I don’t have much to say today, and I’m sure you’re all too involved with the Verdict of the Century to mind. But I do have some advice.
Some of you might be thinking of getting a virulent stomach bug. Some of you might have heard through channels that I myself contracted a virulent stomach bug this weekend, and you might be thinking, “Hey, that sounds cool! And Adam’s doing it! Why don’t I just get myself one of those so I can spend my weekend erupting vile fluids from all quarters, just like the cool kids?”
Listen, friends - there’s nothing cool about digestive disorders. Nothing. No matter how glamourous it sounds, no matter how many people you look up to are doing it, it’s a big mistake. Don’t throw away your alimentary well-being just to fit in with the trendy crowd. Remember: “Virulent Stomach Bugs - They’re Not As Cool As You Think.”
Fanny Roborat
16 comments
Emmarie
June 13, 2005 at 7:12 pm
1That’s right, Adam. Stomach bugs won’t help you fit in; psychological disorders will. Now, where can I get the one that all the cool people have?
dee
June 13, 2005 at 7:13 pm
2Sure — you get to have your fun with a virulent stomach bug then get all preachy with us. To quote Peter Sagal, you’re harshing our mellow.
cooper
June 13, 2005 at 8:11 pm
3You know, Adam, whenever I get deathly ill, I find myself thinking- “Yep, biological weapons … they would really work!”
Bob
June 13, 2005 at 8:12 pm
4Adam, you’re just trying to hide your terrific new weight loss regime from the rest of us. Well, it won’t work! We know that a stomach bug is the best way to lose 10% or more of your bodyweight over a weekend. Stop hiding the truth!!!
:-) Feel better.
Clint
June 13, 2005 at 8:15 pm
5Actually, I am patenting this as a combo weight loss/abdominal exercise product. But I have been having trouble coming up with a catchy name for it. How about the Felbdominal Diet? I’ll cut you in for 10% plus residuals.
tess
June 13, 2005 at 8:44 pm
6There’s a trial? What, is BushCo getting prosecuted? I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Actually, I do, but I haven’t watched TV in about 3 months now (no tv in my apt, and no time, either), so the only things I do know is that the trial’s about 45 minutes south of me, and I don’t give rat’s ass.
Hope you feel better soon, Adam. I imagine that your friends and family envy your weight loss solution.
Harold
June 13, 2005 at 8:46 pm
7Begone, Clint, with your medical quackery! The one true way to weight loss is Dr. Harold’s Magic Tapeworm Pills!
Get well soon, Adam. And might I suggest, if you find yourself projectile vomiting from both ends, placing a clear plastic cover over the keyboard? Especially if you use a laptop. My friend’s son vomited onto her laptop’s keyboard, and that was a real party to try to clean.
Emmarie
June 13, 2005 at 8:49 pm
8Tess: you’re lucky. I don’t watch much tv (at least not during the school year: I watched a couple old Nickelodeon game shows today), but it disgusts me when they talk about the trial on NPR. For goodness’ sakes, you’re NPR. Have some respect for yourself!
I apologize for the grammar of the first sentence.
bri
June 13, 2005 at 11:05 pm
9Ok. I’m ignorant. What does pressure sensitive adhesives have to do with food poisoning or MJ?
Deborah
June 13, 2005 at 11:13 pm
10NOW you tell me. Saturday I still thought it was hip and aquired an intestinal bug of my very own but now my friends just sneer at me when I talk about it. I’m never in with the in crowd.
Harold
June 14, 2005 at 7:09 am
11My dyslexia originally caused me to see that as “P.F.A.” I thought Adam had perhaps had enough of our crap and was finally taking steps to keep us away. Yeah, like those things ever work.
Mary
June 14, 2005 at 8:52 am
12Those bugs are a ppor way to loose weight. You just put it right back on again once you can keep liquids down/in. Now tapeworms………….
Hope you are feeling better Adam. GIDs are not fun.
ginny
June 14, 2005 at 9:53 am
13It could be worse, Adam, there’s always someone less hip than you… like a house full of family over the Christmas holidays, with stuff coming out both ends, and “only” three bathrooms.
I felt your pain then. I hope you recover swiftly.
David
June 14, 2005 at 11:27 am
14De orificii expulsianus uncontrollablam? Lobster can be such a mischievous practical joker.
Murray
June 14, 2005 at 2:53 pm
15You know Adam, the Calvinists who attempt to keep kids from trying cigarettes and drugs say the same thing. “I did it, it ruined my life, I worked hard and quit, so don’t even start”.
All it tells the kids is “Go ahead try it, quit it when you want, and go on with your life, no problem”.
Pete IVDL
June 15, 2005 at 6:23 pm
16Adam, if your head starts spinning around and you get the pea soup thing, PLEASE take photos!
We’re all counting on you not to evacuationally eviscerate. Hang in there.
Mmm. Tapeworms….