From CNN:
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (AP) — President Bush suggested Wednesday that lawmakers who oppose his proposal for a Social Security overhaul could face political problems as a result.
To answer the question of the skeptics, we do have a serious problem,” Bush said… “Now is the time to fix it, and I think there is a political price for not getting involved in the process.”
Bush added: “I think there is a political price for saying, `It’s not a problem, I’m going to stay away from the table.”‘
…”I believe there will be a bad political consequence for people who are unwilling to sit down and talk about the issue,” Bush said…
________________________________________
INT. SENATOR CRAGG’S OFFICE - NIGHT
[We’re in the office of Senator Benchley Cragg, Republican, on Capitol Hill. The dark-paneled office is lit only by the Senator’s desklamp. The Senator is working late, finishing some paperwork. Two SHADOWY FIGURES appear in the doorway.]
CRAGG: Hello? Who’s there?
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: My name is not important, Senator.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2 [whispering]: Our names!
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: OUR names. Our names are not important.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2 [whispering]: Thanks.
CRAGG: Okay. Why are you here?
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Why we’re here is not important, Senator!
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Yes it is.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: What?
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: “Why we’re here” is the whole point.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Oh. Sorry, Dick.
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Don’t use my name!
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: But you said it wasn’t important…
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Godammit-
CRAGG: Can I help you gentlemen?
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Yes. The Pres- Er, my associate and I want to talk to you about Social Security.
CRAGG: Well, I just gaver a speech about it last week, and I made it clea-
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Har har.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Ha Ha.
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Smart guy made a speech.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Har har.
CRAGG: Is there a problem?
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: It’s just that your “speech” seemed to say that you didn’t think that Social Security needs to be fixed immediately.
CRAGG: Well, in a sense, yes, that’s what I was saying, see -
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: You need to come to the table!!!
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: You need to talk about fixing it!
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Or there will be consequences!
CRAGG: But I AM talking about it. Talking about fixing it, even. I just think that the crisis is a bit overstated. Plus it was brought on by our own mismanagement, and if we plug the leaks in the fund and -
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: That ain’t “talking about it.”
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Not at all.
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: No, when we say “talking about it,” we mean “talking about fixing it right now in a way that incorporates a positive discussion about personal retirement accounts.”
CRAGG: But I don’t like the idea, and I can’t sell it to the public.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE TABLE!
CRAGG: Look, I’m AT the table. I just don’t agree.
[pause]
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: There will be consequences.
CRAGG: What are you saying?
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Consequences and repercussions.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Reperquences and concussions.
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: I’ll handle this, George. So, Cragg, you ready to play ball?
CRAGG: Just what are these “consequences.”
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Political consequences.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Political reaper cushions.
CRAGG: You mean worse political consequences than pushing through a Social Security “fix” that is neither feasible nor popular and having my constituents know that I was partly responsible for sinking the nation into trillions more dollars of debt without actually salvaging the beloved program in the first place?
[Pause.]
CRAGG: Worse consequences than pushing that plan through alongside a President whose approval rating has dropped to microscopic levels and whose extended tour to promote his Social Security plan has only resulted in making the public less receptive to the idea?
[Pause.]
CRAGG: Worse consequences than throwing my energy behind this devastatingly unpopular and untenable plan that isn’t even technically a PLAN yet because the White House doesn’t have the political will to put anything concrete on paper for fear that it will be rejected immediately?
[Pause.]
CRAGG: Worse “political consequences” than that?
[Pause.]
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: Repercussions, Cragg.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: Consemathingies too, Cragg.
SHADOWY FIGURE #1: We’ll be back, Cragg. This isn’t over. You were warned.
[The Shadowy Figures begin to back slowly out of the room.]
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: You’ve been waaaaarrrrrnnnneeed. Waaaarrrrrrrrnnnn-
SHADOWY FIGURE #1 [in an undertone]: Fer chrissakes, we’re not ghosts, George.
SHADOWY FIGURE #2: -aarrrrrrrnnnnned - Oh. Sorry.
[The shadowy figures recede. Footsteps are heard in the hallway. The voice of the second shadowy figure can be heard distantly, suggesting that perhaps they could “get some sheets,” but the voices soon fade out. Cragg sits still for a moment, thinking, then finally shrugs.]
CRAGG: Eh. Bring ‘em on.
[END]
Fanny Roborat
27 comments
Trackback from Plasticnoodle - "Reperquences And Concussions."
April 1, 2005 at 12:34 am
Trackback from Simianbrain - Gravitational Pull Up: Four Bloggers
April 4, 2005 at 3:07 pm
Jim
March 31, 2005 at 4:24 pm
1Great post!
“reaper cushions”
Could this be the actual unstated fix to social security? Kind of like killer pillows that would take out anyone approaching retirement?
bjd
March 31, 2005 at 4:51 pm
2Adam, been channeling Monty Python and Douglas Adams lately?
Linkmeister
March 31, 2005 at 5:09 pm
3“Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.”
Monty Zoom
March 31, 2005 at 5:22 pm
4Everytime Bush has mentioned there would be “consequences” I thought similarly to Adam. Now I’ll picture two shadowy men with mobster accents saying “reaper cushions!” Good stuff!
Pete in Van Diemen's Land
March 31, 2005 at 5:35 pm
5Oh dear. I seem to have soiled myself. Consemathingies indeed.
