Let me be clear - this is hearsay. But I heard it, so I’m going to say it.
A friend of mine tells it like this: She was flipping around the radio dial last Monday, when she happened upon the inimitable Geraldo Rivera on the “Mancow” show. Geraldo was offering his opinions on the week’s headlines, and when he was asked about the lamentable case of Natalee Holloway and her disappearance in Aruba, Geraldo (allegedly) said:
“Sadly, I think this is just a case of date rape gone bad.”
Apparently, nobody on the show seemed to notice or comment on this gem.
Can anyone verify this? I don’t think I can. Though I don’t listen to this show (which by its title I presume exists to improve human/bovine relations or something) I do know that it’s the kind of show that does not offer transcripts, archived broadcasts, or any sort of trail whatsoever (apart from a thick, viscous one, at least according to my friend. I really couldn’t tell you).
So I have no way of knowing if the above is an accurate quotation. I hope so. If anyone out there has a means of finding out, I’d be eternally grateful. It’s important to document this sort of thing. Not that I’m alleging that Geraldo thinks that in many cases date rape can go pretty darn well; it’s just a welcome addition to the Rivera Exhibit in the “Museum of Wha-?”
Fanny Roborat
23 comments
cooper
June 18, 2005 at 10:13 pm
1Sorry, I can’t verify the above statement. I can opine, however, that Geraldo should add yet another tattoo to his remarkable collection - this one indicating, perhaps with arrows or hieroglyphics, that he has had his ass surgically removed, rotated 180 degrees and graphed to his face. That would explain the above quotation and also, just about everything else. BTW, good program today on NPR; quite a jovial mix, champ.
Your pal, Cooper
tess
June 19, 2005 at 4:57 am
2He said WHAT? Why do I have a sudden urge to beat Geraldo senseless with a dried up pizzle?
Pete IVDL
June 19, 2005 at 9:49 am
3Cooper, you’re right. Though I think the term you’re looking for is “cranio-rectally inverted”. There are others…
I have a fleeting suspicion that this is the same dude who was ‘excreted’ (that’s the only term I can think of that means sorta the opposite from ‘embedded’) from Iraq because he drew a map in the sand to show everyone where the secret location was. Is that right? And he’s now offering great slabs of his sage wisdom about some poor kid who’s gone missing? Perhaps he’s the result of ‘good’ date rape? (He reminds me of the bumper sticker, ‘Old Age Brings Wisdom. Or It Shows Up Alone. You Never Know’)
(I’m off to get a bigger, faster, better ‘you-know-what’ pump installed tomorrow, so I’ll be blog free for a week or so, unless the hospital has WiFi or an ethernet network. I live in hope. Talk nice about me while I’m gone… I’ll miss you guys -sob-
)
David
June 19, 2005 at 11:46 am
4Homicidal Aruba Grab date rape? I guess it’s in the air, what with the Bush administration okaying this level of human interaction since we’re at war worldwide against the forces of darkness, which everyone knows can only be defeated through imitation.
I hope her family is insulated from all the crap being peddled as journalism regarding this horror.
tim
June 19, 2005 at 2:53 pm
5Regardless of the veracity of the quote, it’s good to hear that Geraldo is back contributing to legitimate media.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish listening to more of Mancow’s MP3’s of hilarious bodily noises.
Emmarie
June 19, 2005 at 4:07 pm
6I haven’t been following the story, so I didn’t even know there was a date rape angle. So even if there is and Rivera isn’t just adding that part himself, it’s still a freakish thing to say.
Adam, I must admit that when I first heard your bluff the listener story on Wait, Wait I thought you had just been reading Fight Club too much.
aahpat (Pat Rogers)
June 19, 2005 at 8:18 pm
7I wish I knew who said it. If you find out send it to me at my blog LeftIndependent. I have a weekly quotation quiz and that would work well on it if the quote is real an attributable.
