay, you limp wristed, commie, pinko, malcontents, let me start off by pointing out that the shit-for-brains that goes by the name of “cooper” has really stepped in it this time! I’m back, by Jesus, full of piss & vinegar and ready for the next fight. And let there be no mistake about it, I have my own series of photos, audio recordings and DVD’s, enough to make those mush and milk Republicans get in line, bend over, and beg for Bug Boy’s size 12 D genuine Texas cowhide boot to be kicked straight up their collective butts.
While those Beltway Bozo’s are wringing their hands and soaking their shorts about Bill Bennett’s moment of truth and reckoning, I’m making the rounds, reminding all the pantywaists just who has who by the short hairs. All this indictment crap has accomplished, is to make me good and mad. And, if I can put a trace on the IPS (and I can), I’m going to find that “cooper” and kick his ass into next week! And the rest of you liberal butt wipes - Piss Off!!!
Representative Thomas Delay, (R-TX)
cooper
October 3, 2005 at 9:59 pm
50Whoa!!! Tommy, chill man!
In case any of you gentle people out there are worried about that last tirade, not to. My a** is still firmly planted in this week, this moment in time actually. In the confusion of moving his office, it’s obvious Tom’s misplaced his meds again. He just talks like that to compensate for being so short of stature (and, perhaps, other areas).
Om… Om… Tom seek your center… Om… Close your eyes… imagine your on a beach… feel the breeze caress your not yet sunburned skin… hear the waves gently lap the sandy shore… Relax… be at peace with the world…
He’s better now. Everyone get a good night’s sleep.
Peace.
Pete IVDL
October 10, 2005 at 9:29 am
51Cooper, you sound SO much like “The Truth” in Grand Theft Auto : San Andreas. He’s such a cool hippie, him and his astral goat, Herbie. If you can’t find a reference, I’ll send you a sample (the character was voiced by Peter Fonda, I think). It will be karma, man.