With my attention fixed firmly on the goal of drinking my way across the island of Manhattan (oh, and doing the show…yes yes, I’m here for a show, of course), I thought I’d stop by this charmless internet cafe and catch up on the headlines I’ve been ignoring for the past few days…
- Apparently, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has recovered from his wounds and is back at the helm of that insurgency that really isn’t a problem at all, hardly. An Al Qaeda spokesman (which has got to be a pretty tough job, let’s be honest) says only that Zarqawi was wounded “in the path of God.” There is no mention of whether God then pulled over to exchange insurance information.
- Tom Delay’s rage over the misuse of his name on an episode of “Law and Order” is nearly unsatirizable. It stands so well on its own. The episode concerned the slaying of two judges, and the detectives had no leads. “Maybe we should put out an APB for somebody in a Tom Delay T-shirt,” one of them quipped. This was outrageous, and showed “reckless disregard for the suffering initiated by recent tragedies,” said the man who’d followed up those tragedies with a famous quip of his own about activist judges: “The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior.”
- Reuters is reporting that “a type of blindness has been reported in Viagra users.” Might that be the type that allows you not to see how unwelcome the sight of a priapic codger really is?
Okay, I’ve got to go get a dri - er, go warm up for the show. Yeah. A lot of warming up to do…
Fanny Roborat
18 comments
Ulwan
May 27, 2005 at 5:50 pm
1Now the weekend can begin and I can start trying to figure out how I’m going to casually slip the word priapic into a sentence!
Thanks, Adam!
Steve
May 27, 2005 at 6:20 pm
2Ulwan: That’s easy, just start a conversation about Bill Clinton.
“I’ll just use it till I need glasses.”
Murray
May 27, 2005 at 9:44 pm
3Delay reminds me of Alfonse D’Amato, one of the dirtiest fighters of all time who would scream bloody murder if his opponent would respond in the least.
I understand that the Viagra problem occurs to men who take the pill with out being certain of a partner and then have to do what their mother’s said would make them blind. See, she was right.
tim
May 27, 2005 at 9:58 pm
4My Viagra joke was,
So, some Viagra users are going blind? I guess, unlike Cialis users, they weren’t waiting for the right moment.
hedera
May 28, 2005 at 12:48 am
5Adam, thanks for the tip on the DeLay DeZaster - not being a television watcher, I missed it too. Unlike The Hammer, I think it’s hilarious if somewhat sick, just the sort of thing a frustrated cop might say.
If somebody invented Tom DeLay he would be considered too ridiculous to be real.
I love the Viagra story, except as I remember the “everybody knows” stories from long long ago, it was masturbation that made you go blind (along with growing hair on your palms). Watch the drug companies fight and squirm to convince people it really really isn’t true…
dave d
May 28, 2005 at 9:38 am
6The story I saw on the Viagra blindness said that it occurred in men with heart conditions, whose doctors have told them to avoid sex. So my question is: if your doctor has told you to avoid sex, why would you be taking Viagra?
Jody
May 28, 2005 at 11:17 am
7As someone about to be married to a youngish codger who takes viagra, I found it a tad amusing and yes, a harken back to the early days of sex - just until I need glasses. I keep telling him, since he’s such a sweetie, that really, it can all be just about me - he’s not buying that line.
THis is my first time commenting, alhtough I tried one before and it kicked me out. Hope this works. This has been yet another joy in my life, the aforesaid codger being up at the top.
Harold
May 28, 2005 at 2:31 pm
8Viagra users who have been advised by their doctors to avoid sex are now going blind? There’s a perfectly logical explanation here. They should also be checked for hairy-palmedness.
Pete IVDL
May 28, 2005 at 7:55 pm
9The big Zee was wounded “in the path of Allah”? That sounds painful. Almost as painful as being stabbed in the portico
I wonder if Tom DeLay uses viagra. I wonder if he should try it if he isn’t already.
Or, perhaps a little viagra could be slipped into Capitol Hill’s daily coffee grind (a lá the old army “bromine” delivery). Then we could just wait to see which Congressmen and Senators suddenly needed assistance to walk around a corner unaided. Easier than checking their palms (which they probably shave), and it would permanently highlight the real wankers…
Jody, I do hope your young codger doesn’t have any, uh, light-discriminative reactions. At least, not before he signs the papers… In any case, congratulations! (All I could think of was “Jody and the Codger, sittin’ in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g”. I’m sure one of the more gifted Felbernauts can -and will- do better!)
Jody
May 28, 2005 at 10:06 pm
10I don’t know about slipping some viagra in the congressional coffee. Check out Sen. Tom Coburn’s helpful hints on STD’s. Saturday’s Washington Post has an article abotu the film and lecture he shows every year to those young impressionable interns, complete with photos of untreated STD damaged parts. Be enough to make me think twice about working on the Hill.
My young codger already wears glasses, so I guess it’s just a downward slide now. I keep threatening to get all papers signed in advance. High blood pressure meds make viagra necessary, he says. But I am IRRITATED by the cheerful TV ads about Bob and his wife, now just a happy little kitten, like without sex they would just be miserable. Some of us have survived for long periods with out it and still smiled!
nigel
May 28, 2005 at 10:47 pm
11What would really be beautiful would be if Tom Delay were to be caught in a compromising situation involving a cheap hotel room, Viagra ™, and another man. Bad to the bone, bbbbbb…baadd…
jen
May 29, 2005 at 9:05 am
12Experienced the brilliance that is the Next Big Broadway Musical last night. My god, have not laughed that much in a ridiculously long time.
So thank you, Adam (et al)! Cheers, bravo, etc., etc, etc. Anyone in NYC the next couple of Saturdays, don’t miss the hilarity.
(Now, of course, would have also enjoyed seeing one of my groups’ suggested hit numbers: “Help, My Husband Is Satan,” “I Love My Tom DeLay T-shirt,” and “Stop the Stragery!” … but not sure if any could have come close to “Blue Tutu” or the award-winning A.B.T. An excuse to slur “corp … duuu ballet” one more time? I’m in.)
Pete IVDL
May 29, 2005 at 6:16 pm
13Jody, I think you’d like my wife (She Who Makes The Earth Tremble). She’s already told me, any male pattern baldness, or any shakes or signs of Old Timer’s disease, and she’s off to find a nice fit young pool cleaner.
Can someone please take a camera and/or microphone into the Next Big Broadway Musical? I’ll make it worth your while… I have, er, pictures of kangaroos, and cute li’l fuzzy wuzzy koalas, and, ah, these magical beans…
tess
May 29, 2005 at 10:20 pm
14nigel,
Bonus points if the guy Delay gets caught with is wearing a t-shirt with Tom Delay’s mug on it. How á propos would that be?
Mary
May 31, 2005 at 9:37 am
15Tom is much like the average streetwalker. S/he may be a ‘ho’ but don’t call one that. Then one is insulted. HA!
Emmarie
May 31, 2005 at 11:17 am
16Anybody listen to the press conference? Bush’s entire answer on Bolton could have been written by Adam.
“he’s a no nonsense kind of fella…”
“we put over 2 billion dollars a year into the U.N., there ought to be reform there…”
Mary Kay
May 31, 2005 at 11:44 am
17I feel better now. I was very upset about the recent disclosures regarding how much Medicaid had spent providing Viagra to registered sex offenders. But if it’s going to make them blind…well then, that’s okay.
Yuichan
November 1, 2005 at 1:15 pm
18adam, you are funny.