My current quiz on the ‘It’s Friday Who Said’ feature: “I think it’s a stunning, unbelievably simple and understandable statement of the truth and a profoundly important document…” of the Downing Street Minutes Memo. The alternatives:
Bill Clinton
Bob Dole
John Kerry
John McCain
John Conyers
Ralph Nader
Steve
June 19, 2005 at 8:33 pm
8Not that I approve of the statement, but I suppose the “logic”, such as it is, of the putative quote is that being raped is bad but being murdered is infinitely worse.
cooper
June 19, 2005 at 10:00 pm
9Pete, since you won’t be going under the knife until tomorrow, can we rag on you the rest of today? Good luck, hurry back.
lurker dave
June 19, 2005 at 11:15 pm
10Uh, Coop
Unless I’m a complete moron… isn’t it tomorrow there already. I think our friend who upgraded to the “Priapism3000″ robotic augmentation and assistive insertion system lives in Australia.
resume lurking
hedera
June 19, 2005 at 11:17 pm
11And, once again, the universe is illuminated briefly by the glow of Geraldo’s tiny brain… I couldn’t imagine why anyone would let that man anywhere near a live mike, but then I went to the Mancow web site (no, I will NOT link it, use Adam’s link or find it yourself, it’s disgusting) and suddenly it all made sense.
Pete, we’ll miss you too; be better soon.
cooper
June 20, 2005 at 6:49 am
12lurker dave, I’m new to the mix & hadn’t picked up on the Oz connection. Thanks.
So, we can’t jump on him?
Murray
June 20, 2005 at 8:35 am
13Adam I’ve learned to accept certain things:
Cheney will calmly lie every time he speaks,
Bush will excitedly lie every time he speaks,
(And screw up what he was saying),
Rummy will lie in a self aggrandizing manner,
And Geraldo will say something horrifyingly stupid.
After a while any deviation is what you take note of. (Hasn’t happened yet).
Mary
June 20, 2005 at 9:41 am
14I’m with Murray on this one. I stopped noting anything Geraldo said years ago. What could possibly make someone go from being a lawyer to (attempt at) to being a journalist? Lack of the limelight? It couldn’t be the pay and hours- provided one is being a “real” journalist. He is one of the reasons “the media” has such a poor reputation.
Monty Zoom
June 20, 2005 at 11:52 am
15If there is a worse comment than the one made by Geraldo, it has been made on “Mancow”. Imagine Bill O’Reilly, Howard Stern, and Rush Limbaugh with less journalistic integrity. That’s “Mancow.” It is very unlikely that anyone that visits here would listen, so you’ll have to find alternative sources.
Mary
June 20, 2005 at 2:21 pm
16Tess - Geraldo should be beaten with his own pizzle.
tess
June 20, 2005 at 4:46 pm
17Mary - His pizzle wouldn’t be large enough.
David
June 20, 2005 at 8:23 pm
18Pummeled with one’s own pizzle? Where are those Abu Ghraib pics?
Mary
June 21, 2005 at 9:09 am
19Thanks Tess. I realized after posting the pizzle comment that Geraldo’s wouldn’t inflict any damage. Wish I had said it first ;-D
Johnnyboy
June 21, 2005 at 6:52 pm
20Shame on you Adam for quoting the estimable Geraldo out of context. Don’t you know that you must include entire quotes to be fair and balanced ? Here is a transcript of the full quote:
“At first I thought this had all the markings of your typical white slavery kidnapping by rogue space monkeys - but my favorite reliable source assured me it wasn’t the case, as I was letting her out of her pen for the night. Then I learned that it was probably a date rape, and I hoped for a while that it was a date rape gone really really good, and that I’d obtain some footage that I could sell as “Girls Gone Wild 46: The Geraldo Tapes”. I did obtain the tapes as an exclusive, but unfortunately they’re just sound, not video, so they have no use for TV. So I have to say that sadly, I think this is just a case of date rape gone bad.”
Emmarie
June 21, 2005 at 10:48 pm
21Hey, don’t insult the phrase “space monkey” that much by attributing it to Rivera under any circumstances.
Murray
June 23, 2005 at 2:47 pm
22Well done Johnnyboy. Geraldo is such a hard person to satirize, how do you go over the top on someone so outrageous?
Pete IVDL
June 25, 2005 at 6:36 pm
23Shhh. He’s bAAAAaaaack… (almost)
Johnnyboy, I have a funny suspicion that context makes his comment just that little bit worse than any reasonable person could have possibly thought. But then, that’s why he has his show, I guess.