INT. SUBURBAN DEN - EVENING

[A morose TEEN sits on the carpet, staring towards the window. Next to him we see a newspaper. His DAD, wearing a cardigan and smoking a pipe, enters the room.]

DAD: Hey, sport, what’s the matter?

TEEN: Aw, it’s just the news, Dad. Everybody’s saying that the war is going badly, that we’re torturing prisoners and defying international law, that our economy is being hobbled by oil prices, and that nobody likes the President anymore.

DAD: I see.

TEEN: It just sucks, that’s all. Next thing you know, liberals are going to start winning elections.

DAD: Now hold on, son, let’s not lose faith.

[Pause, as Dad thinks. A slow smile crosses his face, and he reaches towards the entertainment center and selects a CD. He waves it at his son playfully.]

DAD: It sounds like someone could use a little hard rockin’ from the hard right…

SON [suddenly brightening]: Crank it up!!

[We hear a wailing guitar as dad and son get up and dance with restrained abandon, hands up at their shoulders, lower lips held firmly by upper teeth. An ANNOUNCER’s voice cuts in.]

ANNOUNCER: Bad luck and bad Americans got you down? Maybe it’s time for K-Tel’s “Right Rocks: Conservatism’s Greatest Hits!” You won’t be able to resist as we spin the biggest blasts from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s! You get…

[As the Announcer continues his spiel, we see titles scrolling up the screen.]

ANNOUNCER: “Burnin’ Amendment (Hands Off My Flag)!”

[MOM, hearing the music, enters the room and starts dancing.]

ANNOUNCER: Who can forget “Public Broadcasting?”

SON (singing): It’s bleedin’ us dry, bleedin’ us dry…

ANNOUNCER: You also get the 70’s classic “Light at the End of the Tunnel (Last Throes).”

[Dad sentimentally reaches out his hand. Mom takes it and spins towards him. They sway nostalgically.]

ANNOUNCER: And then there’s “Traitor (Lock ‘Em Up)!”

[Teen DAUGHTER looks into the room. She’s heartbreakingly adorable and dressed for cheerleading practice.]

DAUGHTER: Hey, is that “Right Rocks?”

SON: Totally!

[She joins in the now full-on, lip-biting dance party. Pounding anthematic 4/4 hits keep playing in the background. We see more titles scroll by: “With Us Or Against Us,” “Stonewallin’ (Richard’s Theme),” “(Ain’t Nothing But) Aid and Comfort,” “Hanoi Jane (Durbin& Penn Remix),” “Don’t Kill My Baby (Two Cells of Love),” and “God Said Knock You Out.”]

ANNOUNCER: Yes, it’s times like these, when all seems grim, that you need this mighty metal weapon of mass distraction. Nothing rocks like the classics, repackaged for a new generation. K-Tel will help you get up, get down, and get right with “Right Rocks!”

SON: Thanks Dad. You rock!

[Dad smiles, Mom dips in his arms, and Daughter swirls (the near-total exposure of her thighs and buttocks rendered Okay by her cheerleading garb and spunky, positive outlook despite the long, curiously long time the camera lingers on her). We pull back, out the window as the family continues to dance, and fireworks fill the night over their split-level home. The “Right Rocks!” CD appears on the screen, hovering outside the house, and purchase information follows…]