10 out of 10, Shadowy Blogger!
Harold
March 31, 2005 at 5:46 pm
6Monty Python, Douglas Adams, and Eddie Murphy in “Life”!
I think most Republicans already have sheets handy, but they usually only use them for civil rights discussions.
ABM
March 31, 2005 at 7:22 pm
7Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surpise surprise and fear
Murray
March 31, 2005 at 8:06 pm
8The White House is scrambling to find a replacement to carry out the “reaper cushions”. Their original heavy hitter, nine year old Noah Mc Cullah ran into a good deal more resistance to his ideas at the Mc Connellsburg High School debate and cage wrestling match, than he was expecting. To be specific, when outgoing senior, Brad Hockenberry, objected to Noah’s assertion that privatization would help insure the solvency of SS, with a flying drop kick. A shaken and bruised Noah reported later, “I just couldn’t argue with his logic”. The administration is looking into hiring Randal Terry.
Allison in Santa Cruz
March 31, 2005 at 11:12 pm
9Ha! “Reaper cushions” is one of Bush’s best mondegreens ever.
tess
March 31, 2005 at 11:22 pm
10Murray:
I’m just imagining lil’ Noah airborne, and it’s bringing a smile to my face. Thanks!
Mary
April 1, 2005 at 10:03 am
12I was wondering what those consequences were going to be. Silly me, I thought re-election. Now I know it is “reaper cushions” and a flying drop kick of logic.
Thompson
April 1, 2005 at 12:05 pm
13Death idly ran a hand over the handle of his tool of trade, faint annoyance making an appearance deep in his empty eye sockets. While doing his duty, he’d used any number of instruments. The scythe, of course, was his favorite, but different traditions called for different executions of those final moments. The sword was almost as popular. He sighed and looked up the blackened handle, to the comfortable cushion sewn haphazardly to the end, replacing what had been a well-loved blade. Of course, one tolerated change in such service industries. He lowered the handle, and in preparation for his next “client,” began the process of fluffing the pillow.
jrm
April 1, 2005 at 3:52 pm
14And so the Great Lobster scythe, “All man shall be cursed onto the reaper cushion.”
Monty Zoom
April 1, 2005 at 5:02 pm
15The reaper cushions aren’t working. Biggles! Fetch the comfy chair!
Jerry
April 1, 2005 at 7:19 pm
16“Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the reaper cushion. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put him in the Comfy Chair!”
Jerry
April 1, 2005 at 7:21 pm
17Oh shit. Now I feel stupid because I didn’t see Monty Zoom’s comment before I made mine.
Jerry
April 1, 2005 at 8:06 pm
18Thompson - how antiquated! Death now has wings and a pocket full of cluster bombs. No time for the old-fashioned method for centuries! He almost ran himself ragged (well, actually, he did…used to look better) during the plague, and vowed not to put himself through that again..
Harold
April 1, 2005 at 8:24 pm
19A few reaper cushions and some throw pillows can really liven up Ol’ Sparky.
The idea of Death smothering his victims with reaper cushions is actually a little more realistic than the whole Grim Reaper deal. Besides, to keep up with modern times, shouldn’t he be driving a combine harvester? I mean, who uses a scythe these days?
hedera
April 1, 2005 at 11:57 pm
20I think Thompson’s post is wonderful. What style! What a great notion! What an image!
Who cares if nobody else uses scythes any more; death has been around even longer than taxes and shouldn’t have to follow fashion.
But I do love the “reaper cushion…”
Jerry
April 2, 2005 at 3:41 pm
21hedera AND Thompson - I sure wasn’t dinging Thompson’s witty and articulate comment!
Lynne
April 2, 2005 at 5:43 pm
22Reaper Cushions is the best.
I also love fun with Dick and George played by Stan and Ollie.
Adam, great job on WWDTM today. When is your rap album coming out?
Pete in Van Diemen's Land
April 2, 2005 at 7:43 pm
23Thompson, you can write my obit any time you like!
For those of us interested, check out Piers Anthony’s “On a Pale Horse”. Gives you a whole new perspective on the Reaper and what gives him nightmares. Humorous (which is how I like to see Death), not Deep And Meaningful.
hedera
April 2, 2005 at 8:50 pm
24I haven’t read that one, Pete, but I’ve read a couple of Piers Anthony’s books, and that man has an … unusual point of view. I’m not sure whether I’m up to reading his take on the Reaper or not.
By the way, my husband and I were down in your hemisphere in January, visiting your Kiwi neigbors; if I’d known you were there I’d have waved across the pond at you.
adam
April 2, 2005 at 10:43 pm
25I’ve read the Piers Anthony book, but I have to say that my favorite take on the Reaper can be found in the novels of Terry Pratchett.
Pratchett’s Death has never used a pillow. But I’m sure he’s considered it.
Pete in Van Diemen's Land
April 5, 2005 at 6:54 am
27You need to be careful, waving at Australia from the Land of the Wrong White Crowd. They’ll lynch ya if they catch on! But I would have waved back, I swear!
You’re right, Piers Anthony can be way out there. One of his short stories, on torture, has stayed with me in razor clarity for 20 years (to this day I shudder if I see an upturned rowboat anywhere). But his funny stuff is usually pretty broad. Like Adam’s!