The Senate is about to approve the new bankruptcy bill, which will “make it harder to erase medical bills, credit card charges and other debts by declaring bankruptcy.”

It’s a big win for the banking and credit card industries, who’ve suffered for far too long trying to make ends meet while recently-unemployed workers wallow in the luxury of personal bankruptcy. It’s time to put a stop to low and middle income families taking advantage of giant corporations, and this bill goes a long way towards alleviating the stress on our friends in the financial service sector.

But there’s more good news: A bill that would raise the minimum wage from its current $5.15 level has been shot down! A lot of worthy, struggling multinational behemoths dodged a bullet on that one. Those fat-cat single mothers working 50 hours a week while raising their families were terrifyingly close to convincing lawmakers that their bloated $13,390 annual payday somehow wasn’t cushy enough! Well, now they’re gonna have to work a little harder, like the rest of us, if they want to trade in their golden parachutes for platinum.

These are proud days, my fellow Americans. Days in which the tyranny of the “little guy’s” stranglehold on our government through the insidious cancer of “representative democracy” has finally been broken by a few brave, plucky multibillion dollar corporate interests. The “little guy” didn’t go down without a fight, endlessly hammering our beleaguered Congressmen with crafty sob stories and bizarre protests against pure free speech in the form of giant campaign contributions. But in the end it was good ol’ fashioned American know-how that bent the ears and wallets of our Congress and helped them see the light.

Congratulations, America. And remember: For a good time, there’s nothing like a 90 hour work-week with no prospect of digging out of the ever-deepening trench of debt and hopelessness that crushes your spirit and quashes your children’s hopes of breaking the cycle of poverty. For everything else, there’s MasterCard.